I was tired. Studying throughout the day and late into the night. I knew I could pass my tests with flying colors, but that was only because of my adamance on pursuing my studies. Thus, my undying and constant willingness to learn led me to this point.
Half asleep with my head in a textbook. My teacher once said I'd probably die with a book in my hand. What a way to go that'd be huh? I laughed at the thought but it's probably my fate. I don't do anything else but educate myself till my brain is fried. Here lies Luz Noceda, the girl who died in the pursuit of endless knowledge. Or maybe I'd find myself stuck in my head, in a fantasy world that seemed better than the one I had been currently living in.
I was aware of my need for friends as a way to socialize. A way to get out of my own world and into the real one. However, the probability of me gaining a friend had been highly unlikely with all my character traits. The next best thing, or in this case the more likely event to occur for me, would be to go in search of a new hobby.
I wasn't athletic or overly outgoing, at least not in a way my peers seemed to like. Now I have become too busy sticking to myself. Clubs weren't really my thing either but maybe I could get with the nerds like me who liked something I did. It was worth a shot and I had to try either way. I was out of options and the adult figures in my life were out of patience.
With that decision being made within my mind that night I had brought out my notebook and jotted a reminder down for the next day. And it was during that next day I met my best friend Willow in the most unfortunate circumstances. Finally, I met someone who'd been kind toward me and accepting. Then Gus came along and the rest was history. I had found the friends who I had always needed and life became bearable.
Not too soon after I had reached that point in my life the world decided to end and I had lost everything I'd just gained and more. Because the day the storm came my mother had been out in the rain. She had called me in a panic and told me to stay inside and lock the doors until she got there. So I waited with my back against the front door, curled in on myself and covering my ears as I heard the world fall into chaos outside.
I'd covered my ears but that did nothing to stop the sounds of screaming and the screeching of tires. The sounds of begging voices and people slamming on my door pleading for me to let them in. Those sounds will never leave my mind as well as the memories from that day. Soon another pleading voice, my mother's voice, came through with loud knocks on the front door behind me.
I jumped up and opened the door. It swung open with a force yet my mom turned to close it with the same. She locked the door and turned to me with wide, alert eyes and tears streaming down her face. She brought me into her arms and I melted into her embrace scared of what was to come. All of a sudden the glass to one of our windows was broken open and an arm was reaching in.
The arm gripped mine and an enraged-looking man started to bring me towards him roughly as I thrashed around violently to rid myself of his grip on me. He was screaming for us to let him in and I was terrified. He tugged my arm as it was dragged through the broken window, the glass slicing a long line down my arm. Then, out of nowhere, my mother bashed him in the head with a baseball bat and his grip on me disappeared.
My mother picked me up and started to drag me up the stairs as I held onto my bleeding arm. We found ourselves in her room as she rushed to the bathroom for the first aid kit. We stayed there in her room with the door locked as she fixed up my arm and the world continued to evolve into what I could recognize today as my present. And this continued even as the night fell and we remained in her room too afraid to leave.
We stayed up all night unable to sleep as my mom began to cough. These random episodes of violent coughing continued on and off into the next day and she began to run a fever. There wasn't much we could do to help her. We had just assumed it was from her being in the rain. Later that day she had a fit that wouldn't seem to stop and she had trouble breathing as she began to burn up further. I snuck down the stairs to get her something to eat and drink though a loud noise from our front door scared me back up the stairs before I could get much else.
I had tried turning on the news to see what had been going on but the power had gone out shortly after I returned upstairs. After a while, I had asked my mother what we could do but she'd been as uncertain about our situation as I had. So we attempted to distract each other with stories and conversation with the hope that the military or the government or someone would figure out what was happening and come to help us out. That is what we ran on for the most part as my mom began to grow worse.
She'd begun to tremble as I wrapped her in every blanket we had in the room. I was worried about how sick she'd become and how I couldn't do anything about it. The medication that we did have didn't seem to be helping her much at all. And as night began to fall once more as the world itself grew quiet I watched as my mom finally dosed off and I got caught up in my worry. My clothes were wet, still a bit soaked from when I hugged her when she came home. My arm had stung from the cut and I couldn't bring myself to sleep too worried for my mom and our situation.
Hope; I had still been running on blind hope to this point that someone out there was trying to figure things out. That was, however, not the case, but I didn't know that then. Sometime during the night, my mother began to toss and turn in her sleep as if she were in immense pain. She began to convulse and I rushed towards her side unaware of what I could do to help. "Mom," I began to shake her awake with worry, "please wake up!" I screamed with tears until suddenly she stopped moving altogether.
Quiet, the world had fallen into this still quiet as I waited for my mom to move and show any signs of life. What I got instead was her gasping awake with glowing red eyes. There was this inhuman growl that came out of her as she started to crawl toward me. I scrambled back in terror. "Mom, what are you doing?" She just continued her way toward me as if she couldn't hear me at all.
"Mom, please, you're scaring me!" I begged her and she launched herself at me. I tried to fight her off as tears streamed down my face. I was just a kid then and I was scared. At some point during all of it I had managed to shove her off of me and her head slammed hard against the corner of her dresser. Her body became lax and she stopped moving entirely.
"Mom?" I whispered yet she still didn't move. "Mom, no!" I screamed crawling to her and trying to shake her awake. "Mom wake up please!" I'd begged her as I took her head into my hands. She never responded and I fell back realizing what I had done. "I'm so sorry," I said to her unmoving form and I broke down crying.
I brought my hands up to place my head in them only to feel a burning, stinging sensation. I quickly brought my hands back away from me to see that at some point during the struggle my mom had managed to leave a bite mark on my right hand. My heart dropped, and my chest tightened as I realized what this had meant. It only made sense that the same thing would happen to me.
After a few moments, I got up and did my best to place my mom in her bed. With a heavy heart and a sense of dread in the pit of my stomach, I went to lay next to my mother on the bed. And I just stayed there on my side watching her with tears in my eyes.
So I had laid there and I waited to turn; seconds turned to minutes, minutes turned to hours, and finally, those hours turned to days. I sat and waited and nothing happened. I never turned like I had expected to. Like I was supposed to. The days after led me to a nightmarish transformation, a transition from a human to the monster I am currently.
I had coughing fits that led to a fever that led to trembling convulsions. I had been so certain because of this that I would turn soon. But I didn't turn, not fully at least. What happened to my mom should have never happened, and if I could, I'd go back in time and do everything in my power to stop it from happening. But I couldn't save her, it's already too late for her, but what about everyone else?
I had been bit, I had contact with the rain, but I didn't turn. So after I picked myself up off the ground I decided that I would do everything in my power to see if what happened to me can be used to help others. If I was immune to turning then there had to be something about me that could be used to help make a vaccine or a cure. I was young then, naive, I thought I could forgive myself for what happened with my mom if I could save others in the way I couldn't save her.
It is this same self-given mission that led me to the people I am running from today.
... ... ... ...
The trees tousled, looking almost angry at the winds' rapid interchanging movements. It was, at the moment, unpredictable with its constant change. At times it would be forceful and at others, it would die down to a soft whisper as it passed through the leaves quietly. And I allowed myself this moment of calm, of peace.
"So, you really believe that this girl is immune?" A random soldier had brought up ending the moment I had been having.
"I wouldn't necessarily say she is immune per se. She seems to be able to carry the virus within herself, not fully turning, but not entirely human either." Dr. Whispers explained while using their key card to open a door to the lab. "It is my belief that the answer to how she is capable of this is in her genetics. And if that is true then maybe it could be possible to manipulate such genes into a vaccine." They explained further before stepping into a lab and I followed suit.
Learning to control my new urges and live with these new senses had been difficult. I was sensitive to bright lights and loud sounds. My eyesight had been obstructed so that I could only see things through a red haze. My ears could pick up on any sound for quite a distance which caused me constant headaches. But, if these scientists could help me learn to control myself while also developing a vaccine then all of this would be worth it. Then I could be seen as not just a monster, but someone who'd helped stop the spread of this infection.
"Hello, Captain! This is the girl I have been telling you about!" Dr. Whispers said while motioning to me and I stood there with a stiff posture as the smell of blood reached my nose. I clenched my fists to hold myself back.
"Seriously? I had hoped you were joking." The captain said while crossing his arms not looking too thrilled at the moment. "A person who not only didn't turn from a bite but lived through it to become the very monster that bit them. What a joke." The captain said carelessly and his words about the monster that bit me, my mother, caused a surge of rage to move through me.
"Dang it, Captain!" I grabbed my mask and lowered it grabbing my sunglasses and removing them as well, revealing my face to him as well as my glowing red eyes. "Do you believe me now? Are you going to help me or not?" I shouted only seeing shadow-like figures because of the rage. I had found people indistinguishable and unrecognizable when I let my darker side through.
The doctor turned to face me, their figure shifting from their previous stance to my side. "Okay Luz, we're going to help you gain control over this. We'll be able to help people soon. Isn't that what you wanted?" They asked me and I sighed and shut my eyes to gain a better grip over myself. Their words had calmed me a bit.
"Yes, that's what I want," I said, my voice taking on a deeper tone because of these new instincts.
"If we're going to do this there have to be ground rules set. She is still a monster and could lose herself at any moment to attack anyone of us." The captain stated before I watched the shadow of his arms move and some other indistinguishable figures came into the room. "She'll have to be locked up for the safety of others." He stated and my body tensed at the thought of being contained. But I knew that this is what had to be done in order to control myself and help others.
So I placed my hands out in front of me offering to be cuffed. One of the many figures approached me hesitantly before I felt the sudden touch of cold metal on my wrists and an unnatural growl crawled up my throat. The figure stepped back as the cuffs clicked closed and I heard the sound of guns being raised presumably directed at me. "Sorry. I couldn't help it." I explained and the doctor stepped closer to me.
"Understood. We're going to figure this out in no time Luz." They promised and I let out a breath of air. This was for the greater good.
... ... ... ...
"Have you been improving?" Raine asked me politely and I rolled my eyes as I stared at the blank grey concrete wall before me. I looked at them from the corner of my eye and they looked at me through the bars of the cell.
"Do you mean am I still experiencing extreme rage and a need to kill everyone around me?" I asked, my eyesight turning red before I clenched my fists and regained control, reigning in my temper.
"Not exactly how I'd put it, but yes." They chuckled softly and I let my shoulders relax.
"My vision has been turning back to normal and my rage has died down considerably. Not that being stuck in a cage has helped with that much either." I mumbled out the last part.
"Did you want to go on a walk with me?" Raine asked suddenly and my eyes snapped from the wall to Raine's.
"Doctor, I severely advise against that!" A guard had stepped forward and warned.
"Yeah, not that I want to make a habit of agreeing with him, but he has a point. Are you not scared I'd hurt you?" I asked and Raine just shook their head with a warm smile. It reminded me of the caring one my mother used to wear and because of that my guard fell a bit.
"I can handle myself," Raine stated.
"Against me? I don't think so." I retorted back realistically.
"Well if you're so worried I'd be happy to let you stay here. Or, you could come on a little walk with me." Raine said teasingly.
I hesitated and they saw this on my face. Raine let a smirk grow on their face and it irked my senses. It felt like a challenge to my newfound instincts.
"Don't be scared. I don't bite." Raine had said this jokingly about the situation and my current state.
"I'm not scared of anything." I snapped back instantly.
"Well then..." Raine used their key card to open the door to the holding cell and the surrounding guards stood at the ready. "...come along then." They finished with a smirk.
I stood still for a moment, wondering if this was a test. Slowly, I took a step forward out of my cell, passing a barrier I had built in my mind of it. Then I followed them, and with us, a group of guards as we made our way outside of the building. I had not been outside since I'd come here for understandable worries that if I lose control I might hurt people. And because that isn't something that I'd wanted I just went along with it in understanding.
"Are these walks going to become a thing between us?" I asked genuinely curious before observing the world around us. We had been on a rooftop and there were people attending to plants as well as guards scoping out the surrounding area. I could feel the eyes of every single guard around us, their gazes burning and irking my senses once more.
"Do you want them to be?" Raine asked me softly and I looked back at the two guards that were tailing us, shooting them a glare without meaning to and causing them to subconsciously place their fingers over the trigger to the weapons they'd been carrying.
"I don't mind getting out. The moments I have with you seem to calm me down a bit. My control can only grow the more I am reintroduced to more people and even this walk outside has made the air feel all the more breathable." I explained allowing myself to pause and close my eyes to enjoy this moment for what it was.
"Are you saying that you've come to enjoy my company? Are we becoming friends Luz?" They questioned me teasingly and my eyes snapped back open.
"Something along those lines. For the science of course!" I defended, not feeling comfortable I'd let my guard down around anyone even if that someone was Raine.
"You know, if I didn't know you so well I'd believe that statement. However, I know you've grown to despise the tests they run on you." They said with concern.
"They can be very demanding and I've begun to grow tired of them. I don't like the company I'm forced to surround myself with. Those men are annoying and I just grow very uncomfortable around them is all." I explained before continuing on my walk as Rainse followed suit.
"Would you feel less uneasy if I were to attend these with you? It seems my company calms you somehow." Raine asked me curiously and I let myself think it over.
"Because you are the only one I can stand. The only one who doesn't treat me like I'm..." I trailed off and looked to the side to hide my pained expression.
"A monster?" I overheard Raine say and I turned to them. "That's because you aren't Luz. A monster acts, killing people. You don't want to hurt people. You've come to us for help because you want to avoid that very thing." They said softly.
"And you want to try to find a cure for all this. So don't be so hard on yourself. I'll be here with you every step of the way." Raine spoke with a smile and I let myself believe them. I'd let myself believe that a girl like me could be a part of something big that could save the world. I was naive and believed every single lie they told me. Until I didn't, because I had discovered the truth.
... ... ... ...
I was breathing heavily, sweat covering my entire body, the air had felt constricting. I took the sleeves of my shirt in my hands and ripped them off so I could move better. The alarm was blasting loudly in my ears, my senses making it sound louder than it actually was. I could feel the blood running from my eardrums so I closed my eyes and tried to gain control over my senses. After thinking hard enough I knew that it was no use and directed my gaze back to the control panel.
If I couldn't manipulate my senses I could at least try to manipulate the things I did have control over. I left that dark part of me out a little, the veins of my arms becoming visible as I tried to use my newfound strength to my advantage. I brought my fists up and slammed them down hard against the panels before me. The flashing lights stopped and the alarm faded out completely. Turning back around I stepped over the bodies of the guards I'd knocked out, grabbed one of the guns, and headed back into the hallway.
"Luz! Don't do this!" I heard the voice of Raine echo down the hall and I turn towards them and the multiple guards standing behind them.
"You lied to me!" I shouted as my vision turned red. Instead of hearing them out I turned away and sprinted down the hall quickly. I was faster than them, stronger than them, they stood no chance against me.
Rushing around the corner and to a different hall, I saw it was a dead end. My eyes scanned around seeing the locked doors on one side and the windows on the other. If I wanted out I'd have to do it the hard way. One more look at the other side I found my answer in a firehose on the wall in a glass case.
Opening the case, I grabbed the fire hose and wrapped it around my arm tying it and gripping it in my hand tightly. Bringing the gun up I shot out the window. The glass shattered as some of the guards rounded the corner. "This is stupid, this is stupid, this is stupid," I mumbled to myself while closing my eyes tight. After taking a deep breath I opened them and looked at the open window before me.
"Here goes nothing," I said before starting to run and leaping out of the window when I ran out of the ground beneath my feet. My inhuman strength never wavered as I fell and even when the hose stopped and I was left hanging in the air it held strong. It was a ten-foot drop the rest of the way but I knew I could handle it. Looking up I used my other arm to lift myself so I could undo the hose from my arm.
Once I had, I let myself fall sticking the landing as I let my instincts continue to flow through my veins and decide my next action for me. I will not let them follow through with their plan, their true intentions for studying me, any longer. I knew the truth now and I will not rest until I've stopped them.
But I can't do it now and I can't do it alone. I'd escape, get as far away from here as possible, and figure things out later. Nothing will distract me. That's what I thought at least until I'd met a girl and made a promise I couldn't keep. The same girl I'd forced to leave me. And I remember the moment I made such a decision as if it was yesterday.
... ... ... ...
The sun has now set again without any signs of Amity waking anytime soon. I won't leave her, I can't, not while she is out like this and vulnerable. I haven't been sleeping so I can watch over her though I know she'd be very upset when she wakes to find this out. Leaving her is not an option so I'll wait until I know she is okay before I do what needs to be done.
Amity was talking in her sleep which is the only sign of life I've had from her besides her subtle breaths. She was having a nightmare I believe. I wasn't sure what to do so I merely sat next to her and told her everything would be okay. I think she may wake soon. Then, and only then, can I do what I need to do. I've put her in danger enough as it is. She'd be better off without me.
I looked up from my journal, closing it and placing it on the window sill while running my fingers through my hair. I stayed there for a few moments in silence before my eyes drew to the girl passed out on the floor. It is the sight of her that makes me bring my fingers to brush against my knuckles subconsciously. It had taken every ounce of self-control and my fist being forcefully slammed against the wall multiple times to keep myself together.
She'd bleed a lot and I was running on the pure terror of losing her. I couldn't leave her alone, but all I wanted was to find the ones who did this to her and hurt them. I'd almost lost her, my best friend, because I was foolish enough to let my guard down with her again. She brings out that idiotic yet human side of me. The one full of hope and emotions that certainly don't belong in this world.
I look at her and all I want is to go back in time and meet her before the world became what it is now. Then things could be different between us. But would she have even noticed me before all of this happened? Would she even like the human part of me that was some weird, nerdy social outcast? What would it have been like if I'd met Amity Blight before all this?
Suddenly I was brought from my thoughts when I heard a shift coming from where Amity lay. Her heartbeat picked up in my ear subtly letting me know she had been waking. I shifted in my chair, and the change of weight caused it to creak. "Amity? Are you awake?" I spoke up, my voice taking on a softer tone. She groaned in response and I watched as she shifted around. I got up and went to kneel beside her.
"Take it easy," I told her and watched as her eyes opened and locked with mine. I was looking at her but all I could think about was the people who'd hurt her and how much I wanted to find them and return the favor. My mind fell from the present moment as I thought of all the bad things that could happen to Amity. How she could die at any moment and it would be all my fault for letting it happen.
"It's okay Luz. I'm okay." My mind was brought back by her words. The reassuring tone she'd placed behind them made me angry. My face fell as I turned to grab a water bottle I had brought with me.
"No, it's not okay," I mumbled as I handed the water bottle to Amity. Our hands brushed during the exchange but I paid it no mind as I got back up and made my way back to the chair. I sat down and stared out the window. I could find them easily and since Amity was awake I could go now before they had a chance to get too far.
"How long was I out?" I overheard Amity and I sensed her movement to lift her shirt, reminding me of her wound. The smell of her blood still lingered in the air. "And how did you fix me up?" She asked as well, moving to put her shirt back down. I stayed quiet for a moment, not really wanting to think about it.
"Two days. As for the bullet, I had to dig it out." I said as memories from it all flashed in my mind. I stayed silent afterward as my mind slipped back to the task at hand. I needed to find them and make them pay. They couldn't have gone far so if I go now I may be able to make up ground. So with that in mind, I stood up and kept my eyes off Amity's figure on the ground.
If I looked at her now I just might change my mind and that's not something I want. "There's something I need to do Amity. I need you to stay put. You'll be safe here." As I went to leave though, my eyes fell on her without permission. I saw this scared look in her eyes. It showed vulnerability that made me grow soft.
My next actions were done without much thought as I knelt down before her and tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear. "I'll be back soon. I promise." I reassured her quietly before leaning forward and kissing her on the forehead. The action was unusual and unfamiliar so I stood and left before I could see her reaction.
I'd make them pay, and then, I'll do what's necessary to keep Amity safe. Even if that means staying away from her and taking the danger I bring her with me. The thought of leaving her, hurt, and I had to wipe a tear from my face quickly because of it. I'll find a reason later because right now I had something that I needed to do.
My emotions were running high and made me want to stay with her. My heart had tried to convince me that staying with her, even with the risks, had been worth it. That being with her was far better than being without her. But being with her had put her in danger far too many times. So I let my brain lead me, my logic can lead me this time, not my heart. That had always been the difference between Amity and me after all.
Because of her, I'd learned to let my guard down where, if I had kept it up, we'd have been safer. Maybe the incident at the school wouldn't have happened and maybe she wouldn't of gotten shot. I let her in my head, in my heart, and it had almost cost both of us. So, with that, I knew what to do after all of this was done. I'd find the people who hurt her, take care of them, and then I'd find a way to leave. Regardless of how much it would hurt us both.
All of this led me to this present moment. So much had happened in the short time since I forced Amity out of my life. And now I was here.
... ... ... ...
"Are you sure this is a good idea, Luz?" Gus shouted as I poured gasoline all over the room around us.
"Yes!" I shouted harsher than I had intended. This got through to him as he stopped questioning me instantly. "Now head to the bell tower and I'll meet you there okay?" I ordered him. I watched him grow hesitant and worry showed on his face.
"I'll be fine okay? Just go now!" I shouted and he nodded his head before rushing out of the room and down the steps. I dumped what was left in the canister on the ground before tossing it to the side and bringing out a lighter from my pocket. I lit it and let it fall to the floor as it ignited and flames immediately spread around me.
I heard heavy footsteps approaching from behind me as well as bikes revving up from outside. They must have split up, some to tail Gus and some to detain me. I turned as three men approached me. A fourth one lingers outside the door not coming in.
Changing my stance to a more defensive one I allowed the dark, monstrous part of me to come out. They brought out knives and surrounded me but I only smirked. "Four against one? Don't you think that's a little unfair to you guys?" I teased and they grew angry, one of them jumping forward and initiating the first move. He tried to strike at me but I moved out of the way and he stumbled into a dresser.
His jacket sleeve caught fire and he began to scream while trying to put it out. I looked back in time to feel a punch to the gut sending me to the floor. Okay, that hurt. I thought before letting more of my monstrous side out as the pain dissipated. Something slammed against my back snapping in half and I felt nothing. I rose slowly, my vision turning a slight shade of red as I shot their figures an angry look.
The figure to my side attempted to strike at me again but I caught their arm and twisted it behind their back painfully. I brought my foot up and kicked them forward into the other figure as the flames spread around me further. "It's not worth it! Let's get out of here and regroup!" The guy behind me shouts before rushing passed me and grabbing the other guys by their shoulders. They seemed to be in agreement as they left down the stairs and my vision went back to normal.
After regaining control I realized how dangerous and unsafe the structure of the house must have become. As I turned to leave the same way though I saw the fourth guy still standing there. I tilted my head and furrowed my brows at him. Before I could say anything though he charged at me. I rolled my eyes, grabbing his arm though he continued to fight and struggle relentlessly.
"Seriously? You're just getting on my nerves at this point!" I exclaimed incredulously. I attempted to shove him away, my hand somehow gripping his helmet and forcing it off as he continued to struggle. Having enough of it at this point I grabbed a fist full of his jacket and held him in place. There was something about him that made me freeze as a memory resurfaced.
"You don't have to act in violence all the time Luz. Sometimes it's good to take a step back and breathe. Give yourself time to think on things before you act on them." She'd said this so easily as if it was the obvious answer to every problem. I furrowed my brows at her and shook my head.
"I'd rather just act on my instincts without thinking it over. It's got me this far hasn't it?" I said, strongly disagreeing with her statement. Stopping to think could get you killed. Emotions can cloud your judgment.
"Yes, but sometimes doing something against yourself can lead you to better things. Would I be standing here if you hadn't gone against yourself and saved me?" She brought up a good point yet I didn't want her to know that. I rolled my eyes and scoffed before walking ahead of her and trying to hide a smile. I could hear her chuckling behind me before her feet scraped against the ground as she dragged them while following behind me.
I'd found myself pausing for a moment, my fist hanging, resisting the urge to make painful contact. Looking at him for a moment, I put a hold on my instincts and dropped him to the floor. "Look at you. You're just a kid." Pausing to look into his eyes I saw his fear and I saw his tears. "You shouldn't be following these people. You'll get yourself killed." I sighed before turning and starting to walk away.
"Wait! Please help me! I don't wanna die." I stopped walking after hearing his voice. My hands clenched into fists but I took a breath to calm myself.
"I'll help you get out of here safely, but then you're on your own. Is that understood?" I took a glimpse over my shoulder and saw him nodding enthusiastically. "Then let's get moving. We're burning daylight." I motioned for him to follow me before grabbing my bat from the ground and leaving back through the front door.
Maybe this was a mistake, maybe I did this because Amity had still been in my head, or maybe I saw a bit of myself in this kid. Either way, I'd find out soon enough as I headed in the direction of the bell tower.