Entertaining the human's made us less scary, showing that we could be civilized was a necessary part of 'fitting in'. While I'd never thought about it much in my human life, having to blend in with society, now it seemed like something that was constantly in the back of my mind.
Instinct told them that we were dangerous, I couldn't say I blamed them, a lycan had killed my entire family. Now, a sour taste lay on my tongue as I sit up in the small bed, inching out of the grasp of Darrius. Despite our own trials, Helen's attempt to off herself, Darrius's reveal that he was growing in power; we were expected to perform.
Us and them.
Once more, our struggles seemed to be entirely our own for life was supposed to go on just as it had before our intrusion. Humans didn't wish to talk about our issues and succumb to our need for discussion on plans and tactics, they wanted to resume normalcy.
I might have too if I was in their shoes.
Verando stands beside the window, I frown at the dark circles under his eyes and leave the bed in favor of coming to his side. He hadn't been to sleep yet, after the commentary and being so close to Caspian in an unknown place, I knew there was no way he would sleep. There was no space to patrol, and no safety in the overcrowded home.
"Morning." I keep my voice low, soft. Reaching up to touch his cheek, I brush the stubble with the backs of my fingers. "Been a while since you pulled an all-nighter."
"Happens more often than you think." Stifling a yawn with his hand, his gaze never leaves the vastness set before us. Mountains bathed in deep fog, rolling through the hills and forest like plumes of heavy smoke. "The whole place smells like prey, it's driving Alpha mad." The delicious scent wafted on every breeze like a beacon, pulling us towards the woods, and making my mouth water.
I was hungry, too. We had hardly touched dinner, our wolves disgusted by the lack of a proper meal. "Fog carries the scent." I agree, "How are you feeling?"
"Irritated. I don't know what to do with Darrius. I suppose that Legardo will be here today, I'd hope this would be a haven for him but-" Pinching the bridge of his nose, he exhales roughly and shuts his eyes. "I don't know if I can stomach leaving him here, Tyler's parents are harmless but this place is unprotectable. There are too many places to hide, at least at your castle the courtyard was cleared. The bloody woods back right up to the rear entrance of this place. It would take months to make it safe."
"Legardo will be here today," I tell him, slipping my arm around his, leaning my cheek on his bicep. "He's been here before with Helen, he will be able to deal with these people and keep the boys safe. This is what he likes to do, this is what he's good at. We are very lucky to have him." Focusing on the positives was the only way to get through this, Legardo had been a massive asset. Being a father, protecting his children and ours, was something he was passionate about.
Even so, I could tell it hurt him. The crease in the corner of his mouth told me everything I needed to know, he was tired of leaving our children behind. "Hey. You are an incredible father. Those boys adore you." I tell him firmly, knowing that he would think back to Legardo and Tonic.
Not wanting to talk about this anymore, he pries his gaze away from the window. "I have something I wanted to talk to you about. Something I've spent my evening thinking us while waiting for the spirits of those damned rabid lycans to crawl out of these woods." My body shudders, I don't even want to think about it, nor do I want to be out in it at night.
"Helen needs to submit to surrender her wolf, she and I are too close and I do not believe that I could or should harbor the entirety of Whitewind. I had.. what my younger self referred to.. as an echo. It was merely a shadow of what once was, if it's true that I do harbor Prime and we know that I have Shadowcast, we are closer now to completing the cycle than ever before."
Flicking my gaze over him, I was uncomfortable with this topic. In a move quicker than I could even decipher I grip his throat firmly in my hand, wrinkling my nose as I glower into his eyes. "Do you dare suggest that you go instead."
With a smirk, he raises an eyebrow and I tighten my grip in a challenge. "Fiesty this morning."
"I'm hungry." I snap. "For more than just food."
Rolling his eyes, he unseats my hand with a sigh. "My intuition has always been my guide. Despite how far we've gotten, I feel like the cycle is not meant to be completed in the sense that one holds them all. A destiny not meant to be fulfilled. I feel you should claim Malka, you and I are connected, it could effectively end the cycle without reuniting the celestial being. It's my hope that the spirits will grow dormant, in the absence of chasing the fractured piece. There will be nothing else to pass on. When I... when we... die, the spirits will end with it."
Considering this, I back up to sit on the bed, resting my hands beside my hips as I attempt to wrap my mind around the thought of me holding a piece of a god. What would that mean for me, as a magic user who had been poisoned by dark magic? Would I go mad with power?
Meanwhile, the parts of me that died with my magic begged to be let out of their cage. I wanted so badly to use again, I was willing to take a drug that could slowly be killing me just to get a taste. Ending the thought with immortality, true eternal life in its only fathomable form, was horrendously tempting.
"You think Helen would submit to me?"
Verando scoffs, opening the window to light a cigarette. Bringing the cancer stick to his full lips, I can't help but linger on the way he holds it between his teeth, resting on the lower lip so carelessly as he pulls out his lighter.
The flame illuminates those icy eyes, dancing through them as if reflecting off glass. Wetting my lips, my body calms itself, I was not able to act on these impulses, not with our son in the same room. Smirking at me, he takes a slow draw. "Good self-control."
I scowl at him, glancing over my shoulder to check on Darrius. He tempted me on purpose. Noting my offense, he expertly slips out the window onto the first-story roof to sit just beyond the sill. I nearly leap out of my own skin to stop him, only to note that the roof was plentiful if not horrifying that my husband felt so comfortable out on it.
"You will probably have to kill her but she might. Helen understands this, she wants out, much as she's trying desperately to fulfill her role. Perhaps it is possible that her role is truly to pass the wolf on to someone else. Gods if I know anymore, mysterious ways and what have you... I'm struggling to see another path forward."
"I'll never understand how you speak about death so casually." I know it hurt him, I know how badly each loss affected him. Yet, speaking to him now, it was as if it was another hurdle to cross.
Pulling off the cigarette, Verando redirects his gaze back into the openness, drowning out the scent of deer with the smoke. "Everyone dies. The longer we attempt to save everyone, the more people will die because of it. At the end of this, when it comes down to it, my priority is you. More than anything. More than anyone. I hope that it motivates you to not kill her, to encourage her submission."
So it would be up to me? I would just have to not kill her? I think of Kavanza taking Sota's arm to take his position. Could I do that? It seemed possible that my dislike of Helen could be boiling down to this moment. Staring at the floor, I hear him return and glance up to see him standing before me.
"Brush your teeth. You stink." I sigh, wrinkling my nose as he kisses my cheek.
"You will have to confront her. It can not be planned. She will attempt to kill you as Malka believes you are not worthy, since you are not of our blood."
Swallowing back the discomfort, I place my hand on my stomach and he stops me, kneeling before me to take my hand in his. "Nic." His voice is patient, I grit my teeth as I yank my hand away.
Verando did not believe that it was possible, it felt like an extreme risk. I understood how ridiculous it sounded, hoping for something I did not have the parts to carry, and yet I could only hope that somehow the impossible had found me in my favor this one time.
"What if-" Stopping myself, I cross my legs, wishing to be smaller. I want to hide, wishing I didn't have a desire that was so irrational. There were no more tears to cry, tense, I can only attempt to not contort my face into the agony that I felt over a pipe dream I'd entertained in the back of my mind since it was first suggested. "I understand it's not possible."
Sliding between my legs, he wraps his arms around my waist, pressing his cheek to my chest as I unhinge myself to clutch him. Legs curled around him, encircling his head with my arms, burying my nose in his hair, I just cling to him for as long as I could stand.
"Tata, are you crying?" Darrius's small voice startles me but I don't release Verando. My parents had never wanted me to see them being affectionate, they'd always kept each other at arms length and I couldn't help but blame my tendencies on something so stiff and cold in the only married couple I bore witness to. Holding out my hand, I beckon the boy over and he eagerly comes to wedge himself between us.
"No, honey, I'm not crying. Your Daddy is just sleepy from keeping us safe."
Yawning, Darrius turns his attention to my warlord, inspecting him with a serious face that makes Verando mimic back the expression. Pursing his lips, knitting his eyebrows, Darrius giggles and throws his arms around the man's neck. "You're silly. Did you catch the bad guys?"
"No bad guys here." Verando sighs in relief. "Darling, Gary is coming to watch you for just a bit-"
"Am I in trouble?" He pouts, straightening as he looks back at me.
"No, Darrius. It..." Pursing my lips, I consider how to say it. "It showed me you're ready to start school, just like I did. So you can control your magic."
Concern crosses Verando's face, Darrius squeals excitedly, hopping out from between us with such force that I grunt from the impact. Leaping nearly across the room, he floats effortlessly to the ground. "Magic school! Magic school! Magic school!" He giggles excitedly, "I want to start right now!"
"Without any breakfast?" I manage, standing carefully as I slip out of Verando's grasp. "Your Daddy and I have to go hunting, can you eat breakfast with Helen and Tyler while we're gone?"
"Nope!" He retorts with a grin. "I'll come with you!"
Verando chuckles and I frown in response.
"Darling, you must stay with Tyler. Perhaps not Helen... but for sure Tyler. Can you pick out a song to sing for when I get back? I'm sure Xaiver is quite lonely, he might like a song for when he comes." The fact he could appease the child so easily made my loins ache and my pride sore.
"Xaivy!" Darrius chimes excitedly, nodding as he rushes out of the room to bound down the stairs. Exhausted, Verando flops back onto his back and I jump into his lap, earning my own grunt of disapproval.
My stomach growls as I poke his chest. "Now. Take me hunting before I find someone else to gnaw on."
Dressed in simple clothes, cargo pants, and short-sleeved shirts, we track through the woods as quietly as we can manage given my lack of ability to navigate through the brush. While I was hoping to revisit my wolf, Verando felt it necessary to help me hunt as a human first to learn how to travel more effectively.
Apparently, I had grown quite loud in my time out of our war tours though I'd never truly hunted much. My father had always put up a barrier between us and the animals, so tact was not something I'd had to practice much of.
"You're stepping haphazardly, love. Move around the brush, slow, long steps with no drag from your foot. We're following a game trail, not staring in a parade." His voice is low, deep, and smooth. Bow in hand, arrow ready, he seemed unimpressed with our ability to catch anything for he lacked any readiness.
Hesitating, I nearly run into him as he tilts his nose up to inhale the scent. The rise and fall of the dark brown shirt indicate the depth of how he breathes and the stillness of his body as he listens. Attempting to do the same, I can only remind myself that he was a good instructor if I would allow him to be.
Trying to ignore the hunger in the pit of my stomach, I focus on his footprints instead, allowing myself to be overcome by the stillness in the forest. Surrounded by greenery, I keep my eyes low for I was not trained enough to notice much of anything anyways. Instead, I opt to listen as deeply as my mind would allow. The wolf creeps to the surface, curious as it lends me its ears, the steady thrum of our heartbeats like a sweet melody.
A small smile creeps onto my lips, I recall how much he enjoyed walking in silence, how long had it been since we'd been able to do that?
Nearly running into him, he pauses, bow drawn. In one quick shot, he fires the bow, startling me at the smaller doe rushes off into the woods.
"She got away." I frown.
"Mmm. Smell that? I caught her across the lungs, she'll go down. It's not the fairest shot, we got lucky and I had to act quickly. I much prefer to hit them closer to the heart but the lungs will do."
Sampling the air, the rusty sweet smell of fresh blood causes my mouth to water.
"Follow your nose, find the blood trail, even in your excitement do not allow yourself to forget you're still in the woods. Walk deliberately, the more scent we leave here the less prey will come back."
Allowing me to lead the way but following close behind, blood scent wafts so strongly into my nose that I find it consumes the damp fog with a wetness that resonates in my own chest. How could anyone think past this?
Placing his hand on my shoulder, he gestures with a nod to the reddened leaf.
I would have walked right past it. "Your nose can trick you, use your eyes, don't let your stomach lead."
Nodding in response, I follow the splatter, a steadily increasing red stain that was obvious and yet hidden in a protective way, as if the forest was trying to guard the poor creature. While she wouldn't live, it felt a duty to its subject, disguising her scent and her blood with fog and leaf litter.
The bigger the splatter, the harder it is to hold back my pace, before coming across the downed doe with an arrow through her lungs just as he had said. Taking a knife out of its sheath on his thigh, he stabs her in the heart despite her state of perishing. "Always make sure." He prompts me.
"Can you teach me to shoot a bow?"
Chuckling, he unloads his quiver and rests the bow on the ground as he removes the arrow from the creature. "Of course. It's mostly practice based, you have to shoot a lot to get any good at it. Right now I'm about to teach you to skin so we can head back."
"Already?"
Nodding, he positions the animal for processing, taking a quick glance around us. "Smell that?"
Sniffing, I shake my head. "All I can smell is this deer."
"Bear." He mumbles, wrinkling his nose slightly. "Also, don't sniff like a damned prude. Inhale, savor it." Scolding, he slices the deer open and I'm impressed by how clean he manages to stay besides the obvious splatter on his hands. He makes quick work of the creature, I hadn't even noticed he'd brought a pack with him, I can only do my best to help him as we load down the bag. I struggle with not sampling every bit that passes my nose.
Eyeing me, he smirks, tilting his head at my apparent state of hunger. "Did you even glance to see if it had parasites? You're about to dive into something you have no idea what it consists of."
Irritated, I stand, dusting myself off. "I hadn't thought about that."
"Best to cook this one, love, while I didn't see anything we haven't done any research on this area to know what to expect. While we are lycans, we are also humans."
"What would I do without you?" I grumble sarcastically, he smacks my ass as he stands, loading the bag onto his back.
"Well, you'd probably be a lot less tolerable." He retorts, leading me through the woods in the same slow, calculated step that threatened to drive me to madness with the amount of fresh meat just inches from my nose. Verando must take pity on me, for I note we change paths and trend towards a small clearing we'd passed yesterday. Under a large oak tree, the destruction from yesterday allows small beams of light to creep through the canopy of green.
"We aren't going back?"
"Not yet, at least. This meat won't stay good for long without freezing it but we have a moment to stop and eat without the onslaught of questions. Besides, all the downed trees will have dried and make for good tinder. Do you have any knowledge of suitable firewood in that back story of yours?"
Sticking my tongue out at him, I roll my eyes heavily as I storm off to gather the larger, dryer pieces of wood coupled with some starter sticks. During my time with our tour, firewood was something I'd gotten used to having to gather for in the beginning I was quite useless. Though, admittedly, I'd never had to start a fire without a mage.
As I sit down beside the expertly stacked pile, it startles me how good he is at this, lighting the tinder with the flint stick and a knife before adding it to the stack and producing a fire akin to any mage I'd used. Sharpening a stick with his knife, he stabs a few smaller pieces and hands them over to me to warm over the flame along with his own.
Tossing a few more sticks on, he cleans his blade off on his pant leg.
"Where did you learn all of this?"
"Sota." He shrugs, considering it for a moment. "Never know when you're going to get trapped somewhere. Sota lived the majority of his life very simply, he taught me a lot about hunting and surviving."
Letting my face drop, I cross my legs with a frown. I hadn't thought about Ol' One Arm in years, yet he was such a major part of my husband's life before I came along. Would he have ever tried to kill Verando if it hadn't been for me? "Do you ever miss him?"
Squeezing the meat, he returns it to the flame. "Of course. But, I'm sure you miss those you've lost as well. I know it ended poorly, but I do remember him quite fondly. Sota was a good mentor, despite his ending."
I never know when it's alright to talk about our past, who we've lost. It comes out like a waterfall, chatter about those I missed and the ones that we lost. Speaking about them, as if they were just a phone call away, made it all hurt just a little bit less. While I could feel my heart shredding, at the same time, it was mending itself. The wound left was just a little more tolerable than it had been before, as if some pieces were finally starting to heal.
Taking a bite of the meat, I moan in appreciation. "You really are part god." I sigh, contentedly.
"Here I thought you just liked me for my sexual abilities." He teases lightly, taking a bite of his own.
Unable to even entertain him, it takes all my self-control to not devour the meal like the rabid animal I felt I was. Savoring it was out of the question, my body was starved for fresh, untainted meat and while I'd love for it to be raw I could stomach it easily like this. My body sang from the much-needed energy, the richness and the freshness felt as though it was feeding my soul as well as my being.
Taking a canteen out of his pack to toss it to me; I take a sip, watching as he dumps some of his own on his hand to scrub them off with a small hand towel. While it didn't help much for the staining, I know he wasn't a fan of the texture when it came to anything sticky.
"While those abilities do have their merits, I'm mostly interested in you for your body." I tease, admiring the way the shirt clung to him. While he wasn't as muscular as he had been, his body had toned up considerably in these last few months and I dare to admit he was returning to the adonis I knew in Romanian. Biting my lower lip, I tilt my head, unashamed as he catches me staring.
The shoulders had regained their width, and his arms had more definition, while he wasn't a massive man he had a musculature that I found more than adequate for his physique. "You don't spend nearly enough time naked."
With a snort, he begins the process of reorganizing his pack in a structured, deliberate way. "We do have neighbors now." he reminds me. "And children. Much as I'm not shy by any means, not quite sure I want to emotionally damage those two just yet."
Making my way across the small space, I snag the bundle of rope, slipping in between his thighs as I press my hand onto his chest to still him. "There's nobody here, now?" I suggest with a grin.
"Save for our unicorn child who exploded half the forest?" Confused, he moves to slip away from me but I grab his wrist, messily snaking the rope around it, only to be met with an unimpressed stare. "Really? That would not hold me at all. It's going to slip right off."
Attempting my best sultry tone, I tie a half-hearted knot, "That's if you wanted to escape?" I suggest.
Popping his thumb out of joint, he slips his hand out of the noose with a sarcastic eyebrow raise. I shove my thigh against his groan, eliciting a sharp inhale from him. "Can you stop being such a dick for five seconds while I enjoy you?" I snap, capturing his wrist once more to firmly twist the rope around it twice. I jump up, rounding the tree to grasp the other hand, I make quick work of his second wrist as I pull tight against the bark.
Stretched above his head, his hands are firmly tied to the oak as I double knot the rope on the offside. "Happy?" I scowl, catching glimpse of the flushed look on his face and swallowing back my own desire. My masochist, testing the rope with a small tug as I kneel between his legs once more. The red in his cheeks cause me to bite my lower lip, I drag my nose over his cheekbone as I take in his scent, "I said, are you happy?"
"That depends what your intentions are?" He challenges, hovering his lips over mine.