chapter song - dope lovers by DPR IAN
so content warning for sexual content. this chapter is uh...yeah, sex.
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I knew asking Tally how to deal with Tyler was going to be the worst decision of my life. But asking for her advice and then actually following through with it is just the stupidest thing I've ever done.
Before the art class which of course just had to be the naked week, I had called Tally while Tyler was using the bathroom.
"You've just got to fuck him, Fran."
"I'm sorry, what?" I had almost shrieked. "Tally, I'm having tension problems and I really want to jump his bones but that doesn't mean I should just go and try to have sex with him!"
"It one-hundred percent means that. Look, you dated before, you know each other well. But you need to get past the tension before anything else can happen."
"Nothing else can happen, he's literally going back to America."
"But you need him out of your system."
I had paused because I knew then and I still know now that in some way she was right. Being around him makes me feel like I really am back in high school, head over heels for a brooding kid that barely gave me a 'hello' back for ages. And I don't even know what the end goal is for all of this. If he's going to be going back to America then that's it, right? We'll be friends in the best case scenario, and lose touch again in the worst. But something does tug and rip at me at the thought of not even seeing him anymore, not talking to him.
For so, so long everything has felt like it's out of my control. That nothing was really mine, nothing was allowed to be mine. Tiptoeing over eggshells about everything until I felt like I was going to lose my mind. Maybe it's not healthy that the few moments of relief and the only times I feel like I can actually breathe is around a guy who is probably going to have to leave me anyway and never come back.
But I've never really been the best when it comes to healthy relationships.
"Maybe the best way to deal with this is to get him out of your system," Tally had said over the phone.
"What if this just makes it harder to walk away from him?" I asked.
"Then maybe you shouldn't be walking away a second time."
***
The class ends too soon and my cheeks hurt from how wide I've been smiling the entire time. It feels like I'm back in high school with him, sitting at the back of the class, alone in our own world.
Butterflies blossom in the pit of my stomach. I glance over at Tyler as people around us pack up their things and chat as they get ready to leave.
Tyler's drawing is an absolute mess and he gave up halfway through and painted a smiley face on the large circle he designated as the head.
"Beautifully done," I comment.
"Ha-ha, asshole," he says, rolling his eyes.
He leans back, hands gripping the front of the stool between his legs. His gaze turns to the easel in front of me and he takes in the charcoal strokes. The way I flexed my wrist to thicken the line, the slight shake to my hand as I pressed a precise dot to create the mole beside the model's eye.
His face is soft as he takes in the drawing.
"Huh," Tyler says.
My face falls and I look between him and the drawing. "What?"
"You're just..." he sighs. "Incredible."
My cheeks flare red as my heart skips a beat.
"Shut up, Ty," I mumble.
He grins. "Still can't take a compliment."
"Come on," I say, getting up. "Everyone's already gone. I just need to pack up everything and then we can go."
I grab a medium sized canvas from one of the racks and hold it out to Tyler.
He looks confused. "What's this for?"
"After class activity."
***
"You want me to paint for therapy?"
We're in his apartment, the canvas laying on the ground between us. I try not to think about how the last time I was here we were technically in bed together.
"You know, you've got a lot of anger up in there," I say.
Tyler tilts his head. "Can be useful for other things."
Oh? Oh.
I cough to try and force myself to not blush at that. "Come on, humour me. I was thinking of going back to school. Try and become an art therapist."
"Want me to be your Guinea pig, Howard?"
I shrug. "If you trust me."
I swear I hear him whisper "always" but his back is turned as he heads towards the large canvas lying flat on the floor.
"Just go for it?" he asks.
"Well, not actually licensed yet so I have no idea how this works."
Tyler laughs softly and picks up a large brush, gentle dipping it into the black paint. His brush strokes start off tentative, a little self-conscious. But then they become broader, confident and strong. I try not to wantonly watch his arm muscles contract over and over again but my eyes keep gliding to the way his tattoos move. My finger itches to grab a paintbrush of my own and drag the bristles over the inker leaves that spread over upper arm, hiding into his short sleeves. A small bird sits on the branches, its head covered by Tyler's sleeves.
He leans back from the canvas and glances down at the small tubes of paint I'd thrown onto the floor. His grabs one, turning it back and forth until he sees the word "red" and snaps the cap open.
Red joins black and they swirl together in a kaleidoscope. Of relief. Of pain. Of love. I have no idea.
His breath becomes deeper the longer the time passes. A light sheen of sweat marks his forehead. I walk closer to him, kneeling down beside Ty when he finally puts the paintbrush down. I tilt my head, frowning at it.
"Everything else is red and black but you painted a yellow circle in the middle. Actually a perfect circle - how the fuck did you do that?"
"Fran."
"Right sorry, um, it looks like a sun."
He nods. "Yeah, it's my sun."
His voice is hoarse.
I frown. "What is your sun?"
He turns to me suddenly, and gently grabs my jaw in his hand, bringing my face so impossibly close to his. And the touch of his skin against my own makes something jolt in me. His lips brush against mine as he speaks and a shudder slams through me at the anguish and longing in his voice.
"You."
My gasp is smothered by his mouth covering mine. My hands slide into his hair as he kisses me fiercely. My skin feels like it's burning as his hands drag down my back, fingers clinging to my shirt, almost angry at the barrier between us. His arms encircle my waist, yanking me close and keeping me against his chest. My heart is thumping violently against him and my hands feel erratic, grabbing onto anything they can.
I gasp for air when his lips part from mine and he mouths kisses down my jaw and neck.
Are we really doing this. Fuck. Are we really doing this?
I pull away reluctantly, trailing my fingers down his cheek, wanting more than anything for my lips to replace them. Tyler's hands slide to my hips before one hand runs to my back and I gasp as his hand fists my shirt.
"Should we really be doing this?" I ask breathlessly. "Is it gonna mean anything?"
My heart almost stings at the idea of this being forgettable. Something he doesn't think twice about when he goes back to America. That it's not going to mean as much to him as it does to me.
He lifts his head up and narrows his eyes at me thoughtfully before his hands suddenly grab my thighs. He pulls me towards him so I'm straddling his thighs as he stays kneeling. I hook my arms around his neck.
"If it wasn't for the injury I could pick you up. Maybe fuck you against the wall. Always kind of wanted to do that."
"Ty!" My eyes widen. "Jesus, fuck."
He leans down, forehead pressing against mine, a smile on his lips before it falls into something softer.
"It's always going to mean something to me, Fran," Tyler says, almost a whisper against my lips. "Always when it comes to you."
My chest feels like it's hammering in place and I yank Tyler closer, lips pressing against his. The warmth that pools in my chest hits me unexpectedly and when I feel his hand cradling the side of my face, like I'm something special, like I'm the only thing that matters right now, I have to stop myself from crying.
His hand on my back slides lower and his tongue slips into my mouth. I consider all the ways this is a completely bad idea while his tongue fucks my mouth. No one in their right mind follows advice from Tally. Fucking your ex before he leaves the country is a really bad idea. This is going to end so bad. So, so, so bad.
He rolls his hips forward and my thighs tighten around him.
Fuck, fuck, fuck.
You know what? Tally's a genius. Probably the best idea she's ever had.
"You really going to fuck me on the floor, Madden?" I ask breathlessly, a teasing smile on my lips.
"Hmm not yet," he says.
He surges up, loosely wrapping his hand around my throat. Ty raises his eyebrows at me, speaking without needing to. Is this okay? I nod quickly and he pushes me down to the floor. My legs fall open with him hovering over me between them, hand on my throat.
"But I am going to eat you out on the floor."
My eyes widen. Is he actually..?
He yanks my pants down with my underwear and oh my god he actually is. I pull my shirt over my head, staring at the ceiling as I try to calm myself down.
Tyler's nothing like him. You trust Ty. You always have.
I take in a sharp breath, feeling Tyler's hands on my legs and I lift up my onto my elbows to look at him.
He's taken his shirt off and his back muscles flex under the low light. His arms are wrapped around my thighs, large hands holding them open and the image of his dark eyes staring at me with his face between my legs makes a spasm run through my body. It's probably embarrassing to be already wet from this.
With his shirt off I can see that the tattoo on his arm runs over his shoulder and partly onto his chest. Two birds are perched on spirals of leaves and branches, eyes on each other. My eyes settle on Tyler's.
"Ty," I whisper.
"Just lie back and relax, baby. I've got you."
Baby. My head almost hits the floor as I lean back down. But his tongue against my clit almost makes me levitate off the damn floor.
"Fuck." I grab at his hair, the black strands slipping through my fingers. He flattens his tongue against me and I can't help the noise that slips past my lips. I can practically feel his smile as he holds me down, my legs feeling like they're shaking.
His fingers leave indents on my thighs and hips as his head moves between my legs, and my breath quickens. He yanks me across the floor, closer to his mouth and my fingers scramble against the hardwood, needing something to ground me as Tyler takes what he wants.
Knowing that there might be bruises from his fingers in the morning makes my toes curl. My face is hot, breathing heavy as I try not to be too loud.
"T-Ty I-"
His lips close over my clit and the sensation makes my hips jolt off the ground. Strong hands hold me down and my head goes dizzy from the feeling. My hand shakily reaches down to tug at his hair, fingers scratching at his scalp which seems to egg him on more.
My fingers tighten in his hair and my breath quickens, moans slipping out of my mouth with each swipe of his tongue. He agonizingly focuses his attention on my clit and a tortured cry manages to fall out of my mouth when it becomes too much and my orgasm crashes into me suddenly. My hips spasm as I let out shuddering breaths, and Tyler's arms flex as he holds me down, working me through my orgasm until I'm whining and pushing his head away.
My legs feel like jelly as I drop my head back onto the ground, body relaxing into the floor.
I hear Tyler shuffling around in the kitchen before he comes back, leaning down to grab my ankle.
"Come here, gorgeous."
"What do you want now?" I groan. "Give me a second to recover."
He pulls me by the ankle a few feet back towards the paints. Ty shucks off his jeans until he's left in boxers and sits beside me, facing me.
"Someone was driving me crazy in art class today..." Tyler starts.
"Sounds like something I wouldn't do."
"And mentioned something about painting on each other's bodies."
I raise an eyebrow. "You want me to paint you?"
He leans back on his hands. "I'm basically a colouring book, Fran."
I snort, grabbing a small paintbrush and some green paint. "My own personal colouring book."
His eyes turn soft. "If you want."
I swallow. Doesn't matter if I want it you're not even going to stay here. If tonight can't go into tomorrow or the day after. If there is no future.
A hand wraps around my wrist and I snap my eyes up to Tyler's. His knowing gaze ensnares me.
"Focus on right now. You and me. Here."
His hand cups the side of my head, thumb rubbing over my cheek. He leans forward and his lips press against mine for a second, soft and sweet and all too quick.
"Just us," he whispers.
I smile softly. "Just us."
I end up having to use Tyler's other shoulder as a stabilizer as I lean over him to paint the tattoo of the two birds on the branches. The small paintbrush swirls over the leaves, tiny motions blending the deeper colours together. Tyler watches the entire time, my brush getting close to his chest as I follow the tattoo design. I lean closer to angle the brush right and he surges up, mouthing at my neck. I jump when he teasingly bites.
"Can't really concentrate with a vampire all over me." I try to sound steady but he nips at my neck halfway through.
"Can't concentrate on your painting with you half naked on top of me."
I glance to the side and almost regret it at how close he is and how intense his eyes look, glaring down at me through his lashes. I immediately want to shove him onto the ground and just let him finally fuck me but I can't help wanting to mess with him first.
"Oh, you can't concentrate?" I tease.
Tyler raises an eyebrow at me and I slide my paintbrush down until it glides over his nipple and he hisses.
"Oh, whoops," I say. "Hand slipped."
"Franny..."
I lean down slowly, eyes on his and drag my tongue up the centre of his chest as I watch his nostrils flair.
"Fran," he warns.
"What's wrong?" I whisper, hand hovering over the bulge in his boxers. "Can't handle what you dish out?"
Tyler grabs my wrist, hauling us both up from the floor and presses me against him, a hand fisted tight into my hair. He tugs my head back and electricity feels like it runs right through me.
"Shower. Now."
I've never been more thankful for Tyler having rich friends who of course upgrade their shitty bathrooms into massive walk-in showers. Water runs over our bodies and the paint runs off Tyler's shoulder and chest, the colours bleeding together. I can't help but find it beautiful.
His hands are all over me and his lips are under my ear, until they skim over me towards my breast, teeth grazing over my nipple.
My hand reaches for him and he's hard, pulsing in my hand. He groans against my throat and part of me agrees with him; if it wasn't for the injury I'd really be down for him to pick me up and fuck me against the wall.
I turn around, bending over slightly, hands on the wall beside my head. I watch him out of my peripheral grab at the condom he put on the shelf before we turned the water on. He turns the shower head so it sprays at the glass wall.
He presses up behind me seconds later and the weight of him feels like a relief. His hand presses over mine, grabbing at my fingers.
"Yeah?" he asks, his cock pressing between my legs.
"I feel like I've waited a lifetime for this." The words are soft as they slip past my lips but Tyler hears. He leans closer, and presses a hard kiss to my temple.
"I'll wait a hundred lifetimes more," he says back, his fingers slipping into mine against the wall.
He's gentle as he slides into me and every inch of him makes me ache. I wince as his hips press flush to mine but the relief that crashes through me overwhelms everything else. The feeling of being whole, of being alive. Of being known and accepted.
He moves his hips, cock jutting in and out between my legs. His fingers tighten on mine and his chest presses against my back as he grabs a fistful of my breast from behind.
His pace quickens, hips slapping against my ass and pleasure spikes with each stroke into me. He mouths at my neck and the shower drowns out the noises being punched out of me with each thrust.
"You and me," he says against my neck, voice rough as he holds me tight.
I reach my free hand up, tightening a hand into his hair as my head drops back onto his shoulder.
"You and me," I answer.
His thrusts go incredibly hard and fast, my entire body jolting with each contact and I slip a hand down between my legs. It takes a few swipes of my fingers before I'm clenching around him, my second orgasm rushing through me so quickly and violently I feel like I'm going to collapse onto the ground.
Tyler's hand slips to my waist and he wraps his arm around me, holding me steady as he thrusts a few more times, shouting as I clench around him again. He shudders, jolting his hips forward before groaning and dropping his head to my shoulder.
I take a moment to catch my breath as the water bounces off the wall and onto our legs. I turn, pressing a kiss to Tyler's head, closing my eyes tight.
You and me.
***
I lie awake in the early hours of the morning, waiting for the sunlight to finally make its way to me through the flimsy curtains. Tyler is still asleep beside me, his arm over me.
I want to crawl into his arms and ask if we can stay here forever. Ask what would happen if I didn't get up in a few minutes and tiptoe out of his bed. If the world just stopped for a second and we could stay right here, alone. Together.
But I already know the answer.
My phone screen lights up from the bedside table and I reach for it.
Ty's going to be back in America.
I read the text, feeling dread pit in my stomach.
Mark (law firm): A date has been set for the hearing. Give the office a call when you can.
And I'm going to be here, in court.
___________
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