Two miserable days passed without a word spoken between one another. Not even goodnight.
Rufus avoided talking or looking at Elphi from the moment he awoke to the minute he doused the lamps, crawled into bed, and drew the curtains.
However, on the first night, they lay in bed for an hour, listening to one another breathing, when Rufus shattered the silence and whispered, "Are you awake?"
"Yes," Elphi quietly answered, turning to face him in the darkness.
Was he finally willing to let her explain the existence of the lists? The thought was petrifying, but anything had to be better than living another day of banished silence.
She opened her mouth to speak, then let out a startled squeak when Rufus hauled her into his arms and settled his mouth atop hers in brazen ownership before she could utter a sound.
Apparently, Rufus had no interest in talking.
Elphi froze for the barest of seconds, her heart pounding, her stomach fluttering, and then she melted and enthusiastically returned his wild, ravenous kisses, giving him all the encouragement he needed for a night full of blissful passion.
But with dawn's arrival, instead of finding mended feelings or the chance, at long last, to explain the existence of the blasted list, Elphi awoke to an empty bed.
So, worried she was destined to endure another desolate day of banishment, she quickly dressed and went down for breakfast, hoping to catch Rufus before he sequestered himself in his study.
"His Lordship is away on investigations, my lady," Rouse said before Elphi reached the bottom step. His watchful gaze softened with sympathy and concern while his tone remained politely detached. "He said to inform you he wouldn't be back until after nightfall."
Elphi swallowed and blinked against a sudden sting of frustrated tears. "Thank you, Rouse."
She hesitated, torn between retreating to her bedchamber or continuing to the dining room as though nothing was out of the ordinary—even though it felt like her bright and shiny new world had been flipped upside down and set aflame.
Glancing at the clock, she bit back a sigh of relief at the early hour and turned a shaky smile on Rouse. "I believe I'll take breakfast with my brother this morning."
"Shall I summon His Lordship here—"
"No," Elphi said with a quick shake before heading back upstairs to change. "I'll ride to Harwood Hall myself and surprise him." Roderick loathed surprises, despite his tendency to drop by unannounced on other people, but this one would be worth poking his ire because she needed him.
Rouse hesitated, then dipped his chin in a reluctant nod. "Very well, My Lady. I'll have your mount saddled and brought round."
"Thank you," she smiled, quickening her step and all but racing to change into her riding habit.
Several minutes later, Elphi was out of breath and fastening the last few buttons on her bodice as she reached for the doorknob when a sudden thought struck.
What if Rufus wasn't actually out on investigations but was visiting Roderick himself? She frowned. It was a possibility. But the more she pondered the issue, she doubted she would find him there.
However, one thing she'd begun to suspect by mid-afternoon yesterday, which was becoming more apparent the longer she thought about it, was that Rufus was avoiding her.
Two could play that game, she decided, squaring her shoulders.
Rufus was sorely mistaken if he thought he could leave her at home wandering the halls broken-hearted while he traversed the English countryside in search of ghosts and their secrets.
She turned and glanced at her armoire, tempted to pack a valise and stay the night in her old bed but hesitated. What if that was the reaction her husband wanted?
Had he gone on 'investigations' after sharing one last night of passion, hoping she would understand what his continued silence and sudden absence meant and leave him?
It would save Rufus from being present for another uncomfortable scene between them.
Elphi stared at the door for several minutes, trying to convince herself she was overreacting.
But in the end, she packed a valise.
Roderick covered a yawn and scratched his head as he stared at the small bite mark he'd taken out of his dry piece of toast before tossing it atop his untouched eggs and bacon.
Ever since talking with Reggie two nights ago and learning Rosalind was even more unavailable now that she was expecting, he'd lost his appetite. For anything.
And Roderick wondered if he would ever get it back because he vaguely remembered a time when eating, sleeping, and breathing were enjoyable. But not anymore.
"What's wrong?" Elphi asked from the doorway, snapping him out of his gloomy reverie.
Roderick glanced at her over his shoulder, surprised by the sudden urge to weep that overtook him when he realized she was real and not a figment of his imagination.
"Nothing," he lied.
She arched a brow and entered the room. "I'd barely walked through the door before being informed you haven't slept or eaten in the past two days." Elphi pursed her lips, glanced from his nibbled toast to his unkempt appearance, and folded her arms over her chest. "And judging by that mouse bite in your toast and your rumpled state, it's plain to see someone in this home is a liar, and his name begins with an 'R' and ends with 'oderick'."
Roderick frowned. "Did Tucker summon you, or was it Mrs. Miller? One of them is getting sacked."
"You make me sound like a demon," Elphi murmured, rolling her eyes at him. "They didn't summon me, and neither one is getting sacked, you grumpy old goose. You'd be lost without them."
"Then why are you here? I don't recall sending for you."
"You didn't. I thought I'd surprise you."
Roderick grunted, welcoming the diversion she presented, even if he would never admit it aloud. "You look windblown... you rode?"
Elphi smoothed a self-conscious hand over her hair, tucking errant strands behind her ears as she dipped her head in a nod. "I did. Rufus is away today on investigations."
There was a brittleness to her tone that caught Roderick's ears and made him study her more closely. When last he'd seen her, she'd radiated happiness, but now, despite the delicate pink from her ride staining her cheeks, Elphi was pale and had a familiar air of anxiety around her.
Was Rufus out investigating, or were the two of them in the midst of a marital squabble, and it was merely a convenient excuse? He could ask but would have to reveal equally sensitive information for Elphi to give him an honest answer.
Roderick's lips curled in disgust. He'd rather drink a vat of apple cider vinegar than discuss his problems and feelings. Perhaps, he'd be better off trying Reggie's more subtle approach first; after all, it had worked well enough on him, hadn't it?
"Have you eaten yet this morning?" He asked, pushing away his plate of cold food and standing to face her.
Elphi blinked several times and shook her head, her gaze darting to the sideboard loaded with breakfast. "No, I thought I would join you."
As if on cue, several footmen quietly entered, cleared the cold platters of food from the sideboard, and departed. Moments later, the footmen, overseen by Mr. Tucker, arrived with covered serving dishes of hot food, clean plates, and silverware and laid it all out on the sideboard.
"When did Rufus leave? Early this morning?" Roderick asked, taking a plate from the stack of two but motioning for Elphi to dish up first.
She swallowed and nodded, her hand trembling as she picked up her plate. "Yes... before dawn."
Roderick grunted and admitted, "Well, I'm glad you thought to come over."
Elphi looked at him in surprise. Her scoop of eggs slopped off the spoon and barely landed on her dish instead of the sideboard. "You are?"
"I am." He held her gaze for a moment, allowing her to see the tender, unspoken feelings behind those two little words, sensing she needed to know he meant them perhaps as much as he'd needed to say them.
Her lower lip wobbled, and Roderick feared she was about to cry. But instead, she looked away, blinking fiercely and clearing her throat as she gave her attention to skewering two sausages and spooning dainty portions from the other dishes before silently taking her usual seat at the table.
Roderick stared at the array of food before him and drummed his fingers against the underside of his empty plate. He wasn't ravenous by any means. But having someone else's troubles to focus on allowed a spark of hunger to flare to life in the pit of his stomach.
So, he served himself a modest amount of his favorite foods and quickly took his seat, ignoring Elphi's raised eyebrows and pointed look at his less than fully loaded plate. He'd deal with those questions later if he had to.
They ate in silence for several minutes, save for the sound of their utensils clinking against porcelain, until Roderick lifted his cup of orange juice to his lips and took a sip before asking, "Where is Rufus investigating today?"
Elphi's fork froze midway to her mouth, her portion of eggs wobbling as she answered, "Out of town."
Roderick grunted at the evasive answer. "And when will he be back?"
"Later this evening," she murmured before plopping her fork in her mouth.
Roderick allowed her to finish breakfast without asking any further questions. However, the instant she lowered her fork to her empty plate, he forgot about any intentions to be subtle like Reggie and blurted out, "What has he done?"
She blinked several times and shook her head, "Nothing."
Roderick scoffed. "I don't believe that for one single second. You look like a whipped dog."
"I beg your pardon?"
"You know what I mean," he grumbled with a dismissive wave of his hand. "You're pale and have a cloud of sadness around you. I don't like it."
"Well, it's the truth," Elphi quietly said, lifting her shoulders in a dejected shrug. She stared at the table, her eyes vacant, her tone regretful as she admitted, "I'm the one at fault for my unhappiness."
Roderick sat back in his chair and folded his arms across his chest as he studied his sister. "What happened?"
He wasn't sure if it was the question or his tone she took exception to, but either way, it didn't get the response he wanted.
Elphi copied his pose—behavior she knew irritated him to no end—and arched a brow as she answered his question with one of her own—another tactic she knew he despised. "Why haven't you been eating and sleeping the past two days?"
Roderick narrowed his gaze. He was in the precise pickle he'd wanted to avoid, and there was only one way out. Pursing his lips, he pondered the matter. How badly did he want answers?
"Fine," he growled, "but what we discuss remains between the two of us and doesn't leave this room."
Elphi nodded.
"Not even Rufus can know."
"Yes, Roderick, you've made that quite clear."
Roderick adjusted his position, took a deep breath, and then slowly let it out. "It has to do with the woman I told you about."
Elphi hesitated, "The one you're secretly in love with?"
"Yes," Roderick grumbled as he rolled his shoulders and nodded, "that one."
Elphi's eyes softened. "Has something happened to her?"
Roderick scoffed as he raked his hands through his hair, then heaved a sigh and stared at the ceiling. "In a manner of speaking... she isn't dead or dying if that's what you're asking." Then, meeting her gaze, he tried to ignore his pounding heart and stated, "She's with child."
"I see."
And by the look in her eyes and her tone, Roderick knew that somehow, Elphi did understand, including what he hadn't been able to put into words.
"When did you find out?"
"Two days ago," Roderick murmured. "From her husband, no less, who believes me to be one of his honorable friends."
Elphi winced in sympathy. "I take it he doesn't know you're in love with—"
"No, he doesn't. And I intend to keep it that way."
"Does she?"
"No."
"But what if she secretly loves you too?"
"She doesn't."
"How do you know?"
Roderick opened and closed his mouth several times without making a sound before hoarsely whispering, "I don't."
"Then—"
"It doesn't matter, Elphi. If we were meant to be together, it would have happened years ago when we first met. But, unfortunately, our love story will never be written. She's married to another and will soon bear his child, and that must be the end of it."
Swallowing to clear the lump of emotion clogging his throat, he said, "Now, enough of my woes. It's your turn to answer my questions... what's happened between you and Rufus that's made you go from joyful to miserable in the space of two days?"
There were several vague ways in which Elphi could answer that question, but only one that would be wholly honest. And after what Roderick had shared, she owed him that much at least.
"I wrote a list—two, to be exact—almost a week ago now while Rufus was away. But he came home sooner than expected, so I hid them."
Roderick frowned. "Why?"
"Because I didn't intend for Rufus to know about them. I only wrote them for myself."
"Where did you hide them?"
"I shuffled them in among the papers on his desk."
"Elphi," Roderick said, his tone sharp with disapproval. " What were you thinking?"
"I was in his study when writing them, and he surprised me. My options were limited, and I panicked. Then later that night, when I went downstairs to retrieve them, they were gone. There was nothing I could do but wait and see if they'd turn up."
Roderick scratched his right earlobe and shook his head. "Which they did?"
"Yes—"
"And Rufus didn't take it well?"
"No," Elphi whispered, staring at the table as the memories of that wretched day replayed within her mind. "He did not."
"What was on the lists?"
"The first was what I had learned about Rufus, and the second was of his virtues."
Roderick stared at her and scratched his head, his frown deepening at the word virtues. "I'm failing to understand how either of those would upset—" Leaning forward, he rested his elbows on the table, his gaze intense. "What were the titles?"
"Only the first was titled."
"And it was?"
"Reasons I can't Possibly Be in Love With Rufus," she murmured, her cheeks blushing hotter with every word.
Roderick silently stared at her, his face expressionless.
Several minutes passed before he blew out a breath, rubbed his right hand across his eyes and brow, then back through his hair, and said, "That was the title for—"
"What I've learned about him since we've been married."
He slowly nodded. "And was this a long or short list?"
"It was a half-sheet of paper."
Roderick scowled at her as he straightened in his chair. "That isn't what I was asking, and you know it."
"It was a list of twelve."
His gaze softened, and a gentle smile curled his lips before he said, "So, despite the title, you are in love with Rufus? Otherwise, I don't think you would have bothered to write the list at all."
Elphi's mouth grew parched, and her heart hammered against her ribs. She would never know how her brother had understood her rationale or the significance in such a short amount of time. But she was glad she didn't have to muddle through explaining it.
Unable to speak, she nodded and was startled when the action shook a tear loose from her lashes. Several more followed, heedless of her efforts to wipe them away before they could run down her cheeks.
But then a choked sob escaped her, and the torrent of emotion Elphi had fought to keep under tight control for the past few days finally broke free, and she buried her face in both hands and wept.
Roderick was at her side in an instant and wrapped his arms around her in a tender embrace. He held her for several moments while she cried, then quietly asked, "Did you explain this to Rufus?"
"No," she brokenly whispered into his shirt. "He hasn't talked to me since he found it."
"I see... when will he be back from his investigations?"
Elphi sniffled and pulled away as she said, "Later this evening."
"Did he leave you a note?"
"No, Rouse told me when I came down for breakfast."
A frown creased Roderick's brow as he wiped the tears from her face with his thumbs, "Then that settles it."
"Settles what?"
"You are staying here tonight; I'll send for your things—"
"I brought a valise with me."
Roderick sighed and cupped Elphi's cheek, then pressed a kiss to her forehead before wrapping his arm around her shoulders and escorting her out of the dining room. "I might consider your husband my best friend, but if he comes looking for you tonight, I'm going to punch him in the face once or twice before I tell him where you are."