I was lying on the sofa, staring at the ceiling when suddenly i heard the doorbell ring.
fuck, that's mom
I got up and peered through the peephole in the door.
Yes, it was really mom.
I hesitated a moment before opening the door, i inhaled and finally opened it.
I found myself in front of my mother. She evidently was still pissed at me.
"so what's this, that you're walking around instead of being in school?"
"i've already explained to you"
i said rolling my eyes
"I don't care about your apologies, you could have warned me at least. It was enough just to ask and i wouldn't have denied you going to Claudia"
she said, as if disappointed
"but mo-"
"no way" she cut me off
"mom please, try to understand" i said
"that's enough, i worked a lot today and i'm tired.
It's time for you to take your responsibilities"
she said, on her way to the bathroom.
It was the first time mom didn't punish me. Maybe because i was old enough to make my own decisions, and face the consequences of my actions.
And she wasn't all wrong ... but her reaction seemed exaggerated, after all i never skipped a day of school, and now that i did, just cause i wanted to go and visit a dear friend, she was pissed off, like it wasn't the first time this had happened.
Throughout the evening, mum and i didn't say a word to each other.
Maybe i should've really warn her, about my intentions, and this mess wasn't going to happen.
That same night, i couldn't sleep, i was too worried about Claudia, to be able to.
So i called Finneas, trying to get some news of her, that could put my soul at peace.
But i got no response.
It was late night, and it was possible that Finneas had already fallen asleep.
I turned off the phone and tried to sleep.
Fortunately, i didn't have to go to school today. It was Saturday. The best day of the week.
As soon as i get picked up the phone, i had received several messages from Finneas, telling me that Claudia had done the checks, that they had been successful and that she would be discharged today.
the day couldn't have started better than this.
Before going down to make breakfast, i stayed a little longer in bed, with my face buried in my pillow.
I was thinking so many things. The fact that Claudia, will have a baby in a few months, excited me.
I couldn't wait to have that little creature in my arms.
I just have to be patient for another two months.
When i went downstairs, my mother was out. She probably went out with Peaches for a ride, while my father was out in the garden, cutting the hedge.
_______
Around lunchtime, Finneas and Claudia were already at home. They stayed for lunch with us.
Claudia was still a bit tired, so we let her rest. With such a huge baby bump, walking was certainly not a walk in the park.
________
After lunch, i wanted to help mom wash the dishes.
I was looking for a way to be forgiven.
"hey mom, can i help you in any way?" i said approaching her.
"an helping hand, would be appreciated, thank you honey" she replied
________
While i was resting, sprawled on the sofa, i heard someone knock on the door.
who could it possibly be at this hour?
I got up reluctantly and went to open the door.
Without any of my expectations, i found myself in front of Klaire.
"hey, are you okay? what happened?"
i asked, frowning.
She was panting, trying to catch her breath.
"sorry if i showed up without warning, but i gotta talk to you, if your not busy.
I have to tell you the truth"
At that moment i didn't know what was going on, nor of this truth that she kept me knowing.
I went out and closed the door without making too much noise.
We headed to a place where no one could ever see us or hear us. Our secret place.
We sat on a bench, which gave a view to most of the city.
I waited for Klaire to regain her regular breathing and then she spoke:
"i've been keeping this a secret for a long time, but it's time for you to know the truth" she said, a little unsure whether to really tell me or not.
"what are you talking about?" i asked in confusion
"she lied to you Billie"
"who lied to me? what the heck are you talking about Klaire, spit the toad!"
i said, even more confused than before.
"Erika, she's not dead, she's alive"
"don't talk nonsense, she's dead, i saw her with my own eyes" i blurted out
"yes .... that's what she wanted you to see. But i can make sure to you that she's alive
I saw her. And she hides.
I didn't know exactly what to say.
If she was kidding me or if she was really telling the truth.
"i know where she is right now, but i can't take you to her.
You might be thinking that i am telling you nonsense, which is impossible, the fact she's alive. But trust me.
I would also think the same thing if i were in your shoes.
________
On my way home, a thousand thoughts and questions flashed through my head.
I could've sworn that was her body.
But then...that piece of paper i still have...
"you better hurry
cause i'm leaving soon"
... it was all a lie.
At that moment, all those nights came to mind. Nights, spent in white, spent crying, wondering why, reading and rereading that damn sentence on a stupid piece of paper.
I wanted to cry, but i couldn't.
I just had a strong feeling of anger and frustration.
I couldn't conceive that Erika was still alive, somewhere.
And even now, i was asking myself:
why?
I picked up the pace, as i just wanted to go home.
I felt so dizzy and confused.
So many emotions, hard to manage.
All at once.
_______
I lay down on the bed, staring at the ceiling, sobbing, as a tear ran down my face.
I stayed hugged to the pillow, until someone knocked on the door of my room.
I stood there, impassive.
I didn't want anyone to see me.
Not now.
After a few seconds, there was a knock again, and only then i decided to open.
I expected to be in front of my mom, but i found Claudia. She seemed worried about me.
"hey, what happened to you?" she asked, coming in
"don't worry, i just didn't feel good"
"are you sure? cause you look kinda shocked" she said
"yeah...maybe you're right ... i am" i said sniffling
"would you like tell me about it?"
she asked, sitting down next to me
"the fact is that something i believed in, was just a lie all this time"
i said, trying not to break in tears
"i don't know what concept you're talking about, but have you ever thought it just happened for your own good. To protect you?
"sorry but i can't think of anything good about it" i admitted
"whatever it is, i feel sorry for you"
she said, stroking my back
"do you remember Erika, everything that happened on that damn day?" i asked her
" yes, i remember well" she said, without taking her eyes off me
"Klaire, the most caring friend i've ever had, told me she's alive. She's never been dead.
It was all a lie and i can't stop wondering why. Why lie to me about her death.
It was so painful when i found she was dead, that i didn't even want to believe it. Imagine now, that i found out that she has always been alive all these years.
And i feel so confused and i don't know what to do" i said finally
Claudia wasn't sure what to say, but the fact that she was there with me, to comfort me was already a nice way to talk, even without opening her mouth.
After our chat, i felt much better.
Claudia was able to give me some advice on what i could do, and finally i thank her.
If she hadn't been there at the time, i probably would have gone mad.
I walked her to the door, and before she could leave, i gave her a big hug, thanking her again.
"let me know how you're feeling in the next few days" she said
"i will definitely" i said smiling her back
And she left.