[RORY]
"Hey - wait up."
I hiked my bag further onto my shoulder, slowing my stride in the SoundSystem parking lot. I didn't have to turn around to know it was Jamie, his voice immediately recognizable.
"What's up?" I couldn't hide my annoyance, checking the time on my phone. "Is it important? Kind of in a hurry."
I glanced up as he caught up to me, giving me a shit-eating grin that confirmed it was not, in fact, important. I rolled my eyes before he'd even had a chance to respond.
"I just wanted to ask what you're thankful for this year."
I gave him a forced smile. "Time off, so I get a break from you."
"Cute," he laughed, immune to my insults. "Any plans?"
I chewed on my cheek, easily swallowing my truthful response and concocting a safer one. "Just having a few friends over, nothing crazy."
"Where was my invite?"
"I'm gonna go," I groaned, fueling his amusement as I walked towards my car. "Happy Thanksgiving."
"You too. And Rory, let me know if you change your mind. I may not be Finn Hastings but I make a mean sweet potato casserole."
I ignored the comment, knowing he was trying to get under my skin as I got in the driver's seat and shut the door. He thought he was being funny but the offhand comment had only made the sick feeling in my stomach return.
If I was being honest with myself, I was thankful for shitty old cellphones - specifically the ones in the hands of the couple of fans that had gotten blurry pictures of Finn making out with a mystery girl at LAX. Only one or two publications had cared enough to publish them, the majority of the public breezing right past them. Unfortunately, there was one specific person that had both seen them and knew the kind of car I drove. While Jamie had thankfully kept the information to himself, he also wouldn't let up with the subtle jokes and nosy questions daily - both of which I continued to dodge.
I took a deep breath, considering my options. It was Tuesday and Finn would be arriving Wednesday night ahead of the holiday. While I'd been collecting him things here and there for his place, there was a lamp that had been on my mind ever since I'd seen it over the weekend. I was sure I'd never seen something more him - a collection of three old-school microphones hanging by their chords, the bulbs tucked inside each of the mics. It was incredible, but it was crazy expensive and I didn't want to come across too strong. While I hadn't budged on that sentiment, I also knew that it meant something the piece was still on my mind.
Making up my mind, I plugged in the address to the shop. As I drove there, willing it to still be available, my shoulders finally eased. For the first time since we'd made the plans, I allowed myself to be unapologetically excited to see Finn.
-
"Oh yay, I was hoping I'd see you before I left," Em smiled, lugging her suitcase into the living room just as I walked through the door. "You're usually home earlier."
"I had to run a quick errand," I flushed, unable to contain my smile. I'd successfully secured the lamp, which was sitting in my backseat. "Are you excited to see your family?"
I let my bag slip off my shoulder, letting it fall to the ground as I plopped down on the couch. Em sat perched on the arm of our side chair, watching the Uber on her phone.
"Yes and no. You know how my mom gets around the holidays."
I giggled because I did know. Mrs. Adams had always been like a second mother to me but her perfectionist tendencies did get the best of her from time to time.
"At least Bryce is joining you this time, he'll keep you sane."
"No, he won't," she sighed, shaking her head in disagreement. "She's going to be trying to impress the extended family and he's going to be trying to impress her. What will keep me sane though is the abundance of wine I'm sure I'll be having."
"That works, too."
"You're in a good mood," she grinned, the follow-up statement expected. "When does the boy toy get here?"
I rolled my eyes, a stark contrast to the stupid smile on my face. "Tomorrow night."
"I have to say, this new Rory is a fascinating creature. I saw you went and bought all of the ingredients to make like every Thanksgiving dish, I am impressed."
I shrugged. "Go big or go home, as they say."
"Are you guys spending it here or at his house?"
"His, we need to christen his kitchen. He hasn't cooked a single meal in there," I laughed, shaking my head. "We'll probably christen it in a few ways."
"Disgusting."
While I hadn't been voicing it to Em, my thoughts had been eating away at me ever since Finn's October trip. While there had been seemingly good moments, the entire week had felt like hit after hit. First it was the fight, then I got my period, then he'd turned me down multiple times when I tried to initiate anything sexual, then I'd seen the text come in from Keira.
When do you get backkkk we have to celebrate
It took everything in me to not cry when it had popped up on his phone, Finn blissfully unaware and rambling nonsense as we drove to the studio. I'd silently talked myself down in the passenger seat, reminding myself it was all just supposed to be fun. That we could get back to that place the next time I saw him, when I wasn't out-of-commission and hormonal.
Though Finn had been fairly distant-seeming in the month or so since he'd left, I was hesitantly hopeful about the trip. He hadn't cancelled, which I thought was a good sign. I knew his schedule had been insane, the album making platinum a double-edged sword. The label was becoming increasingly more involved in pushing the sophomore album along, the pressure on each of them - but especially Finn - growing tenfold. They'd also been booking as many shows as time would allow, flying the band somewhere new practically every day. While we weren't talking as frequently as before, I hadn't sensed a shift in his tone or moods when we did - he just sounded genuinely exhausted.
I felt I was in a much better place mentally to just enjoy a few days with him without stressing and remind him that things could be easy and light. I wanted them to be.
"Well, my ride is here," Em stood up, grabbing all of her stuff. "Have so much fun with Finny boy. I love you, I'm thankful for you."
I fake gagged, grinning when she rolled her eyes. We hugged quickly and she was out the door, leaving me in a peaceful silence. While I'd usually take advantage of the alone time and get ahead on work, I forced myself to instead relax. I took a bubble bath, once again confirming I hated them, did a face mask, poured a glass of wine, pulled on a t-shirt and underwear and crawled in bed. I glanced at the time, silently scolding myself for hoping Finn would be up soon and call. I put on The Office, crawling under the covers and hoping that a few "that's what she said" jokes would help distract me.
Thankfully, I only needed a distraction for 8 minutes, my phone ringing.
"He's alive."
"Barely, he's not doing so hot," Finn croaked, voice thick with sleep. "Don't know what day it is, where I am, who I am."
"Finn, go back to sleep. We can talk later."
"No, I can't," he yawned, laughing through it. "Have to be on the bus in 30 minutes."
I narrowed my eyes, doing the math in my head. "Wait, the bus? Shouldn't you be heading to the airport soon-ish?"
His delayed response made my chest tighten as I chewed on my bottom lip. "Babe, I had to delay my flight. Swear I'm still coming, I just don't think I can be there on Thanksgiving proper."
"Oh, okay."
"That alright? I mean," he huffed in frustration, though I knew it wasn't directed at me. "I don't really have a choice, we got added last minute to a festival lineup. The headliner backed out, we replaced them. I tried... I tried to explain, Harrison wasn't having it, team wasn't having it. So thinking I can make Friday work. I'm sorry."
"It's alright, Finn. No worries, it's not your fault," I sighed, doing my best to swallow my disappointment. Light, easy. "You'll just have to think of a way to make it up to me."
He picked up on my tone, groaning under his breath. "I can think of a few ways. Give me a couple days, I'll show you every one of them."
"Why don't you show me now?" I bit my lip, heart rate picking up at the mere suggestion. I reached over, opening my drawer to retrieve the gift he'd sent me. "I'm home alone so we don't need to worry about me being quiet for once."
"Fuck, Rory."
"Please?"
"You're fucking killing me," he mumbled, audibly swallowing into the receiver. "I'm not sure I have time, I've got to get a shower in."
"Baby, please?"
He quite literally moaned in response as I shut my eyes, smirking to myself.
"A quickie, I've got five minutes."
"You're wasting time talking."
While it was muffled, I could hear the sudden loud banging on his hotel room door. I frowned, hearing Ace's familiar voice shouting Finn's name. Finn was cursing under his breath, muttering a string of apologies at me.
"Impeccable timing," he huffed. "Listen, I'm really sorry but I'll see you Friday. Do me a favor, yeah? Touch yourself like I would."
And with that, we got off the phone. While my anxiety was getting the best of me, hung up on the idea that maybe he actually wanted to cancel the trip and maybe he just didn't want to hookup with me anymore, I kept replaying those last five words he'd hummed into my ear.
-
I pushed the heavy door open, feeling wildly out-of-place in Finn's house alone. It was Thanksgiving and the roads were empty, most everyone spending the holiday with their family, friends or significant others. I'd really been looking forward to Finn visiting, given that both of my parents were out of town and Cal had been invited to a Friendsgiving that the guy she was into was hosting. When she'd learned I'd be alone she extended the invite, but I wasn't really in the mood.
I carried the various bags into his kitchen, lugging them onto the counter. Finn had encouraged me to spend the holiday at his place, utilizing the untouched kitchen for the meal if I wanted. While I hadn't wanted to do so for those purposes, I was deeply feeling the sentimentality of the day. I knew Finn would be exhausted when he got in the next day so I wanted to surprise him, give him even more of a reason to want to be there. Reading between those lines, be with me.
I felt my phone buzzing in my back pocket, pulling it out to see a new text from Cal. I smirked, rolling my eyes at the photo of all of the booze on the table.
Wine-not join us?
I ignored it, setting my phone on the counter. I felt like a stranger in my skin, pulling the homemade cheesecake out of one of the bags and slipping it into the fridge. While I was not going to cook the full meal alone - and fully planned to the next day, with Finn - I had went ahead and made dessert. He was a big fan of any and all sweets so I made the only one thing I knew how to, strawberry cheesecake.
I then went ahead and filled the vase I'd brought over - knowing Finn did not have one - with water before putting the bouquet I'd bought into it. I carefully placed them in the middle of the island, slipping the simple note I'd written for him just under it so it would stay in place.
Thankful for you, idiot.
I was doing my best not to cringe at myself, setting the two gift bags on the counter. I'd wrapped the couple of small things I'd collected him at the thrift shops, wanting them to look nice and be a pleasant surprise. While all of it was so out of character for me, it felt nice to be doing something that I knew would be appreciated.
When all was said and done, I crossed my arms and stared at the spread. Realistically, it wasn't too much - but I knew if I gave myself any more time to overthink it, I'd throw it all away. I exhaled an uneasy breath, forcing my hands to leave everything as it was and my feet to carry me back out to my car.
The night felt lonely and while I could have easily dwelled on it, I chose to be hopeful and channel my excitement. I packed a bag so I could stay at Finn's without having to trek back and forth between our places. By the time it was 10pm, I was tired and wanted nothing more than to crawl onto the couch and watch a comfort movie.
I wondered when Finn would need to be up and heading to the airport, knowing it would realistically need to be soon. As if on cue, my phone started ringing on the cushion next to me.
I couldn't help my smile, answering on the third ring. "Hi, you."
"Hey..."
The slump of my shoulders was immediate. I swallowed the sudden lump in my throat, picking up on his tone and hoping with all of me I was misreading it.
"You good?"
Finn's dejected sigh confirmed my suspicions. "Fuck. Fuck, Rory, I really thought I could make this trip work out."
I was nodding to myself, unable to form words.
"I'm so fucking sorry. I... stuff just shifted around, again. I've not been able to keep up with all of the schedule changes," he paused to give me a chance to respond. When I didn't, couldn't, he kept rambling. "I just got into it with Harrison, we were yelling at each other in the hallway. I was going to try to even just like, fly in for a day. But I can't, there's some stupid fucking award show. The label is throwing an after-party, they want us to show face."
I knew he was waiting for a response, something, anything. I was physically incapable of giving one, my cheeks hot with embarrassment as the salt burned them. I aggressively wiped the stray tears away, attempting to make my voice sound steady.
"Yeah, no, it's fine. No worries."
"Rory," he sounded like he'd been hit in the stomach. I hated myself for not doing a better job hiding how I was feeling. "I really didn't mean to fuck you around, I wouldn't have if I knew it would be this fucking difficult to make it work."
"It's okay, I have to run. My mom is calling me."
"Rory. Please."
"Sorry, talk later."
I hung up before the disappointment had a chance to really set in, the steady tears immediate once I'd tossed my phone aside for the night.
-
Friday afternoon had rolled around and while my disappointment hadn't eased, I was beginning to feel a bit guilty for my reaction. Finn had tried calling twice and texted a handful of times, eventually realizing I wanted my space. The little voice inside my head kept taunting me, shouting that he was lying, that he just simply hadn't wanted to come - especially with the fact I'd tried to be intimate and he needed to go. The more rational part of my brain knew how tired he'd sounded lately and could see all of the tangible proof, photos of the band in a new country every few days. Their schedule had picked up and I knew he had no control over that.
I was sitting outside watching the sunset with my bare feet dangling over the balcony railing, taking in the kaleidoscope of warm colors when I decided I'd punished him enough. That, and I wanted to talk to him about a movie I'd watched.
I opened FaceTime, fixing my hair quickly. I was pleased with the natural lighting, cementing my decision to call him. It was exceptionally late in Rome but Finn battled insomnia often, so I was hopeful.
It only rang twice before he'd ignored it. I set my phone aside, doing the math and hating myself for wondering what he was doing. It was just after 2:30 in the morning.
I didn't need to wonder long, my phone ringing beside me - but just a call.
"Hey, did I wake you?"
"Hey, hey, pretty lady."
It became immediately apparent Finn was drunk, very drunk, slurring the few words into my ear. Even if he'd disguised it better, the commotion in the background confirmed he was out. I could hear loud music, voices - girl voices. Jack was shouting something and things were muffled. My chest tightened.
"Hang on, hang on, hang on. Talking to my girl, yeah? Hang on."
I clenched my jaw. "Hey, sorry. It's clearly a bad time."
"No, no, no. Rory, I'm fuckin'...been beating myself up all day. Made me so sad, I'm so sad 'mm not there."
"You sound like it," I forced out a laugh, trying to sound casual. "Where even are you?"
"Remember, that after-party. Told you..." he hiccuped and my eyes widened, realizing how truly wasted he was. "We all just left. Gonna go for a swim."
I fought the urge to ask who "we" was. I could hear people calling him and he kept talking to me but his service was bad. I was catching every other word, unsure what he was rambling on about. The only thing I caught was something about July 4th and swimming with me.
The line went dead and I stared at my phone, willing him to call back. When he didn't, I pulled myself up off the ground and fought the knot in my stomach. I fought the tears wanting to fall, accepting that maybe - just maybe - I'd been right about my suspicions. Maybe he was too nice to admit, he was getting over it. Over me.
I was going to take a shower when my phone started ringing again. I hated that I felt the amount of relief that I did, making sure to let it ring at least three times before answering.
"Hey-"
"Ferb!"
I was confused for multiple reasons, but mainly because it was Jack. Not Finn.
"Get it, babe? Clever, that. Like Phineas and Ferb, you're Ferb."
I laughed. "How long did it take you to think of that?"
Clearly, Finn wasn't the only one who had fallen victim to the night's activities - Jack's attention span that of a squirrel. "Lad is in a right state so I took his phone."
The familiar lump in my throat returned. "Is he alright?"
"Oi, he is now! Fuckin' great now, he won't be tomorrow. I'll tell ya that. Wasn't earlier, was being a massive pussy. No offense to pussies, they're great. He wasn't, was a right downer. Pissy about not being able to visit you. Being a little bitchhhhhhh boy."
"I'm sorry about that. Are you guys heading in?"
"Maybe so, maybe not. The day is young," he laughed at his own joke. "Get it? Day, 'cause it's morning here."
"Can I... is Finn around?"
I'd lost him, Jack laughing and shouting something to someone they were with. I was annoyed, hearing him blatantly flirt with one of the girls - rushing me off without answering my question.
"'Kay, bye Ferb, miss you!"
I was happy when my phone didn't ring again, knowing I really, really needed to distance myself.