How do you continue moving forward when something is holding you back so strongly? How can you ever be the same when such a big part of you is missing? I don't know. I don't know how to get over the fact that Alexander is missing. I can't get over the fact that I have no clue where to start looking and no lead as to what could have happened the day he went missing.
It's my last week to enrol into a college. I should be focused on what I want to do with my future, but how can I, when there's so much more important things holding me back? Colton have said over and over again that Alexander wouldn't want me to put my life on hold and while I am certain that he's right, I can't help but wonder if he'd want me to forget about everything. Even if he'd want me to, I can't.
The night after I returned from the police station, Jasper came over to my house. He was devastated on my behalf that Alexander was missing, even more so that I didn't even tell him. He knows how much I love him, so he knows how much Alexander's absence is affecting me. I apologized about not telling him and explained how I mainly wanted to be left alone, thinking that Alexander left because I wasn't good enough and Jasper understood.
Like the wonderful friend he is, he's been here for me non-stop. Honestly, he basically moved in with me, spending only occasional nights at home when his mom requires him to. He even offered to help me find Alexander and he really has been going all out, thinking about different scenarios on what could have happened. I'm lucky that I've been surrounded by so many incredible people, who have been so supportive through everything.
"Tyla, I know you're grieving and no one wants to help you more than I do, but honey, you need to think about your future too. You can't keep sitting on the back burner, waiting until he comes home. Zander wouldn't want you to do this to yourself." Jasper explains as we lie on my couch, watching some action movie on the T.V. I get where he's coming from but what job could I possibly do that would allow me to focus all my attention on finding Alexander? I don't want to be distracted by some kind of job when his life could literally depend on me saving him.
And that's when it hits me like a ton of bricks. I know what job I want to do. The job I have to do. I know the perfect career. Sprinting as fast as I can to my bedroom, I quickly grab my laptop and start looking for the closest college that would offer what I want. When I find the school that suits me best, I rush over to my printer and print out the application forms.
"I know what I'm going to do Jasp. I know what I'm going to study." I say, feeling excited for the first time since Alexander's disappearance. He raises a questioning brow, clearly not understanding where my bursting enthusiasm is coming from all of the sudden.
"A detective. I'm going to become a detective." I say proudly, fully satisfied with my choice.
"That's brilliant Tyla! You've always loved solving mysteries and in that way you can use your newly acquired skills to help find Alexander." His excitement mimics mine. I know I made the right choice. I think as I start filling out the application. I have a fair amount of money that I have stored away for college funds which I can use to get me through with everything that I will be needing and thanks to Alexander, I don't have to move because this house is literally like 13 minutes away from the nearest academy.
"Jasp. This is it. This is my ticket to finding out what happened to him, and not only him, but I will also be able to discover who's behind the murders of the girls." I squeal, excitement bubbling out of me. Looking up, my eyes fall squarely on a picture of Alexander and I an elderly couple took one afternoon in the park before he went missing. I had chosen to take down every wedding photo that we had and instead placed them in our bedroom where I don't allow anyone but Colton to enter.
Alexander is looking at me with pure admiration in the photo, smiling like he is perfectly content with his life. I will do anything to find you, I'll never forget about you. My heart whispers as I stare longingly at the photos.
"Things will get better" Jasper says softly, placing a hand over mine comfortingly.
"It will only get better when I find him." I say stubbornly. I know he, along with almost everyone expects me to grieve and deal with the pain but I refuse. I will not grieve because then I resign that I don't think he's alive anymore. Then I am saying that I believe he won't be found and I refuse to believe that. I know that he's still alive somewhere, I just need to start finding clues.
I am broken out of my train of thoughts when a loud knock sounds against my front door. I look over to Jasper, seeing he's intently watching the crime investigation on the television. I get up grudgingly, tired from my lack of sleep.
"Hi sweetie. How are you holding up?" Alexander's mother greet warmly as I open the door. She pulls me into a tight embrace, providing the motherly comfort that I so desperately need. I had decided to tell my parents about me being married, hoping it would explain to them the entire situation, but much to my dismay it only made it worse.
My mother and father haven't spoken to me since I sat them down and explained everything to them. In fact, they actually told me they don't want to see me right now. I guess, I understand that they're mad that I didn't tell them I got married, but a part of me is also furious and heartbroken that my own parents refuse to support me in the most difficult time I have ever experienced. I don't know how to cope with losing someone so dear to me, especially under this circumstances and I need my mother most of all right now.
"Not that well... but I've been coping." I admit, tears instantly filling my eyes. I notice her sniffling as well, indicating that I am not the only one crying right now. When she pulls away, Alexander's father comfortingly rubs circles on his wife's back. I look at them and realise that I am lucky to have such wonderful in laws. They haven't known me very long and yet, they've been checking in on me almost daily to see if I'm okay. I wonder if Alexander's father feels bad about how he treated him. Does he wish he could rewind time to make it up to him?
"We brought you some of Zan's stuff." His brother interjects kindly. I quickly step back, allowing for them to walk into the house. Jesse, Zander's brother, carries a box directly towards my room.
"Go with Jesse, you can sort through what you want then we'll take whatever's left back home with us." His mother says softly, squeezing my hand. I nod at her and follow behind Jesse hesitantly. I'm afraid that I will break down if I see Zander's belongings while at the same time I am dying to have something of his.
"Although the police searched his room for any clues, they seemed to have overlooked some of his things. They took only what they deemed important." Jesse says, placing the box on my bed. When I sit down on the bed, I notice Jesse standing awkwardly at the foot of the bed, an unsure look on his face.
"Come sit." I pat the spot next to me on the bed. It will help having someone here who knows the entire situation and not bits and pieces. Besides, he's my brother too now. He walks over reluctantly, sitting down carefully, as if he's doing something wrong by being in the room with me.
"Jesse, thank you for being here." I give him a small smile, showing him that everything is fine.
"Zan would kill me if he saw me alone in the room with you." He says with a laugh.
"He doesn't strike me as the jealous type?" I state in question. He never seemed to get angry about any other males, at least not when it involved me.
"He was just great at hiding it in front of you then. It drove him mad to see you with that ex of yours. Especially after he saw him kissing you. I thought the guy was going to break something when he came over to my place. Heck, he even wanted to warn that friend of yours downstairs that you're his before you guys even started dating." He explains, shaking his head while laughing at a memory.
"Really? I mean, there was nothing to be afraid of, my heart basically belonged to him the moment we met. I had no control over it. Not falling in love with him wasn't an option." My eyes glaze over with tears. Why does life have to be so cruel? Why couldn't I have just had more time with him?
"I don't know if you're aware, but for the longest time, he thought you weren't interested in him. Especially after you decided to take your ex back." He explains, shocking me. I actually thought I made my feelings completely obvious to him.
"What? Really? I wanted to scream at my best friend to stop flirting with him just because I was scared that he liked her instead of me." I gasp. I really thought it was obvious. Jesse smiles at me knowingly.
"Everyone could practically see the hearts in your eyes when you looked at him. Well, everyone but him." He states, laughing again. I blush at the thought that I was so transparent, choosing to rather start digging through his stuff to see what there is.
When I open the box, my hands start trembling and I feel my chest tighten at the sight of his belongings. I freeze, unable to move an inch towards taking the belongings out. Jesse places a comforting hand on my back, encouraging me to start looking through the things. With trembling hands, I delicately take out one of Alexander's hoodies. Bringing it closer to my face, I smell a hint of his cologne.
"Shhh, it's okay." Jesse whispers, rubbing his fingers beneath my eyes. Only then do I realize that I have started crying again. I hug the hoodie closer to my body and start sobbing into it as Jesse continues to mutter soothing words.
"I can't do this." My voice breaks.
"Zan would have wanted you to. Do it for him. Maybe you can find something no one else did. Maybe there's something in here that can help you find him and bring him home." Jesse encourages. My sobbing fades slowly, and I look over to Jesse, seeing the concern in his eyes.
"I'm sorry... I'm always a mess when you see me." I mumble, still wiping the tears from my cheeks.
"You have nothing to be sorry about. It's okay to cry about someone you love." I smile kindly at Jesse. He's a great brother. He helps a lot now that my own brother isn't here to comfort and help me. Turning my attention back to the box, I pull out more hoodies along with some photos. When I reach the bottom, I find a bottle of his cologne and I instantly look up at Jesse.
"We figured you'd use it." He jokes, but I can see the seriousness beneath his attempt at humour. He's right though, I'm definitely going to use it when I miss him. The last item in the box seems to be a journal of some sorts.
"I didn't have know he kept a journal. " I say, confused.
"Neither did we. We didn't read any of it. We figured if he'd allow anyone to read it, it would be you. It can help you deal with the loss." I know he meant well, everyone does. But his words rub me off the wrong way and before I can help myself, I'm snapping at Jesse.
"Deal with the loss? You're talking about him like he's dead. He's not dead. I will find him, even if no one else wants to believe that he's still out there." I shout angrily, hot tears streaming down my cheeks. Jesse walks closer to me but I immediately start shoving him away from me, hitting his chest repeatedly until I feel the energy leaving my body. "He's not dead." I croak out. Jesse wraps his arms around me tightly, hugging me as the tears flow continuously. The last thing I remember is Jesse picking me up and tucking me into bed.
"Sleep well Tyla." Is the last thing I hear before sleep completely engulfs me.
I wake around 6 A.M., noticing that I'm tucked into bed. Beside my bed stands the box filled with Alexander's belongings. I groan, not being able to recall who put me in bed. I take out Alexander's hoodie from the box, spritzing some of his cologne on it. I bring it closer to my face, breathing it in. The smell comforts me, just it did when I was wrapped up in his arms. I slip the hoodie over my head, loving the feeling of being consumed by the largeness of his hoodie.
I hear my phone start buzzing on my bedside table, making me think that someone is calling me. However, when I turn the phone around to identify the caller, I notice that it's text message after text message that's coming through from Colton. I frown, quickly opening our chat.
I frown, my chest instantly tightening with panic. What if they found Alexander? What if he's dead? What else could be this important that he's basically blowing up my phone with text messages? Why not just call me himself? Frazzled, I start pacing my bedroom, waiting for him to arrive. It doesn't take long until I hear his engine rev in my driveway. I peek out my window, noticing how he's nearly leaping from his car to get inside.
"Morning dude. Sorry but I need to see Ty right now." He says probably to Jasper. I can hear footsteps approaching my room but before he's at my door, Jasper's voice interrupts him.
"She's still sleeping. Zander's parents' came over last night so she's a bit exhausted." He explains, trying to keep Colton from entering my room. I'm thankful that he is trying to look out for me, but right now, I want nothing more than to hear what Colton needs to tell me.
"I understand man, but this is important." I hear Colton reply before he suddenly bursts through my door. He closes it behind him quickly, startling me as the door smacks loudly against its frame. The look on his face instantly intensifies my panic, causing my heart to drum loudly against my ribcage.
"What is it Cole? What happened?" I beg, not wanting him to delay any longer.
"They found DNA on the crime scene of Rachel's murder. They were able to lift finger prints off the hand print around her neck and they also found a single strand of hair that was on the inside of her hand, almost like she managed to pull it out of her attacker's head while they were struggling." He announces. My body stills, the drumming of my heart echoing loudly in my ears.
"Were they able to find an identity for the DNA?" I ask, anxiously. He gulps, swallowing loudly as if it's the hardest thing to do at the moment.
"Tyla... they found a match..." He begins to say. I leap into his arms, happy that things are finally going somewhere good. They finally have a suspect.
"No you don't understand Ty..." He continues, placing his hands on my shoulders as he pushes me away from the hug. He frowns, casting his gaze down at his feet instead of meeting my eyes. "The prints and the DNA collected from the hair sample both matches that of Zander's."
"No no no no no... That's not possible Cole. Alexander wouldn't do this... He's not a murderer. It can't be his." I cry, sinking down on my knees. I feel his arms wrap around me as he places a kiss to my hair, whispering over and over again for me to calm down.
"I'm sorry Ty... They're doing their best to find him. Hopefully when they do, we'll have more answers as to what happened and why it happened. I'm sorry... I can't imagine how you must be feeling right now." He speaks in a gentle, soothing voice but it does nothing to soothe the tension in my shoulders, or the anxiety in my chest.
"No. There has to be a mistake. It must be a set up to throw us off the phantom killer's trail. Wit, maybe he's the one that captured Alexander and is holding him hostage or something. What if he killed Alexander and is now using his DNA to get things done?" I argue, not willing to believe that I married a murderer.
"As much as I want to believe that too, that's not realistic. Ty, the police are printing out an article first thing in the morning with all of Zander's info on. It's a wanted board, offering a reward to anyone that has reliable, provable information regarding Zander's whereabouts." He explains calmly with a sad look on his face.
I stare at him in complete and utter shock. There's no way that Alexander is capable of these heinous crimes. No! He wouldn't have done something so brutal to so many innocent girls... My mind starts racing with a million thoughts at once. What if the witness did see him leave the woods after murdering Elaine? Is that why he really looked startled when I saw him in the woods? Was he planning on killing me too? Could that be what he was fleeing from in New York? Maybe he was a murderer there too... Is that why he told me to stop investigating the case and leave it to the police instead? Did he think they wouldn't be able to catch him, but that I would? Doubt seeps into my heart, causing it to shatter at all the unanswered questions that I'm left with.
How did I go from being a carefree high school graduate to a stressed out wife, having to hunt down her possible serial killer husband? I wonder to myself. NO! I exclaim loudly in my head. I will not believe that Alexander is guilty of something this atrocious. Not until I have evidence of him literally being there, murdering the victims. My gut isn't wrong about him. I just need to lure the phantom killer out of hiding so that I can prove that Alexander is innocent. Everyone doubted him the first time he got locked up, I know they're going to be convinced that he's guilty now but I won't give up on him. I cannot and will not believe that he is guilty. Not until I find him myself and he admits to doing it.