While i'm staring at myself in the mirror, I suddenly remember how I loathed this body back then. I realize how I growth this much, treasuring my self, taking care of what I am.
Habang nakiki pag usap ako sa sarili kong utak may biglang tumawag sakin sa labas ng bahay, I immediately back to my senses and move.
"Ano Samantha? wala kabang trabaho ngayon at tutunganga ka jan sa salamin?" ayan na naman si mama, naka schedule talaga ang bunganga araw araw eh. "kumain kana at mag bihis, naka latag na lahat ayaw mo pa mag madali." saad ni mama.
"Oo na" iritang sabi ko.
Nagmadali akong naligo at dali dali ding kumain, after that. nag bihis nako, I want to look aesthetic sa work, char. I am wearing Doctor suit. I reluctantly commute some jeep kase wala na late na talaga ako. I have my own car naman pero kase papansin akong tao nag commute ako. tinamad lang mag drive.
I thank god for entering the hospital na hindi haggard, baka mawalan ako ng gana mag trabaho.
"Dr. Samantha? ang aga mo naman ho, mamayang alas sais pa trabaho naten." Jane said sarcastically.
"Just shut up jane, dumating naman akong maganda, kahit late. ewan ko sayo di ka nga late mukha ka namang 2 days walang ligo." I jokingly said, kairita to si jane, aga aga nam bu buwesit.
"Biro lang naman Ma'am, sakit naman non." deserve. "Ma'am omg pogi yung patient mo ngayon, malaki yung katawan ma'am, medjo maputi, matangos ilong, tsaka ang linis ng gupit, Ma'am" Jane said with adoration.
I mentally scoffed my self, when I suddenly remember him, i'd move on naman. parang timang lang talaga minsan tong utak ko, nag rarandom thoughts. but actually, i missed him. kamusta na kaya sya? i thank him for what i am now.
Nang maka pasok na ako sa office ko, tanaw ko na ang lalaki sa glass window. he's wearing the kind of polo that Akio's type.
I entered the room, confidently, but suddenly my knees became weak as I look to my patient face, bakit sya andito? ba't parang lumiit mundo naming dalawa. he grew maturely. wow, stop this nonsense monologues bel. I came back to my senses and cough, i sat.
"Uhm...Good Morning sir, I'm Dr. Bella" i really can feel jane's giggle at my left hand.
Parang na alerto ang lalaki nang bumoses ako. "I have a high fever last night until now, even i take my meds and got some rest, it's even more worse today." he said in a low voice.
"Oh.....I see. May I know what's your uh...name Sir?" even though I really know him, i'll still be casual to him, para di mahalata ni Jane na mag ka kilala pala kami mahilig pa naman mang asar yon. I'd move on naman gosh.
"Uh...I'm Akio David" he said shortly, but it's obvious that he feels confuse when he said that.
I nodded "Ilang taon kana sir?" I asked continuously.
Alam ko namang he recognized me when the time I stepped on in the office. I'm not just comfortable right now, to clear things out between us. After that, I immediately ask him about any symptoms he feel, and I gave him the suitable medication for his Health issue.
"You have catched a cold sir, you should get some more rest, i'll give you the medication, you can go home after" sabi ko sa lalaki, di ko na kase gustong pahabain pag uusap namin.
"Thankyou Doc." he said shortly.
"Uh...Yes you're welcome sir" nang lumabas pa sya ay pa tingin tingin sakin bago nawala sa paningin ko, para akong nawalan ng tinik nang nakalabas sya.
"Jane?" hanap ko sa kanya.
Pagtingin ko sa labas ay napairap nalang ako nang makita kong si Jane ay sumusunod sa lalaki, jusko. i really need to have a fresh air right now.
I walk to the nearest cafe, to sip a hot coffee. I need to mentally rest.
I suddenly remember his matureness lately, ang gwapo na niya, he's now more masculine than we were in highschool. The memories flashbacked in a sudden. Akio is my first and last ex. I really love him back then, i think i moved on now. He's my bestfriend when i was a kid, he loves to scold me when anything went off, and i really do love that. Bagong lipat sila nuon bago ko sya makilala, i'm an introvert, ayaw ko lumabas dati i feel like walking outside is like walking with insecurity, pero binago nya yon nang dumating sya.
"Bella? why don't you play outside?" dad said with confusion in his eyes.
"Ayoko pa, i don't want to anymore. the last time i went outside they just bullied me, they said i was a coal, because i'm black." i said while sobbing.
My dad is a half nigerian that's why na mana ko ang kind of skin color nya, it's one of my insecurities. My nose, my skin color and my body.
I saw a boy that i think 2 years older than me, i sat in the door and watching him while doing stuff. Maya maya ay tumingin sya sakin at biglang ngumiti, Guwapo sya, matangos ilong, mapula ang labi, maputi, and he have thick brows. Ngumiti ako pabalik, kahit mukhang awkward sakin cause i'm not used to someone is smiling at me. para akong nanibago. at kasunod non ay ang pag baling nya sakin at pag punta, nag laro kami naging magaan ang loob ko sa kanya, dahil uso pa dati ang loom bands, ginawan ko sya ng ganon, with a pattern of pink yellow para unique.
"Susuotin ko to hanggang hindi ito ma bigtas, ang cute mo naman gumawa" nakangiting saad nya.
"Thankyou, turoan kita gusto mo?" i said in a low voice.
Bago pa man sya maturoan, he went panicked. when he watch the wall clock.
"Hala alas kwatro na pala-" he said.
"Hoy!!! ikaw? umuwi kana, wala ka talagang silbi kang bata ka. buong mag hapon kang nawala sa tindahan!!
"Ma wag dito." he said with fear.
"Hali ka dito!!" sabi ng ginang habang hinahatik ang lalaki.
Pianood ko sya habang pinaulanan ng sapak sa pwet, hindi ko man lang natanong kung ano ang pangalan nya, sayang naman. After that, i didn't see him anymore. i always sat at the door wishing he would come back, but none came. until i graduated Elementary, i didn't see him anymore. When i got to highschool, i met some friends, i finally found my bestfriends. our circle is 4, There's Lear, Leslie, and Shane. sabay sabay kaming pumasok sa room. umupo kami na magkatabi kaming apat, may isang bakante na upoan sa tabi ko, but i put my bag on it.
"Bel? may assignment kaba? pa kopya naman, nalimutan ko yung aken." saad ni leslie.
"Taga may assignment palagi mong nalilimutan, ah. Are you really forgetting them, or ayaw mo lang gumawa?" i said with irritation.
"Ito naman oh, last na to. gagawa nako sa susunod, kahit walang assignment gagawa ako."
"You've said that multiple times" i rolled my eyes.
Agad kung binigay sa kanya yong notebook ko, but in the midst of doing that. a handsome guy asked me.
"Hi, Is anyone sitting here?"
He looks familiar. wait. where did i met him?
"Ah wala, upo ka na diyan, kunin mo ang bag ng inggrata." sabi ni Lear, malandi ka lang teh kaya ka pumayag.
I massage my temple as i'm trying to think where i met this guy, he's really familiar to me. Meron syang mga pasa sa paa, but that is not my least of my concern.
"Hoy bel, kanina kapa tinatawag ni ma'am oh? bat parang asong ulol nakatunganga ka?"
I came back to my senses, all of my classmates is now staring at me, nakakahiya!! bat ba kase ako ganto. di ko naman coping mechanism to sa mga trauma ko.
"Uh sorry ma'am, Present ma'am!" i chuckled.
"What's your name again?" Teacher ann said.
"I'm Samantha Bella E. Calign, Ma'am."
"Uh...so you're the class valedictorian in your elem?" she smiled.
"Yes ma'am" i said shortly.
"I'm expecting you to have a good remarks ha? i'm rooting for you" Teacher ann said before dismissal.
Umupo ako na may dismaya, pero, pag baling ko sa upoan ng lalaki ay nakangiti na sya. ang familiar talaga ng ngiti nya. This. This is also my insecurities, my remarks, grades, and academic achievements. they all want me to be at the top, the one. i'm mentally drained about that stereotype. i just want to learn, hindi yung dapat lahat magaling ako. all consistent honor has its weakness, we're not perfect, we can also do mistakes.
Nakita ko nalang ang sarili ko na kumakain sa canteen, kasama sila. i still can't get over thinking over the guy in my right side sitting. I heard he's Akio David, wow good name. After that, i saw him walking down in the stairs, making his way to buy a food in the canteen. he looks pale, parang kulang sya sa tulog or what. i mentally scold my self because what am i to think of him? sino ba ako? si natoy? char.
"Hala tulongan nyo napano ba yan?" sigaw ng tindera.
"What's that?" Lear said with confusion.
"Puntahan natin!" hinatak kami ni Shane papunta doon.
I saw a guy that's lying on the floor sa canteen, when i get to see him more. i was shocked, Akio collapsed. i already knew it, he's not okay.
"Help me carry this student" reluctantly said by a teacher.
Sumunod kaming apat hanggang sa mapunta kami sa clinic, ewan ko ba gusto ko talaga sumama. naiwan ang mga bestfriend ko sa labas, nag pumilit akong pumasok sa clinic, tignan ko kung okay lang ba sya.
Pumasok ako sa clinic, tinanong ko kaagad yung assigned na nurse kong asan si Akio David. The nurse immediately point where the bed is.
Nang makapasok ako, nakita ko sya at yung adviser namin. umupo ako sa kabilang upoan.
"Kilala mo ba to, Samantha?" Tanong ng adviser namin.
"Uh....Yes ma'am, kaibigan ko." I lied, baka kasi mapa alis ako kung sabihin kong hindi.
"So well, ikaw muna ang mag bantay, i need to go to our room now. Can you bel?"
"Yes ma'am" i said formally.
Umalis na si ma'am sa clinic, and i found my self staring at his face. He's so handsome, he's features are define. mostly his nose. I mentally scream when he wakes up!
"Uhm.....U-na nak-ko.." sabi ko.
akmang aalis, kaso hinawakan nya ang kamay ko. kasabay ng paghawak non my heart hammered in my chest.
"Wag kanang aalis, hinanap na kita oh."
--End of flashback--
"Doc?"
I immediately back to my senses, ang taas ng pag flashback ko ah.
"Doc ano iniisip nyo? kanina pa po kayo nakatunganga" sabi ni Jane na may sinisipsip, YUNG MILKTEA KO!
"Uh....ma'am ininom ko na din mukhang wala kayong balak inomin to eh" bago pako maka pag salita, inunahan nya ko.
"Umalis ka sa harapan ko Jane, bago ko pa mapakain yang straw sayo." iritang saad ko.
"Ay grabe si ma'am, porket maganda ginaganyan nako. pumanget ka sana ma'am"
"Wala nang natirang kapangitan sa mundo, nasayo na lahat." irap ko.
Lalabas na sana ako ng café ng may nakita akong nakatitig sa bandang pintoan ng café. Ano na namang ginagawa ng lalaking to dito? sana naman di nyako nakitang nakatunganga.
Akmang aalis nako sa café, he suddenly talk.
"How long are you gonna walk without me?" he said in a shy tone.
"Maybe if you could tell me truth." i said with bossy tone.
"I am" he uttered.
"I will walk with you soon, i'll have you back soon." sabi nya pa bago ako maka labas ng café. anong pinag sasabi nito? diba may lagnat sya?
"I think you should go home now, you're having a fever." pag baling ko sa kanya.
He chuckled. "Are you concern?" naka taas pa ang isang kilay.
Siyempre bilang isang doctor mag aalala ka talaga, anong gusto nya? hayaan ko siyang mamatay sa lagnat dahil sa kalandian niya? aba.
"That's a command as your doctor." i said shortly and walk out in the café
I mentally laugh, nang makalabas nako ng café parang naiwan ang sarili ko don. iwan ko ba sa lalaking yon, matagal na kaming wala ah. he even said he'll stop loving me, tapos ano tong ina arte nya ngayon? psycho ba sya?
Bumalik ako sa office ng may sama ng loob, di lang dahil anjan yung lalaki pati nadin sa pag higop ni Jane sa milktea ko. ang mahal kaya non, kaya nya naman bumili ah. I assist some patients, the routine was repeating, mag che check ng patient, papainom ng gamot, sign some receipt, and out.
"Bel? sama ka samin mamaya, birthday ni Griffin." tugon ng isa kong kasama, si Dr. Reign, my schoolmate in med school.
"Pagod ako ngayon reign eh, pero paki sabi kay Griffin Happy birthday, ha?" ngiting saad ko.
"Walang pass pass dito girl, ngayon lang naman ih. tsaka request to ni griffin na pasamahin ka girl, mukhang type ka eh." she chuckled.
I heaved sigh "Anong oras ba? baka ma late ako or hindi ako sure."
Naka pamiwang na sya ngayon "Jusko naman bel, palagi ka nalang ganyan, minsan lang to oh. ako na nag aaya eh."
"Oh sya sge na sge na....Basta ikaw maghahatid sakin ha?"
"Oo girl, promise" she even did pinky swear.
I immediately drove home, baka hinahanap nako ng mga kaibigan ko tsaka ni mama.
"I'm home." i said tiredly.
"Magbihis kana don bel, kanina pa tumatawag si lear sayo." saad ni mama habang nagluluto.
"Ay, ma? may gala ako mamaya, payagan mo ko bday kase ng kasamahan ko." i said while smiling.
"Ay nako, basta't ih promise mo sakin na magiging reponsibilidad ka bel ha? baka ay mag pa ek ek ka han kahit saan" inis na saad ni mama.
Ganyan talaga bibig ni mama, natatakot raw sya mabuntis ako. ih malaki nako eh, ano ba gusto nya? nasa kuna ako lage?
I ran to my room and change clothes, i'm just wearing a white tank top, and a black mum jeans, partnered with a white rubber shoes. My hair was in ponytail, i wore make up lightly, After fixing myself, tinawagan ko muna si Lear.
"Hi lear!" pagbati ko.
"Hi bel! kanina pako tumatawag ah, parang nakalimutan muna ako." nakasimangot pa sya sa camera.
"Grabe naging lawyer ka lang ang oa mo na, talent mo ba yan ha?"i jokingly said.
We catch up some things at nag talk about sa trabaho, i knew that she was now on the states, she was handling a case thei. she's now a bigtime, deserve nya yon after so many years of suffering.
Pagkatapos naming mag usap, agad kung kinapa ang cellphone habang kumakain.
From: Reign
Girl dito tayo sa La verranda Bar, dito naka held bday ni griffin.
To: Reign
Otw.
I start my car and drove through La verranda. i get there in no time. As usual madaming tao kase bday nga diba. agad bumungad si reign na umiinom na.
"Girl dito tayo." hinatak nyako papunta sa upoan namin.
Pagkaupo ko doon kita ko na ang mga bisita ni griffin, ang dami naman. hinanap ko si griffin para maka pag bati, pumunta ako sa side ng stage, at yon nakita ko nga. dinaganan ko sya at niyakap ako.
Kumalas ako sa yakap "Hi griff, Happy birthdat, you're so hot tonight huh" i said.
He chuckled, "Thankyou. No bel, don't flutter me like that." he joked.
We talk a bit about our work and bumalik na din sa upoan.
"Hoy bel, sayo to." bigay sakin ni reign ng shot.
I'm not into alcohol kase i tasted it first time when i was 18, pinagbabawalan kase talaga ako ni mama when she was in dubai. Pero ngayon, i drink ocasionally. Kinuha ko yong 1 glass of vodka and drink it drastically. Parang gusto kong mag alak ngayon, i want to rest with my monologues muna. tanggap lang ako nang tanggap sa mga shots, i don't complain, nasa mood ako uminom ngayon. Until reign invites me on the dance floor, pumayag ako.
"Lasing kana ba girl?" she said while laughing.
"Hindi. Nahihilo lang ako."
We dance silently, para akong nakawala sa hawla, i even slowly turn and move my hips in circle. May biglang humawak sa bewang ko, diko ma aninag kong sino. kita ko si reign pabalik sa upoan, bwesit na babae to iniwan pako dito.
"Who...are you?" i said with confusion.
"Hatid na kita." sabi nya, akmang aalisin ako sa dance floor.
"Hindi wag, sasayaw pako eh. Sino kaba ha!? i don't talk to stranger."
"You're drunk bel, let's go home. Tita Liza, we'll be mad." sabi nya habang hinihila ako.
"Hoy impakto, why do you know my mom? are you a stalker huh?" i scanned his face with my hand. "Wag moko pakialaman, stalker ka nga eh."
"Bel." tigas na sabi nya.
"Ano ba!? hindi ako sasama sayo, bakit ha? gwapo ka ba? ha? matangos ba ilong mo!?" after saying those words, i immediately think about kio's features. "Sasama ako sayo pag si Akio ka...pag hindi, umalis ka. sya lang naman nagliligtas sakin, shoo alis!" Winakli ko sya.
"I am" saad niya.
"Kamukha mo lang sya pero di ikaw yon, di naman ako pupuntahan non. sabi pa nya sakin, he'll stop loving me. he will stop walking with me." hinawakan ko pa ang dibdib ko na para bang nasasaktan habang nagsasalita.
Hindi ko na malaman anong kasunod nuon, nakita ko nalang ang sarili ko na naka tunganga sa kotse. mahaba haba ang binyahe namin. When we arrived, i tried to stand up but i can't.
"Aray. sakit ng ulo ko." parang batang nagrereklamo.
"I already said you were drunk, you won't listen." galit na saad niya.
"Who are you to scold me? like you care, huh? pogi ka nga sungit mo." saad ko habang nakatingin sa mukha nya.
I just found myself carried by the stranger man, ewan ko ba di ako naka feel ng kaba. siguro dahil pogi sya, ang landi ko naman kung sa ganon. but i'm not worried, i feel his arms around my chest and it comforts me. it brings me warm just like Carl does.
Hiniga nyako, slowly like i was a fragile glass.
"Now. Sleep bel." he said while caressing my head.
Without thinking, i suddenly kissed him. i want to feel him, even tho he's a stranger but the care and warm he delivers is enough to make me weak and move lusty.
He kissed me back. At first it was just slow. Until it now turns so wild, he suck my lower lip and bite it. i can feel he is panting, without hesitation, i wandered his body. i trace it from his neck down to his bulge.
"Oh bel, let me s-stop...." he moaned.
I stopped.
We both are panting, he stood up and turn the lights off. "I'm sorry, we both are drunk." He's right, we are just drunk. After that, he locked the door as he leave me in a room. This stranger don't give me creep, it makes me even crave who he is. I'll make sure to know him tomorrow.
I woked up with hang over, ang sakit sa ulo, napapikit nalang akon ng marahan. i slowly open my eyes and when it was now better, i found myself in a room that i am not familiar with. Nasaan ako!??? Kinapa ko ang cellphone ko, Thank god it was not lost.
I heaved sighed when i saw the notifications, Those where from my friends, reign, and mom.
From Reign:
Girl asan ka? ngayon ko lang nalaman wala ka na.
From Reign:
Sabi ng guard hinatid ka daw ng lalaki, sino kasama mo hoy???
8 missed calls from reign
46 from mom.
28 from lear.
I am really doomed now.
I stoop up at binalewala ang sakit ng ulo, bigla kung inalala ang nangyari kagabi. i was just partying until i drink vodka, eating, dancing with reign and stranger- what!!? I slept in the stranger's house!? what behaviour is this bel!?? and we kissed!? wtf. i mentally scold my self.
Akmang lalabas ako when i saw a food in the table, i saw a note.
You were so drunk last night that you even don't know me. Walk with confidence with me again, not insecurities.
From: Your lover.
Isang tao lang ang nagsasabi saakin ng ganto, imposible naman pinuntahan nyako! may lagnat yon. pagpunta ko sa sala i saw him sitting on the couch, he was just wearing a boxer! ang hubog na ng katawan nya, omg bel sa gitna ng mga problema nagawa mo pang lumandi? i mentally scoffed.
Babalik na sana ako sa kwarto nang marinig nya ang nahulog na bagay, ang cellphone ko! putragis naman. kukunin ko na sana gamit ko at aalis.
"Gising ka na pala?" he said while staring at me. diko kaya yung titig nya.
"Uh....O-oo eh paalis na rin." I said panicking.
"Maya na doc, alagaan mo muna ako mataas pa din lagnat ko." he said while smiling.
Ano bang nangyayari sa kanya? at ganyan na sya. i need to clear things out now..hindi pwedeng ganto nalang gawin nya.
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Author's note:
This is how i imagine them in real life, it depends on the imagination of others. This just a resemblance, but bel has more darker skin than the pic. I do not own the picture.