Inspired by Community S3E13: "Digital Exploration of Interior Design."
Piper POV
"Okay, okay, don't look yet... Don't look yet... Leo, please put the bandana back on—it's a surprise!"
Everyone knows what Hazel's taking them to see. She's been talking nonstop about the wild success of her business project, "Hazel's Sandwich Hub." Turns out, her feasible business plan combined with the open real estate in the dining hall made for a great spot for a new sandwich shop. Yes, Piper will miss the baked potato bar, but Hazel's Sandwich Hub is going to have just as many vegan and vegetarian options as there are meat options. Finally, she doesn't have to go back and forth between tofu subs and baked potatoes every other meal. Lately, she's been wondering why her friends started a criminal organization over that tofu sub. It's kind of soggy, and if you look at the tofu a little too closely—Piper's going to stop there.
"Almost time..." Hazel grips Piper's arms as she lines her up against one of her friends.
"I can't wait to see what it is!" Percy's voice says even though he knows what this is.
Piper takes a deep breath, ready to fake surprise.
"Okay, open your eyes... now!"
Hazel gasps in horror, and at first, Piper thinks it's because the sandwich shop is red and white instead of pink and green with rhinestone accents like she had them all vote on during a study session one day, but that's not the case at all. Yeah, the sandwich shop is red and white, but that's not the worst of their problems.
Piper has to fight from gagging at the smell of the chicken. There's chicken all over the place—breaded and fried chicken, chicken nuggets, chicken on salads, grilled chicken, spicy chicken, and chicken sandwiches galore. The fryer snaps, crackles, and pops as the person manning the station drops—you guessed it—more chicken into the oil. Boxes of probably soggy waffle fries lay underneath a heat lamp like pet lizards. There's a dispenser for those fancy little ketchup packets you can either squeeze or dip into, and another one for various sauces including the classic barbecue, garlic and herb ranch, Polynesian sauce, honey mustard, and so many more which Piper doesn't care to discover. A brand new poster plastered on the wall reads EAT MOR CHIKIN on a sign strung to a cow.
It's a vegetarian's nightmare.
It's a goddamn Chick-fil-A.
It's certainly not Hazel's Sandwich Hub.
Piper looks down the line, where her friends are assembled to see the surprise. It's safe to say none of them are faking their surprised faces. She swears a little fly buzzes into Frank's mouth before he finally closes it.
"I... I don't understand..." Hazel says, her voice cracking.
Right. Piper's the one good with words. "Hazel, I am so sorry this happened."
"That's supposed to be my sandwich shop. Dean D said he bought the tiling and the posters and everything. I saw the posters," she says as she blinks back tears.
Instead of speaking, Frank holds out his arms for a hug, which Hazel accepts. She buries her head in his New Rome hockey sweatshirt and sobs.
"I don't even like Chick-fil-A," Percy says.
"Yeah, screw their homophobic chicken," Annabeth adds.
Percy jumps. "I mean, it's bad chicken. The whole 'not supporting a homophobic corporation' thing is just a bonus for me."
Helpful as ever, Leo joins Hazel and Frank's hug, which is kind of weird considering he isn't a hugger, but the effort is sweet.
Jason, sensitive as ever, types something away on his phone, not caring that his glasses have fallen halfway down the bridge of his nose.
"Just let us know what we can do for you, Hazel, and we're here for you," Piper says, staring daggers into Jason. How dense can he be? And to think she actually has a text drafted in her notes following up on the sex they had in his minivan at the beginning of the semester. It's going to be at least another week before she presses send on that one.
"Got it," Jason says. "Dean!" Apparently, Jason's the only one who saw the dean trying to sneak past the group and into the Chick-fil-A line.
"Ah! Have you brats seen the new Chick-fil-A yet?" he asks. "Sandwiches and fries are included in your meal plan, but you do have to pay extra if you want a salad." Go figure. Of course, you have to pay extra to eat healthily.
"What's wrong with you?" Piper demands. "What happened to Hazel's Sandwich Hub?"
"Campus Dining Services is going in a different direction. Besides, Chick-fil-A made an offer we couldn't refuse."
Why is it that wherever food is involved, there always has to be a Godfather reference? "You signed a contract with Hazel!"
Jason puts a hand on Piper's shoulder. "I've got this, Pipes." He turns to the dean. "According to campus policy, a student needs to have at least partial ownership of any on-campus restaurant. Remember how Billie started the baked potato bar for her agriculture project?"
"Oh, well this is a perfect segue for me, isn't it?" Dean D turns to the old white men in business suits chatting over chicken salads, which means they must also be rich because the salads cost more. "Fellas, why don't you introduce my favorite study group to our new student here at New Rome Community College?"
The men part, and out emerges the most beautiful girl Piper has ever seen in her entire life, and this girl gives off the right kind of vibe if you're getting what Piper's implying. Her flannel matches her pink hair perfectly, and she's wearing baggy jeans and checkered Vans. Something tells Piper that if she has something to do with this restaurant, it's not because she shares the hatred for queer people that they do.
"Hi," Jason greets before turning to the dean and the executives. "Listen, this has to be some kind of mistake. The deal with Hazel's Sandwich Hub has been a go since the summer. This has to be a breach of contract. And you're telling me that she partially owns this restaurant? What is she—the manager?"
Piper knows this is right, that Jason has every right to speak to this girl so angrily on behalf of Hazel, but still, Piper has to know: "What's your name?"
"Chick-fil-A," the girl answers.
Annabeth crosses her arms. "Excuse me?"
"My name is... Chick-fil-A."
"Nice to meet you," says Piper.
Chick-fil-A says, "My pleasure," as any loyal Chick-fil-A employee would.
Percy furrows his eyebrows. "Can I call you 'Chick' or something for short?"
"No," one of the executives says. "Chick-fil-A is both a student and a corporate representative from Chick-fil-A enterprises."
Chick-fil-A—Piper's just going to commit to calling her that now—smiles and passes a sheet of paper to Jason. "This coupon is good for one free brownie today and today only; come check it out!"
Jason crumples up the coupon and drops it on the floor. "I would rather stick my arm in that fryer over there."
"Oh, please don't do that, Jason!" Hazel says between sniffles.
"Hazel, she's stealing your small business!" Jason objects.
"It's fine, guys. Let's just go." Spirit defeated, Hazel and the others trudge out of the dining hall, no longer certain of what they'll eat for lunch. Frank wraps his arm around Hazel and pulls her close before whispering something in her ear.
Jason crosses his arms and gives Dean D and the other Chick-fil-A executives a nasty glare before pivoting on his heel and power-walking towards the others.
Piper offers a wave to Chick-fil-A herself. "See you around."
"Here." She passes Piper a coupon. "Just in case your friend changes his mind. Or you could always use it yourself."
Piper takes the coupon just to be nice. Annabeth's right: no matter how enticing those sauces may seem, Chick-fil-A is a terrible company that uses religion to justify donating to conversion therapy programs. No brownie can make up for that.
Then again, would Piper be supporting Chick-fil-A the massive corporation if she cashed in on a free dessert, or would that just be a favor to a pretty girl named Chick-fil-A? Piper doesn't think there would be any harm in doing a favor for a new student.
✎✎✎
"Don't tell us you took one of those stupid coupons," Annabeth deadpans.
Piper puts the coupon in her Victoria's Secret PINK sweatshirt pocket. "Yes, I did take the coupon. She was trying to be nice, and I didn't want to be rude, and... Well, she seems like a nice enough person."
"Who seems like a nice enough person?" Jason prompts.
"You all know who I'm talking about. Imagine being a new student here and being the face of a corporation."
"No," Jason urges. "Say her name. I want you to hear how ridiculous you sound."
Piper sighs. "Chick-fil-A left a note on the coupon inviting me to eat lunch with her today. Since I'm assuming she has no friends here, I'll be joining her. Any of you are welcome to eat with us around noon."
Percy scratches the back of his neck. "Gee, uh, I'd love to, but I'm FaceTiming my mom then." He never FaceTimes his mom during his lunch hour.
"I uh, have a huge engineering project due tomorrow," Leo says even though he never procrastinates in that class.
Jason rubs his temples. "You're nice, Piper. Any other new student and I'd be right there, but I can't get behind this. You owe it to Hazel."
"Annabeth?" Piper asks.
Annabeth looks up from her game of Angry Birds. "What? Oh... I have to walk my cactus." She killed her cactus last semester. Piper calls it 'overwatering,' but if you ask Annabeth, she'll assert that it is possible to love something to death.
Piper sits down and opens her textbook. "So," she says, trying to play off the awkward tension in the room, "the mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell, am I right?"
"I can't do this." Jason gets up and leaves, quickly followed by Annabeth, who mutters something about having to shave her legs.
"I think I'm just going to call my mom early," Percy says before throwing his backpack over his shoulder.
Leo gets up and leaves. "I just don't want to be here."
Frank and Hazel stay, which is weird because Piper thought they'd be the first ones to get upset over her befriending Chick-fil-A since it is Hazel's sandwich shop and Frank does have a thing for her.
"I've got an idea," Frank says.
"Okay?"
Hazel crosses her legs and leans forward. "It's a really good plan. Like, Annabeth-worthy."
Piper closes her biology textbook; it's clear that nobody has any intentions of learning today. "Okay. Shoot."
"We need you to go to lunch with Chick-fil-A and get all the intel about the company," Frank explains.
"You mean, like a spy?" Piper asks.
"Do you want to be like a spy?" Hazel asks.
"Sure."
"Then yes. Just like a spy."
Frank clears his throat and then continues. "Anyway, we need you to get close to her and ask more about Chick-fil-A's contract with New Rome, and what exactly it is that she gets paid to do."
"And I'm doing this because?"
"Because you support my sandwich shop," Hazel says. "Please, Piper, this is the only shot we have at taking down Chick-fil-A and making my dreams come true!"
'Dreams come true' is a little whimsical, even for Hazel, but Piper can't exactly say no.
What she can say is, "This is getting out of hand, guys." They can just read the contract, do some digging, and then come to Piper and Jason. If something's wrong, she'll be happy to help since she is a potential law student after all.
✎✎✎
By the time she gets to the front of the Chick-fil-A line, Piper's started theorizing what kind of mind-control devices they might be using on the student body because damn, that line is long. It doesn't help that everyone comes to a screeching halt at the waffle fry station every couple of minutes.
"They're kind of soggy anyway," Piper mutters to Connor Stoll. "Why can't we skip the fries?"
Connor shrugs. "Hey, I know I have unreliable taste, but those are some good fries."
Austin Lake turns around in line. "Even if they are soggy, they come with the meal plan. I'm not leaving without waffle fries."
And to think Piper's in line for a measly brownie. It can't be that good of a brownie, can it?
She owes it to that nice girl Chick-fil-A to get a stupid brownie, so when her part of the line finally reaches the food, she asks Austin, "Hey, man, I'm just getting a brownie. Are you cool if I cut in front of you?"
He shrugs. "Yeah, go for it, although I don't know why you'd wait in line and not get a sandwich."
"Thanks." And then she does the same thing to the next person. "Laurel, would you mind if I cut in front of you since-"
"I'm Holly," the girl says. Can you blame Piper for confusing her with her identical twin? The back of her soccer sweatshirt just says VICTOR on it. Wait, is that her real last name?
"Right, sorry," Piper says. "Holly, can I cut in front of you since I'm just getting a brownie?"
"But what if you're getting a sandwich and you want to get to it before me?"
God, does she have to be so competitive? "Listen, why would I lie to you-"
"Cheaters never win, Piper."
"Yeah, but I'm not-"
"She's with me," Chick-fil-A says, appearing seemingly out of nowhere. She loops her arm through Piper's. "I grabbed your brownie."
"What about my coupon?"
"Save it for a rainy day," she says. "C'mon, I got us a table too."
It's the worst table in the cafeteria because you're right next to the Chick-fil-A line and the trashcans, so Piper explains this to her new friend.
"I know," Chick-fil-A says, "but I'm supposed to be seen sitting within fifteen feet of Chick-fil-A eating our food."
"Oh."
"Yeah, but my meal plan's free if I eat Chick-fil-A every single day."
"They don't do breakfast, do they?" Piper asks.
Chick-fil-A sits up a little taller. "Actually, we do. It's mostly breakfast sandwiches on biscuits and burritos, but not everything has chicken on it."
"Okay," Piper says. "Here's a long shot: got anything vegetarian or vegan?"
She smirks. "I'll pass it along to corporate."
Piper unwraps her brownie and takes a bite, probably a bigger bite than she should have, but it's worth it. Piper's one of those people who doesn't believe in too much chocolate. She'll eat a bowl of Cocoa Puffs with a side of chocolate milk, and then she'll drink the milk out of the cereal bowl. Chocolate is probably the one food keeping Piper from going full-vegan.
"Alright, my turn to ask you a question," Chick-fil-A says. "Have you taken Brunner's literature class?"
"No, but I was in his Greek and Roman Mythology class last semester."
"Hmm... Maybe you can help me anyway?" she says, pressing her finger against the little mole on her chin.
Piper smiles. "I can certainly try."
"So we're reading 1984 by George Orwell, and—now I know this shouldn't matter because I've read it about a million times already—I'm trying to catch up with his reading schedule. Tomorrow the syllabus says to read the first four chapters in Part Two. Am I supposed to read that tomorrow for homework, or am I supposed to have it read for class tomorrow?"
"Read it for tomorrow and be ready to discuss. Brunner's a big fan of nodding while the class essentially teaches the material for him." Then she notes, "Getting into the spicy parts, I see."
"Speaking as a lesbian, I love their relationship," Chick-fil-A says.
"Woah, time out. Chick-fil-A hired a gay spokesperson?"
"I don't think they realize," says Chick-fil-A. "Some homophobes have terrible gaydars. But yeah. Winston and Julia."
"Forbidden love."
"Is there anything more romantic?"
Piper shrugs. "I mean, the whole thing with the rats isn't very romantic, but I love the rebellious nature of their relationship. Like, not only are they head-over-heals for each other, but they're willing to use their love to stick it to the government."
"Exactly!" Chick-fil-A says a little too loud for the dining hall.
Piper finishes off her homophobic brownie while Chick-fil-A rushes to finish her grilled chicken sandwich. If she has to eat Chick-fil-A food every single day, at least she knows to skip the breading.
She takes the time to carefully fold her trash into the paper that covered her now-finished sandwich. Instead of wiping it on a napkin, Chick-fil-A licks the Polynesian sauce from her pale finger. She wears a silver ring with some kind of leaves engraved on it. Is that poison oak? Maybe Chick-fil-A has more of a rebellious side than she lets on.
If she weren't directly affiliated with a large homophobic corporation, Piper might wonder if their shared lunch hour was a date. If this was a couple of months ago when she thought she might still stand a chance with Jason, she'd spend the entire rest of the day unable to focus on her schoolwork because that conversation about 1984 seemed to have some implications.
"Well, I'll see you around, Piper," Chick-fil-A says.
"Good luck in literature," Piper says. "Brunner's a big fan of dioramas, so try to join a study group if you can."
"Thanks!" She adjusts the straps on her cow print backpack and heads down the hall, leaving Piper to wonder what Chick-fil-A's corporate rules are on a company representative dating another woman.
✎✎✎
Piper's head has been stuck in the clouds for the past several hours. The only thing she can do without thinking of Chick-fil-A is eat, and that's only because she's a vegan and doesn't feel like getting in that long line to wait for another brownie.
She's so infatuated, that she forgot her biology textbook back at her apartment, and now has to venture into the stacks of the library.
The shelves tower above her, reaching to the ceiling. If Piper weren't so dyslexic, she could spend hours back here looking at all the different books. Some of these have to be at least a hundred years old.
"Oh, I'm so sorry!" she says to the guy on the floor searching through reference books.
"It's okay," Nico grumbles. It's his fault for wearing clothes that dark. The lights in the stacks aren't the greatest.
"Hey, while you're here," Piper asks him, "do you know where our biology textbook is?"
Nico stands up and points almost straight up into the air. "They keep 'em a little too high for my taste. I'd offer to help you, but you have at least two inches on me in those shoes."
Piper looks down at her platform Converse, and then back up, but Nico's gone. It's like that kid can merge with the shadows or something.
"Well, here goes nothing," she says to nobody in particular. She slides the ladder so it lines up with her textbook and gets climbing.
There's a cool breeze below; she chose the wrong day to wear a skirt. She rarely wears skirts to class. Why would she do such a stupid thing?
Her textbook is nestled right in between the biology 201 books and... a copy of George Orwell's 1984. How did that get there? Piper thought the library stacks were primarily for storing textbooks and other references.
She tucks both books under her arm and descends the ladder, careful not to skip any steps. Today's her day to be a good samaritan and put her favorite dystopian book back where it belongs. Or maybe this is a sign that she's due for a reread. Either way, 1984 is too good to be stashed against the ceiling alongside a bunch of cell diagrams.
"Oh!" Now here's the thing: periods. They suck. Some people get all horny on their periods, some people get angry, some people get sad, and other people have ungodly cravings.
Piper gets clumsy.
So once again: not a good day to wear a skirt, not a good day to forget her textbook, not a good day to climb a dusty old ladder to get said textbook, and not a good day to fall from the second to last step of that dusty old ladder. Altogether, it's not a good day to have a blooming crush on the human embodiment of Chick-fil-A.
Or maybe it is.
Piper manages not to drop the textbook worth about half of her father's yearly salary, but 1984 slips out of her hands and falls open to a page marked by a Chick-fil-A sandwich wrapper. It still smells like eggs and bacon from the breakfast menu.
One sentence is highlighted. Piper knows it by heart; it's one of her favorite quotes in the book. Hell, she submitted it for her senior quote back in high school and then got in trouble because it seemed to have implications the school didn't like.
Until they become conscious, they will never rebel.
And there's a note written on the Chick-fil-A wrapper: Girls' locker room @ 3:00?
Piper isn't sure how she's supposed to respond to that note, but there's no way it isn't from Chick-fil-A. Only a new student would assume that the girls' locker room is clean.
She reads the highlighted passage in the book. Until they become conscious, they will never rebel. Is it true that they'll hold your transcript hostage if you don't return a library book? Because Piper feels a strong urge to commit theft right now.
She silently scolds herself for considering a criminal lifestyle. She'll at least check 1984 out from the library along with her textbook and then she'll suffer through her classes before meeting Chick-fil-A this afternoon.
And that's fine. Piper can learn to be patient. At least she isn't under the constant surveillance of the government. She might, however, be under the surveillance of Chick-fil-A corporate executives.
✎✎✎
"Piper, thank goodness, you've made it!" Chick-fil-A rushes to meet Piper.
"Well, it isn't the countryside of Oceania, but it'll do." Instead of rosebushes and soft grass, the locker room has black mold and someone's lost stinky gym shoes rotting in the corner, but it's all the same to Piper.
"I wanted to tell you about myself somewhere we aren't being watched," Chick-fil-A says.
Piper smirks. "Hence, the quote."
"You liked it?"
"Depends. Are we going to rebel?"
"Soon," Chick-fil-A says. "When my contract is up, I'll go public about my being a lesbian. For now, I kind of need this job."
"Word," Piper says.
Chick-fil-A leans against a locker and slowly falls to the ground. Piper joins her. She'll find a better secret meeting spot for next time. She can take the dirty floor for now.
"What'll be next?" Piper asks. "After your contract is up, I mean."
"I've never told anyone this."
"I'll keep it secret if that's what you'd like."
Chick-fil-A shifts so she's sitting on her knees. "I want to become a tap dancer."
"Excuse me?"
"My shoes are hidden under the floorboards at my dad's house. He was a famous ballet dancer, but ever since the injury... Well, he's retired now," Chick-fil-A says. "He wouldn't be too happy to learn that I'm choosing a different path than his."
"I know a thing or two about that," Piper says. "Uh, the famous dad thing. I can't dance to save my life."
"I wish parents were cooler with that stuff. Hell, I wish I didn't have to become the human embodiment of Chick-fil-A just to eat."
Piper takes Chick-fil-A's hands in her own. "You're going to get through this without any kidney stones and then you're going to be the best damn tap dancer on the planet."
"Thanks, Piper," she says, tears welling in her brown eyes.
"Anytime... Chick-fil-A."
✎✎✎
Biology labs are a drag, but if you're a vegetarian, they're an anxiety-filled drag.
Yes, Piper got special permission to do the dissections digitally, right after Dean D asked her why she wouldn't just take geology. Geology is boring. Piper wants to learn about the animals she's supporting with her meatless lifestyle, dammit!
She clicks on the digital worm lung and labels it while the smell of preservatives lingers in the air. Piper may not be dissecting a real earthworm today, but she's going to get all the nasty sensory overload that comes with it.
"Jason," Percy asks his lab partner, "would you still be my bro if I was an earthworm?"
"Bro, how would I know it's you?"
Percy gasps.
Hazel adjusts her worm-mutilating tools and then nudges Frank.
"What?" he asks.
She gestures towards Piper. Great.
"Oh, uh... Hey, Piper, did you get any information from Chick-fil-A?" Frank asks.
Piper groans internally. "Guys, I told you, I'm not comfortable using her like that. She's nice and-"
"And she's working for the corporation that took away my sandwich shop," Hazel says.
"She's more than that!"
Frank knits his eyebrows. "Don't take this the wrong way, but are you—you know—interested in her? Like, romantically?"
Piper scoffs. "Frank, I-"
"Piper, we had no idea," Hazel says sympathetically.
"Yeah, we're sorry," Frank adds. "That wasn't fair of us to make you spy on her while dating her."
"We're not-"
Hazel passes something to Piper. "Can you just bug her next time you see her?"
"What? You mean like record everything she says?" Piper asks.
"Yeah, it's a pretty great idea, isn't it?" Frank asks. "Then you can be hands-off from there on out."
"That's not-"
"Thanks, Piper," Hazel says, patting her on the shoulder.
She rolls her eyes. "If you think I'm going to bug my crush, you are sorely mistaken. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a digital worm to mutilate."
Leo's mouth hangs open as he stares with Annabeth right next to him doing the same thing.
"What are you two looking at?" Piper demands.
Annabeth clears her throat and pulls her arm back through her sweatshirt.
Leo digs back into the worm.
"But bro," Percy says, "say you do know it's me, okay? Maybe I'm wearing a tiny blue hat or something. Would I still be your bro if I was an earthworm?"
✎✎✎
She meets Chick-fil-A behind the restaurant counter after hours and after a long lecture from Piper about how none of the security cameras at New Rome work, and, as a side note, how you should always keep your belongings on hand because if a thief finds your valuables, there's no getting them back.
The cow posters stare down at them as if to say, Big Brother is watching you. The fryers are all off, but the smell of oil and chicken lingers.
"How much longer will your contract last?" Piper asks even though she's not so sure she wants to know the answer.
Chick-fil-A sighs. "The rest of the year at least, and I'm not supposed to go back to school here after reclaiming my old identity."
"There's plenty of schools nearby," Piper says. "You could go to Berkeley. You're plenty smart enough to get into Berkeley."
"I don't know about that," Chick-fil-A says through her smile.
Piper reaches for her chin. "I know about it. Troy Bolton from High School Musical got in. You're at least twice as smart as Troy Bolton."
"Thanks, Piper."
"Anytime, Chick-fil-A." Piper leans in for a kiss, not even caring that Chick-fil-A's breath tastes a little bit like an egg and cheese breakfast biscuit. She can't help it. It's part of that damned contract.
Chick-fil-A kisses around Piper's mouth, down her jawline, peppering her pink lip gloss down her sensitive neck.
"Chick-fil-A..." Piper moans before hitting her head against the cookie oven.
Chick-fil-A pulls back, her brownie-colored eyes wide with longing. "Call me by my real name."
"Your... real name?" They've been meeting like this for... Well, only four times, actually, but it's been long enough for Piper to just get used to calling her Chick-fil-A like it's as normal a name as Stephanie or Hannah.
Chick-fil-A nods. "Lavinia. My name is Lavinia."
"Oh, god, Lavinia..."
Piper's going to spare the details because she respects Lavinia's privacy, and certainly does not respect the corporate greed of Chick-fil-A, but they make love. They have sweet lesbian sex surrounded by homophobic chicken.
And without giving away too much, Piper's a giver this time. She takes her time worshipping every part of Lavinia because how dare a corporation steal this beautiful tap-dancing woman's identity? How dare they keep her from being herself and loving who she wants?
And when they're done, Lavinia makes Piper a milkshake: half-chocolate and half-strawberry. "I'm not supposed to do this," she says, "but I think they're better together."
Piper sips her milkshake and says to Lavinia, "We are the dead."
Lavinia smirks at the reference.
✎✎✎
Piper would like to say that the secret meetings with Chick-fil-A continue throughout the semester, and throughout the rest of the school year, perhaps. Maybe she and her corporate lover, the Julia to her Winston, would have a secret haven, away from corporations, the government, and Piper's friends.
But alas, their time together cannot continue—not under the eyes of Big Brother.
Piper didn't make the mistake of trusting an ally, a third agent, but still, the Mr. Charrington to her Winston and Julia romance was there watching the whole time. The Thought Police can be anyone, not just government officials in uniforms. Even your closest friends might turn on you.
Sure, it wasn't the whole 'painting that's actually a webcam thing,' which might be a blessing in disguise since nobody actually saw Piper and Lavinia having sex all over the Chick-fil-A, but a bug planted by your close friends is quite a stab.
It starts when Piper's called to the dean's office. Mind you, she isn't worried because Dean D's never called anybody into his office for something disciplinary before. It usually only happens when the dean needs a Diet Coke bad enough to offer someone a fine arts credit in exchange for one. Piper tries not to think about that since she took that stupid pottery class.
So it's not unreasonable for her to get her hopes up when she gets that email.
Unfortunately, her hopes are let down the minute she walks into the office. Dean D sits on a teal yoga ball instead of his usual chair, which he gave up to one of the several Chick-fil-A executives in the room. Men in business suits carrying briefcases dot the walls, all staring down at Piper through their sunglasses.
Lavinia turns around in her seat to see Piper enter, but she quickly faces forward again. All Piper wants to do is wipe the tears from her eyes, but something tells her not to.
"Sit down, Piper," Dean D says before taking a sip of Diet Coke.
Piper takes a seat next to Lavinia, who avoids eye contact altogether.
"Is something wrong, Dean?" Piper asks like an idiot.
The dean takes a breath through his teeth, "Well..." he trails off.
"You are the dead," a Chick-fil-A executive says. Wow, so everyone's committed to this 1984 allegory that's going on. Piper's always been a fan of dystopian fiction, but she can't say she's ever wanted to live in one. At least this isn't The Hunger Games.
"Wow, that's dark," Dean D notes. "So an anonymous source tipped us off with this recording from the other day, and now we're all going to listen to it or something. I don't know. Or care, really. I don't have time for this bullshit..." He puts a flash drive into his computer and presses play at the urging of Chick-fil-A's executives.
The explicit recording plays for the whole room to hear. It's nearly impossible to tune out because there's just nothing to get distracted by—and that's coming from an ADHD college student.
The executives remain stone-faced, as they're here purely for research purposes. Dean D frowns and picks up his crossword puzzle.
Lavinia picks at the white gum stuck to the bottom of her seat.
When the recording finishes, one of the executives says, "I see no reason why our corporate representative can't engage in relations with other students, even if they are premarital."
"Who's the boy?" another executive asks Lavinia.
"I..." Lavinia trails off.
Piper could save the relationship if she doesn't speak up, but to die free from Big Brother—of Chick-fil-A—is to die free. "It's me. It's me and Lavinia in that recording."
Dean D drops his pencil. "There is no student named Lavinia enrolled at New Rome Community College."
"Wait, our corpohumanoid had sexual relations with another woman?" one of the executives asks.
"Chick-fil-A, for crimes against Christianity, you are officially relieved of your duties to our institution. Hand over your coupons and go," another Chick-fil-A executive says.
Lavinia looks at Piper and then at the executives. "No, you can't do this! I've only been at this school for a week but I love it!"
"We absolutely can do this." An executive mutters something into a walkie-talkie, and then a SWAT team of Chick-fil-A employees complete with neon safety vests storms into the dean's office.
"No!" Piper shouts when she realizes what's about to happen.
The employees grab Lavinia by the arms and drag her out of her seat. She doesn't fight it.
"Lavinia, no! What about us?" Piper cries.
With tears streaming down her face, Lavinia whispers, "It was my pleasure."
✎✎✎
Piper and Lavinia never promise not to betray one another the way Julia and Winston do. They both know how that works out for their relationship. Still, Piper was never ready to lose Lavinia. She's stronger than Winston. She never betrays Lavinia in her heart. She'll always remember Lavinia and their time together. Not even rats can take that away from her because Piper's different from Winston.
Winston also has some pretty nasty fantasies about Julia at the beginning of the book, and Piper's not down for that. So yeah, she's a lot better than him.
And as she's in line with Hazel for free Italian ice from the student government association, she sees a woman with shoulder-length pink hair and a cow print backpack.
"Chick-fil-A!" Piper gasps.
The woman turns around and greets Piper with an unfamiliar smile. "Hi, that's me! Here, have a punch card!" Her chirpy explanation of how many sandwiches one has to buy to get a free one is drowned out by Piper's inner despair.
At least Chick-fil-A replaced Lavinia altogether instead of staying true to 1984.
Piper takes the punch card and thanks the new Chick-fil-A.
"Is everything okay?" Hazel asks. Typical of a character from a dystopia, she doesn't realize she's being deceived.
"I'm fine."
But it isn't quite fine.
She is Chick-fil-A, but she is not Lavinia.
And Piper most certainly does not love Chick-fil-A in any capacity.