𝘼𝙣𝙙 𝙄 𝙡𝙞𝙜𝙝𝙩 𝙖𝙡𝙡 𝙪𝙥 𝙬𝙝𝙚𝙣 𝙄 𝙨𝙚𝙚 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙬𝙖𝙡𝙠𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙗𝙮
𝙄 𝙠𝙣𝙤𝙬 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙡𝙞𝙛𝙚 𝙖𝙞𝙣'𝙩 𝙥𝙚𝙧𝙛𝙚𝙘𝙩 𝙗𝙪𝙩 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙢𝙖𝙠𝙚 𝙞𝙩 𝙖𝙡𝙧𝙞𝙜𝙝𝙩
𝙊𝙝, 𝙄 𝙨𝙚𝙚 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙘𝙤𝙢𝙞𝙣𝙜
𝙂𝙤𝙩 𝙢𝙮 𝙝𝙚𝙖𝙧𝙩 𝙟𝙪𝙢𝙥𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙡𝙞𝙠𝙚 𝙅𝙤𝙧𝙙𝙖𝙣𝙨
𝙋𝙡𝙖𝙮 𝙢𝙚 𝙡𝙞𝙠𝙚 𝙎𝙥𝙖𝙡𝙙𝙞𝙣𝙜, 𝙙𝙤 𝙞𝙩 𝙖𝙡𝙡 𝙛𝙤𝙧 𝙢𝙚
𝙂𝙞𝙧𝙡, 𝙮𝙤𝙪'𝙧𝙚 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙫𝙞𝙨𝙞𝙤𝙣 𝙤𝙛 𝙬𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙄 𝙡𝙞𝙠𝙚
𝘼𝙣𝙙 𝙄 𝙥𝙧𝙤𝙢𝙞𝙨𝙚 𝙄'𝙡𝙡 𝙗𝙚 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧𝙨
𝙏𝙚𝙡𝙡 𝙢𝙚 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙟𝙤𝙮𝙨 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙥𝙧𝙤𝙗𝙡𝙚𝙢𝙨
𝙄'𝙡𝙡 𝙗𝙚 𝙢𝙤𝙧𝙚 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙣 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙢𝙖𝙣 𝙛𝙤𝙧 𝙮𝙤𝙪
𝙄'𝙡𝙡 𝙗𝙚 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙛𝙧𝙞𝙚𝙣𝙙
BRENT FAIYAZ;; STAY DOWN
_______________________
JAIYA MORANT POV
SOUTH, BRONX;;
SUNDAY, 11:49 A.M.
I sing along quietly to Brent Faiyaz.
Sundays are always the most peaceful.
When I was little, my pops used to make us go to church. Now that he divorced my mom, his new family in Jersey are forced to go instead. My mom always gave me and Kahlil our freedom, and I'm grateful for it because I find more comfort in waking up at my own time and building my own routine. Right now, its cleaning our apartment and cleansing my space to prepare for a new week.
I have a mop in one hand and lit sage in another. Natural light and fresh air are coming in from the open windows. I mop the hall and cleanse the space with sage as I go. I just finished when there's loud knocking at the front door. I put the mop down and leave the sage in an ashtray on the living room table.
I look through the peephole before opening the door, smiling when I'm immediately pulled into a hug.
"Lil ma!" Dougie shouts, grinning.
"What's up lil sis?" Kay asks when Dougie pulls back and wraps his arm around my shoulder, "You good?"
"Yeah." I smile, feeling a little shy.
"Yo, it smell mad good in here." Dougie says, walking around the living room a little bit, and probably smelling the sage, cleaning product, and candles burning.
"My bad. We ain't mean to interrupt ya little cleaning day." Kay tells me but I just shake my head.
"You good. I'm almost finished anyway."
"Aight. Cool." Dougie says, "We just came by for a lil self defense class, that's all."
"Self defense class?" I frown.
"Yeahhh." Dougie grins, "We boutta teach you how to catch bodies."
"Bodies?" I look back and forth between them, confused.
"Bro, shut up." Kay pushes Dougie aside before telling me, "We just gone teach you how to shoot."
"Who am I shooting?" I ask, tilting my head.
I've seen a gun before, probably more than I've wanted to. Kahlil always had one on him. I never asked if he killed anyone with it... And I'm glad I never got to. I never saw myself owning a gun or using one. I don't think it's for me.
"Kendrick or any other nigga that wanna get in ya face." Dougie says, pretending to aim with his fingers, "You gone have to shoot em in they shit like-"
"Come here." Kay grabs my hand and pulls me closer to him. He reaches into his jeans and pulls out the gun, placing it in my hands and fixing my grip, "You gotta hold it like this."
When he's finished, I look at myself in one of the living room mirrors. It feels weird, holding the gun and I look out of place even holding it the way Kay told me to.
"Nah, look at Baby Jai!" Dougie shouts, grinning, "Niggas is gone start running as soon as they see you."
"For real?" I ask, looking at him.
Maybe this whole gun thing can work out then.
"Yeahhhh." Dougie stresses, letting me know this nigga is lying, "Bro, I'm tellin you they gone take off."
"That's why you gotta tell em, don't run." Kay says, putting his hand on my shoulder and smirking, "Say 'don't run.'"
"Don't run." I say quietly, too embarrassed to speak any louder.
"Nah, you gotta really put fear in niggas hearts." Kay shakes his head, "Yell that shit. Go 'don't run!'"
"Don't run!" I say a little bit louder this time.
"But you gotta add to it, like "don't run, pussy!'" Dougie tells me.
"Don't run p-... do I really have to say this?" I ask, avoiding looking at them both.
I can feel my face heating up. But neither one of them lets up.
"Yo, how you got a pussy but you scared to say pussy?" Dougie says. In the mirror, I can see Kay mug him but he just shrug before speaking to me, "Dead ass. Don't be scared. Just say it."
It feels like I don't have any other choice. So I just take a deep breath before yelling-
"Don't run pussy!"
I can hear footsteps before my mom appears in the living room in her robe and bonnet, holding her coffee cup and a cigarette.
"Um, Jaiya Morant. I know you betta put that shit away before you accidentally shoot somebody in here." She says, "Wit yo scary ass."
She goes into the kitchen then, leaving me with Kay and Dougie who start laughing. I hand the gun back to Kay, silently swearing that I won't be bothered with another one for a long time.
"Nah you did good, lil sis." Dougie puts his arm around me again, smiling, "We proud of you."
"Everybody linkin up on the Sev tonight. You gotta pull up." Kay says.
"Yeah, ya nigga gone be looking for you too." Dougie adds, grinning.
"Huh?" I frown in confusion, "I'm not with nobody."
"Yeah. Aight." Dougie just laughs.
Kay punches him in the arm before turning to me.
"We gone see you tonight though?"
"Yeah, I'll come." I nod, smiling a little.
I never really went out much before Kahlil passed. I was invited but usually just stayed home. Now that he's gone, I feel like I just want to be around people again. I don't want to be alone. If I am, I'll just think about Kahlil. I need to get out more. Plus it was nice learning more about the people my brother spent all of his time with.
"Bet. Imma send you the addy later." Kay says.
"Stay up, lil sis." Dougie tells me.
They say their goodbyes and I close and lock the door behind them. Even though it's still morning time, I go to my room to pick out something to wear for tonight. While I'm in inside my closet, I check my phone to see a text.
MALI
aye gang pull up here tn📍
setty wanna see u 🤣
and me too 😬
JAI
🙈
see u tn 💓
_______________________
Just a little past midnight, I take an Uber to the Sev. The location Kay sent me is to some crowded building. A bunch of people that I don't know outside and inside smoking and drinking. I try to pull my dress down, ignoring the group of niggas watching me by the front entrance. I'm about to call Mali when I hear shouting.
"Jai!"
I turn around just as Tay and Yas come out of the brick building.
"Bitch, you look good." Tay says while she and Yas hug me, "I missed you."
"I missed ya'll too." I tell them, smiling when we all pull back.
"Sorry you had to go through that shit with Kendrick." Tay tells me, "You know if we was there, we would've been stomping his shit in."
"Nah, dead ass. Why he start with you and you don't be doing shit but mindin ya business?" Yas shakes her head.
"I heard they caught him lacking at the park though. Three shots and the one in the neck almost killed him." Tay says.
I can feel my stomach twist with nerves. I had heard about what happened to Kendrick. It happening the same day we had our fight didn't sit right with me. I want to think that no one I knew would do something like that. But I also know better...
"So he not dead?" Yas ask, shaking her head again, "Damn..."
"Yas" I look at her but she just blinks at me.
"What happen?"
Tay laughs and I shake my head.
I don't want to talk about Kendrick anymore. It made me feel sick just thinking about everything that's happened. So I decide to change the subject.
"Where Lexis?" I ask.
I haven't heard from her since the first day of school. It's weird for her not to call or text. But I figure she's just busy or wanting some space to grieve.
"Prolly somewhere she don't got no business being." Yas says, "Bro, our girl going out sad. Like, I really been hearing some shit bout her. But we not gone talk about it here."
I frown. Yas' words make me feel nervous because she knew just about everything that happened around us. And if Lexis was in something, that meant everyone else knew about it too. But I wonder why I didn't...
"Well bitch, now you scarin me." Tay places her hand on her chest, "You can't just say no shit like that then say we gone talk about it later. Bitch, let's talk about it right now. The fuck-"
The two start arguing then, walking back into the building and leaving me to stand there wondering what Yas meant. I'm about to pull out my phone and call Lexis when I feel a hand on my shoulder. I look over to see Cblu standing there.
"You here alone?" He asks.
I shake my head.
"I'm with Tay and Yas."
"Aight. Cool." He says, "Yo, I seen what happened with that nigga Kendrick."
I don't want to talk about Kendrick, again. But I don't know how to say that to him, so I just let him talk.
"You gotta learn how to fight though or something cause that shit is crazy to me." Cblu tells me, shaking his head.
"You want me to fight a man?" I ask, looking over at him.
He can't be serious....
"I'm sayin you coulda did something, like you just let that nigga break ya camera and everything." He shrugs, "Shit is embarrassing."
"I'm sorry you feel that way." I tell him.
I start turning away from him because I don't want to have this conversation. Even on the night of the video shoot, I felt that he didn't like me. But I don't understand why.
"Oh so you just don't care?" He looks at me but when I don't say anything, he shakes his head, "It's sad though cause you embarrassing Kahlil."
I'm not the type to get angry easily. But him talking crazy to me and mentioning my brother makes me so mad that I can feel my hands shake. But before I can say anything, Mali comes out the building.
"What ya'll talkin bout?" He asks, putting his arm around me and smiling.
"Nothin." Cblu shakes his head before leaving, "I'm out."
He heads into the building along with a group of his friends that had been waiting on the conversation to end. When he's gone, I take a deep breath to stop my hands from shaking.
"Somebody lookin for you." Mali tells me, grinning.
He doesn't say anything else, just grabs me by my hand and starts leading me into the building. I'm thankful for the distraction too. As soon as we get inside, the smell of smoke makes me hold my breath and loud drill music makes my head hurt. But I let him lead me inside to a corner where a group of niggas are smoking. I can see Setty with them. He has the blunt but as soon he sees me, he just passes it.
"Yo, where the rest of ya dress at?" He ask as soon as I get close enough.
"What's wrong with my dress?" I ask, looking at Mali who just walks off, laughing.
"Shit is mad short..." Setty grabs the bottom of my dress and starts pulling it down. But when he notices my facial expression, he grabs my neck and makes me look at him, "What's wrong? You good?"
I shake my head. I want to tell him about Cblu but I don't want to make it worse. So I don't say anything, even with Setty just staring me in the eye and waiting. Mali comes and whispers something to Setty that I can't hear over the music.
"I gotta take care of some shit. I'll be back." Setty tells me, "Stay ya ass right there."
"Okay." I mumble, watching him leave.
As soon as they're gone, I start walking in the opposite direction. I need a drink so I can stop thinking about Kendrick and the way things were going between me and Cblu. I pass Kay and Dougie who both too busy getting sturdy to notice me. I stop for a little while and join the crowd hyping them up before leaving to keep looking for the drinks.
After a while of finding nothing, I give up and sit down where there's a group of black couches. No one else is really around so I just lean back and stare into space.
"Yo, you Jaiya, right? K.O. little sis." I can hear someone say.
A boy with a face tatt and an Afro sits next to me and another boy with a ski mask and twists sits on my other side.
"Yeah." I nod.
"I'm Nas." The boy with the face tatt says before pointing to his friend, "This that Sheemy nigga."
Sheemy leans in close, pulling down his mask and smiling.
"You cute." He says, licking his lips.
But I'm too shy to even look at him so I just stare straight ahead making Nas laugh.
"Bro chill." He says, reaching behind me to push at Sheemy, "I just said she Kahlil little sister."
"So?" Sheemy just shrugs.
I can feel them mugging each other behind me, having some kind of silent conversation. I just sit there awkwardly, wondering why I didn't just stay put like Setty told me.
"My bad, ma. It's not like that. We jus chattin." Nas says when he sees my face, "So, why you sittin here by yaself?"
"I'm waiting for someone." I tell him.
"Word. Who you waitin on?" Sheemy ask.
"Setty."
"Oh shit." Nas mumbles. He laughs when Sheemy rolls his eyes before turning to me and asking, "You and Setty?"
"It's not like that." I shake my head, "We just friends."
I look down at my lap to hide my face. Because why do I feel like smiling all of a sudden?
"Bet." Sheemy sucks his teeth before turning to me, "So, what's up with you? You tryna drink?"
"Bro, she don't look like she drink... or smoke, or nun of that." Nas says.
"I don't smoke." I admit, "But I can drink."
"See nigga? She can drink." Sheemy says before grabbing my hand, "Come on, let's get you something."
"Word? You boutta get into some shit bro." Nas looks at Sheemy, smiling and shaking his head, "Aight. Bet."
Sheemy leads me through the party then. While we push through all the bodies, I start to zone out. Even the loud drill music starts feeling distant. It's only when Sheemy turns around and smiles at me do I freeze up.
"So, you eighteen, right?" He asks.
"Yeah." I have to lean in close and almost shout to be heard over the music.
"And you don't got a nigga." He says. When I shake my head, he pulls me in closer by my hand, licking his lips, "You mad pretty though. Why you not fuckin with nobody?"
"Ion know." I shrug," I guess I'm not really feeling nobody."
"I gotta change that." He says in my ear, over the music.
I just smile, too shy to even look at him. Instead, I look at the table where the alcohol is and just how close we are to it. Sheemy starts leading me that way again when all of a sudden there's pushing on the other side of the room, along with shouting and yelling.
The music dies down a bit, and even among crowd of people I can see bottles flying, chairs being knocked over, and tables flipped. I feel someone approach from behind so I turn around to see Nas standing there, shaking his head.
"Niggas is fighting over a treesh." He says before telling me, "Shit bout to get crazy. We gone take you home."
"Thank you." I give him a small smile.
I follow him and Sheemy out of the building. With people running in the direction of the fight, it's easier to get out by walking off to the side, by the wall. When we get outside, people are outside tryna catch a ride home. I'm following Nas and Sheemy to the parking lot when someone grabs my arm.
"I know ya ass seen me callin you." Cblu mugs me. I check my phone to see a few missed calls from an unknown number, Setty, Mali, and Tay. Cblu sucks his teeth before telling Nas and Sheemy, "Aye, she good. Me and Setty boutta take her home."
"Aight. Bet." Nas nods.
"Let me get ya number." Sheemy says when I start to leave.
"For what?" Cblu asks, looking at the two of us.
"Bro don't worry about it." Nas tells him, laughing at Cblu staring mad hard while Sheemy puts his number in my phone.
"Yo bro, get her home safely." Sheemy tells Cblu who just sucks his teeth.
"Yeah. Aight." He mumbles before grabbing my arm and pulling me along.
He doesn't say anything to me while we walk to the car. He only speaks to the people he knows as we pass. When we get to the car, Setty and Mali aren't there so we wait.
"You fuckin with that nigga Sheemy now?" Cblu turns to me.
"I just met him tonight." I tell him, leaning against the car, rolling my eyes, "I can't give someone my number?"
"So you gone get smart with me instead of answering the question." Cblu rolls his eyes, "Aight. Bet. Ya ass need to stay inside before you start some shit anyway. All in another nigga face when-"
"Nigga why are you yelling?" Setty comes with Mali behind him.
"And what are you talking about?" I ask Cblu, feeling myself start to get upset with him again.
"Why y'all always got tension?" Mali ask, laughing.
"Nah, she be getting me tight..." Cblu start mumbling, sucking his teeth.
"She don't even be saying nothing." Mali shakes his head, grinning.
"Exactly. So why the fuck you messing with her?" Setty ask, mugging Cblu before he laughs, letting me know they just playing.
"Whatever bro. Unlock the door." Cblu tells him, shaking his head, smiling.
I roll my eyes and Mali slaps my shoulder lightly, tryna get me to relax. I get in the backseat beside him with Setty driving and Cblu in the passenger. When we pull off from the party, they start talking about a mixture of rap and street shit. Stuff I can barely understand so I just zone out.
Cblu gets dropped off first, then Mali.
When it's just me and Setty, I lean my head against the window and just watch the buildings pass. I can feel Setty looking at me every so often though.
"Yo, you good?" He ask, "You mad quiet."
"I'm just tired." I mumble, thankful when he don't press me.
When we get to my apartment, Setty comes up with me. When I'm upset, I tend to zone out. And become more irritated when people try to force me into a conversation about how I'm feeling. Especially when I don't want to talk about it.
But Setty doesn't do that. He just sits down in a chair in my room and gives me my space. I shower, do my skincare, and I'm lying in my bed on my phone in an oversized t shirt when he lies down on the bed beside me.
"Go to sleep Jaiya Morant." He says, poking me in my head.
I mug him for using my government. But he just laughs. So I kick him.
"Chill." He says, grabbing my leg.
"You gone stay the night?" I ask, picking up my remote, "I got Netflix. We can watch a movie. And I think it's not too late to order pizza."
"Nah." Setty shakes his head. He stares up at the ceiling, licking his lips, "Listen, if you and me ever spend the night together, the last thing we gone do is eat pizza and watch a movie."
"What we gone do then?" I ask, resting my leg on top of him and smiling playfully.
"I think you already know." He says quietly, turning his head to look me in my eyes.
He puts his hand on my thigh and starts moving it up, under my oversized t. I can feel my heart racing but I don't look away or stop him. Setty's phone starts vibrating and he stops, reaching into his pocket for it. I take a deep breath, rolling on my other side and staring at the wall, trying to figure out what almost just happened and why I feel so disappointed that it didn't.
"I gotta go." Setty gets up from the bed, tapping me on my thigh, "Imma call you tomorrow though."
I just hum in response. He leaves, calling someone as soon as he's outside my room. I get up and turn off my room light then, getting back in bed and making myself comfortable under the blankets. While I'm drifting off, I grab my phone, sending out a text before dropping it on the nightstand and falling asleep.
JAI
goodnight ❤️
SETTY
🖤