Published on : August 24, 2022
* Looking at the readers with bawling eyes* 🥺
I'm so overwhelmed to see the comments on the first chapter. So happy to know that you all are connecting to the story and are excited about the characters just like me.
Today's chapter is something most of the readers can relate to (I guess). I was recently facing it and hence the thought came. Hope u like it -
[ A little Disclaimer - A sad melancholic mood will prevail throughout the chapter. Refrain from reading it in case you are overthinking ! READERS , please just don't get triggered by the words. ]
HAPPY READING 💓
⊱ ────── {.⋅ ♫ ⋅.} ───── ⊰
O Re Manwa Tu Toh Bawra Hai
Tu Hi Jaane Tu Kya Sochta Hai
Baware
⊱ ────── {.⋅ ♫ ⋅.} ───── ⊰
✧☞.......roopkatha :
A cold breeze made its way through the open window and I pulled the duvet closer craving for more warmth . The warmth that can provide comfort to my insecurities and overthinking. I forcefully closed my eyes , trying to sleep but the restless mind wasn't helping anyways. I groaned in frustration.
Although the occasional dribbles in the evening have lowered the temperature to some extent, I have this really weird habit of switching on the fan at full speed as well as wrapping myself in the duvet . And I proudly practise this throughout the year. You know, doing it that way really makes me feel cosy and comfortable. My mom has become tired of trying to mend my ways but what she often forgets is that I have got the same obstinate attitude as hers. So she is the one to give up first in an argument.
I hugged the side pillow tightly.
If only I had a boyfriend who could cuddle me and smother me with kisses, and pamper me , and give me warm hugs and...... Ughhh sorry - Scratch it ! Reading Wattpad novels before sleeping wasn't a good idea. They only trigger the fact that you are single and those fictional boyfriends raise your expectations to such an extent that you almost lose interest in the men around you.
Tomorrow is going to be a busy day for me and my team and if only I desperately need something at this moment, then it is a proper eight hours sleep. Nothing more nothing less.
I unlocked my phone with the 4-lettered passcode to check the time and a still of Ranbir Kapoor from 'Ae Dil Hai Mushkil ' flashed on the home screen. This guy has been an absolute heart-stealer since my teenage days . I can go on my knees for his flirty smirks and deep male voice.
I wanted to scroll some Instagram reels but I cannot afford staying up till 4a.m. unintentionally . So, after reading some of the WhatsApp messages from the notifications, I pressed the lock button and kept the phone aside on the bed-side table.
Oh shittt! I forgot to check the time -
I unlocked it again and this time 1:23 a.m. flashed on the top right corner of the screen. I probably looked like something beyond pathetic - a twenty-four year old girl, staying up late and overthinking about stupid things in her life.
Sitting up straight, I gulped water at one go and kept the glass on the table, it, making a clink sound as it knocked with the flower vase, jerking the contents of the glass a little but not spilling it. Letting out a sigh , I wore my fluffy slippers , and went towards the kitchen, being extra cautious of not waking mumma up in the process. An inaudible sigh left my lips when the wooden door made a creak sound. I opened the door slowly and made my way towards the refrigerator.
Excuse me! Where's the tub of ice cream? I remember keeping it here.
No waittt -
Mom just did not give it to the nextdoor neighbours -
I almost held back the urge to shout Amma in a prolonged way. Honestly, I was frustrated. Such heartbreaks at night are hard to survive -
With a heavy mood, I went back to bed, grabbed the phone and opened the gallery.
Often going through old pictures and reminiscing those memories lifts our mood.
Suddenly my eyes got stuck at one of the pictures where I was posing, smiling at Neelakshi after her bridal shower. A picture clicked two weeks ago at her wedding rituals. I zoomed in the picture and focused on myself. The saree I was wearing made no effort to hide my belly fat. Something I am insecure about and never like to flaunt.
I am not a girl with a flat belly. Nor do I have a perfect curvy body. I am slightly obese , and very concious about my outfits , especially when I have to attend special occasions. Hence I prefer traditional over western outfits, because probably western outfits increase my insecurities about my looks. They expose my curves more than I want.
I am a happy, bubbly girl doing all good in life. But it's weird that sometimes I easily get affected by things happening around me. They trigger my overthinking and insecurities. Like, right now, it's this picture that did the deed.
Many a time I have received indecent comments about my body shape , which have deeply affected me leaving a permanent scar in my heart. While I wanted people to look at me with adoration and love, they actually showered me with mocking comments. Not that I haven't tried ways of losing weight but nothing gave a satisfactory result.
The world probably has a separate definition of beautiful. Or probably inner beauty is just a myth. Or probably I am trying to cover the harsh ugly truth in the robe of inner beauty. I have stopped explaining to people. I'm just tired. Of the same comments. Not that they don't affect, just that I have stopped showing that they do. Just trying to build walls to protect my soft heart from those who don't deserve it.
I want to be perfect. If not in the eyes of the world, at least in somebody's eyes. Someone seeing the light in me and not just the outer beauty that is judged by everybody. Someone finding perfection in my thick thighs and curvy waists and in my dark circles and natural skin tone. Because probably sometimes, self assurances are tough and you need someone more confident about you than yourself. With whom you can face the world, you can change the world.
I closed my eyes. In pain . In weariness.
" Beta vajan Kam nhi karegi toh ladka kaise milega? "
(Dear, if you don't lose weight how will find a suitable boy? )
"Hayyyy rammm...kitni moti ho gayi hai ! Readymade kapde aati bhi hain teri size mein ?"
(Oh my God, you have gained so much weight ! Do readymade clothes even come in your size ?)
" Why don't you buy this full sleeved gown instead of the crop top? You know it'll cover your tummy more."
"Football ban gayi hai poora. Aunty ji bulayegi ab sab tujhe. "
(You absolutely look like a football. Everyone will call you an auntyji)
"You know you should really focus on your eating habits. You are a little on the heavier side, so you know you should try some A-line style dresses and not these..."
Blah blah blah!
Whether it's my paternal aunt, or Pihu- the Cultural Head of the College Drama Club, or a random date from an online dating app -- The same comments , repeating everywhere.
I always wanted to know - Does crying really make you weak or it moulds you into a stronger person?
The world really makes it difficult for us to accept the way we are. They fancy over black clothes but mock black people. They preach inner beauty but hurl indecent comments at curvy people. Human beings are indeed strange creatures.
I opened the door and walked out to the balcony. A cool wind playing against my messy and undone hair. The cloud hiding the beauty of the moon and the stars. A silent night like no other. Hiding my insecurities, fears and a vulnerable version of me. Leaning against the railing, I saw the city. Moving in its own flow. Not caring about anybody. Not caring about anything. Neither does anybody ask nor do we ask ourselves - what do we want. What does our heart crave for.
Weird. Strangely weird.
__________________⊙﹏⊙__________________
✧☞.......author's pov :
She was startled to hear a slight knock at the door. She looked at the wall clock, tirelessly ticking, with the second hand continuously changing its position. It is almost 12 in the midnight. She knew they are here.
Switching on the lights, she opened the door and they entered shouting joyously.
"Happy Birthdayyyyyy"
"Thank you Amma, Bava aur Anna. "
Seeing her sister's tired eyes , Ridan asked, "Ani , so gayi thi kya? ( Ani, Were you already asleep? )"
" Arey nahi nahi Anna. Kal mock trial haina ? Toh poore din cases study karte karte thodi thak gayi thi. ( No, no elder brother. Tomorrow is the mock trial. So I just got tired studying the cases the whole day.) ", saying this, Anindita smiled reassuringly.
"Chalo ab jaldi jaldi cake cut Karo. Mujhe bohot neend aa raha hai. ( Now quickly cut the cake. I'm feeling very sleepy.) " , Abhay yawned , earning a slight slap from Gayatri on his left arm.
Closing her eyes, Anindita repeated the wish three times, and blew the candles as her family sang the Happy Birthday song in chorus. Cutting a small piece out of the cake , she first went on to feed her parents and then fed her Anna.
"Anna, meri birthday gift kahan hai ? ( Elder brother, where is my gift?) "
"Tu bol chhoti kya chahiye tereko? ( You say sister what do you want? )"
"Pehle aap promise karo ki main jo mangungi aap woh mujhe doge ! ( First you promise me that you will give me whatever you want.) "
"Endi ? Seedhe seedhe bata - (What? Say it clearly. ) ", Ridan said with one of his eyebrows raised.
Anindita quickly looked at her parents and exchanged words silently through expressions. Gayatri looked at her daughter and nodded her head in assurance which didn't go unnoticed by Ridan.
Just Indian parents and their eye conversations !
Anindita cleared her throat and uttered in hesitation, " Anna meko ek bhabhi chahiye ! (Elder brother, I want a sister-in-law.) "
"Kyaaa? Pagal ho gayi hai kya? (Whattt? Have you gone mad? )" , Ridan looked at her in disbelief. He then turned towards his parents with furrowed eyebrows saying, " I wasn't listening to both of you, so you pushed Chhoti to do the job ? Wise strategy!"
"Par Anna , you can't say no this time. " Anindita said, pouting her face , trying to fake an expression of anger.
"Fine. I need time to come to a decision. I hope I am allowed to have it.", saying this Ridan went to his room and closed the door.
He went to the balcony and paused for a minute to look at the city. It was beautiful. It was calm yet it has so much to say about things happening in its different corners. But nobody stops to listen to them. Nobody stops to look at the beauty it has to offer. Just like him , a boy often misunderstood by many.
He has a heart to offer love. He has a soul to embrace warmth. He has a life to share with somebody else. Promises are easy to make. But when it comes to fulfilling them , people often lose track.
Is it that easy to welcome a new person in our lives - especially when we ourselves are filled with flaws and imperfections, dealing with our insecurities and shortcomings ? Why would someone hold our hands for a lifetime when we are unsure about ourselves? Just because of love? Is love that powerful?
People fall in love quite often. But how do people actually walk into love? What if she never loves him? What if he never loves her ? But he can try once, right ? Try ? Marriages aren't something one should try . It's a bond of lifelong promises and companionship.
Ridan knew that the thought of marrying somebody and including them in his life floods him with a lot of questions and uncertainty. He's just scared to allow somebody to step into his life and explore him. He's beautifully imperfect and filling the gaps of imperfections aren't easy. But only if one is ready to fight every battle just for him. To keep him close.
A lone tear escapes his eyes . He leans in the cosy armchair trying to battle with his inner demons that constantly try to overpower him, demolishing the good virtues and trying to make place for the bad ones.
जिंदगी बेहद खूबसूरत हैं। यहां कब क्या होता है किसिको नहीं पता। सब एक कठपुतली है जो जीने के कारण ढूँढ़ने रहते हैं हर रोज़। पर अफ़सोस ! आपने खुशियों को दाव पर लगाके हम जिंदगी बिता तो लेते हैं, पर जी नहीं पाते। अक्सर लोग प्यार महसूस करने से ज्यादा, ढूँढ़ने लगते हैं। इसिलिए शायद प्यार से ज्यादा दुख मिलते हैं हमें।
(Life is very beautiful. No one knows when what happens here. Everyone is a puppet who keeps on looking for reasons to live everyday. But what a pity! By putting our happiness at stake, we spend our lives, but we cannot live it. Often people search for love more than just feeling it. That's why maybe we get more pain than love.)
Ridan almost fell into a deep slumber when suddenly his phone rang in his shirt pocket , startling him.
Arnav called.
•~ GLOSSARY ~•
1. Amma - refers to Mother in Urdu
2. Baava - refers to Father in Telugu
3. Anna - refers to elder brother in Telugu
Andddddddd that's the second chapter. Sorry for the late update ! Mum suddenly took me for the vaccination of booster dose and I swear I can push the injection better than the one who was actually doing the work. I was a bit down with fever and pain in the left hand. But now I have recovered completely.
Another reason for the update being a little late is that I took time in writing the chapter and portraying the real emotions of the characters. What do you think?
A small message for my readers - You are beautiful. You are bestowed with the beauty that is rare for the world. Never question your worth . That's the worst you can do to yourself.
Today's question is -
What's your current favourite song? And how do you lift up your mood whenever you feel low ?
Don't forget to vote and comment for the chapter. Make sure you have added the book in the library for the update notifications.
Seeing you next week
~ Riya