I follow Mark passed my old cabin. "You lived in there?"
"Yeah."
"It's smaller than I'd imagined."
"You're shorter than I imagined," I smile lightly. He smirks and puts a hand on my shoulder as we walk.
"You weren't kidding when you said 'The Middle of Nowhere,' huh?"
"Nope..." We walk through the field to a cluster of trees and he sits, patting the grass next to him. I sit by him and watch as he leans back, his eyes sparkling. I follow his gaze up. The stars are just starting to appear, piercing white against ocean blue.
"A lot easier to see stars than in L.A..."
"Sometimes, I wish I still lived here," I sigh, resting against the tree.
"Yeah? I can see why. It's beautiful..." He turns to me, "Don't do that."
"Huh? What?" I stop picking at my bandages as soon as I meet his eyes. "... Oh. Sorry, I can't help it." I look down, fixing the tape that's holding the bandages on. I can feel his eyes on me. Without warning, he grabs my hand and holds it tightly.
"Look at me," he whispers. I do. "Sean, I care about you. Your family cares about you, your fans care about you... Melane cares..."
Tears form in the corners of my eyes. "I know, but-"
"But nothing," he insists, his voice deep and yet somehow velvety soft. I look down at his hand, tangled in mine. "I wanna know, Sean," his voice breaks on my name. "I want to know why."
I look back up at him, trying my hardest to ignore the tears on his face. "I was depressed, Mark, I... I didn't think... I mean, I thought too much, but about all the wrong things... I can't do anything right, I even failed at YouTube. I felt so alone... I didn't think anyone would understand me. I still don't think anyone will."
"Try me."
"I... Mark, I-"
He lets go of my hand to put his arm around me. "I won't judge you."
"I was angry, Mark. Angry at myself... At first. The anger turned to loathing, I felt pathetic... I didn't like myself. I figured that I was just an idiot who didn't make much of a difference in the world anyway." He nods for me to continue, but I don't speak, choking on tears.
"What about Melane?" He whispers.
I hide my face in my hands and cry heavily. His arm tightens around me, trying to comfort. When I manage to calm down enough to speak, I hug my waist and stare at the grass. "... She... Was just a friend at first. She found out that I... Did things... And tried to help me. We moved in together, and I was... Okay. But then I started to feel... Something. I wanted to be more than friends... But I wasn't going to ruin what we had, I mean, she probably wouldn't date me anyway, considering how depressing I am. But then it happened. She kissed me. And, well, I.. We were sitting in my room, and she was trying to get me to stop..." I hug my waist tighter. "And she made me take my shirt off and show her. Her hands were so cold... And my skin was so sore, she placed her hands on me, over my scars." I take a deep, shaky breath. "She looked so beautiful. I wanted to kiss her, and it was like she read my mind, because she kissed me. And then she ran out. I thought she just went downstairs, but I went to find her, to ask her if she'd like to be my girlfriend, and she was gone. She called me later, and said the kiss... She said it meant nothing. I just... I hung up... She called me again later, to ask for help with some guy following her. And I was still bleeding-" Mark flinches and I bite my lip, hesitant to continue. "She saw, and I ran away... I just ran. I... I came to a bridge. But... some guy saw me... And pulled me down... And I didn't see Melane again until... Today."
Mark stays silent, frowning at the ground. Minutes pass like hours before he whispers, "She's the one who found you, you know."
"Oh... She... Called the ambulance?"
"No, she said she was frozen, screaming... Too traumatized to do anything. We don't know who called, but I'm grateful to whomever it was... We all are."
I sigh and lean against him. The company is nice. He rests his chin on my head and gently pulls me closer to him. I'm not sure why he's doing this. To make me feel better? Whatever reason he has, I honestly don't mind. I can feel his breathing slow, and mine slows with him. Just as I'm about to fall asleep, I decide to ask him. Maybe he knows. "Mark?" I murmur.
"Hmmph?"
"Why am I still alive?"
"Hmm?"
"Both veins..." I can't bring myself to finish.
"Oh," he yawns and his muscles tense against me. "Actually... Not both. Mel told me, it was just one. You... Missed the right one. By just a little..."
"One should have been enough..."
"Should have, but Mel got to you really fast. And the ambulance... Oh, Sean." He hugs me even tighter still.
"I'm sorry," I mumble.
"Don't apologize- just... Smile."
"I can't."
He pushes me off and turns me to him. "Please, Ja- Sean."
"You can call me Jack, that's what you've always called me."
"Yeah, but, it doesn't... Feel right anymore. Now that I'm seeing you as Sean." I nod and lean back against the tree. He puts his head on my shoulder and looks up at the stars again. "You'll be okay, I promise."
"I don't know what I'm going to do."
"About?"
"Everything. My whole world is collapsed..."
"Well... If you don't mind, I'd like to stay with you, in your apartment. Just for a little while... We can make a video if you want, and well, you could make a vlog. You don't have to say everything. People are just going to be confused."
My eyes widen with fear. Oh god, I told him to tell everyone. Oh god. "What did you tell them, Mark?"
"Just that a friend of mine was in trouble... And that I had to go help. I was a blubbering mess. I don't think they could understand ninety-percent of what I said..."
"So, they don't know?"
"Nothing. Just that I'm here with you, and that something serious happened." He lifts his head off my shoulder and looks into my eyes, moonlight glinting off his glasses.
"Mark, are you okay?"
"Are you?"
"Mark..." I trail off. He knows I'm not.
"Then don't worry about me, Sean. Focus on feeling better, being happier. Is there anything I can do?"
"You're already doing it."
"What?"
"Being a friend-" he pulls me into a rough hug, squishing me against his chest. I wheeze, unable to finish my sentence in his rib-crushing embrace.
"I love you, Sean."
"I... Love you too, Mark." He releases me and I struggle to catch my breath.
"Let's head back?" He suggests, standing and lowering his hands for me. I grab hold and he yanks me up. My stitches tighten in the process, causing me to cry out. "Oh," he hugs me. "Are you okay? Did I hurt you?"
"Just... My wrists." I rest my face on his shoulder, my arms limp at my sides. I can feel my skin throb against each bit of string...
"Sorry..." He puts a hand on my back and we start walking. "So..." He says after a few moments with the only noises being the rustle of wind in the trees and the crunching grass beneath our feet. "Septiplier is canon, huh?"
I flash him a look that says 'shut up, Mark,' and punch his shoulder playfully. He grins.
As we approach the house, I notice Mel's car is back in the driveway. She's sitting in the front seat, and when she notices me, she comes running.
"Oh, hey-" I let out a 'hmmpf' as she collides with me, hugging me almost as tight as Mark had.
"I'm so sorry, Sean."
"Mel. You didn't-"
Her lips smash into mine, and for a second, I forget all about Mark, standing right next to me. At some point, his hand had slipped off my back and was replaced by Melane's. I close my eyes and soften the kiss, melting into her embrace. There is no way that first kiss meant nothing to her. But then why would she say it did?
"Ahem," Mark clears his throat. I pull back and look into her hazel eyes, and realize she's crying.
"Mel?"
"I'm sorry," she hides her face in the curve between my neck and shoulder, soaking my shirt with tears.
"Hey, look at me, look." She doesn't move. "I'm... Alive, Melane," I sigh. Mark raises an eyebrow.
"I have to get back inside before my-" Gizmo's barking interrupts me. "Well, now I really need to get back in. Are you coming?" She stands up straight and shakes her head, her bangs falling in her face. I reach up and tuck them behind her ear before kissing her forehead.
"Sean!" The front door flings open, my oldest sister, looking very angry, runs over to me. I drop my arms and look at my feet, like a child caught with his hand in the cookie jar.
"We didn't go looking for her-" Mark starts.
"You said you wouldn't," she looks at Mel, incredulous.
"I was just leaving," Melane starts to turn away but I grab her hand, holding her by me in a death grip.
"She's not going anywhere."
My sister glares at Mark, then at me. "Sean, just, come back inside."
"If she can come too."
My sister bites her lip and looks over her shoulder at the house. "Fine, but you have to explain yourself." I shrug and we head inside. I let Mark go ahead of me avoiding the disappointment on my family's faces. There are some awkward sighs, and Gizmo growls as she sits by me on the couch. I pull Gizmo onto my lap and let her sniff Mel. Satisfied, she jumps off my lap and runs into the kitchen to be by my mother.
"So..." My youngest brother stares at me. "She's your girlfriend?"
"Yes," I say, ignoring Melane's warning look. More awkward silence. I can't take anymore of this. "I should really be going-"
"No!" My oldest brother snaps.
"I... I have to sleep."
"Not back there," his eyes burn fiercely into mine.
"I'll have Mel with me. And Mark," I add quickly.
"I-"
"I love you guys," I stand and hug my sisters.
"At least stay for dinner?" My father pleads.
"I'll be back tomorrow, I promise... But I really need to get some rest. You guys do too. Don't worry about me." I lean down and hug him before my brother grabs me and holds me.
"Take care, Sean."
I pat his back and pull away, hugging my other brother before going into the kitchen. "Bye, Ma."
"Going home already?" She wipes her hands on a dish towel, taking me in her arms.
"Yeah, I'm pretty beat. And I'm sure Mark is as well."
She smiles at me and smoothes my too long hair. "He's a nice boy. Very thoughtful."
"Yes," I smile. "He's a good friend." A very good friend...
"Well, take care, and don't forget your prescription," she hands me a white bag. My face drops. Oh.
"It won't be that bad, I promise."
I nod and wave before walking out, Gizmo following me to the door. Mel and Mark are already in the car waiting. I slide in the front this time, looking at Mark in the mirror. He nods. The ride to the apartment is quiet, except for Mel, who orders pizza just how I like it.
We walk through the door a half hour later, my heart pounding. My spilled coffee is cleaned up, not a stain in sight. "Uh... I'll sleep down here tonight..." I mumble, sitting on the couch with my wrinkled prescription bag on my lap. Mark plops next to me, putting his arm around my shoulders.
"I will too, okay?"
"Me too," Mel sits on my other side. I sigh.
"Thanks you guys, but you don't-"
"Nonsense," Mel stands back up. "I'll get some blankets and pillows. You and Mark pick a movie."
When she leaves I turn to Mark. "Something scary?"
"Sure," he shrugs, handing me the remote. I select one with a particularly gruesome cover and pull out my pill bottle. Mark frowns and takes it from me, setting it on the side table. "Don't worry about those just yet," he says just as there's a knock at the door.
"I'll get it!" Mel calls, coming out of her bathroom with an armful of sheets and pillows. Mark takes them from her as she goes to answer the door. I help him spread the comforter on the floor for later, and place our pillows on the couch.
"Dinner," Mel smiles from the doorway. Mark and I both grab two pieces and a can of Mtn. Dew before sitting on the couch. Mel just grabs one slice and her can of lemonade, turning off the lights before sitting back next to me and pressing play. After we finish eating, Mel pulls a blanket up over us and Mark puts his arm back around me. I grab Mel's hand and she leans on my shoulder. I'm just starting to relax when a loud bang resounds from the speakers, causing me to jump at Mark and throw my arms around him, almost making him choke. Mel just laughs at me.
"Scared, huh?" Mark smiles, shaking his head.
~~~~~~~~~~
As the credits roll, we lay on the floor. Me in the middle, Mel and Mark on either side.
"Good night guys. I'll try not to wake you up when I leave for work," Mel whispers tiredly.
"Night..." I yawn, and catch Mark staring. "Night Mark," I smirk.
"Good night, buddy," he takes off his glasses and blindly reaches up to set them on the couch.
I close my eyes, a smile on my face, and fall asleep between my two best friends.