"It's weird."
"What is?"
"Being here without them. It wasn't as weird when it was just me and you before, but now that they're gone it's like I can physically feel their absence. Does that make sense?"
Yoongi was making perfect sense, putting words to a feeling I felt deep within but hadn't really known how to pinpoint. The couch was empty even though we were huddled up together under a soft blanket. My body felt light, too light, like a helium balloon only barely tied down to keep it anchored because one person was just enough to ground it, but not enough to make it want to stay grounded.
The apartment was unfamiliar still, the small reminders of Yoongi everywhere the only things to remind me this wasn't a stranger's place. Having him beside me was a comfort I could never take for granted yet my mind and my body kept automatically trying to locate the other parts of me.
"It makes sense. I feel it too" I said. My inner monologue kept to myself, chances were anyway, that he had heard me and didn't voice it into the silent room either.
My body was wrapped up in his arms between his legs, our bodies spread long as they were down the length of the sofa. He hugged me tighter, the warmth of his body like a cocoon around me, comforting.
"It's not going to be like this for ever." Yoongi mumbled into my hair.
"Of course not. And once we get them back full time we'll probably sometimes even wish for alone time like this."
"Mm. Yet now all I want is for them to share this quiet with us."
I turned my head to look up at him, his dark warm eyes already on mine, wet with emotion.
"I'm sorry I made life so complicated for you"
"Hannah, please don't-"
"No I want to say this, please let me say this... I apologise for making life such a hassle for all of you. I apologise that since I've become a part of your lives there has been obstacle after obstacle and they've all been because of me or including me. I won't say I regret anything between us because I don't and I'm sure just like everything else we've been through we'll walk out of this with a lesson or two learned and growth strengthening our bond even more. But I hope you know I am sorry. I never wanted you to have to go through any of this because of me."
"That being said" I continued. "I am very thankful that you did and that you made the decision to give me a chance to be a part of this bond and this love and I am very happy that I get to have this. So I'm sorry, I don't regret it, and thank you."
Yoongi stretched his hand from my arm and down to my hand and entwined our fingers, squeezing them once for assurance before he spoke.
"You know none of us blame you for anything of what's been happening since we met. I know you know that. Thank you for being considerate and trying to see your fault in a situation you feel like you need to do that in but it is unnecessary."
"I'm feeling very emotional today" I said, my eyes searching his, looking for any speck of annoyance as I laid my feelings bare into the conversation.
"I'm unsure of what's happening, scared that things are going to change for the worse and I know my mind is being fucked with by my hormones so I'm constantly trying to figure out which feelings are real and which feelings are just amplified by my period and it's not-"
"All your feelings are real, sweetheart. Don't try to box any of them in as invalid. It's all a part of you and I don't want you to hide or diminish anything of you. We need to communicate for this to work. I want to know you, all of you."
Yoongi's fingers brushed through my hair, his breath a short distance from my ear and his voice dark and deep resonating through my mind. He really did always say the right things. The words making me see reason, made me want to look for a different perspective where I wasn't the villain I kept thinking I was.
Yoongi was refreshing like that.
"Oh by the way. Did humping Taehyung in my closet really cure your period pains?"
Aaand the moment was broken. I sighed and curled in on my self, hiding my head in the nook of Yoongi's arm.
"I'm not going to lie and say that it didn't but if you bring it up once more I might run out of here"
"Hahah, no, sweetheart I swear I'm not making fun. I'm genuinely curious. I want to know how to help you too."
His eyes were caring, looking into mine trying to prove his pure intentions, like it wasn't immediately recognisable in his voice. I believed him.
"Oh... well he noticed my pain before I did. My body is so used to the cramps that I tend to not recognise them for what they are until it's too late and I'm stuck waiting for the pain killers to work while just sitting there being miserable."
"How did he notice?"
"Well you know... his pain thing..."
"His pain thing? Sounds like our Taetae has a pain kink when you put it like that"
"Ahh no stop it I'm already embarrassed talking about this"
Yoongi shifted a bit behind me, his hands moving so that his palms were both in my lap, open towards me, resting, waiting.
"Show me what he did"
I spent a second thinking about it, noticing the slight uncomfortable feeling in my lower back I suddenly craved the feeling of his hands on me to soothe it. Was this me thinking or was it the soulmate connection? Did I care?
"My lower back..." I mumbled. "It's where it's most painful.. he put his hand on my skin. Like skin to skin contact right where the pain was. And it was instantly gone. Replaced by just the feeling of him and... arousal."
I couldn't dare to look at Yoongi, I knew I shouldn't be embarrassed. I knew I shouldn't even worry about exposing such an intimate detail. He was my soulmate. We were all soulmates, god, I'd had sex with most of them by now and the ones I hadn't were just because the right time hadn't presented itself yet. I wanted them all, all the time, every day, every hour. The triggering might have amplified the urgency in my mind but I knew from the moment I met them that I wanted them. Needed them.
"Are you okay if I try? I don't want to unintentionally trigger something you don't want" his hands laid open on my lap still, patient, calm. Respectfully waiting for my consent. It made my stomach tingle and my heart beat faster.
"I'm okay, please." I breathily muttered, my mind already anticipating the feeling of his skin on mine.
His hand moved slowly but confidently around my body, and under the hem of Namjoon's big sweater swaddling my body. Once I felt his fingertips on my skin it was as if my body folded itself in half trying to push my lower back onto his hand, and as it moved to fit the entirety of his palm on my skin I let out a deep breath, the sincere calmness overtaking every part of me.
The moan involuntarily escaping me would probably have made me feel embarrassed had it not been for the euphoria of his tender healing.
"Oh thank god it worked"
"Mmm, you didn't think it would?"
"I was scared it was just a Taehyung thing. He is the healer after all"
"Right now I'd argue you were also a healer, baby" I hummed, my body warm and nice and velvety, the feeling of his touch moving around my body like waves.
"Oh, I really like it when you call me baby, sweetheart" Yoongi's lips brushed the nook of my neck and I felt goose bumps rise on my exposed skin. The closeness was immediately doing things to me and I felt like I had no control over how my body was reacting to his.
It was as if we were merging into one where his skin touched mine, like my body couldn't help but shape itself around whatever part of Yoongi I could get close to.
"You're right about the arousing thing. Holy shit my body is tingling."
"Mmm, I know"
"Are you feeling good?" He asked, his voice hesitant and almost strained. Was he holding back?
I leaned back even harder, relaxing completely in his touch.
"So good" I breathed out. My voice nothing but a breath of relaxation at this point.
"Me too" his mouth was leaving soft kisses on the skin it could reach, words pushing through between each kiss.
We sat like that for a moment, basking in the feeling of each other, skin on fire where he touched me, no pain anywhere.
"I want to try to keep it like this" Yoongi said from behind me.
"Like what?"
"Like this, calm, comforting. I know Sejin said..."
He swallowed hard, shifting slightly behind me before he continued.
"I mean it doesn't matter what he said, I can feel it... but helping you feel better shouldn't have to end in anything other than you simply feeling better. I don't want to create an environment where if you don't want anything sexual to happen, you don't feel like you can ask for relief."
I smiled, chuckling slightly as I felt his chest still behind me, he was holding his breath waiting for my response. I loved how considerate he was, how strongly he wanted me to feel like my feelings were respected. He knew me so well after this short amount of time we'd known each other and he kept doing things like this to prove it when I least expected it.
I appreciated it so much my heart physically ached in my chest. I knew they all did this, tried to figure out ways to make me comfortable in feeling however I wanted and needed to feel. With my history of freaking out when I felt like I wasn't in control of my actions.. them learning how I functioned and taking me into account like this made me feel so damn soft.
And I wanted him. I really did. My entire body was screaming at me to convince me to drag this further, desperate for sexual intimacy with my soulmate. But my mind was conflicted because I knew this was the type of situation I wasn't in control of, no matter how much my thoughts tried to convince me otherwise.
My throat dried up when he moved, his hand firmly pressed against my back.
"I- I want to try too." I swallowed, trying to lubricate my dry mouth to allow the words to escape me.
"I'm literally pulsating. I want you so much." I continued, my breath short, my body continuously pushing back against him to ensure the connection didn't fall away.
"Oh I know the feeling" Yoongi chuckled before he stroked his hand slightly higher and let me feel his hardness where his crotch was pushed up against me.
"Shit" I wasn't sure if I spoke the word or if it was just a breath of air but my head was swimming, my mind completely filled to the brim of want as I pushed against his erection.
"Ah. Sweetheart. This isn't helping."
The tone of the conversation had switched from cute to lewd so fast I almost had a whiplash, but it wasn't like I felt it anyway. All I felt was Yoongi. Yoongi's body, Yoongi's breath, Yoongi's soul.
Hand moving back to its initial place on my lower back stopped me from feeling him and I sighed into where my head had fallen against his shoulder behind me.
"We should go to sleep. It's late."
I looked around me and noticed the night had fallen over the world outside, the only lights being the windows of the people not yet asleep and the street lights lit for those on their way home for the night.
Moving away from him was difficult, having him close was a comfort I didn't want to lose even though it was just us walking to the bedroom.
"Remember what Sejin said. It's just as bad for us as it is for you"
"I can't believe I haven't even gotten my period yet and the desperation to have you close is this bad. You do know I get my period every month right?"
Walking into the bedroom I pulled the duvet back before I turned to look at Yoongi as I started to strip out of my clothes.
Yoongi chuckled. Eyeing me like I was food but mirroring me by also getting out of his own clothes.
"I'm not completely lost to what being a woman entails you know. I'd like to think I'm at least a little socially aware."
I smiled, in my bra and underwear I looked around to locate the bag the guys had brought me to find the shirt I'd promised Jungkook I'd wear.
"Don't put it on." Yoongi said, walking up to me and removing the shirt from my hands.
"I wanna see if skin on skin contact works in any form or if it's just our hands that soothe the pain."
"You could have just told me if you want me naked in your bed, baby" I said grinning at Yoongi, letting him take the shirt and put it back in the bag before I got his eyes on me again and kept the eye contact as I moved my arms behind my back and opened my bra, letting it fall to the floor.
Yoongi gulped visibly.
"Okay shit, nope. Yeah let's put you in that shirt after all I won't be able to-"
"Too late" I giggled and threw myself into his bed, cuddling into the warm duvet.
"You coming or what?" I smirked at the stunned man by the bedside.
He shook his head in defeat.
"Aish, you will be the death of me, come here" he mumbled before getting into bed as well in just his boxers, pulling my body into his, letting his torso spread over the entirety of my back, providing instant relief again.
"Fuck, that's nice." I hummed, entwining our fingers where his hands wrapped around me.
"Mmm. I could learn to enjoy doing this one week every month." His face snuggled into my hair and I felt him breathe deeply.
"Okay I've had it, I don't CARE what Namjoon said I can't handle this"
The voice rang loudly through my head and Yoongi and I stilled from our position in his bed.
"Jimin?"
No response. I was about to turn around to look at Yoongi when I felt it. The familiar wave of the air, I could almost taste the changes in the room while the teleportation took place. It was always weird feeling it when I wasn't the one teleporting. Like a song stopped right before the refrain I was preparing to sing along to.
Like a rift in reality they appeared. Not just Jimin but another body as well, the bed bounced to accommodate their weight before a thud was heard and the second body rolled onto the floor followed by a loud complaint.
"Ow"
"Jin?"
"JIMIN I am NEVER sleeping in the same bed as you again what the fuck do you think you're doing? Hyung was there to comfort you and the second I fall asleep you teleport us away from the apartment? How are we going to get out of here I can't believe you..." he paused for a second, sitting up so we could finally see him on the side of the bed.
"Not that I'm not happy to be here, I missed you terribly" he looked at Yoongi and I before he turned to Jimin. "But I CANT believe you couldn't just listen to Joonie for once because he IS THE SMART ONE and he KNOWS what he's doing."
"Joonie doesn't know shit, he's just doing what the managers are telling him, I'm telling you hyung that man is so weak for authority you would never think he was dominant in bed."
Jin sighed audibly and Jimin pulled open the duvet on my side and snuggled underneath, the satisfaction of another soulmate's skin on mine so nice I almost let it slip how much of a mess Jimin might have made.
"Babe" Yoongi mumbled, his eyes fixed on where Jin was getting up from the floor.
"I read the hormonal urge affects soulmates differently, even within a cluster. Don't blame Jimin for his hormones, he can't control it. You wouldn't be mad at Hannah for being on her period would you?" Yoongi's voice was almost a whine, his body was still pushed up against mine but his arm stretched out towards our soulmate.
"Come cuddle, I missed you."
"Ugh I hate it when you go all soft like that, it's like you push me into a corner and I can't do anything" Jin complained yet still crawled his long body over to the other side of the bed, landing almost on top of Yoongi, snaking an arm along his and over to me, connecting more skin to mine which lead me to let out a moan in satisfaction.
"You're so hot" Jimin whispered seductively into my ear before kissing the nook of my neck, snuggling closer to me. He was also conveniently shirtless and every single place his skin met mine was like a flame was being lit. When his torso pushed against me, his leg pushed between mine to get as close as possible it made my breath hitch and I couldn't help but notice how aroused I was getting from the casually sensual gesture.
"Jimin I will smack you" Jin mumbled from beside me.
"You know that's not a threat hyung. I like it when you-"
"JIMIN"
"Fine I'll calm down."
I knew they were doing it for me. I knew they didn't want to escalate things because of the deal I'd made with Yoongi. And I was content with it. I wanted to have control over my own body. But I also had three almost naked men in bed with me. I was weak. And had Jin and Yoongi not stopped Jimin I don't think I would have done it myself.
Just thinking about all the routes we could go with just his thigh between my legs was making me moisten up even more than before and I worked hard trying to calm my breathing to where it wasn't noticeable how turned on I was.
"Did I do wrong in stopping him?, I can feel you." Jin's voice echoed between the walls of my mind
"In this situation there is no wrong to be done I think" I sang back to him, giggling a little. "But thank you, and by the way!" I continued
"What?"
"I'm glad you accidentally ended up here."
"Me too. Goodnight baby"
I closed my eyes still smiling, my body feeling like it was floating on a cloud because of the consistent contact from my soulmates. Once again my mind ran towards the idea of how nice it must be if all seven were with me at once but I let the thought just fall away in the same tempo as I fell asleep.