A week later and it's a different air that she started breathing. One that resembles freedom. She remembers how desperately heavy her feet felt when she first took that flight away from home 2 years ago. She remembers asking for the universe to make sense, or to turn back the clocks so she could start over.
To the only time when she's ever allowed to shout were in her dreams. To when all of her angers were suppressed deep in her guts, being asked to sit straighter or smile politely, regardless of any weather. To when no serpent tongues were permitted to cast off any bad omens. To keep everything about her wildness away.
She remembers how her tears and nerves stopped herself from writing anything in the travel planner and what a waste it's been since she bought it for nothing. She remembers every walk she took in the mornings and evenings of April, those gentle winds of Auckland passing loose through strands of her hair. It was blissful.
And she remembers the first drop of winter she felt on the palm of her hand, here in Seoul. The same day when she first looked into his eyes, as she was told. She recalls hiding her bitter soul until she was brought back into survival. So here she is, crossing the road that was her life...for a second chance at redemption.
Stepping out of Incheon Airport, she called her parents before dialing for Jennie. Lisa smiled to herself while waiting for the unnie to pick up, recalling her mother's still-worried voice of 'just let us know if you need more money...in case your friend had rented out the house'. It's a wonder really, that the tears they shed together before she left didn't reflect any unspoken disappointment.
"Lisa?? Why are you calling this late? Is everything okay?" The anxious voice is heartwarming for her to hear.
"Sorry unnie...I just wanted to tell you first before you hear it from Chae,"
"What? What is it?"
"I um..." She tries to purse her excited grin but it's too hard. "I just got back...I'm in Seoul,"
"You're...this isn't a joke - you're not joking, right?"
"I'm bad at lying,"
The loud scream at the end of the line had her pull the phone slightly away from her ears. Gosh this unnie!
"Who are you with now? Do you need a ride? I can wake Tae up -"
"No, no! There's a lot of cabs here. I'll just get one,"
"Still, you must have a lot of things with you - wait, how long are you staying for?"
"I have a luggage with me...more is coming tomorrow," It feels liberating to finally be at a place she really wanted to be, she could hardly contain her excitement. "I hope I'll be staying for a long time, unnie,"
Another scream and she squeaked a little. "Yahhh!! Why didn't you let me know before?? I could've hold up a welcome banner at Incheon!"
"It's a surprise! I'm sorry it was a sudden decision and I had a lot to take care of before I left,"
"So you're going to Chae's?"
"That's why I need to call her now. I have to ask her first...if she's still looking to rent it out. She said she left the keys at the mailbox where I left it before, but I'm not so sure," She looks at the time and changes her mind immediately. Her chest has been blooming with too much hope that she can't wait for tomorrow! "But I think...if I play my cards right, I'll probably have a place to stay tonight,"
"Play your cards right? What do you...ohhh...honey, are you sure? With what happened the last time?"
Heart on my sleeve, and I'll take it with me. Even if it breaks my heart...even if it rebukes or scream at me, I won't run anymore. Cus that was the little girl that I was...and she wasn't that bad. That's what I want to be, and more.
"Yes...I have to tell him, unnie. I have to say something - I can't keep it in any longer!"
The elder kept silent for a few seconds and she wonders if it's a bad decision.
"Lalisa, I don't think I've ever heard you being so sure of something!"
"Oof...is that bad?"
"No!! I'm so happy to hear it, definitely! Oh my God - you'll call me if there's anything, right? Even if it doesn't turn up the way you expect it to?"
"I will, unnie! I'll come and cry to you if I need to, trust me!" Her spirits are flying so damn high tonight that even her feet felt like it's floating!
...
There are a lot of things messing with Jungkook today. It started with him not noticing that his shampoo had run out, so he had to use the one that Lisa had left. For the rest of the day, he's been going around with her scent filling too much of his comfort space.
He forgot where he left the house keys this evening, before he left for work. The vet called to say that Love is still sick when he was supposed to finally bring the pups home 2 days ago. There's an issue with his alcohol shipment delivery at the custom so he had to make multiple phone calls which lasted for 3 whole hours, right before the club opens.
And now...an hour and a half later, an unwelcomed figure knocked on his office.
"What are you doing here?" His frown reflects the uneasiness of finding Sana standing coyly in front of him.
"I'm here with a couple of friends! Momo's sister visited from Japan so we brought her out," She smiles brightly.
Dammit, I don't care if Momo's entire ancestors are here! "I mean, what are you doing here, at my office?"
"Just thought I'd find you before the party starts. I just wanna talk to you,"
"While sober?" Cus I'll accept nothing but apologies over her last few behaviours! I mean, what could be so damn important that she'd show up here? How did she even know where my office is - this club is huge!
"There are some things...that I need to get off my chest," Okay? "Can I come in?"
Jungkook's mind went a little haywire as he turns to scan the interior of his workplace. Deep down, he knew that there's no point of being paranoid anymore. That girl had gone off so far and she probably could care less about who he's alone with now. But still,
"No. Let's just talk outside,"
With everything in him feeling a little tensed, he led her out of the club - towards the tarred parking space but not quite reaching it. We're safe here...out in the open, with just the right kind of privacy for casual chats among exes!
"So um...I noticed...I haven't seen your girlfriend for a while now,"
Huh? What does that have to do with her? What - does she miss Lisa like I do too?? "And?"
"I'm just wondering if you guys...you know...if everything's alright with you,"
"Really?" He can't help his sarcastic tone. "Since when do you care if I'm anything at all, Sana? Cus as far as I can remember, you left for Paris just fine after we broke up,"
"And how would you know if it didn't affect me at all?"
"Oh, I don't know...there's that bunch of pictures you posted - all having fun and partying every night -"
"That's just on the surface, Jungkook. You know, back then, there's a lot of pressure for me to be in that circle. It helps me with my job - with me even getting a job,"
"And it's still going on I see. Is it still a pressure for you to party every week, up till now?" He chuckled, still unsure of where this conversation is going.
"No, it's just a good excuse to see you," Sana steps forward with the same flirty smile from last week.
"Why do you keep saying these things?"
No matter what happened in the past between them, Jungkook likes to think that at some point, the girl he chose to be with was kind to him. He wants to believe that they acknowledged his existence, despite any of his circumstances. So even when it didn't work out, he's able to move forward without feeling that regret.
"I just...I miss you. I miss being with you and I miss us,"
"What are you doing?" He said faintly when her hands reach up to his chest.
"I miss you. I hate seeing you with someone else and I've been keeping it to myself but now - please...let's just start over. I'll be good to you, I promise! I'll be so good -"
"Sana, stop - just please, stop this," The touch on his neck, pulling him close to her makes him dizzy. In his mind, Jungkook tries hard to battle between being this gentleman ex-boyfriend or a frustrated fool who's too angry at being left behind by the love of his life that he might lash out at another.
"Please, just give me a chance...everyone deserves a second chance, right?" She leans even more closer and her strong perfume invaded his system - overpowering the shampoo scent that had him cursing throughout the day.
I wish those words could make sense. I wish I could tell Lisa that...or maybe, both of us could say it to each other. His heart feels too heavy now that the burden of his lost love came appearing. So much so, that his body is beginning to feel weak.
"No...Sana, stop," He forced his feet to take a step back. "You're not her,"
"Get your hands off my boyfriend!"
...
The air-conditioning in the cab was cold but all Lisa felt was warm. Her anxious heart had been pumping hard, and she felt the blood doing just the right kind of work on her skin. She's been nervous before but it never felt like this.
Whatever happens, the most I'll be grateful for is if he'll at least forgives me, she kept reminding herself.
When the cab dropped her off at the entrance of Wild Venus' parking lot, she began cursing at her poor decision-making and for being so impatient. She had her luggage with her and it's the only thing that denied her need to run to Jungkook.
But if...just if...it hadn't been there with her, she'd probably be so quick on her feet that she'd miss the 2 shadows standing intimately close to each other. She stopped near enough because one is already too familiar to her.
"Why do you keep saying these things?" He said.
Her whole body froze so she had no choice but to listen.
"I just...I miss you. I miss being with you and I miss us," Sana? What the hell is she doing - why is she touching him??
"What are you doing?" He seemed to be as confused as Lisa was.
"I miss you. I hate seeing you with someone else and I've been keeping it to myself but now - please...let's just start over. I'll be good to you, I promise! I'll be so good -"
What the fuck -
"Sana, stop - just please, stop this,"
Please...no, please, say something more! Say more to make her stop!! She kept pleading with these words in her chest.
"Please, just give me a chance...everyone deserves a second chance, right?"
Lisa just stood still...in between the bare space of 2 parked cars - feeling like a spectator in a romance film. She watched Sana leaning closer into a kiss...and her eyes began welling up when she saw his shoulders hunching down - as if he's tired of fighting this battle.
My dear love...am I too late?
"No...Sana, stop," Please let that be my answer! "You're not her,"
"Get your hands off my boyfriend!" Her voice is louder than she intended it to be. She didn't know where it came from. Perhaps it's the long flight to just be here...or perhaps that little girl has finally appeared. She always loved being in the risky wild!
Sana flinched before she took a few steps back while Jungkook looked like he'd just seen a ghost. Lisa squares her shoulders and struts calmly forward. I came here to tell him something and I will not take a fucking ticket! He owes me that much for all the texts I had to read!!
"Lisa...hi! We were just talking -"
"Oh I know that much!" There's a hint of wickedness in Lisa's smile and it's intentional. Who the hell does she thinks she is - talking to me so informally like this?? "Doesn't seem like much of a talking from his end though. Looked more like you, forcing yourself into his personal space. It's permanently booked by the way, so you should really start looking someplace else or I swear, I'll make it my personal mission to be in your space, at every chance I get and believe me - I know people in the business well, Sana-ssi,"
She might not be 100% confident in her choice of words - hell, she's not even sure if she could pull off that last bit but no matter, the delivery and her stance doubled that. She could see it in Sana's frustrated expression as the girl hissed and huffed her way back into the club. Lisa felt like she could dance in triumph and she really wanted to before she remembered the reason of why she's here.
Jungkook is still staring at her, with hints of glints in his eyes. She's not sure what it means but nevertheless, she braves herself to take the step forward.
"Hi," The fire in her eyes was replaced with warmth and desperation.
He's still speechless and she can't help but feel a little emotional over missing this bunny-looking face so much. From 5 feet away, all she wanted to do was leap up to him and kiss him...but of course, she had to plant her feet firmly on the ground.
"Sorry I showed up unannounced...and that I left the same way," She starts speaking the words that she had memorized on her way here.
"I don't wanna wait for another two years, so I came here to tell you that..." Her fingers began fidgeting on the luggage handle. "That I love you," She embraced the relief in her chest for finally saying it out loud.
"I love you. I've been in love with you. I'm sorry I hadn't said it, but I do love you. And I believe you, I do. Whatever you say or don't say...I trust you. You've been so kind to me...and you took good care of me. You're always so great at making me forget about the world, and I couldn't ask for a better place to be than with you,"
She didn't know why she giggled as tears started streaming down her face, but she lets it. She promised herself that she won't hide or run away anymore, so she has to allow it.
"And I might've waited a little too long to be here and tell you this but I hope...I hope you can forgive me. For the things I did wrong when we were together. For the times when I pushed you away or when I asked about your mother...or when I left without a word. Please forgive me...and please love me,"
This is it. The night may have not shimmied off the heat just yet, but she felt like a new beginning is just at the tip of his tongue and she's just waiting. He will either break her heart or love it senselessly and she knew that no matter the choice, the risk is all hers and she will be okay.
"Jungkook?" She asked because the silence is too long and too unbearable. Also, because it didn't look like he's...well, present.
His eyes are definitely on her. And the glints are getting more and more obvious but other than that, the rest of him is not moving. Nervously, she wipes the tears off her cheeks and takes more steps closer - just to be sure that he's breathing fine.
"Say something, please," With trembling lips, she pleads softly.
"I'm scared..." He breathes out his first words. "I'm scared that this is only a dream...and when I wake up, you're someone else. I don't want it to be someone else,"
The first tear fell when he blinked and she felt her heart being so full that it might have dropped to the ground.
...
He can't stop kissing her. And he can't stop his hands from wrapping around her - like vines, pulling her closer as if there's even any more more space left between them. No, the only thing he could do now is praying hard that this is not a dream. That it's really Lisa who is in his arms right this moment.
Her scent is the same. Her taste and the way she holds him are the same too. Everything about her now awakens his body and soul...but it's still too good to be true. Jungkook breaks the kiss again to regain some air and refocus his vision. It's still his doll-eyed love that's gazing up to him.
"Don't ever do that to me again. Please, don't ever run from me like that, ever again!" He begs as if his life depends on it. His cheeks felt wet and she held both of her palms up to wipe it dry. It's really no use, since he can't stop the waterworks from falling!
"I'm sorry...I'm sorry - I'm so, so sorry -"
And his mouth is back on hers. Kissing her is like a good drug that he can't refuse. Everything about her - from the moment she appeared in his vision tonight - sparks something different. A fire...a determination. I hope it's to stay. She said she loves me...she said that...right? Or did I imagined it -
"You said you love me," He parted again and she threw her head back, laughing.
"I love you," She said shyly when her eyes are back on him.
"Again,"
"I love you, Jungkook-ssi. I love you and I miss you too...so much,"
Where did this bravery and revelation came from? He hates the fact that he had to go through the miseries of losing her to finally hear this, but he can't dwell on it - at least, not tonight! No...tonight, he's so damn happy that he's sure nothing else could come to ruin the day.
The sound of a car honking made both of them turned, and he had to release one hand from her perfect waist to cover his eyes from the near, bright lights.
"Get a room already - you're blocking the way!!" The voice of a man shouts behind the driver's seat.
This fucker, a few minutes won't kill you! What's your plate number - I'll ban you from this place forever!!
Lisa giggled as she steps out and away from his arms to where her luggage was, dragging it to the side. As he nods awkwardly to hide his annoyance at the passing car and walks towards his girl, he realized that there are actually a lot more eyes on them. From the queue waiting to enter Wild Venus to his bouncers and staff - even the security are smiling sheepishly at him. Maybe now they realized why he's been such an ass for the past month!
But no matter, the more important question is,
"Is that all you have with you?" His nervous curiosity is obvious.
"What if it is?" Lisa toying with him is even more evident.
"Baby...I don't care if I have to buy you a lifetime of supplies - you're not leaving me again," He makes his threat loud and clear.
She pursed her smile and drags her luggage past him. The unbothered hips swayed calmly as Jungkook is left by himself.
"Where are you going?" He followed behind like a love-sick puppy.
She stops right at his car, parked at its usual spot. It brings butterflies in his guts to know that she remembers it well.
"To get a room,"
That smirk - fuck me!
...