(Every time Eliza watches The Joy Of Painting.)
[5 minutes in]
Eliza: Yellow Ochre?? For a Snow covered mountain?! Alright Bob Ross, this time you really lost it.
[15 minutes in]
Eliza: BOB ROSS YOU SON OF A BITCH.
—
Ben (Tallmadge): Doctor, I am depressed..
George: Go see Pagliacci the famous clown. He sucks shit and he knows it. He's so fucking bad at everything is makes me roar with laughter. He weeps on stage because he knows he's nothing.
Ben: D-Doctor-
George: I know who you are.
—
Maria: My Girlfriend is a cup.
Alex: Explain.
Maria: -being lifted by Eliza- Holds me.
—
George: I don't so relationships.
King: -exists-
George: Shit.
—
Lafayette: Friendly reminder to everyone that..
Lafayette: THIS DISNEY DVD IS ENHANCED WITH DISNEY'S FAST PLAY. -everyone frantically searches for the remote- YOUR MOVIE AND A SELECTION OF BONUS FEATURES WILL BEGIN AUTOMATICALLY. TO BYPASS FAST PLAY. PRESS THE MAIN MENU BUTTON AT ANYTIME. FAST PLAY WILL BEGIN IN A MOMENT.
—
Adrienne (a singer): The worst fucking thing is: "oh you sing? are you a good singer? SING SOMETHING FOR ME RIGHT NOW"
John: "do you draw? you do? DRAW ME." like no, I don't wanna sketch your fugly mug.
Alex: "You write? MAKE ME A CHARACTER IN YOUR STORY"
Thomas: "you act? CRY FOR ME RIGHT NOW"
George: "You speak that language?! Say Something in it!"
Mania: "you Murder? KILL ME RIGHT NOW."
Alex: The last one seems more doable.
—
Samuel: Octopi can hug 4 people simultaneously, because God blessed them with the ability. However, they don't even hug one person, because they have made covenant with the Devil.
Samuel: Any questions?
Phillip: ...Where's our regular pastor?
Samuel: In a better place now. Sit down immediately.
—
Alex: Time sensitive question. How flirt boy.
Mania: Throw Rocks at he!
Lafayette: Food?
Hercules: Kill him?
Alex: Thanks guys.
—
Adrienne: Congratulations! You have won a lifetime supply of tangerines!!
Hercules: ...But you only gave me one tangerine..
Adrienne: -pulls out two knives- YUP!
—
King: I had a boyfriend once.. sometimes it's like I can still hear his voice..
George: We literally got married six hours ago. Fuck off.
—
Eliza: Anyone else feel good when their brain release a bunch of endorphins?
Lafayette: C-Can't relate.
Mania, high: Why would my brain release a bunch of dolphins?
—
Lafayette: My sister just walked into my room, grunted "oil" and promptly collapsed on the floor.
George: FUCK SHE GOT POSSESSED BY AMERICA-
—
John: I let my dog drink the bathtub water while I was in it.
Samuel: Once again, kind of weird but not a sin.
—
Aaron: J-Just heard automatic rifle fire outside-
Koma(it/they)/Bane(they/them): Girls night!!!
—
Mania: Hey dad, what's pen4 + pen5 + pen6
George: 15pen
Mania: No- say it like I did
George: pen4 + pen5 + pen6?
Mania: JUST SAY PEN15 FOR FUCKS SAKE.
George: Haha. I have tricked you into describing the male genitalia.
George: Two can play at this fucking game.
—
Aaron: This is an uwu free zone. Anyone who replies with an owo or an uwu is under arrest for crimes against humanity.
Thomas, pissing him off: Cwimes against huwumanity
Aaron: I am going to break your fingers.
Thomas, continuously: This mowortal vessel is owonly a shell of howorrors within.
—
James (Mads): How combustible is genderfluid.
—
Mania: Accidentally went and got myself killed yesterday but got won't let me die so I'm back.
—
Theodosia (Prevost) SKIDADDLE SKIDOODLE YOUR DICK IS NOW A NOODLE
*A BASS BOOTED VERSION OF THE NFL THEME SONG STSRTS BLARING*
—
Mania: COCONUT OIL IS MADE FROM COCONUTS, VEGETABLE OIL IS MADE FROM VEGETABLES. SO BABY OIL-
George: MY FUCKING GOD CAN'T WE HAVE A NORMAL FAMILY DINNER FOR ONE DAMMIT?
—
Peggy: I'm a lesbian. Which means I can sleep whenever and for however long I want. And if you wake me up, you're a homophobe.
—
Angelica: Pretty sure my soulmate is a bag of sour gummy worms.
Mania: I just ate a whole bag of those no joke.
Angelica: YOU FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT THAT WAS THE LOVE IF MY LIFE
—
Every gamer's reaction when finding a blood covered room:
Aaron: Well that's not good.
Alex: I am pretty sure that is not exclusive just to gamers.
—
Phillip: Can you recommend books that made you cry?
Amelie: New General Mathematics.
—
Alex: I'm really whatever the opposite of a manic pixie dream girl is.. depressed goblin nightmare man.. thatsa me.
—
Lafayette: My life is a joke and I was never laughing.
Thomas: Therapy. Now. Me too while I'm at it.
—
Bane: I love how unproblematic firefighters are. They just wanna out out fires.
Koma: I used to think that.
Bane: That's so ominous what the fuck did the firefighters do to you-
—
Aaron: I'm studying the Mr. Clean lore. Did you know he was an orphan? Adopted by a farmer family? Because he's so clean? He also wrote something called the encleanopedia
Mania: Do you think he jizzes cleaning products?
Aaron: I A M C A L L I N G T H E P O L I C E .
—
Lafayette, with his jointed rusted. Badly.: Everytime I move I crunch like popcorn.
Adrienne/Thomas, who actually are treated well: and everytime we kiss I swear I could fly-
—
Mania: Did you know a spider can hold eight guns at once?
George: ...How will it WALK?
Mania:
Mania: Did you know a spider can hold seven guns at once?
—
Alex: I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality.
—
Featuring Historicfics_101 (I'll tag em in the comments)
Historic text: contains the word "urinomancy"
Skeeter: This is the medical word for the medical evaluation of urine, which was an important source of information before the era of modern medical tests-
Me, beating my fists on a table: PISS WIZARD. PISS WIZARD.PISS WIZARD.PISS WIZARD.PISS WIZARD.PISS WIZARD.PISS WIZARD.
—
non huntsmen shit
—
George: Happy Father's Day
King: I'm not a father?
George: YEAH ABOUT THAT-
—
Featuring YeetusMcBleetus
John: I'm going to defeat you using the power of friendship!
John: And this glock I found.
Ace: Maybe the real treasure was this gun I found along the way.
—
Mania: Buy me some food..?
Lafayette: HELL NO.
Mania: You're a fucking disappointment.
—
Hercules: Who is Granny Smith and where is she getting all these damn apples?
Lafayette: -tries to share a fun fact-
Lafayette: -has a fucking stroke-
—
(Not the original)
George: I just did that adult thing where you buy an entire cake and eat it.
George: I am eating an entire cake.
George: Update: There is less cake than I imagined.
George: I am having a breakdown.
George: Fuck.
—
(Featuring Gaby_Theatre_Kid and john_lennon66)
Pol: So uh what do guys have planned for Valentine's Day
Fishi: Murder.
Gaby: That's the spirit!
—
Alex: I'm having boy troubles.
George: Just remember the quickest way to any man's heart is through the fourth and fifth rib!
—
Mania: God is no longer with us.
Mania: I'll take over now.
—
(Featuring 1-800-PEGGY)
Fishi: Never. EVER. Egg the wrong house.
Ash: YOU THREW A BRICK THROUGH MY WINDOW NOT A FUCKING EGG
Mania: IT WAS DARK AND I DROPPED AN EGG I COULDN'T SEE WHAT I WAS PICKING UP
Ash: HOW CAN YOU NOT TELL A BRICK FROM AN EGG
—
George, completely drained of all energy: I love laying the FUCK down and sleeping.
—
Mania: Wise sage! Give me what I need to banish the darkness from my mind!
Aaron: Here are your antidepressants.
Aaron: I'm a fucking potionsmith goddammit.
—
Should I make a part two?