August 18th, 2022
"Mom", the last word I craved, was when I was six. The person I thought I could go to when I needed reassurance, the person I thought I could hide behind when I was scared, seeking a sense of comfort. The person I thought I could talk to and run to, but no. The word "mom" drives me insane, makes me feel trapped, and I can't express how I feel. It gives me the feeling that I should be watching every movement I'm making. It makes me think twice before speaking because who knows what's next to come, an insult, a degradation, a hit, etc. The word "mother" makes me jealous of those who can have a mother. Only the younger me thought she'd known.