• Song- Suno suno savre ki vansi •
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"Rumour is that Devakinandan Krishna has stopped the blasphemy, he saved Empress Draupadi's honour" The young milkmaid gushed while pouring down the butter in a pot.
"Malti, It's no rumour, it is the truth" Her mother murmured gazing at the dark cloudy sky, her hands imprudently working on the Gaumata she was nursing while her heart recalled a certain someone whose complexion resembled the clouds' bluish grey tone "Only if you had witnessed our little Kanha of Vrindavan, you would have never called it a rumour"
"Well too bad your Kanha has never really visited Vrindavan for the young ones to witness his greatness. He has forgotten about this poor village" The corner of Suchandra's lips twitched, a nameless pain slowly engulfing her heart as she continued, choking down a sob "About us, about Nandraja, Yasho-"
"Is this what you come here for?" A cold silver voice cut her short.
The gopis became alert and looked up to see the Queen of Vrindavan standing at her door that usually stayed closed. She breathed heavily, her grey hair that was pulled back in a careless bun, was disheveled indicating she didn't touch it in days, her wrinkled face was bereft of any emotions.
Yashoda continued while descending the stairs "To gossip? Don't forget we need to send seven thousand pots of butter to Dwarka by today, the lord of Dwarka" Yashoda stopped feeling a sob rising in her chest "His janmtithi is tomorrow. They have informed us almost a month ago, even though they are generous enough to spare us for our lack of responsibility, I don't want to take advanta-" A vicious cough muffled Yashoda's voice as she covered her mouth with her pallu, but it only became more vigorous, making it painful for her to breathe. She felt the air leaving her body and unable to fight the weariness anymore she collapsed on the ground.
"Nandrani" The gopis rose on their feet, a hard, quick pulsed in their throats as they watched their dearest Queen laying there, appearing almost lifeless.
"What is goi-Yashoda" King Nanda who just entered rushed toward his wife who layed there barely conscious and took her in his arms. He gazed down at her beautiful visage and caressed it benignantly before wiping of the blood that lingered at the corner of her lips "Oh Yashoda"
His grip around his wife tightened, a familiar sense of fright slowly enclosing his heart, the fright of losing yet another person he loved, the fright of not seeing them ever again "Don't do this to me Yashoda" He pleaded pressing his lips on her forehead "Just don't"
Taking her in his arms, Nanda rose on his feet "She will be alright, continue your work" He ordered the villagers before darting toward their room.
Placing his wife on their bed, he covered her fragile body with a blanket before looming over her a little, placing his palm over her forehead Nand called out softly "Yashoda"
"Please" His wife pleaded with her eyes still closed "I want to be alone"
"Why are you doing this to yourself?" Nanda clenched his jaw "It won't lead you anywhere Yashoda. Wherever he is, he is happy and doing well, isn't this all that matters?"
"Of course" Yashoda's eyes fluttered open, her almond orbs were ablaze with tears of fury and pain "You think I don't like seeing him ruling a Kingdom as prosperous as Dwarka? Not like hearing his glories? I do, more than you can ever imagine. I know every single-every little detail about him, at least the details someone could get all the way from Dwarka"
She then closed her eyes, letting the tears stream down her face "Devaki might be his mother but he will always be my, Yashoda's, son and no one absolutely no one can change the truth"
"You're right" Nand heaved an exasperated sigh before straightening himself up "I'm going to make the herbal soup, Vaidya has asked you to take. Don't get up" with that, he went off.
Yashoda gazed at the disappearing figure of her husband and sat up with difficulty, ignoring the sharp back pain. She slowly got down the bed and closed the door shut before leaning against it to catch her breath. Her dolent eyes roved over the large dark room, the room that once used to be abuzz with mischievous giggles and endless banter now remained as silent and lifeless as a crematorium.
And the dead body in this crematorium was she, Yashoda. The mother in her was being cremated every single day.
After awhile she ambled toward the small bed where a little statue of her Gopal was resting. Removing the small blanket, Yashoda took him in her arms.
"Devakinandan, are you lalla?" A mind-numbing pain crawled its way up her throat. "When it was my breast milk that quenched your thirst, my embrace that warmed your little body in winter, my finger that your little chubby hands took support of when you could barely walk"
The dark clay statue, Yashoda had made herself, kept grinning at her as she resumed with a shaky voice not bothering to wipe the tears "It's your janmtithi tomorrow. I still remember that day, more vividly than I should. Everyone says the pain of pregnancy cannot be matched with any other pain but trust me Kanha, I did not feel a thing. All I could imagine how it would be to wrap my arms around the little body that was inside me, how it would feel to feed my child from my body, how it would feel to witness their first smile"
She let out a dry chortle recalling how the dai had reacted seeing her enthusiasm "And then, after almost forty eight hours of labour, when I heard the soft shrill, I was fairly certain I had never heard something as melodious as it ever. I got to know later, it wasn't you but my daughter I never met"
Her lips quivered, the very thought of her daughter stabbed her heart like the edge of a dagger "I don't care if she was Adi Shakti herself, she was still my daughter Kanha, my very own flesh and blood, the one I had waited for ages, the one I felt moving inside of me. I wished I had seen her, at least once before the wretched Kamsa.... " Yashoda trailed off unable to speak anymore, her tears drenched the statue in her arms. Her almond eyes gazed down at her son "But I also know I could have never loved her the way I love you, lalla "
She paced around the spacious room while caressing the little statue in her arms "Do you know Kanha when I felt the pain of pregnancy? When I got to know I am your no one, you rightfully belong to Devaki and Vasudev, when you left Vrindavan, left your gopis, your pets, your dearest gaumatas and... "
Yashoda broke into tears, hugging her lalla close "When you left me, your maiya, I felt the pain of motherhood"
After awhile composing herself Yashoda wiped her face and placed her Gopal on the small table, he usually occupied "I know you're no ordinary child, you're the Lord of Universe, Shri Hari Vishnu himself. Every action of yours has its own significance but I am just a human, a normal mother who loves her child and misses him"
"Funny, how I thought I would not last even a day without you but here I am still breathing even after twenty five years" She stopped, as realisation seeped in "twenty five years, huh? It had been twenty five years since I've last seen you, touched you, fed you, scolded you"
Yashoda swallowed down the lump that had formed in her throat "Even though your Baba tries to hide it, I could feel his agony which is no less than mine. Since you've gone, he had broken all contacts with his friend Vasudev, not out of rage but out of the desperate attempt to forget your existence"
"How silly of him" She smiled "You're everywhere Kanha, in this small statue, in the soil and air of Vrindavan, in every droplet of Yamuna, in the heart of every Gopi, in our very consciousness and-"
"And in you, Maiya" An alien yet utterly familiar doux voice brought an abrupt halt in Yashoda's track making her body went numb.
Happy Krishnashtami folks!
I've never written something like this before, so have no idea how it turned out. I just hope, you guys liked it
(๑'ᴗ')ゞ
And yeah, I so did not pause after every two line to clear my blurry vision. 🤧
Rant, ignore if you want :
When I was like 2-3 years old, I still remember this incident, My parents had told me Krishna visited us on every Janmashtami, exactly at 12am and I used to try my best to stay up till 12, hoping I would get to meet Krishna, but of course I failed ᕕ( ཀ ʖ̯ ཀ)ᕗ and never really got to meet Krishna.
Thanks for reading
Jay shri Krishnarjun
Arjunaradhika