• Song - Chandaniya chhup jana re •
~~~
Yashoda didn't dare swiveling her head, she didn't dare breathing, she didn't dare blinking as she stood there frozen. Silent tears trailed down her cheeks, down her neck mixing with the milk from her breasts.
She knew that voice, the smooth melodious tone that once had enthralled the heart of all the people of Gokul, Vrindavan and Barsana. The voice that still echoed in her heart, sometimes waking her up only to make her realise it was her mind playing sick game with her.
"Maiya"
The voice came closer. Yashoda's toes curled, she sucked in a sharp breath as she consoled herself "It's a dream, It's a dream"
"It is no dream Maa" Yashoda closed her eyes as a chill ran down Yashoda's spine when she felt a warm palm over her shoulder "Look at me"
That hand turned her tranquil form around before drawling slowly "I am here Maiya, open your eyes"
Gathering all the might she had, Yashoda slowly opened her eyes, her chest tightened when her gaze collided with the familiar halcyon lotus orbs of her child. Her mouth parted open as she looked up at him agape, not quite believing her own senses.
And there he stood in all his glories, her Kanha, her very own lalla except he was now much taller, much muscular. His curls longer than they had been, but his orphic eyes still had love oozing out of them, his smile as empyrean as they were twenty fiver years ago. He wore the same cowherd clothe that he used to wear, there was no golden crown to tame his turbulent curls just a thin piece of red clothe around his forehead that had a peacock feather tucked in it.
Tears blurred her vision while her trembling hand raised up to trace her son's opulent visage and as soon as her fingers touched his cheek Yashoda understood, it's no illusion, no reverie. He was there, before her very sight, he was real "Ka-Kanha?"
"Yes Maiya, your Kanha" Her son kissed her forehead.
"Kanha, is that really you?" Yashoda sobbed "But, but you left, you—" She couldn't speak, there was so much to say, so much to express but her brain barely formed any sentence. She threw herself at him and wept on his chest while she felt Krishna's arms wrapping around her fragile body.
She had no idea how long had she been crying, not until the tightness in her chest started going away and a sense of tyyneys replaced all her sorrow and agitation. She slowly removed herself from him and looked up "You've grown up, Kanha" She smiled "And I missed it all"
"I am sorry mother" The child in Krishna, the human emotions in Krishna woke up. Krishna took her to her bed and made her sit on it before kneeling at her feet and placing his head on her lap.
"You were a little baby, an eleven years old when they took you away from me" Yashoda tousled his hair as she began "I was so scared, so very scared that my little Kanha was supposed to fight someone as rapacious as Kamsa. Even though you had already established you're no ordinary human"
"It's your love and affection that protected me, Maiya. No amount of divinity can be more puissant than a mother's love for her child" She heard her son denoting, his head still resting on Yashoda's lap.
"I thought—" Yashoda's voice chocked "I thought you would return to me after freeing your parents, I waited and waited but you didn't come. Then I heard you started your education and thought you'd return after that but again you didn't. Finally when the news of Dwaravati reached me, I realised you're not coming back, not really"
"Because I've never really left this place Maiya" Krishna looked up and smiled, a smile that hele no joy "A part of me has always been there, with you, with Baba, with the Gopis"
Yashoda felt an ebullition of emotions as she took her trembled lips between her teeth to bite back a sob "Why did you left me Kanha? I can't—the pain is too much for me to tolerate anymore"
"Dwarka might be beautiful but it's not Vrindavan Maiya" Krishna began "People who have loved and worshipped the tranquil Yamuna can never love the chaotic oceans of Dwarka. You and Baba belong here Maiya, among nature with your little Kanha who is not the Lord of Dwarka"
Yashoda remained silent letting her brain register Kanha's words. Would she like to leave her Vrindavan and its people? The home where her Kanha had grown up? The Gaumatas? For Kanha, probably she would have done that but what about others? The whole Vrindavan couldn't be shifted to Dwarka.
The pain of separation that the whole Vrindavan was going through was no less than hers. Kanha belonged to Vrindavan and not just her. She had no righ to be with him when her Vrindavan mourns for Kanha.
"You've always been good with words, Kanhaiya" She smiled "Everyone was shocked and a bit hurt when they heard you abducted the princess of Vidharv who was already promised to Shishupal. All but me"
Krishna looked up an impish smile dancing across his lips "Your son has always been blamed for things he had not done. It's the princess who had abducted me, Maiya"
Yashoda let out a small chuckle and she realised she had not done that in years, laugh or even smile. She had almost forgotten how good it felt. Yashoda then gazed down at her son "Do they know about me Kanha? Your wives, I meant"
"Who knows about Krishna is bound to know about his Yashoda maiya" He articulated firmly "There would have been no Krishna without you and Baba"
Yashoda felt like her heart was about to burst with all the emotions it was experiencing. She prayed this time to freez, She didn't know if she would survive if her Kanha moved away from her again.
"Now now" Krishna slowly rose on his feet and Yashoda instantly recognized the mischievous tone. She had been the one tolerating most of little Kanha's unpredictable tantrums that had always kept her on her tows. She did everything in her power to tame that wild kid, from tying him to a tree, beating him with stick to locking him in a room, she had done it all. How dense she had been to think she could bound the one who frees every mortal.
Krishna wrapped his arms around Yashoda's shoulder "If you think all these questions are going to keep me away from my butter, you're so very wrong Maiya"
Yashoda placed a hand over his cheek "I would never do that Kanha. I'm sorry for preventing you from eating butter, I am sorry for scolding you, beating you. May be that's why I am being puni—"
"No mata" Her Kanha stopped her "When I left Vrindavan, it's your scolding I missed the most. No one scolded me there, not even Devaki Maa."
"You—you missed me?" She asked, she didn't know why it came out as a surprise. Probably because she had thought Devaki's love and affection had overshadowed Yashoda's existence in Krishna's life, after all, she had only spent eleven years with him.
Krishna smiled "People believe me to be a God, a body without emotions, forgetting even Gods have feelings. They've mingled love with attachment" He paused closing his eyes "Maiya I was merely an eleven years old kid who was taken away from everything that was familiar to him. Of course I missed you"
Yashoda nodded her head smiling at him with tears as she walked toward the pots of butter "I always keep your share of butter, even though it remains untouched everyday untill I give them away to the little cowherds" She took the pot in her hand before taking a handful of butter out of it.
Krishna opened his mouth before Yashoda stuffed his mouth with the white butter. She watched her son savouring it closing his eyes, almost as if he had not eaten for years "You liked it Kanha?"
The eagerness in her tone made Krishna chuckle "I'll tell you after finishing the whole pot"
"Why are you in this attire, Lalla?" Yashoda asked.
"The crown sometimes feel too heavy Maiya, I left it at Dwarka" Krishna's arcane words made Yashoda's brows joined in confusion but she decided to remain silent, not disturb her lalla while eating.
She fanned her son with a palmyra fan as he devour the freshly made butter, occasionally feeding her despite her protest.
Krishna then made her lay down on her bed and sat at her feet, massaging them softly "Sleep well mother. For my janmtithi, I want you to promise me you'll take care of yourself. Don't grieve over something you have no control over, do not let your pain consume the whole you, Maiya"
"Now that you are here, I promise I will" Yashoda asserted smiling as she closed her eyes. In her state of half consciousness she heard something like.
"I'm always here Maiya, with you, in you"
~The end~
What isn't reality is illusion and what isn't illusion is reality. It's extremely difficult to distinguish reality from illusion :D
So I leave it up to you to decide what Yashoda witnessed was reality or just her mind playing tricks.
And, Thank you for reading.
Jay Shri Krishnarjun
Arjunaradhika