HOW TO BE A HEARTBREAKER
PAST LOVES
( Sunday 15th February 1998 )
"Is it true that Draco Malfoy bought you roses and let you stay the night?"
Rowan was startled by the unfamiliar voice in her left ear. She turned her head, sending the girl beside her a weirded-out look. She'd half-expected the question to be delivered by none other than Daphne Greengrass herself, however, it was actually a Hufflepuff. And not just some random, nameless Hufflepuff.
It was Lorelei Robertson.
Rowan cleared her throat and placed the book that she'd been scanning the cover of back into its rightful place on the shelf. When Rowan glanced past Lorelei, her throat tightened at a group of girls, all from different houses, standing nearby, clearly trying to eavesdrop on their conversation.
"Excuse me?" Rowan considered that maybe she had heard Lorelei wrong.
She was drained after all. She'd had a long night with Draco, and then they'd both been up about nine-ish for Quidditch practice out in the cold. It's safe to say that Rowan didn't even find time alone in the shower — Draco had taken advantage of the fact that she was the only girl on the team, so she was the only one in the changing rooms.
Now she needed to get the Potions essay in for tomorrow morning. She'd hoped to do it with no interruptions.
Lorelei's cheeks began to turn pink and she pushed some of her hair behind her ear. "Sorry. My name is Lorelei Robertson."
Rowan pursed her lips. "Friend of Theo's, right?"
Lorelei winced a little bit. "Yeah, sure. I hate to intrude on your morning... but I was wondering if the rumours are true. Bulstrode said that Greengrass was pissed because Malfoy sent you lots of roses yesterday. And then apparently she spent the night crying because you never came back... As in Malfoy let you actually sleep with him?"
Rowan felt a lump in her throat. She was sure she was doing a bad job at hiding the disgust on her face. She could feel the way her nose was slightly scrunched, her lips lifted into a scowl.
"Are you really asking me this, Robertson?" Rowan dared.
Back down so I don't have to make a complete fool of you, Robertson.
"Well – Well, yeah," Lorelei shrugged, "Malfoy and I have history, so I feel like it's right I know if he's moved on and I can —"
"Listen, Robertson," Rowan cut her off roughly, lowering her voice. "I am sorry if your one night thing with Draco had you thinking he was romantically interested or something, but that's not the case. And even if it was, it's obvious he's with me now, alright? I genuinely don't know what is up with you and half of the other girls at Hogwarts, sending me looks and asking invasive questions, but Draco Malfoy is my boyfriend."
Rowan lifted her head, looking past a sad Lorelei to make eye contact with the gawking girls. "Meaning he is mine."
Romilda Vane scowled. "You're actually official?"
"One hundred percent." Rowan put emphasis on her words. "Have a good day, everybody."
She ended up grabbing the book she'd been looking at before, tucking it under her arm and marching away from the aisle. A hand grabbed her arm before she could make it to where Madam Pince would check the book out for her. Rowan gasped, her eyes widening at the sight of Theo.
"That was good," he said, "It sounded realistic."
Rowan scowled, her hot temper only boiling worse. "Good. I'm really fucking glad, Theo."
She tried to push away and leave him, but his grip tightened. "Look, Rowan. I'm sorry for not talking to you much recently. I've just... I've had my own problems going on."
"Problems which resorted to you ignoring me and only me?" Rowan questioned furiously, "I have done everything you asked Theo, and it hasn't been easy. Not one bit."
"It looks pretty easy to me!" Theo replied.
Rowan clamped her hand over his mouth. "Shut up before someone hears you, you idiot."
Theo tore her hand off of him.
"Tell me what your problem is — really. And don't lie to me, Theo," Rowan demanded.
"My problem?" Theo laughed and ran a hand through his hair, and then his face sort of eased back into a frown and he shook his head. "I don't have a problem, Rowan. Do you have a problem?"
She raised her brows when the question was flung back at her. "I think we've established that my only problem right now is your attitude towards me. And until I get a proper apology, don't talk to me, Nott."
...
( Tuesday 17th February 1998 )
Her eyes felt heavy and she could feel the book slipping from her hands as she rested her head against the arm of the sofa beneath her. Rowan knew it would be very easy to let sleep take over, but she was in the middle of the common room, and she had a Divination essay due in two days. It was her mistake having a big dinner and then sitting by the fire. Its crackling noises comforted her, its warmth drawing her closer.
"Hey sleepyhead," Pansy's voice brought her back.
Rowan blinked quickly and sent her best friend a weary smile. She'd told Pansy everything so far. About sleeping with Draco, the girls in the library, her argument with Theo... The only thing Rowan had failed to tell Pansy were that these feelings that she had for Draco were very much real and thriving.
"Hey," Rowan replied, tucking her legs up the couch so Pansy could take a seat. "How's Bridget?"
"Nancy's fine," Pansy replied, "She's been getting all stressed about the mock exam in Potions coming up. I've offered to tutor her every evening leading up to it, which has helped, I think."
"That's nice of you," Rowan replied, and then stifled a yawn.
"You need to go to bed before you pass out down here," Pansy raised an eyebrow. "I wouldn't be surprised if you woke up in the morning with something written across your forehead — or worse if Greengrass is on the move."
Rowan sighed and rolled her eyes. Thinking about Daphne and any of the other girls was enough to put her in a bad mood. She hadn't really taken much notice of them until Lorelei had approached her in the library. She didn't know why, but she couldn't shake off all of the desperate looks her and Draco got when they were in public together. Rowan didn't like others wanting what she already had. Her own jealousy shocked her.
"Yeah, I will do. I just need to finish reading this little bit, then I'll be there."
"Okay. I'm going. If you're not back in half an hour, I'll come get you."
"Thanks," Rowan scoffed out a laugh, and knew Pansy's promise may come in handy if she were to accidentally fall asleep later.
Pansy gave the top of Rowan's head a small peck and then eyed someone approaching. She gave Draco a pursed-lipped nod and headed off. Rowan glanced towards him, instantly feeling her body relax even further.
"Still doing this essay?" Draco asked as he sat down where Pansy had been, leaning across to the coffee table and picking up some of her parchment, printed on with Rowan's own cursive work.
"Unfortunately," Rowan replied, "Unless you want to finish it for me?"
Draco barked a laugh. "Dream on. You may be my girlfriend, but I still consider you a rival in an academic-sense, Yaxley."
Rowan rolled her eyes, yet she couldn't help the soft smile that took over her features.
"Besides," Draco continued with a smirk on his face that meant he was up to no good. "Slughorn would be very confused if all of a sudden your essays were actually decent."
"Hey!" Rowan whined and gave him a joking whack. "I am smarter than you."
"Not when it comes to Potions," Draco replied stubbornly.
"Fine, fine. You can have Potions," Rowan grumbled, and placed her textbook on the edge of the coffee table. She tucked her legs back up, releasing an exaggerated sigh. "I'm just so bored of school right now. I'd rather be doing anything else."
"Poor thing," Draco replied sarcastically, "Only a few months and you can do anything else."
Rowan felt a shudder run through her body. Hearing it out loud from somebody else didn't actually feel too good at all. Rowan had dreams of playing Quidditch professionally, and yet she knew where she would end up — in the Ministry, in some office job.
It felt like an ice bucket of water had been dropped over her when she realised she'd be without Draco by then. She'd only had him a week and the thought of breaking his heart for some money so she could be away from her father made her feel physically ill. She wanted to give up The Plan more than anything.
"You don't look too pleased about that," Draco acknowledged.
Rowan offered him a small smile and a shrug. "Just a lot on my mind, I suppose."
"I've noticed," Draco said bluntly, and Rowan sent him an odd look. "That you've been a bit off the past couple of days. Is something wrong?"
Rowan chewed down on her bottom lip. She knew what he was talking about. She had been feeling a little sad after Lorelei and the other girls in the library. Draco's past with other girls hadn't really bothered her until now, but she felt like it was a silly thing to bring up.
"Now I know something is," Draco said pointedly and shifted so he was facing her head on. "What is it?" And then, sterner, "Rowan," when she didn't answer for a few seconds.
"It's nothing," Rowan dismissed after a moment. "It's fine, really."
She didn't want to come across as insecure or clingy. She was sure she was none of those things really... And she was confident in herself enough to know there was not really any competition between her and the other girls, but... Ugh. Having actual, intense feelings for someone was painful at times. Especially when that person had been with so many of Rowan's peers.
"I can tell there's something," Draco replied impatiently.
"No —"
"Don't lie to me, Rowan." His voice was stern and dark. It sent shivers down Rowan's spine. "Tell me the truth."
"I'm not insecure." She blurted, then cleared her throat and blushed when Draco looked at her oddly. "I mean, that was a preface. Don't think of me as some sensitive person, because I'm not — honestly. But I feel like maybe we should get some things off our chests before we continue with this relationship."
Draco looked slightly worried. "What are you talking about?"
"Obviously... You used to sleep around," Rowan started and watched Draco's face drop a little. "And lots of the girls you slept with have had feelings for you, or still continue to —"
"I never felt anything for any of them," Draco cut her off to say. "If anybody's—"
"No, it's not that. I trust and believe you there. It's just... I've had people ask me really invasive questions. And I'm sick of the jealous stares I get every now and then, or people finding it hard to believe that you could have ever actually settled down," Rowan rambled, "As if you're some sort of heartless, cruel monster that —"
"Who's been asking questions?" Draco asked, "I'll get them to stop. And I'll get the staring to stop, and all of the disbelief too."
Rowan scrunched her nose up in a very Draco-like way. "How?"
He gave her a small smirk. "Just trust me, okay?"
Her eyebrow raised and Rowan gave him a teasing look. "I don't know if I should when you're giving me a smile like that, Malfoy. What evil scheme do you have up your sleeve?"
"Nothing for you to worry about," Draco chuckled a little bit. "I absolutely promise. If you promise that's all you're worried about?"
"I wasn't worried," Rowan attempted to make herself seem more casual. "It was just a... slight issue."
"Okay." Draco made a short nod. "That's fine. And maybe, before we continue with this relationship as you so terrifyingly put before, I could add a little issue of my own for us to solve?"
Rowan felt her heart rate spike. Her palms were instantly clammy and she could only hope her Slytherin instincts had allowed her face to remain neutral. All that was going around in her head was The Plan. But how would he know? Did someone hear her and Theo in the library talking? Did Blaise feel guilty and spill? Had Pansy told Nancy who had told Draco? Maybe Draco had found the note Blaise had written to her about all of Draco's interests...
"I may have slept around, but it meant nothing," Draco started, "You are my first girlfriend. However, I am not your first boyfriend."
Rowan felt herself grow a little calmer. "Yeah...?"
"Well." Draco seemed to flush a little. He pulled at the tie around his neck a little, loosening it. "I just wanted to ask some questions. About Inkwood, Pucey... Whoever else you may have dated." His words sounded slightly bitter.
"Are you jealous?" Rowan teased him.
Draco sent her a look. "As if they have a chance now," he replied.
Rowan laughed and pulled her knees up to her chest, wrapping her arms around them as she smiled at him. "Well, go ahead. Fire away. I'll answer truthfully."
"Who was your first boyfriend?" Draco asked, "Was it that Durmstrang?"
Rowan raised an eyebrow. "Dmitri?"
"That's the one," he scowled.
Rowan remembered how much Draco had detested Dmitri in the fourth year, when the Dumstrangs came during the Triwizard tournament. He said it was because he was stupid enough to want to hang around Rowan, and that he followed her around like some lovesick puppy. Rowan liked to say that Draco followed Viktor Krum around like a lovesick puppy himself.
"He wasn't really a boyfriend," Rowan replied, "There was no point considering he'd be leaving at the end of the year."
"But he was your first time?"
"Yeah, he was," Rowan answered softly.
"And then who?" Draco asked as if to speed along the process, or like he was urging her to rip the bandaid off.
Rowan quirked a brow. "You sound like you don't want to talk about it?"
"No, I do want to know," Draco replied. "I've never been a boyfriend before, and I keep... Well, I have been thinking about Pucey a little bit. How you two were really close before he left."
Rowan shrugged. "Well, in the fifth year I had an... on and off again type of thing with Fred Weasley."
Draco wrinkled his nose. "Oh, I remember that ginger lanky thing hanging around. A Weasley, Rowan, really?"
Rowan gave a small chuckle. "Fred was... Well, he was quite —"
"Okay, I don't want to hear you defend him," Draco admitted, "But then comes Pucey?"
"Yeah," Rowan replied, "Then comes Pucey. After a one night stand with Ernie Macmillan in the start of the sixth year. But we were drunk, and it never happened again."
Draco looked surprised. "How did I not know about that one? I would have used that ammo so much..."
Rowan gave him a look. "Probably because you had already left to get it on with some other girl."
"Right." Draco cleared his throat awkwardly. "So Pucey."
"He was an okay boyfriend," Rowan replied, "Nothing like how I feel with you," she admitted and she couldn't believe how honest she was being. "We've not been together for two weeks and I already... Well, I'm happier with you."
Draco felt his chest warm.
"Pucey dumped me towards the end of the year because he was heading off to work at the Ministry. I think he saw me as arm candy at times. Or he treated me like it anyway. And I suppose I let it slide because we got on decently at other times."
"Pucey used to brag about you," Draco admitted, scratching the back of his neck. "In the locker rooms. I feel guilty about never saying anything, and it makes me sick to my stomach now thinking about it, but... I was just..."
Rowan gave a weak smile. "I'm not surprised he did that. I've lost faith in a huge majority of the male species, if I'm being totally honest with you, Draco. I thought it was something you guys all did anyway."
"Maybe–" He scratched his neck. "Maybe I have in the past, just to make the other guys feel small. But I've never told them anything about you. And I never would. I swear."
"I trust you," Rowan said, reaching out and grabbing his hand.
"And Inkwood?" Draco changed the subject quickly.
"Same sort of thing as Fred, I guess. It started around the beginning of this year. But it didn't last very long," Rowan said, "When he caught feelings, I stopped it."
"Which leads you to me," Draco concluded.
Rowan felt a stab in her chest. There was also a certain moment with Theo, but no way on fucking earth would she be bringing that up. She felt like a liar and like absolute scum, but she forced herself to brush it off.
"Yeah," Rowan breathed, "And now I have you."
She squeezed his hand, and he squeezed hers back.
"I feel like going through my... history has made it sound like I've had lots of partners," Rowan laughed a little, trying to ease a little bit of the tension. "But it's just... what? Five and then you. Is that a lot?"
"I don't slut shame, unlike you," Draco teased.
Rowan shoved him. "I called you a manwhore because..." She tried to think.
"Because I was a manwhore," Draco finished for her, and then they both laughed, Rowan shook her head. "I can safely say I am not intimidated by the five that came before me, and you also have nothing to feel intimidated about. I feel we can safely continue with this relationship." He spoke in a mocking tone.
Rowan grinned back. "Great," she replied, and then leaned forwards to kiss his forehead. "Amazing."
When Rowan got back to her room that night she shredded up the list Blaise had made months ago, ridding any evidence that would take Draco away from her.
...
( Monday 23rd February 1998 )
Quidditch practice was long and tiresome. Rowan suspected it had something to do with the way Blaise kept messing up for whatever reason, but mainly she pegged it down to the fact that the weather was cold and bitter. Rowan loved everything Quidditch and she would fly on her broomstick all the time if she could — but flying in the snow was a whole other story. She hated how much it hurt her skin, or how she could barely keep her eyes open when she went really fast.
Since her argument in the library with Theo, Rowan had contemplated asking to talk to him privately to sort everything out. Even Draco had noticed how weird they were being around each other and Rowan couldn't handle the guilt eating at her. About The Plan, and about the fact that she had slept with Theo just over a month ago...
Rowan even contemplated telling Draco everything, but she wasn't sure if it went against the Unbreakable Vow or not. She didn't want to die! She would have never accepted the Vow if she thought there was the slimmest chance of falling for Draco Malfoy, but she had severely underestimated herself.
Rowan had spent the last couple of nights researching Unbreakable Vows to see if there was any way of ending it. However, surprise! They were called 'unbreakable' for a reason: there was no cancelling it.
Unless...
"You did well."
Rowan jumped, glancing over at Draco who was heading towards her with his gloves tucked under his arm.
"You look surprised that I complimented you," he acknowledged.
Rowan raised an eyebrow. "Usually you are strictly professional on the Quidditch pitch. Nothing but constructive criticism."
"I had none to give," Draco shrugged, "You were the best out there today."
Rowan blushed but forced a nonchalant expression. "Not too hard to be the best when Blaise is flying around like a Pixie with one wing."
"Hey!" Blaise's voice called over from where he was shoving his heavy uniform off. "I told you, Yaxley — I'm not good with the snow!"
"You're lucky that we're not playing Gryffindor until the end of April, then," Rowan replied.
"Very lucky," Draco added snidely, "I wouldn't have put you in the team otherwise."
Blaise rolled his eyes and smiled. "Yeah, yeah. Whatever you say, Draco."
Rowan helped Draco pack away the Quidditch chest and then moved to the showers. Once she was cleaned and changed back into her casual attire, Rowan waited outside the boys' changing rooms for her boyfriend to leave. Once he did, his hand immediately found hers, drawfing it and helping to keep it warm in the cold February air.
"I need to do my Herbology essay when we get back," Draco said.
Rowan scoffed and glanced up at him. "Told you to do it over the weekend."
"I know, I know," he muttered, "It should only take an hour max."
"It took me two hours, so good luck with that."
"It took you two hours," Draco emphasised, "Which is exactly why it will take me half the time."
Rowan rolled her eyes and whacked his chest. He caught her hand, spinning her around and holding both her hands this time. Rowan shook her head up at him, wondering what he had up his sleeve. She wanted to be in the warmth of the Slytherin common room, coming up with what she wanted to say to Theo.
"I would like to take you on a proper date," Draco said, "This Sunday, Hogsmeade."
Rowan raised her brows. "The Gryffindor versus Hufflepuff match is that day."
"Perfect," Draco grinned, flashing his pearly white teeth at her. "I cannot think of a better way to start the day than watching Hufflepuff lose sorely, and for Gryffindor to barely make a dent on the score board."
Rowan laughed. "You're oddly optimistic."
"You mistake my certainty for optimism," Draco replied, "I know that Slytherin will win this year."
They continued the walk towards the castle, both shivering slightly, but with a warm hand wrapped in each other.
"You know very well that Ginny Weasley is one of the best Chasers Hogwarts has ever seen," Rowan huffed, "And as much as you hate to hear it, Potter isn't all that bad at Seeking."
It was Draco's turn to give a dramatic roll of the eyes. "We'll win," he replied firmly. "We've racked up so many points already thanks to your Chasing, and me catching the Snitch every match so far. Trust me, Rowan. Gryffindor does not stand a chance against us. I'd place all of my vault's gold on you beating Weaselette in a Chaser's game."
Rowan couldn't tell if he was lying or not, but then she decided he would tell her if she needed to do better. Besides, she supposed that statistically, she was a good Chaser.
They made it back to the common room and Draco went off to his room to do his homework. He muttered something about Rowan being a distraction, leaving her by the huge window looking out at the Black Lake. Rowan's heart was thumping with anticipation, her foot tapping as she waited for the person she'd sent Blaise to go and get for her.
"Blaise said you wanted to see me."
Rowan turned and looked at Theo. "I do," she exhaled shakily. "I think we need to talk, Theo."
"What about?" He folded his arms across his chest. "The way you completely blew up on me in the library the other day?"
She pursed her lips to stop herself from biting back with some sort of mean remark. She didn't get why Theo was being so offish with her.
"It has something to do with that, yes," Rowan replied calmly. "Do you mind if we find somewhere more quiet to talk about this?"
Theo stared at her momentarily and then turned on his heel. Rowan said nothing but followed after him, keeping her slight distance as they left the common room. He entered an old potion's classroom which Rowan knew was famous for hookups, considering how abandoned it was, placed towards the back of the dungeons.
Rowan closed the door behind her silently, glancing out of the window to make sure nobody had seen them enter the room. The coast was clear.
"I want to stop all of this."
Theo looked slightly startled. "I have tried to stop the distance between us, Rowan, but you've made it—"
"No, not that," Rowan cut him off hastily, and then winced. "Well, I mean, I suppose that, too. I want us to talk again, Theo, but I want to stop this whole thing."
It looked as if it took Theo a few moments to register what Rowan was telling him. His face went through a range of emotions. Rowan was pretty sure that she detected confusion, surprise, shock — even horror. She was certain his last expression was horror. It must be either that or anger. Perhaps both — Theo had always been quite hard to read.
"The Plan?" Theo stared at her hard. "Are you talking about stopping The Plan?"
"Yeah," Rowan confirmed, "I am."
Theo's eyebrows furrowed. "You can't. What about the Unbreakable Vow?"
"I didn't — I didn't know if there was some sort of way for us to call that off," Rowan said, "You're smarter than me, I thought maybe you might know a loophole in the words Pansy had said. Or maybe if we were to make another Unbreakable Vow, one that counteracts the one that we made back in September so we could —"
"Forget it!" Theo laughed suddenly, and Rowan was startled by how unforgiving he sounded. "That's not possible, Rowan, and you shouldn't have made a Vow if you thought you'd want to pull out of it."
Rowan's face grew hard. "I didn't know —" She started defensively.
"Didn't know what?" Theo demanded, and then he barked a bitter laugh. "Don't tell me you've fallen for Malfoy for real?"
Rowan remained silent.
"I was so wrong about you," Theo snided, "I thought you were the one girl at Hogwarts I could count on to pull this off. Merlin, I could end this now. It would end The Plan and Malfoy would still be devastated —"
"No!" Rowan cried, "No, please, Theo —"
"But I'll see how all of this plays out," Theo said, "I'd like to see him properly in love with you, and then watch his face crumble when he realises how you're nothing but a backstabbing liar."
"What is wrong with you?" Rowan yelled, her face growing red with rage. "You sound like a complete and utter psychopath!"
"I've been sounding like this the whole time, Yaxley!" Theo laughed, running a hand through his brown curls. "This has always been my plan, and you have always known that. It's just different now that you've been stupid enough to fall into Malfoy's web of lies."
Rowan clenched her jaw. "You can keep all of your money at the end. Please, Theo. Don't do this."
Theo shook his head, remaining calm as he looked into her watery brown eyes. "It was never about the money. It was about Malfoy learning a valuable lesson."
"What if I can get Robertson to fall for you?" Rowan pleaded, "It won't be hard, Theo! She'll probably fall for you so —"
"It's not even just about her anymore."
Rowan cocked her head in confusion. "Then why —" Her voice cracked. "Then what is this about?"
"You're not very smart at all if you have to ask that," the Slytherin boy replied, "I have had feelings for two girls whilst at Hogwarts. Lorelei, and you."
Rowan stilled.
"You can't fuck someone in a library like that and not expect their feelings to come rushing back, Rowan," Theo scoffed, rolling his eyes at her expression — she looked like a deer caught in headlights.
"You can't even blame Draco for having me." Rowan gritted her teeth.
Theo shrugged his shoulders. "Who do I blame then? You?"
Rowan opened her mouth to reply, but no snide remark came out. She had no idea what had happened to Theo. She supposed she'd never been too friendly with him in the first place, but she didn't think he had some sort of dark side... An unforgiving, merciless side that lashed out when hurt.
"Theo..." Rowan breathed. "Think about this."
"I think I am done with this conversation, Rowan," Theo said promptly, and then moved around her, heading for the door to the classroom. "Have fun with Malfoy whilst it lasts."
He left, the classroom door slamming shut behind him and blowing dust up in its wake. Rowan's heart didn't stop pounding erratically for a while after that. She brushed away a single fallen tear with a shaky hand and then straightened herself up, readjusting the dark green jumper that she wore. Rowan brushed her hair back with her fingers and headed for the door too.
She headed for the common room again, and went straight to her room. Only when she got to the girls showers did she lock herself in and turn the water on to drain out her cries.
She'd doomed her relationship with Draco before it had even started.
...
disclaimer that this isn't proof-read and i am not the biggest fan of this chapter, but at least it is here! (and a month late, i am so so so so sorry!) i will try and get another chapter out soon because it's getting exciting to write again and i am a little less busy over the next week.
i hope that you guys enjoyed this chapter nonetheless!
word count: 4.9k
dyiansobrien.