3 days into the move and you hadn't yet come to regret your decision. Living with (inside of) Talo really wasn't that bad if you ignored his apparent lack of air conditioning; the bed you slept on was comfortable, the neighborhood was quiet, and you got to spend tons of time with your best friend doing the most mundane of things.
Perhaps the only downside was that you hadn't been able to bring any furniture other than a fridge (which was necessary in holding all of your normal human food) which meant your large collection of John Doe pictures had been left behind. Honestly, it was probably for the best, you'd already come to terms with how unhealthy your love for him was becoming and had made a promise to yourself to get better.
Anyways, back on the topic of mundane things, you and Doe Jr. were currently trying to figure out how to make toast in Maison's toaster. It was somehow a part of him so you doubted it worked like a real toaster (his blender was powered by human screams, lesson learned there). While you took the cautious route of slowly trying to stick in a single piece of bread, Doe proceeded with reckless abandon and just crammed as many pop-tarts as he could fit into the little bread slot before smacking it a few times in an attempt to start the toasting process.
When nothing happened, he turned around and left the room, clearly on the look-out for something. He returned a few moments later with Rat Reynolds in tow, dragging him across the floor by the tail while the poor rat dug his nails into the floor, leaving a trail of scratches in his wake. With an expression of deep thought, Doe flung Reynolds over the top of the toaster, shaking him around to elicit panicked squeaks from the furry creature.
As if by some miracle, the toaster lit up out of nowhere, pulling the bread and the pop-tart abomination into its depths. Apparently this appliance was powered by rodent terror, good to know.
Before you could get too invested in the cooking of your delicious breakfast, Maison's lure appeared over your shoulder. He snuck up on you, placing both of his hands on your shoulders and leaning over to whisper something into your ear.
" 𝙼𝚈 𝙳𝙴𝙰𝚁 , 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚝𝚘𝚊𝚜𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝚖𝚊𝚢 𝚠𝚘𝚛𝚔 𝚋𝚎𝚝𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝚒𝚏 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚙𝚛𝚎𝚜𝚜 𝚝𝚑𝚎 '𝙾𝙽' 𝚋𝚞𝚝𝚝𝚘𝚗 , " his sudden appearance made you flinch until you realized that it was just Maison standing behind you.
"Yeah yeah, everyone knows that 'on' means power, I was just about to do that," you blushed in embarrassment, trying to play it off as if you knew what you were doing in this living house.
After a quick search of the machine, you realized that there was, in fact, an 'on' button located on the other side of it. Maison was right, the object was still cold and hadn't yet begun toasting your breakfast until you turned it on. You were still going with the whole "rat scream powered toaster" thing though, this changed nothing.
While you were busy figuring out how the appliances worked, Talo's lure was engaging in a fist fight with John Doe. You thought you might've heard something, but when you turned around, everything was completely normal; hairball doe and Maison were playing hopscotch and being the best of friends. You were so glad they got along as well as they did.
You turned your attention back to the toaster, completely oblivious to the bloody brawl going on again behind you. Perhaps the only good thing about your two closest companions being completely unordinary creatures was that they couldn't actually kill each other. Despite that fact, each still went for the throat and aimed to cause as much pain to the other as possible.
About 2 minutes later, they were both completely worn out. Doe threw one more weak hit towards Maison but it landed as a soft pat on the cheek as he suddenly morphed back into the form of a hairball- then they both just passed out.
You turned around after retrieving a perfectly cooked piece of toast and the sight of them sleeping soundly out on each other warmed your heart. That game of hopscotch must've been really tiring.
You plucked little Doe up off of Maison's limp lure-body and cradled him in your arms, taking him to your bed to roll him into a blanket taco before heading back to the kitchen to snack on your toast. The endless abyss of the toaster stared back at you as you went to look for Doe's pop-tart monstrosity; you wouldn't be getting that back any time soon.
The rats were getting restless inside of this hotter-than-hot house and you shared some of their desire to leave. With that in mind, you opened the front door, almost getting knocked over by the stampede of rats that skittered outside like that one scene of the pantry in Ratatouille.
You took a walk down the street by yourself, your pets long gone to explore the rest of the neighborhood. Although the day was bright and sunny, not a single person could be seen walking around the neighborhood, striking you as odd.
It was another 5 minutes before you even saw a sign of life- a devious-looking teenager was shaking a can of spray paint, clearly the miscreant responsible for creating abstract graffiti on the walls of a few houses you'd seen on your walk. How unfortunate that they happened to be the first person you stumbled upon...but too bad, you had to show your new host gratitude somehow.
Doe woke up wrapped in fuzzy blankets that smelled like you, a welcome break from only smelling that guy inside of the house. He didn't like your current living arrangements; everything about this whole situation just seemed sketchy, not to mention he had a long-standing rivalry with your supposed "best friend".
He should be your best friend. Why wasn't he your best friend? He was going to be your best friend, whether you liked it or not.
Something within him had been steadily growing as the days passed- a deep emotion of sorts, one that made him yearn for your company and your touch every second of the day. A feeling that encouraged him to ᖇEᗰOᐯE any ᗪIᔕTᖇᗩᑕTIOᑎᔕ from your life until all you cared about was
h̷̛͚͕̻̭̳́̊̋͒̉̈̔̐̉ͅ ǐ̷͉̠̙̞͕̯̅̾̒͗͝͝ m̵̢̺̰̩̋̓̉̎͋́̚͝ .
He was torn between his usually submissive nature and the burning desire to keep you by his side; it was clear now that if push came to shove, he wouldn't hesitate to stand up for himself and take you by force. He'd already tried begging in the past, he wouldn't make that mistake again.
The sound of the front door opening caught his attention. Little Doe skittered across the house but stopped as soon as he saw you walking in, dragging a short human in behind you. Maison's lure appeared in a split second, coming to your side and helping you move the unconscious body of your latest victim.
"Maison! Saw this little guy up to no good while I was on my walk and figured you might be hungry...just do me a favor and eat 'em in another room for me please, I don't need to see all that stuff," you shuddered, remembering the red pile of bodily substances that had continued to plague your nightmares even after the fact.
" 𝚆𝚑𝚢 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚗𝚔 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝙼𝚈 𝙳𝙴𝙰𝚁 , 𝙸'𝚕𝚕 𝚑𝚊𝚙𝚙𝚒𝚕𝚢 𝚊𝚌𝚌𝚎𝚙𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝙶𝙸𝙵𝚃 , 𝚋𝚞𝚝 𝚍𝚘𝚗'𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚔 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚗𝚎𝚎𝚍 𝚝𝚘 𝚛𝚎𝚙𝚊𝚢 𝚖𝚎 . 𝙸𝚝'𝚜 𝚊 𝚙𝚕𝚎𝚊𝚜𝚞𝚛𝚎 𝚑𝚊𝚟𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚎 , 𝙸 𝚠𝚘𝚞𝚕𝚍𝚗'𝚝 𝚠𝚊𝚗𝚝 𝚒𝚝 𝚊𝚗𝚢 𝚘𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛 𝚠𝚊𝚢 , " Maison spoke through the walls, his lure still giving you a wide smile as it moved the teenager's body across the house where you could no longer see what would become of the punk.
You had about 5 seconds of peace before the sounds of Ratricia's alarmed squeaking reached your ears. Although you didn't speak rat, it almost seemed like she was trying to say something along the lines of:
" 𝙍𝘼𝙏𝙏𝙄𝘾𝙐𝙎 𝙁𝙀𝙇𝙇 𝙄𝙉 𝙏𝙃𝙀 𝙁𝙐𝘾𝙆𝙄𝙉𝙂 𝙏𝙊𝘼𝙎𝙏𝙀𝙍 𝙎𝙊𝙈𝙀𝘽𝙊𝘿𝙔 𝙂𝙀𝙏 𝙏𝙃𝙀 𝙏𝙊𝙉𝙂𝙎 "
so like any normal person would, you completely ignored her and went on with the rest of your day.
Until little Doe scampered at top speed past your legs to make it into the kitchen. You entered the room after him at a leisurely pace only to find it in a state of absolute chaos.
Maison's lure was passed out on the ground, foaming at the mouth.
There was a rat tail sticking out of the toaster while 3 other rodents tried to work together to pull their sibling out with a pair of metal tongs.
Somehow a fire had been started in the silverware drawer and a few other rats were trying to put it out with a fire extinguisher that was clearly too big for them. Suddenly they lost control of the extinguisher and you watched as it fell off of the kitchen counter and onto a probably either dead or rabid Maison's face.
Your left eye twitched. Taking 3 steps forward, you closed the silverware drawer and immediately put out the fire. You then turned towards the toaster and stuck your hand in to retrieve Ratticus. He came out without much of a struggle, holding a mountain of crushed pop-tart pieces in his arms and looking at you with stuffed cheeks. Lastly, you just left Maison on the ground and picked up the fire extinguisher. He could take care of himself- this fire extinguisher was expensive.
You wondered what was playing on Maison's fleshy TV right about now.
A few hours later you sat with your rat pack, watching some Spanish soap opera you could barely understand half of. Doe was being coddled in your arms, basking in the smell of you, while the rest of your rats were playing a high-stakes game of blackjack with cards Maison had found in your latest victim's pocket. Maybe teaching them how to gamble hadn't been the best idea. Oh well.
You looked down at the little ball of fluff currently purring against your chest, shifting him into your hands and moving him closer to your face before giving him a little kiss on the hair. He fluffed up immediately and gazed at you adoringly, purring louder and quickly nuzzling back against you.
He poked your lips with his hair-tendril, asking for another peck and squeaking in delight when he received one. You lied across the warm couch and held little Doe against your cheek, taking a second to yawn before giving him a few more little hair kisses. He squeaked some more, excitedly rubbing his fuzz against you and cuddling as closely as possible. You began to doze off, watching as Doe Jr. did the same.
It was darker than dark when you opened your eyes. The only light in the room came from static shining through the TV. You groggily lifted yourself up and off of the couch, trying your best not to wake the hive of feral rodents sleeping beneath you.
You shuffled your way into the kitchen, heading straight towards the fridge in search of a bottle of water. Something clattered behind you.
You turned around, only to be nose to nose with the figure that continuously plagued your dreams- John Doe. You flinched.
"You-You're not real," you stuttered nervously, backing yourself against the fridge as Doe grew closer to you with an excited smile.
The Regular Guy approached you until your bodies were touching; yours pressed against the fridge doors and his trapping you there. His hands raised slowly so as not to scare you, cupping your cheeks and making sure you were looking at him and only him.
" ʏ ᴇ ꜱ ɪ ᴀ ᴍ , " he said softly, voice raspy from disuse. He stared at you, waiting for you to snap out of your deep thought.
"Prove it," you challenged, feeling confident that this hallucination would just cut its losses and leave you alone. Unfortunately, that's not quite what happened next.
John Doe didn't waste a single second before pressing his cold lips to yours, allowing the weight of his body to push you further against the fridge doors.
The kiss was sudden and full of unbridled excitement, giving you very little time to react before he took advantage of your surprised state and swiped his tongue through your pliant lips. You reciprocated full force, suddenly switching your positions and trapping Doe against the hard surface. The close contact was dizzying in the best way possible, breath mixing together as you both indulged in each other's touch. The feel of his skin resembled clay and you were quick to feel it wherever it was exposed, relishing in the comfort of another person's hold. Eventually, you ran out of breath, pulling back for a moment to look him dead in the eyes.
"I-"
You opened your eyes, finding yourself laying on Maison's warm couch. Suddenly you felt mortified- had you just made all of that up in your head?
Meanwhile, in the kitchen, an adorable Regular Guy sat against the refrigerator, hands to his lips in pure joy. He couldn't believe that just happened. He deeply regretted having to end the moment so soon but he could sense Maison stirring around the both of you and couldn't risk having his cover blown so soon. He still had a plan to fulfill.
His face was red and his heart (located in his eye, if you would believe that) was beating a mile a minute. He began to purr.
ᕼE ᗯᗩᔕ ᕼᗩᑭᑭY