"Hey, guys! I'm off to college in Manila. I'm supposed to be packing, but as you can see, it's—Panda, NO!"
I pan the camera around my room and find my black and white shih tzu munching on my dirty sneakers. I leap over the two empty suitcases on the floor and pry my furry pet away from my shoes. I put him on my bed, where he starts chewing on my teddy bear. My room is a disaster zone: Clothes are strewn all over the bed, various accessories and makeup bottles are scattered on my vanity, and a thick pile of papers teeters on the edge of my desk.
The door flies open and my mom enters the room, tiptoeing around my suitcases. "Jusme, Clara, what is happening here? You're leaving tomorrow and you haven't even started packing!" She sits on the bed and starts folding my clothes and throwing them onto the nearest suitcase.
"Mommy, you're messing up my system!" I remove my clothes from the suitcase and toss them back into the bed with one hand, while the other still holds my digital camera.
"Can you put that camera down for a second and focus on packing? Remember, you need to be picky about what you'll bring. You've seen the apartment. It's so small and it's already filled with Valerie's things."
"Don't worry. Ate Val said she would empty one side of the cabinet for me." I finally turn off the camera and place it on my desk, accidentally pushing the papers to the floor. My mom bends down to pick them up in one swift move.
"Clara, aren't these important? You'll need these when you register. They almost fell into the trash can!" Mommy shakes her head while trying to arrange the clutter on my desk. She sets the papers down and picks up my camera. "I'm confiscating this until you're done packing."
"But Mommy, I told you! I need to get as much practice as I can in front of a camera. I've got a scholarship to live up to."
"I know you do, but I don't see how making these videos will help with your schoolwork." For a second, she sounds amused, then she lets out a huge sigh. "Oh, Clara. I wish you were just going to college here in Pampanga. How will you ever survive life in Manila away from me and your dad? We'll be sick with worry."
"Really, Mommy? I think you'll just miss having someone to boss around at the resort," I say with a laugh.
"Of course not! You know I'll just be worried about my only child."
"I know. I was just teasing you, Mommy." I move toward her and give her a hug. "But you also know why I need to go, right?"
She puts my camera down and hugs me back tighter. "I know, I know. You and your dad have told me so many times that this is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity."
"I'll learn so much in Manila. And if I want to be a news reporter, I shouldn't be afraid to put myself out there. I promise I'll be careful."
My mom rubs my back before releasing me. "Well, then, you better make sure you're ready. No dinner for you until those suitcases are packed!"
"Yes, Mommy." Once she leaves the room, I open one of my drawers and rummage through my underwear for a pack of chocolate. I keep a secret stash here because my mom is always doing this to me—preventing me from eating until I finish my homework or do my chores. Well, it worked when I was younger but now I'm smart enough to hoard snacks in my room.
I turn on my laptop and the screen opens to a video I've been editing about places to see near our family resort. This one was taken when I accompanied some tourists up Mt. Pinatubo. In this particular scene, I'm talking to the camera. My wavy hair whips across my face and my cheeks are red after walking in the hot sun for a few hours. I used a selfie stick to hold the camera up, but my grip was unsteady and the screen was shaky. The wind was so strong that day and I could barely hear myself speak. Nope, this is definitely not worthy of being uploaded. I'll just have to go and shoot again another time.
I close my laptop and grab my phone to check Instagram, where I see photos of my cousins at the beach. I stare wistfully at the screen while munching on my chocolate. I wish I could have gone to the beach with them, but a lot of tourists stay at the resort during the summer so my parents and I are pretty much stuck here.
When I finish the chocolate, I crumple the wrapper and toss it into the trash can. It hits the rim and falls to the ground. So much for my basketball skills. Panda jumps off the bed and starts sniffing the wrapper. "No, Panda! Chocolate is bad for you." I pick up the wrapper and throw it in the trash, making sure none of my school papers are in there. My stomach grumbles. Ugh, might as well get this packing done. I pick up the clothes on my bed and start throwing them into my suitcase. I've been counting down the days till I can start college in Manila, and now, it's finally happening!
* * *
The next morning, I wake up extra early to take my dog out for a walk. I make sure all my bags are packed and ready before putting Panda on his leash and walking out the front door. As we go down the dirt path from our house to the main resort, I breathe in the fresh air and bathe in the sunlight. As excited as I am to go to Manila, I'm definitely going to miss this place.
I walk Panda near the swimming pool and let him sniff around the old playground. Across the playground is the restaurant, and the smell of fried garlic wafts toward me. Mmm... I guess I'll just have to wait till next weekend to have my favorite breakfast of fried rice, pork tocino, and scrambled eggs.
"Clara, where are you? We have to go!" Mommy's voice calls out to me. I tug on Panda's leash and we run back to our house, where Daddy is already loading my stuff into the van. Once my suitcases are tucked in, my dad envelops me in a tight hug.
"I'm sorry I can't drive you to Manila, honey. There's a lot of work to do at the resort so I have to stay here today."
"It's okay, Daddy. I know we're usually full on Sundays. I hope you can manage without me. I'm gonna miss you so much!" I hug my dad even tighter, breathing in the musty scent of his old, worn-out t-shirt. I wish he was accompanying me to Manila instead of my mom. I mean, I love Mommy, but she can be kind of uptight sometimes.
My dad grins as we let each other go. "I'll try my best, Claring."
I bend down to pick up my dog and bury my face in his fur. "Bye, Panda! I promise I'll be back next weekend." He licks my face and whimpers in response.
"All right, let's go, before traffic builds up on the expressway." Mommy gives Daddy a quick kiss then boards the van. As soon as I'm inside, she signals our driver Mang Jhun to get going. I look back and see my dad waving at me. Panda barks and struggles to run after the van, but Daddy holds on to his leash. Tiny rocks and pebbles crunch on the driveway as the van travels up the narrow dirt path leading out of the resort. I wave back, but when the van drives out of the gate and turns into the main road, they're gone from my view.
The van snakes through the streets of Angeles City, which are relatively empty on an early Sunday morning. I gaze out the window and look at the rows of shops, trying to memorize all the details. I know I'll be back here most weekends—I promised Mommy I would, if schedule permits—but somehow, I have a feeling things will never be the same.
Even now, new buildings are being constructed while old ones are torn down. Though Angeles is a lot smaller than Metro Manila, it's actually gotten quite modern in the last few years. We have plenty of malls, posh hotels, and a few good universities here too—something my mom kept reiterating back when we argued about where I should go to college. But after being stuck here for so long, I'm ready to move out and explore the rest of the country.
"Clara, did you text Val to let her know we're on our way?" Mom asks, distracting me from my thoughts. She fiddles with the radio's remote control and settles on a channel that plays songs from the '70s and '80s. I hear the opening strains of Journey's "Don't Stop Believin'" with Arnel Pineda's voice belting out the lyrics.
"Yes, Mommy. I texted her last night, like you asked. And again this morning."
"Okay. I hope she's already awake by the time we get there."
When we reach the toll gates that take us out to the North Luzon Expressway, the small road opens up to a wide highway. My heart leaps as we whiz past bright green rice fields, with an imposing view of Mt. Arayat in the distance. This is it. There's no turning back. Ready or not, Manila, here I come!
* * *
Two hours later, we arrive at a condominium across the street from St. Joseph and Mary's University. We go up to my cousin Val's apartment—well, now I can say it's our apartment—on the 21st floor. When we ring the doorbell, the door opens to reveal a long-haired, bleary-eyed girl wearing an oversized t-shirt.
"Hey, cuz. Hi, Tita Rissa." Val stifles a yawn as she leans over to give me and my mom a peck on the cheek. Then she helps me drag my suitcases into the tiny, one-bedroom apartment. "Jeez, Clara, why is this so heavy? Did you pack Pinatubo's rocks in here?"
"As usual, she procrastinated and ended up overpacking," my mom answers as she walks into the room. "Anyway, we brought breakfast." She places the bags of takeout food from a nearby fast-food joint on the dining table.
Like a strict restaurant inspector, Mommy opens the kitchen cabinets and drawers, grabs plates and utensils, and examines the contents of the dirty sink. "Jusme, anang karinat! Where are the new pots and pans I brought the last time I was here?"
"I'm sure they're around here somewhere. I haven't had a chance to fix up since I just got back last night," says Val, who's already digging into her pork tocino, scrambled eggs, and fried rice—not as good as a freshly cooked meal at the resort, but I guess it will have to do.
Val's parents, Tito Vic and Tita Anna, bought this apartment before her second year of college. They live in Parañaque, which is just 30 kilometers away from JMU, but sometimes, traffic is so bad that it takes Val about two hours to get home—that's just as long as my trip from Angeles to Manila! She had such a hard time commuting to and from school during her freshman year so they decided it would be better for her to stay closer to the school. Besides, they figured they could rent out the unit to other students when Val graduates.
When I got a scholarship to JMU, they gladly let me stay here for free. Of course, Mommy was the happiest because she thought Val would be able to guide me and help me stay out of trouble now that she's a junior. Ha! If Mommy only knew—Val is usually the one encouraging me to get into trouble.
"I should go soon. Your dad will need help back at the resort." Mommy sniffs and dabs her eyes with a handkerchief. "It's going to be so lonely there without you."
"Aww Mommy... you promised you're not going to cry! Don't worry, I'll be home next weekend."
"Balu ku, balu ku, pasensya na ka," she says, wrapping me in her arms. "I'm going to miss you so much!"
"I'm going to miss you too, Mommy." As much as I hate to admit it, I know it's true. And the reason I don't want her to cry is because if she starts crying, I might start crying too. It's my first time living away from home, and as excited as I am to finally be independent, a part of me is also terrified.
Valerie winks at me from behind her coffee cup. "Don't worry, Tita, I'll take good care of Clara."
"Thank you, dear, I'm counting on that." My mom gives Val a goodbye kiss, before giving me one last hug. "Remember to call me every day and always text me where you are. Mimingat kayu."
"Yes, Mommy."
I close the door behind her, then pause for a moment to blink back the tears that are threatening to fall. I hear Mommy's footsteps retreating into the hallway and picture her pressing the elevator button. Relax, Clara. You'll see her again next weekend. I take a deep breath and try to remember the excitement I felt before coming here. This is day one of your freedom. You've got this.
"You okay, Clara?" Val asks, her voice concerned.
"Yes, I'm fine." I turn around to smile at her. "I'm going to start fixing my things. Do I still get the top bunk?"
"Yes, the top bunk is yours." Val smiles back and turns to her phone. I'm glad she doesn't press further. Even if she doesn't say anything else, I feel reassured knowing she's here and I can count on her for anything.
I walk into the bedroom, where a modern-style bunk bed stands. The bottom bunk is perpendicular to the top bed, and below it is a small study desk that Val and I share. Last summer, Val and I painted the walls a light shade of pink and bought brand-new bed sheets.
I lay my suitcase on the floor and zip it open. First order of business: secure my chocolate stash—a resealable plastic bag with assorted sweets. I open the bag, take out a chocolate-covered polvoron, and pop it into my mouth. It instantly makes me feel better.
"Ate Val, which drawers can I use?" I call out.
"Oh, I haven't cleared the cabinets yet. Sorry! I'll do it later," she answers from the living room.
"Okay, no worries." I peek into the cabinet and, true enough, all the shelves are still crammed with her things. Hmm, I guess I can live off my suitcases for a while.
I dig through my clothes and take out the vision board I carefully tucked in there. I remove the plastic covering and smooth out the creases on some magazine photos. In the middle of the board is a piece of paper with a headline in bold, printed letters: The Plan.
I scan through the checklist I wrote under The Plan. I've already put a big checkmark under Step One: Get a scholarship to study in Manila. And now that I'm here, it's time to put the rest of The Plan in motion.
After placing the vision board in the middle of our desk where I can see it every day, I grab a few other things, like my planner and my favorite pens.
I'm sitting on the desk and doodling on my planner when Val saunters into the room. "Ugh, I can't believe I missed the family photo op with Mickey King. He's so cute!" she says as she plops onto the bottom bunk and scrolls through her phone.
"That's what you get for skipping the party and leaving me all alone!"
"My dad even added him as a friend on Facebook and he accepted! Can you believe it?"
"Yeah, I was actually surprised at how cool Mickey was about the whole thing. If I were him, I would have freaked out at meeting Tito Vic and our whole family."
Val continues gazing at her phone, as if she didn't hear a word I said. "Cuz, you guys look so good together. Look, you're blushing!" Val shoves the phone into my face and I see my photo with Mickey. His arm is propped on my shoulder like we're old pals, his head leans toward mine, and a huge grin is plastered on his face.
"No, I'm not!" I protest, waving the phone away. "And we do not look good together—I look even shorter next to him."
"Trust me, this photo will be worth a million bucks someday when he becomes a super famous pro basketball player."
"Seriously? Why are you so obsessed with him anyway? I mean, I know he's a good player—I've watched most of Lucas's games—but he's not that cute."
There's no way I'm admitting that I felt starstruck after seeing Mickey up close for the first time back at the resort. The feeling quickly faded anyway. After watching him scarf down a plate of food and sing a few karaoke songs at the party with my uncles, he didn't seem like such a big star anymore.
"Are you kidding?" she gasps. "When he joined the JMU high school basketball team in his freshman year, they started winning the championship in all the leagues they joined—all the way up to his senior year. He's like a four-time MVP!" Val leans back on the bed and swoons. I swear I can see stars in her eyes.
"Oh yeah? Well, Lucas is pretty good too. You should give your brother more credit—" I start to say before Val interrupts me.
"I can't wait to see Mickey play on the college team. We've been on a losing streak and I'm sure he's going to bring his magic to the games." Val bolts upright and turns to look at me. "Did you ask if he's single? I know he had a girlfriend in high school but I heard they broke up."
"Ate Val! Why would I ask that? Jeez." I roll my eyes and start doodling on my planner again. A few seconds later, I nearly jump out of my chair when I hear a high-pitched squeal.
"OMG! Mickey posted a comment on the album my dad uploaded. 'It was so nice to meet your family.' Aww, he's so sweet!" Val gushes. "You have to introduce me to him, okay?"
"He probably won't even remember me. I didn't get to talk to him after taking photos. He was too busy hanging out with Lucas and your dad." I move away from our desk and start rummaging through my suitcase again. I grab some clothes and my toiletry kit, eager to escape from this room. "I'm going to the bathroom now."
Val waves her hand, but her eyes are still glued to her phone. I shake my head and sigh. My cousin had clearly gotten more hyper over the summer. After I shut the bathroom door, I look into the mirror and give myself another pep talk.
Focus, Clara. Your college life is about to begin. You need to stick to The Plan. No more distractions!