He looked at himself in the mirror as he gelled his hair, spraying perfume across his blazer. He practiced his smile, his laugh just as he did every night before he left. He was happy. In fact, he was happier than he had ever been. All he had to do was believe it. He had nothing holding him back, no one to answer to. He could do anything he wanted whenever he wanted it. This was the life most people dreamed of. He should be thankful to his mahadev for giving him such freedom.
His cab arrived outside shortly after and he told the driver to take him to whichever bar he pleased. He wanted the suspense, the surprise. The driver glanced at him in the rear view mirror as if he were crazy, but he silently started driving towards downtown, dropping him off at the first bar he saw. He got out of the car, handing him all of the cash he had in his pocket, telling him to keep the change.
As he got inside, music filled his ears and he felt the beat run through his heart. Several girls walked up to him as they always would, but he continued past him, as if they did not even exist. He went straight to the bar, asking the bar tender if he wanted a break. As always, the bar tender agreed. So, he stepped onto the bar, pouring alcohol into everyone's glasses, into everyone's mouths. But, he did not drink a single sip himself...he never had, and he never would. Once the clock struck 4am, he called his cab back to his hotel. Tomorrow was a new day, and he would have a new adventure waiting for him.
Upon arriving back, he opened up the diary...her diary...where she had written all of their dreams for the future, where he had convinced her to write the most dangerous tasks in the place of the romantic getaways she desired. And as he checked to see what was next on the list, he thought that maybe this was how it was meant to be. Maybe he should have known this was his future that day when they sat in the garden, telling each other the world's greatest, most painful lies. But, as he started going down his dreaded hole of memories, he immediately pulled himself out.
He walked up to the mirror once again, counting how many teeth he could see in his smile. He was the happiest he had ever been. He just had to continue telling himself that until it became his reality...he had tried for the past year and he would try until his last breath.
He took a deep breath and got into bed, already knowing that he would be unable to sleep. The doctor had prescribed him sleeping pills, but sleep only brought nightmares. So, he laid awake as he always did, waiting for the sun to rise outside his window. And, when it finally did, he put on his boots, ready to climb one of the world's mountains...secretly wishing that maybe, just maybe his foot would slip....