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JAKE
"Your new car is pretty." Siyeon says the moment she got in the car. "Not the old vintage look anymore."
A sarcastic laugh escaped his lips, turning on the car before giving her an actual reply. It had only been two days since the car was given to him, and throughout those days, laziness decided to visit him, rendering him unable to take it out on a ride. It was only today did he develop the motivation to actually get it out of their garage and into the road where it truly belong. And coincidentally, Siyeon could be considered as his first passenger.
"Where do you want to eat?" Jake asked as he began to drive with no destination in mind. Initially, he was going to plan the whole night, bring her places he have always considered as romantic and any sort of effort which would transform the evening worthwhile. Midway through those thoughts was the sudden realization that he was turning a simple friendly dinner to a date. His planning came to a halt instantly and shorty after, he decided to settle on going with the flow.
Quite frankly, Jake thought spur of the moment ideas suits them better. Liking Siyeon was never the plan, the feelings he harbor towards her was an epiphany that came out of nowhere, and in a blink of an eye, the way he viewed her instantly change until she was no longer just the annoying seatmate. Yet unlike his previous experience with sentiments where he was confident that the other felt the same as he did, having no clue how the other thinks was a surprising shift of surroundings and perhaps even brought a slight worry to him. There was a worrying in him that the chances of Siyeon reciprocating his feelings felt almost impossible and just by imagining it, his mind already struggled to paint the picture.
Siyeon never showed motive, and right now, she's still barely showing any.
"You didn't even plan tonight?" She said before releasing a sound which stood somewhere in between a chuckle and a sarcastic snort. "Then again, there's no reason for you to do that."
"Jeez, just answer my question." He scoffs.
"Sushi?"
"On new year?"
"What? Do we have to match our meal with the current festivity?" She quickly counters him, a skill she was obviously gifted with. "Unless you want to go somewhere else. I'm okay with anything."
"Let's just go with sushi because apparently that's how you want to celebrate the upcoming new year." Jake rolled his eyes, only to be betrayed by his lips as it formed into a smile of admiration which surprisingly was reciprocated by her, only in a less adoring manner.
The sun was close to falling deep into its routinely sleep, leaving only remnants of light colored in the shade of orange at the very line where both the sky and land meet. The roads were calmer, the traffic that enveloped the road half an hour ago dissipated slowly until Jake could drive without the need to stop and wait ever so often. Street lights began to turn on one by one followed by the string lights that connected each of them, another reminder of Christmas that was celebrated and the other that was to be celebrated later at midnight, which was still five and a half hours away.
Jake took a glance to the person sitting at the passenger's seat, her head leaned on the tinted window as she looked up at the dozen of lights decorating every building they passed. Many people could be seen giggling with their significant others on the side of the streets, their faces being stretched intensively by the grins their lips had formed. The snow which he barely realized covered the trees white, creating an image of purity hiding behind the true harsh qualities the snow possesses. All of those sights were looked at by Siyeon wistfully, as though she was taking in everything, as though she was longing for something he couldn't quite grasp with his fingers. And due to his immense level of feelings for her, a part of him wanted to give her whatever it was that she wanted.
The fact that he agreed to eat sushi even if he wanted to bring her to a more festive meal was more than enough proof of his willingness to fulfill whatever she desired.
"Woah isn't it expensive here?!" Siyeon gasped as they arrived at the only good sushi place Jake knew. "I know a cheap place, let's not eat here."
"Your family could buy this place if you wanted to." His eyes narrowed.
"Oh you're right! Maybe if I throw one of my hissy fits mommy and daddy could buy me this." She says in the most sarcastic tone she has ever used on him. "I don't care if they can buy this, I'm not going to spend a lot of money!"
"You're not going to spend any money! I thought you told me to treat you to nice food!"
"I was joking! I hate people paying for me!"
"Why?! This isn't my first time treating you!"
"Exactly! You are not treating me to anything!"
"Well jokes on you, I'm treating you today!"
"No!"
"You are, now get out of the car so we can eat that damn raw fish!"
"Asshole!" She says, while also doing exactly what he told her to do. For a minute he thought she would run away after getting out of the car but much to his relief, his assumption immediately was washed away when she remained outside, waiting for him to exit and go inside the restaurant with her.
A ghost of a smile tugged on the corner of his mouth, getting out of the car also as he watched her stride her way to his side so the two could finally walk together. There was an adorable frown on her face, her arms crossed on her chest while she looked forward to where they were headed. That was something Jake should've been doing because if it had not been for Siyeon softly tugging on the sleeve of his coat, he would've collided with another person heading to the opposite direction.
The two of them got lucky when a table just opened up despite their inability to reserve one. By the time they were seated and scanning the menu, she was no longer pouting like a little child as her eyes moved up and down, obviously hungry already just by reading. Since Jake was always at that restaurant, he already knew what to buy but he didn't ask for a waiter, not until he was sure she was done deciding. And when she asked him to finally call one, the two stated their orders and for a while, Siyeon seemed so pleased that their argument earlier was almost buried in his mind.
"Why do you hate people paying for you?" Jake asked as a means to break the silence between them.
"I don't like being indebted to someone." She answers in a haste, her lips shaping into a thin smile. "My parents taught me that."
"Oh. Well, if it's any assurance I hate having someone indebted to me, so you don't have to pay me back. Just think of this as a way for you to extort money from me." He tells her as an attempt to make her feel less bad about the fact he was paying for their meal.
She chuckled. "Wow, that really helped! Now I don't feel bad." She said, emphasizing on the really which prompted him to roll his eyes. "Why are you so desperate for company tonight? Isn't your mother hosting some New Year party? I received an invitation." Her receiving an invitation was no surprise to Jake. His cousin did make sure not to keep her out of their conversations with their family.
"Exactly why I wanted to get away. It's always so boring and I'm not really academically gifted enough to be doted on and praised by the people there." He explained casually, even taking a sip of his water in between the sentences. "Plus I don't have to worry about Hana since Hyejin promised to keep an eye on her."
"Fair enough." She answered, as though she didn't find any difficulty understanding his reasons.
"How about you? Why are you free this evening?"
"My parents doesn't make a big deal out of holidays, even my brother actually, so there's no point really in doing something today." That reply gave him a frown as unlike her parents, his took joy from celebrating it. "Plus I'd rather be here than spend another day in that damn hospital. I stay there the whole day, just laying in a bed, watching television."
"Don't tell me you sneaked out again." A glare suddenly climbed its way to his face, earning a scowl from the latter.
"No. I wasn't even connected to any tube, I was just there." Siyeon clears the misunderstanding. "I really am telling the truth! Why do you keep assuming I'm weak?"
"It's not that I'm assuming you're weak. It's just that. . . I'm not sure whether your sick or not, so I have to be extra careful." He tried to think of a possible sentence that could word his worries yet there never was a right word that could properly explain it. "What if my ignorance harms you? I can't risk that."
"If I were ill as you say I am, would your treatment towards me change?"
"Of course, but never in a bad way." Jake said, biting his lips after when another sentence almost followed the first one which contained words that could've exposed his feelings for her.
"Let me give you an advice as someone who grew up with sick people and those who treat them. Never treat them any differently as you usually do, because a shift in someone's behavior towards them is just another reminder of their struggles." Siyeon says and just as she was going to say something further, the food arrived, disrupting a conversation he could no longer keep alive.
Their meal wasn't a quiet one yet neither divulged themselves in a conversation that went as deep as the last one had. The one they shared mainly consisted of unnecessary stuff, such as how the man sitting a couple of tables from them was wearing a tie that didn't fit with his suit or how both of them wanted to dye their hair as vibrant as the person who just entered the premises. It was relieving in a sort, to be able to carry such a lighthearted topic with her, to be able to set aside their differences and for one night, act like the world around them didn't matter.
For one night, he managed to feel what she felt like to be someone no word has ever been invented that perfectly fit them.
For one night, she was someone.
"I'm so full." Siyeon groaned as they made their way back to his car, the sky deep in the night, the number of people on the streets increased in size as midnight ticks closer and closer. "Off to where next?"
"Let me breathe for a second. I can barely move because of how full I am." He lifts a hand while the other held his stomach.
"No one told you to eat the leftovers, could've paid for the penalty." She covers her mouth with her hand as she stifled a chuckle.
Jake looked at her, a look saying that she should know why he did what he did. Entering the car and waiting for a few minutes to finally garner the strength to begin driving, he gazed at Siyeon, who once again, had a lollipop sitting in between her lips. She held her phone with her left hand, scrolling on her screen as her right hand held the white stick that supported the candy attached to it.
"I have no idea where to go next."
"Then just keep driving. The city is beautiful tonight." Siyeon glanced at him for a brief moment and in that split second where their focus was on each other, something stopped.
Perhaps it was time.
Siyeon was smiling.
And he found himself doing the same.
Jake drove everywhere, roaming the city as the person sat next to him admired the bright lights. At some point, he was convinced he was going on circles as they passed by the same store three times, and every time they would, Siyeon would find herself fishing another lollipop from her pocket, almost as though her mouth could not be left alone without it. By the time they parked in front of a lake (a place they ended up in when they took a random turn to the right), the lollipop she had on her mouth was almost finished.
"Why do you have so much lollipops? You're going to get a toothache from all those candy!" Jake tells her.
"The hospital is loaded with this so I stole some as a snack, and it tastes good so I kept a lot in my pocket." She said proudly, as though the candies she stole were not meant for sick children. "Oh don't look at me like that! The hospital has five boxes filled with this at the storage room."
He chuckled amusingly, gazing back at the view then to his watch to check the time. It was almost an hour away from midnight. When the silence surrounded them with both staring into the dark lake and the place that lie across it, colored with yellow lights that almost seemed like sparks from their view, a question arose in his head and for some unknown reason, he thought this was the best time to ask it to her.
"Why were you avoiding me?"
That was enough to steal her full attention, and if she scarcely shows how she truly feels, that time was an exception as unlike any ordinary day, her face was full of emotions, too much in fact that he couldn't even tell them apart.
"I wanted to know if it's true." She replied, her eyes gazing away for a second then back to him.
"What's true?" He asked, confused.
"I wanted to know if it's true that I don't need you in my life as much as you don't need me in yours." Siyeon didn't tear her eyes away, but she looked like she wanted to. "And maybe. . ." Yet the next part was not continued as after a minute or less, she grew quiet.
"I never said I don't need you in my life." Quite the opposite, really.
"You don't need me. . ." She trailed off. ". . . as much as I don't need you."
Jake wondered why he didn't seem to buy it. She never had any idiosyncrasy when she lies, nor does her voice change when she does, so how come he can't believe what she said? Was it in denial? Was it just him refusing to believe that she never and will never need him the same way he did with her?
"Tell me then, how you can easily assume something like that." By then, he had failed to notice that the space in between them was decreasing gradually as he leaned forward to her and her refusal to back away. "Because you got it all wrong Siyeon."
"Stop." Every word that escaped from her mouth was hardly believable as her expression spoke otherwise. "This was never supposed to happen."
Right, it wasn't.
Nothing was supposed to happen between them, yet the turn of events had led them there.
"Then why are you still here? Why are we still like this?"
A momentary silence had been enough time to drive Jake to lose every bit of rationality inside him as he allowed the ambiance to swallow him whole. In no less than second he was leaning closer to Siyeon, placing his left hand on her cheek as it slowly slithered its way to the back of her head, lining his lips to hers until they were touching. He could feel her surprise as she didn't respond at first but she matched him after, her right hand on his arm while she pushes herself deeper into the kiss.
Her lips were coated with the sweetness that came from the lollipop she was eating earlier, and he endeavored to enjoy every last bit of her taste. He was intoxicated by her, his head spinning, barely keeping his balance at those very moment as his lips moved on its own even with his lack of experience in kissing.
Every sentence said earlier suddenly felt meaningless. And though Jake was unable to truly comprehend as to why someone like Siyeon, who doesn't seem like she sheltered any feelings toward him remotely similar to the one he has for her, was kissing him in the same feverish manner he was, he couldn't find the heart to complain.
As there was no better opportunity to confess his affection than to prove it by kissing her.
Pulling away from the kiss, both profusely panting, looking at each other in the eyes. He moved back, sitting properly now while gazing at the window of his car as he tried to search for the right words to break the atmosphere between them. Yet no words came to mind, his mouth felt too dry to speak.
So the two sat there in stillness until it was broken by the explosion of colors, painting the dark blue sky in different shades of red, blue and yellow, and as if the loud blast wasn't enough, other sorts of noises came out from the city, finally marking the beginning to a brand new year.
Jake glances to her but her gaze was deep into the fireworks, the colors reflecting on her face, intensifying a beauty that was already intense on its own.
In his mind he wished for another moment like this with her, because tomorrow, she would no longer be there.
And he supposed tonight had to be enough.
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AUTHOR'S NOTE :
i hope this chapter makes up for the fact i havent updated in so long :">
blame the school they didn't even blink when they dumped me w so much work
fun fact! this kissing scene is the one scene i've been looking forward to writing for so long