I sat out on the deck of the boat watching as the island came into view. My cousin Matthew was out on the sloping lawn passing a football back and forth with his father while Penelope sat infront of her mother in the meadow braiding flowers into each others hair.
Leah was sitting near the water with Tyler. She was showing him something, pictures maybe. Every now and then I saw them laughing.
Where was Jacob?
My eyes scanned the property. My mother was with Alice and Esme in the meadow by the tree. Carlisle was reading a book on the second story balcony of the guest house where him and Esme were staying. Charlie was with Seth and Sue out at the waters edge with a couple lawn chairs and fishing pools.
As my eyes continued scanning the property I came across Jasper sitting off to the side a ways from the others. His body was in a yoga position and he seemed to be trying to relax.
That left my Jacob. Where was he?
The second the engine cut I grabbed my bag and jumped to the dock before I made my way over to my mothers side.
"You are back early." My mother pulled me into a hug.
I kissed her cheek and then took a seat beside her. Wait.... how did Alice get here so fast. She was just with us at the Orchestra. I stared at her, my eyes large.
"Don't even ask Renesmee." Alice said before she rose to her feet and skipped off in the direction of Jasper.
"That was weird." I murmered. I shrugged it off, I had other things on my mind. "Mom, where is Jacob at?"
"Last time I saw him he was in the boat house looking at spare parts and talking about rebuilding something." Esme smiled.
I rose to my feet. "Thank you gramma." I smiled before I left.
It was a short walk to the boat house. It was located behind the main house and off the left to the guest house. It's location was perfect as it gave a perfect view for the gazeebo and garden in the back.
Just like my gramma said he was there at the boat house. His back was to me as he was running his hands through the water spicket on the side of the house. Every few seconds he would bring his hands to his mouth and sip the water that collected.
I was just a few yards from him when he turned off the water and stood up. His forearm brushed along his mouth to remove the stray drops. Then he turned around. His eyes scanned across the yard and then stopped on me.
"Hey Jake." I grinned.
Very slowly the corners of his mouth turned up into a smile. I was in his arms in the next few seconds and his arms were around me. I felt secure with him.
"My Nessie."
When he released me I looked into his eyes. The deep brown sent a warmth through my body.
"So-" I crossed my arms casually at my waist. "-what are you doing here?"
He took my hand and pulled me into the boat house where a bunch of metal parts and tools were scattered about. There seemed to be what I was able to make out as a wave runner sitting, its engine was out.
"I found this-" He gestured towards the wave runner. "-and it was the only one that looked like it could be fixed so I decided to fix it."
I nodded my head and smiled as if I was really interested at the idea of fixing things. I was interested in actually talking about us.
"I've been thinking-" I sighed and walked over to the stairs that led to the loft above the boat house and sat down. "-Now that I'm an adult in your eyes."
Jake came and took a seat beside me. "Renesmee I don't want to rush things."
I sighed frustrated. Now what? It's like any excuse he could use to keep us at a distance he was dishing out. How did I even know if I could be with him? I mean sure he imprinted on me and was linked to me for life but how did I feel about him?
I looked up at him. "Jake-" I pushed my hair behind my ear. "-I just need to know how I feel about you."
His forehead wrinkled as I imagined the words turning over in his mind. "But you love me and I love you." His lips pressed together in a hard line of uncertainty.
"I know you love me, the imprinting." I took a deep breath as I tried to find the right words. "I've only ever loved you as a brother and a friend Jacob. How do I know if I can love you the way you love me?" I leaned in slowly towards him, my hand reaching up and weaving through his hair. "Just let me try something."
I felt him lock under my touch as I tried to pull his lips to mine. "Renesmee..."
"I need to know Jacob just trust me." I whispered.
Then his lips were to mine. It was as if a wave of warm water had crashed over me. My breath was lost somewhere inside me and I didn't care to try and find it. It felt nice. Pleasant to have him with me like this.
When I leaned back Jake was smiling at me. Every perfect white tooth was flashing itself at me. I couldn't help but smile back at him, like it was contagious.
"That was better then I had ever imagined." He grinned.
I nodded my head as my smile fell away. The way I felt when I kissed Jake was similar to the way I felt when I kissed Gregory. Though it was on different principals the way I felt was the same. It felt wrong but it made me feel good. What did this mean?
I rose to my feet and headed to the door of the boat house. Maybe I could talk to my mother about this. She would understand right?
"Renesmee?" Jacob called as he grabbed my hand and pulled me back. The confusion to my reaction was clear on his face. "What's wrong?"
"I don't know how I feel about you Jacob. I mean how is it suppose to feel when you love someone like you love me?"
In that instant a expression of pain flooded Jake's face as if he had been wounded. Tears welled up in his eyes and at that moment I felt his heart break, or atleast suspected it.
I reached towards him. "Jacob I'm sorry I didn't mean to say that. I just mean I don't know what it feels like to be in love that way. I wasn't saying that I don't love you I just don't understand anything." I tilted my head slightly as I used my thumb and forefinger to grasp his chin. "Please, understand that I need time."
Jacob took in a deep breath and then wrapped his arms around me before pulling me to his chest. As I stood there in his arms I did the only rational thing I could think of and wrapped my arms around him.
"I would do anything for you Renesmee Carlie Cullen." His words were breathed into my hair.
I could feel the shock on my face as I realized the pain that I would subject him to if I didn't love him back. Could I bare to even to live with myself if I hurt him that bad? I'd lose myself completely and come unhinged. What was I supposed to do if I realized I didn't love him? Would I spend the rest of my life pretending for his own well being or would I turn my back and live for my happiness?
"I know."
"Just to think about you not loving me is like having my ribs broken one at a time. The pain would cripple me. I'd rather die for you then live the rest of my life without you."
My mouth dropped open. What was I supposed to do now that my greatest fear was figuring out the truth of myself. If I loved him that would be good but if I didn't... I closed my eyes against the thought of hurting Jake and slightly tightened my grip around him.
"I should go and see my mother." I dropped my arms and he mimicked me.
The second I stepped back away from him I smelled my fathers scent and then the door opened. I turned to look at him, his eyes darting back and forth between Jake and I as if he was searching for something.
"Daddy." I breathed.
"Renesmee what are you doing in here?" he asked me all the while keeping his eyes on Jake who seemed to be doing his best to not make eye contact with my father.
"I'm-" I looked at Jake who moved his eyes just enough to look into mine. "-I was just doing stuff.... and things." If my mental shield was working like I wanted it to my father wouldn't be able to read my mind or Jake's.
He glanced at Jake who looked at him and then looked quickly away. Then he narrowed his eyes to the point of slits.
"Renesmee don't you have homework to get done?" my father said.
I pursed my lips. "Depends on your idea of homework anyways I was going inside to talk to mom about-" I paused and my fathers eyes widened a fraction. "-stuff and things."
As I left the boat house I heard my father mention to Jake about what he would do to him if he deflowered me. I snickered and then took off at a run to the back door that led into the living room.
One thing I was sure of now was that my shield was powerful and it could keep anyone I wanted in the dark when it came to my father trying to read their minds. That means I would never have to worry about what he would see in my mind ever again. This was perfect.