(Cassie's Point of View)
I am awoken from my dream by the sound of my alarm clock and it reads 08:45 AM. I sleepily press the snooze button and I cover my face with my pink duvet cover to shield my eyes from the bright sunshine. Right before my alarm went off I was having a dream about being on tour with my band with my husband by my side. There is something about the word husband that gives me a funny feeling in my stomach.
Five months ago today I married Frankie's bunkmate Lance Corporal Luke Morrow. I first set eyes on him one night when Frankie and a bunch of his fellow Marines from Camp Pendleton showed up ahead of their deployment to Iraq. Luke was flirting with me and though I did think he was really cute but I turned him down for several reasons. The first reason was his fellow "buddies" were complete assholes and were making inappropriate comments, the second reason was him trying to defend his "buddies" only made things worse and we got into things a bit and it was obvious that we both come from different worlds and had very different political views.
However, we quickly moved past that night as my friend Nora learned from overhearing a conversation that night that military spouses receive healthcare benefits which I was desperately needing after my recent diagnosis of Type 1 Diabetes. About a week later after some convincing and arguing Luke and I decided to get married for the benefits because I was in desperate need of healthcare and he wanted the additional pay that came with being married so it was a win win situation. Within 24 hours of our courthouse wedding Luke, Frankie and their fellow Marines were deploying to Iraq.
The night of our wedding we slept at the motel across from the Marine base per tradition. Looking back on that night it was the start of a changing tide in our story. The dinner after our wedding with Luke and Frankie's unit was awkward and Luke and I got into it because of some stupid thing one of their "buddies" said, but after dinner once we got to our room at the motel Luke finally let down his guard a little and he showed an inkling of venerability. It was in that moment that I realized we weren't actually as different as I had initially thought and suddenly I had a rush of feelings for him that I have never felt towards anyone before and that night we shared some incredibly passionate kisses and sex. Afterwards we held each other in bed and we talked about his deployment and he explained to me how it works and what I could expect as a military spouse. Before we went to sleep that night he gave me his brother Jacob's contact information and he handed me a large manila envolpe that contained his living will which he had updated right before we got married. We then kissed again and had more sex and then he held me until I fell asleep. Thought our weeding was very short, only about 10 minutes in length it's a day I will never forget.
The next morning I awoke at 04:35 AM to him getting into the shower. I tried to fall back asleep but I couldn't because it suddenly hit me that as terrible as it might sound I was pretty sure I was starting to fall in love with my now husband who I had married less than 24 hours prior for the soul purpose of his healthcare benefits, but now in a few short hours he was going to be on his way to one of the most dangerous places on earth and I didn't want him to leave. While he was in the shower I snuggled into his pillow breathing in the scent of him which was a mix of a woodsy spice and clean laundry. After soaking in his scent a little longer I begrudgingly got out of bed so that I could get ready for the day. I quickly got dressed, packed my things and then I put the paperwork he had given me the night before in my bag. I decided that I would keep it in a safe place in my desk at home but honestly that morning I found myself praying to a God that I don't believe in that I would not have to ever reference either of the documents that he gave me. By 05:00 AM we were both dressed for the day. We packed up the last few things we had and left the hotel and then we headed to base. We drove in silence to the base, both of us caught up in our own feelings. We got there early so that I could pick up my military spouse ID card which would allow me to get onto base without Luke so that I can attend my doctors appointments, he needed to pick up his weapon, and we needed to be at the buses by 06:00 AM sharp.
I have lived in Oceanside my entire life and I had never stepped foot on either the Marine or Navy bases in the San Diego area. Growing up my mother had a few boyfriends who were in the military but none of them stuck around long and we never went on base. Until we drove onto base that morning I did not realize how large it was and I was not expecting it to look like its own city. When we arrived that morning it was fairly quiet and we headed to pick up my ID card which took about 10 minutes. We then headed to the place on base where they store their weapons and that is when it got very real. I stayed in the car while he went to pick up his weapon. As I sat in the car I watched many other men head into the same building to pick up their weapons and it dawned on me that all of these men were going to be heading to Iraq too. Suddenly, I realized maybe my feelings toward the military were misplaced because sitting on this side of things it's hard to be critical or judgmental of these people who are about to go put their life on the line for our freedom as Americans. When Luke returned to the car he was carrying his military issued assault riffle which made everything feel more real and scary. We then headed to the parking lot near where the busses were loading and we parked the car and we unloaded his things. He had a trunk, two duffel bags, his backpack, and his weapon. Once we had everything unloaded we headed across the street to the busses. He carried his backpack, weapon, and two duffel bags while I carried his trunk/footlocker. When we arrived at the busses there were signs that said A, B, and C. He put one duffel bag at the A pile, one at the B pile and he asked me to put his trunk/footlocker by the letter C sign. Moments later Frankie and Riley walked up behind us and I watched them put his stuff into the various piles. Once everything was in the correct pile we headed over to the 4th bus which would be the bus Frankie and Luke would be getting into as their unit was on this bus. When we got to the bus it was a few minutes before 06:00 AM and it was time to say our final good-byes. Until that morning that we had arrived in front of that bus my feelings towards Luke were still confusing and I felt conflicted, even though the night before had helped clarify my feelings. When we arrived at the bus I suddenly felt a jarring wave of clarity hit me, I was falling in love with Luke whether I wanted to or not it was happening and it was happening really fast. Before he got on the bus we gave each other a hug and then we shared a soft kiss as we obviously needed to act like a married couple who was saying our good-byes. As we were going through the motions, I quickly realized that I was not just going through the motions as an act for those around us, but I was actually being my authentic self who was scared to death that the guy who I was falling in love with and who happened to be my real/fake husband was about to deploy into the most dangerous combat zone in the world. Just as he was about to get on the bus I said to him "Luke." He turned around and walked back over to me and I whispered in his ear "stay safe Luke, I... I... I... think this might be real." He then looked at me and gave me another hug and kiss but this time it felt like we weren't acting because I felt the passion between the two of us. He then took my hand and squeezed it and then he walked away to loaded onto the bus. When he got to his seat on the bus he looked out the window at me and I stared at him trying to memorize the curvatures of his face. As the buses started leaving he gave me a wave and a small smile. I then headed back to my car and as soon as I had closed the door a few tears fell from my eyes which honestly shocked me because I am not really an emotional person but I am certainly not a crier, in fact I couldn't remember the last time I had cried prior to that moment. That was the moment that I realized even though I had tried to fight it I actually had true deep feelings for Luke. As I am thinking about and remembering our wedding day I can't help but smile as I remember it like it was yesterday.
Over the last Five months since he has been deployed we have Zoomed weekly when he has had access to a computer and we have exchanged emails a few times a week and the occasional call when he has reception which is rare. Through our communication exchange we have gotten to know one another much better and on a much deeper level and I think those deep feelings that I started having for him is actually love, in fact I am pretty certain that I actually love him. We have a call scheduled this morning in about 15 minutes which is why I am awake at this hour as I am not a morning person at all and I hate waking up before 10:00 AM mainly because I usually get off of work from the bar around 01:00-01:30 AM but I usually don't get to sleep until about 02:00 AM or even later sometimes. At first when we made our agreement to marry for benefits I was dreading the Zoom calls and emails but knew we had to do them to keep up our act, but now I look forward to them and I can't wait to see him on the other side of my screen.
(Luke's Point of View)
It's a few minutes to 19:00 PM and I we have just arrived back to our base. It's been a rough couple of days as we have had to do a lot of on foot patrolling and we have taken heavy fire due to the fact that it is currently fighting season here and sadly a few of our men have been KIA mainly from IEDs. Though I have experienced watching someone die before, but nothing can prepare you for what you see out here on the front lines. The first time I had experienced death was when my mom died from cancer, but it was a bit different in the sense that we knew she was dying and we had moved her into hospice care therefore I guess in a sense we were prepared, well as prepared as you can be but still we knew the inevitable was coming. Here, you don't have anytime to prepare, sure we all know that being here in the middle of a war torn combat zone puts us at a greater risk but here it happens when you least expect it. Though half the time it's raining bullets from every direction here it hasn't been the bullets that is killing and wounding our guys, it's the IEDs. These homemade explosive devices are placed under the surface and it's very difficult to detect them and unfortunately as a result guys step on them and the next thing you know the guy who you were talking to has been blown to pieces, if he doesn't just straight up vanish into red mist. The first few times this happened to guys it freaked me out and thought it still freaks me out and I can never unsee what I have seen I have become more numb to it as my time here in Iraq has continued and the intensity of the fighting has increased. Everyday that I return back to base able to walk under my own power and with all of my limbs I feel blessed.
Today marks 5 months on deployment which means I have 7 left to go which feels like a lifetime, but today also marks 5 months since I became a married man which is something to celebrate and be happy about. I know that I had initially entered into my marriage with Cassie for mutual benefits and that's it, but as we have gotten to know each other more over the last few months I have started to develop strong feelings for her and I actually think I love her. Though, I haven't told her that yet as I am afraid it might freak her out but part of me thinks she is falling in love with me too because I can't get out of my head what she said on the day of our deployment. That morning we had said our good-byes already and I was about to get on the bus when she called my name and I walked back to her and in my ear she whispered "stay safe Luke, I think this might be real." Just thinking about the last time we were together makes me smile as we had a memorable wedding night. I look at my watch and it's 18:49PM so I head into the makeshift room that has the computers and I walk over to one and I take a seat and I log into the computer and open the Zoom application. I then put on my brave face and a few minutes later Zoom loads and I join the call that we had schedule last week when we Zoomed. When I get into the call I see Cassie on the other end and for a moment I forget all of the horrifying things that I have experienced and witnessed and I focus in on her beautiful face.
Me: (I smile) Hi my darling wife
CS: (she smiles) My dear husband
Me: How are you doing?
CS: I'm good, just been busy with the band and with work. How are you doing?
Me: I've been alright
CS: Luke, you know you can be honest with me right?
Me: (takes a deep breath) it's been a difficult week, we have been doing a lot of on foot patrolling and our unit has taken heavy fire and we have had a few casualties in the last few days
CS: I'm... I'm sorry to hear that, I'm here if you want to talk about it
Me: Thanks Cassie, that means a lot. How are things with the band coming?
CS: (smiles) Actually, they are going pretty well. I just finished a new song
Me: That's amazing! Do you think I will get to hear it?
CS: Of course dear husband of mine. Maybe next week when we talk if you're lucky (she winks)
Me: (I smile) I'm looking forward to it
CS: Me too Commando, do you remember the last words I told you before you boarded the bus the morning of your deployment?
Me: (smiles) yes, I do
CS: I meant it
Me: (smiles) I'm glad you meant it because I feel it too
CS: (blushes) You know we had a thunderstorm last night and I couldn't help but think about you and I was wishing you were here so that we could hold each other together on the floor
Me: (I swallow) I wish I could have been there too Cass
CS: 7 months
Me: (I smile) By the way happy Five month anniversary my beautiful wife
CS: (she smiles) Thank you my dear husband
Me: Hey Cass, I have to go but can we do the same time next week?
CS: (looks sad) Yes we can, I look forward to it
Me: Me too, I love you
CS: (smiles) I love you too Commando, be safe out there
We then hang up and I leave the computer area and I head into the dining area with guys as it's dinner time. The plan is to get a quick workout after dinner and then get to bed early because tomorrow morning our unit is on ground patrol around the base. We rotate ground patrol duty with the night shift team before dawn as that is the safest time which means we will be heading out around 04:00 AM, which means wake up time is around 03:30 AM.
(Cassie's Point of View)
I am so glad I got to see and hear Luke's voice today because I really miss him. I then head over to my keyboard and begin to play the song that I started to write a few weeks ago but I stopped as I just wasn't feeling it, but after my call with Luke this morning I think I am ready to dig it out and finish it. So I head walk over to my desk to grab the piece of paper where I started to write down my ideas for this song and I grab a pen and head over to my keyboard. So far I have:
We're drowning in our eyes
Don't know what we'll find
I'm not sure, should we fly or fight this?
We're terrified
Pretending now that we don't care
The tension climbs across the air
I'm more than scared
I'm drowning in your eyes
I'm terrified
I don't know what's happening to me?
Can you hear my pulse beat under me?
Words are getting hard for me to speak
That's not for me
I take a moment to think about how I have been feeling and I begin by writing letting my fears show though I can't face 'em. Now I need something that rhymes with 'em. I begin playing around with the different chords on the keyboard trying to figure out my next line of the song.
TWO HOURS LATER
I have decided on the lyrics letting my tears go 'til I can tase them. I then write down where will you and I go? Though I really don't know I hope you will find your way back home. I then play around with my new set of lyrics:
Letting my fears show though I can't face 'em
Letting my tears go 'til I can taste them
Where will you and I go?
Thought I really don't know
I hope you will find your way back home
I then sing my new lyrics along with my current lyrics but there are two many words so I go back to playing around with chords on my keyboard as I play around with the lyrics I have so far. I then decide on letting my fears show 'til I can face 'em. Which fits nicely with the next line which is letting my tears go 'til I can taste them. The next two lines are really wordy so I play with them for a bit as I work to shave off some of the words.
(Riley's Point of View)
Today marks Five months since Frankie deployed and I am really missing him today. I got to talk to him briefly a few hours ago after he had dinner but our call only lasted about 10 minutes as they were heading to workout before heading to bed. I decide to send Cassie a text to see how she is doing as I am sure she is missing Luke. I pull out my phone and I write Hey Cassie, how are you doing? I then press send.
(Luke's Point of View)
I am sound asleep when I hear shots being fired, I am not sure how close they are but they are close enough that I can hear them. I quickly sit up and look at my watch to check the time. It's about 23:45 PM. A few other guys must have heard the shots as several of us are awake and waiting to see if there are any instructions. A few minutes later our commander comes into the room and yells "up and at 'em, we are taking heavy fire outside the front gates and they need reinforcements, everyone needs to be suited up with their night vision scope and goggles in the next ten minutes."
(Riley's Point of View)
I am about to go to the store when I receive a news notification on my phone from CNN where the headline reads massive fighting breaks out in Ramadi overnight. My heart drops because I know Frankie, Luke, and the rest of their unit is on a base that is stationed about 50 miles from that area which is frightening. My biggest fear is waking up to a phone call that something has happened to Frankie. Just as I am thinking about this I receive a text from Cassie that says I'm doing alright, missing Luke but on the bright side only 7 months left. How are you? I then write back missing Frankie like crazy, do you want to get coffee? She then writes back Sure, Bound Coffee? I then write back Sure, what time? She then writes back 15 minutes? I then write back see you soon! I quickly find my keys and head out of my apartment and towards my car.
(Cassie's Point of View)
I am just about to get into the car when I see a news notification come across my phone and it says massive fighting breaks out in Ramadi overnight. I immediately look at the time and realize it's just after midnight in Iraq which means this fighting has just started which makes me incredibly worried as Ramadi is fairly close to where Luke, Frankie, and their unit is located. I never realized how anxious I would become being a military wife, but at the same time when we made our arrangement initially I didn't exactly expect to fall in love with Luke. I guess plans change, because we both admitted to one another tonight on our call that we both feel that this is a real marriage which means we both love and care about one another deeply. I know I tried to fight the feelings I had for him at first because I was afraid to get hurt and I was afraid to let someone love me like that, but deep in my heart I guess from the moment that I set eyes on Luke I knew he was different I mean I agreed to marry him for the benefits because I felt like he was a solid guy so my instincts were right. Though he didn't exactly make the best first impression I was hook from the first moment I saw him as he is incredibly handsome. After getting to know him over the last few months I can say that I misjudged him at first and through our heart to heart email exchanges and calls I know Luke is the one for me and that is saying a lot because I never really wanted to get married but now I could not be happier even though everything was a bit of a whirlwind. Now I can truly say that Corporal Lance Morrow has my heart and I am proud to call him my husband. I have never felt more safe, happy, or at ease than when I was wrapped in his arms the night of our wedding. When I am at work at the bar one of the TVs always has the news channel going and listening to them talk about the war and the clips that they show make me sick to my stomach, but what makes it worse is knowing that two people that I love are over there and that scares me to death. I know Luke is set to come home in 7 months but that feels like an eternity. I have decided that on my way home I am going to pick up an American flag and a Marine Corps flag to hang from my balcony along with some photo frames for the pictures I recently go developed from our wedding day so that I can put some of our wedding photos on display. Though, maybe that is not a good idea because I haven't exactly told anyone that we got married given our initial intentions upon entering this whole marriage thing were not exactly good, but as we have actually fallen in love with each other I now want to tell my mom, Nora, Toby, and the band that we are married because I am a proud wife. I decide that I do want to put our wedding pictures up around the apartment and the next time I talk to Luke over the phone I will talk to him about that because I know we still have to be careful about referencing anything that would make someone believe we had not entered into our marriage with the purest of intentions even though we are now truly in love and happily married.
(Riley's Point of View)
I just pulled into the parking lot of the coffee shop when I see Cassie's car pull up to mine. As soon as we both get out we both run over to each other and wrap one another in a tight embrace. I know that our tight embrace means that we both are aware of what is happening a world away from us. After our hug we head inside to order some coffee. One we have placed our order we head over to a table and I say to Cassie "I was reading some post on the community board for military spouse/significant others that stated that if we drop off packages on base before 20:00 PM tonight they will deliver them to our guys." Cassie then says "really?" I then nod and she says "I am going to make a box for Luke." I then smile and say "I'm going to make one for Frankie too. Do you want to go to the store after this?" She then smiles and says "yes, but what do I send to him?" I then say "I am going to send some snacks, toiletries, a hand written letter, a few clothing items, and a few pictures." She then smiles and says "that sounds good to me, thanks for the ideas." We are drinking our coffees when Cassie says "how are you handling everything?" I then say "honestly it's hard because I feel like unless you have someone you love at war in an active combat zone it's hard to really understand how it feels, therefore it's pretty lonely. How about you?" She then says "I completely agree, with Luke and I only getting about 24 hours as a married couple before he deployed it has been really difficult because as we are falling more and more in love each and everyday as we learn more and more about one another it is hard being so far apart and the not knowing what could happen and what is going on makes it even harder. I just want more time with Luke and everyday I am fearful of what could happen and I know it's not healthy to think that way but I sometimes can't help it because it's a reality of the situation they are in if you know what I mean." I then say "I understand, I can't imagine how hard it is being newly weds and being so far apart. I'm glad we have each other though." She then smiles and says "I'm glad too." Once we have finished our coffees we get into my car and we head over to Target to get some things for our boxes.
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DISCLAIMER: The Characters do not belong to me. However, the story lines, timeline, events, dialogue, and characterizations are a mix of my own and what has already been established or said in the movie. I have changed and omitted some events and the timeline. Additionally, I am NOT a doctor and I know nothing about the military or the Marine Corps, but I do like to do a lot of research about the topics I write about in an effort to try and make this story realistic from a medical perspective and a military perspective, but once again I am not a doctor and I know nothing about the military. I am doing research though to draw inspiration for my story and to try to keep it as realistic as possible but this is a fictional story and is purely for entertainment purpose only.