"Katherine, the schedule's been changed," stated Albus, stroking his beard, "We were going to have a meeting with Olympe, Igor and Ministry officials, but it turns out the headmasters are unable to make it tomorrow."
"Oh. Why did we have to meet with them?" asked the brunette inquisitively. They'd never had to meet Durmstrang and Beauxbatons before.
"It has been decided that the Triwizard Tournament will be held again with new regulations and Hogwarts is the host for this year," he informed her.
Her eyes widened. "As much as I enjoy watching contests like that... are you sure that's a good idea, Albus? These are teenagers and their lives could be in danger!"
"That's why we will be discussing all the precautions that will be taken this year," said Albus, "And only students of age will be allowed to compete. You'll hear more at the meeting, but until then, do not worry about it."
She nodded, an uneasy feeling settling into her heart.
"I will owl all the staff to inform them of the changes, you are free to do whatever you wish," he said, pausing to see if she had anything else to say.
"Thanks, but before that... I have another request."
His ocean eyes twinkled behind his half-moon spectacles.
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Late in the following afternoon, Severus walked onto the Hogwarts ground near Hagrid's hut, where Dumbledore had told all the staff to meet. However, there was nobody in sight, all except...
"You again?"
There she was again, smiling at him with those round hazel eyes. He wasn't sure whether he felt happy or startled to see her. Was it just his imagination, or did she appear paler? It wasn't just because she wore a white shirt and a long, flowy skirt that was amber. Even her dark hair seemed to have turned a shade lighter.
"Yeah, it's me," said Katherine, turning to him. "Are you surprised?"
"At this point, I can't be. Where are the rest of the staff?" he questioned.
"Well about that... the meeting was postponed to next week," she said, "Didn't you get a letter? Maybe Albus forgot to send it to you."
Severus frowned. "Why are you standing here then?"
She placed a finger on her cheek, glancing at the trees. "I was just wondering if I should go and explore the forest, Albus gave me permission." That was strange, why would she want to go into the Forbidden Forest alone? Wasn't she ever scared?
He noticed the way she was standing felt slightly different and she was fidgeting slightly. Katherine looked at him again. "Hey, want to come with?"
The black-haired man pursed his lips. "No, I would rather not. Why would you try to put your life in danger?" But it was hard to deny her when she appeared so eager. If she was going to endanger herself, he couldn't let her do it on her own. What kind of friend would he be?
"Come on, I'm going to a safer part of the forest. And with you here, I'm sure we can get through anything!" exclaimed Katherine. His heart raced faster at her words. She talked as if she had complete faith in him, as if he was strong.
"Don't be a dunderhead," he scoffed and started into the forest. She walked close by, humming to herself. Examining the woman beside him, Severus only now noticed that she was carrying a round picnic basket, covered by a yellow chequered cloth. The silence as they ambled through the thickets was surprisingly comfortable. She was so unpredictable. One moment, she would be insanely energetic and drag him to places, another moment she would be incessantly calm — even during his bouts of anger.
He noticed that she was now looking around, a slight frown taking over her features. "Where exactly are you leading me?"
Katherine laughed nervously. "I know it was somewhere around here... I swear," she said unconvincingly. The sun was going to set soon and the tall trees surrounding them were no help in providing sufficient light. The only thing that stood out was Katherine' bright clothes.
"Lumos," muttered Severus, holding his wand in front of them. She followed, conjuring a light at the tip of hers.
"What's yours made of?" she wondered, her hazel eyes briefly flitting to his hawthorn wand.
"The core is Thestral tail hair and the wood is hawthorn," he responded. "And you?"
"How curious... they say Thestral hair is only for those who are willing to face death," she thought aloud. He pursed his lips. On top of that, his wood was hard. Katherine couldn't imagine how much he'd been through and all the burdens he carried. "Mine's ebony with unicorn hair for the core. So basically meaning, faithful and devoted. Though that's just in theory. I'm not all like my wand — unicorn hair makes for consistent magic, and I wouldn't say I'm a consistent person at all." Then again, there's one thing that's been consistent for a long time, she deliberated to herself. My feelings.
Katherine felt a tug from behind and gasped in fear. "Katherine?" Severus directed the light towards her. "Just a branch," he concluded. She sighed in relief, untangling her jacket from the low-slung branches.
Just as she figured out which direction they needed to go next, they heard loud footsteps that vibrated the ground beneath them. The brunette froze. "W-What's that?" she whispered. There were rustles in the bushes as if something had run past. And then more. They both stopped and caught sight of a pack of wolves running through the woods nearby. It was barely visible as their dark fur blended in with the background. Katherine opened her mouth but Severus placed a finger to his lips. He extinguished both their lights and grabbed her arm, spreading his cloak over her to cover her clothes. The two slowly crept in the other direction. It was best not to attract the creatures' attention.
However, one wolf at the back sniffed the air and turned, staring directly at them. Katherine's heart hammered in her chest as it crept towards them. Sirius said this path was safe when he showed me... are you stupid, Katherine? she scolded herself internally, That was over ten years ago. The forest is always changing! This is what Severus meant when he said I was too foolish to be in Ravenclaw, I should've thought this through!
A snarl alerted the whole pack and they pounced through the trees. "Run," his voice whispered lowly in her ear. They broke into a sprint, dodging branches and firing spells at any wolf that got too close. But there were too many and the beasts were quickly advancing on them.
"Flipendo!" she yelled, knocking back another wolf. It growled, getting back on its feet.
Merlin, help me! thought Severus, shooting one non-verbal spell after another. Wolves had some sort of half-immunity to spells and recovered much faster than wizards. He'd told himself he would not use that dark spell he invented again... but this situation seemed to require it. Just this once. Katherine was shocked when cuts and gashes began to appear on the animals, a few whining in pain. "Quickly," he said, pushing her into another clearing where they likely wouldn't find them.
He halted in his tracks again. "What's wrong?" asked Katherine between pants, following the gaze of his onyx eyes. Her jaw dropped. "Thestrals..." she murmured.
There they were, the dark horses, with their bat-like wings and skeletal bodies. They had ghostly appearances with pupil-less eyes. Most were drinking water from the puddle or feasting on what looked like small birds.
"You see them as well?" Severus said in surprise. He didn't think she would've witnessed death directly. However, she remembered the exact place it happened. It was one of the hospital wards where she'd stayed in earlier on, in her late teenage years. A boy close to her age had lost his battle to cancer, lying in the bed opposite hers. Although they'd only talked a few times in the past, she'd cried for days. It hit her hard to see someone pass away for real, right in front of her eyes — why did people have their lives taken away from them so ruthlessly?
He waved his arm. "Come along, best not to disturb them."
Some of the Thestrals looked in their direction, but by then, the two were gone. Whenever they heard any strange noises, they would move to another direction. Severus was starting to doubt that they would ever reach where Katherine had wanted, but abruptly, she pointed in front of them. "I remember, that's the tree! I've found it, let's go."
By the time they'd landed on the grass, seated on the picnic mat Katherine brought, she was completely out of breath. She placed her hands on her chest, puffing out air loudly. Sweat was everywhere on her body. But suddenly, her face was beaming.
"Why are you smiling?" Severus raised his eyebrows. "You could've gotten us killed!"
"Sorry," she breathed, "It's just- sort of exciting. I've never experienced that kind of adrenaline before."
He shook his head incredulously. What did he expect, coming from her? Letting out a breath as well, he scanned the surroundings. "Why are we here? There does not seem to be much difference from the rest of the forest."
Katherine laid out a few plates of food onto the mat and surrounded it with candles. It was impressive that she managed to keep a hold onto that basket the whole time they were battling the wolves. "You'll see. For now, just eat. There's plenty for both of us — I would've eaten it all if you weren't here, but I guess having too much isn't good. I'm starving from all that running, aren't you?"
"Is food all you think about?" Severus said with a sneer. If he hadn't been there, she might not have been able to enjoy this meal, but instead became one herself. He chose to dig in anyway as he was indeed hungry. For a while, they simply enjoyed what he supposed was their dinner, quietly. Normally, it would've been an eerie silence considering this was the Forbidden Forest, but being in Katherine's presence, it felt much more tranquil. "Why this specific place and where did you find it anyway? You didn't attend Hogwarts much," inquired Severus.
"I had an adventurous bunch of friends and they found this spot when they were students. They showed it to me," she explained. "Anyway, now that I think about it, I don't know you that well. Like, what's your favourite colour?"
He rolled his eyes at the basic question. "None, there is no purpose to having one."
"Really?" pouted Katherine, "But you've never had one when you were younger or anything?"
"I suppose... it was green," he said reluctantly.
"Slytherin pride, huh?" Katherine mused, even though she knew that wasn't the reason.
Severus didn't respond to that but said, "Since you're so eager to have a favourite, what's yours?"
"Actually, I rather like green as well," she replied, "I'm pretty fond of plants, nature and such. Honestly, I thought your favourite colour right now would be black though."
"I do rather like it," he admitted.
"No, you love it!" she corrected, "That's all you wear, as if you're at a funeral all the time."
A scowl appeared on his face. Everything she said somehow had truth behind it and it was disturbing. He only hoped she wouldn't see through more of him. When he finished his meal, Severus raised an eyebrow to see a slice of sponge cake in front of him. "Cake? You really believe you will make me like it?"
"Come on, just try it!" she urged, her eyes shining. "I made it myself."
Hesitating slightly, he forked a small amount into his mouth. It was soft and buttery as it dissolved on his tongue, reminding him of snow. The cake wasn't overly sweet like those cauldron cakes he despised, but still left a pleasant lingering taste.
"Not... too bad. You seem competent enough at baking. However, this does not mean I will now like cakes," Severus deduced, smirking at her.
"Hey, not bad? You wouldn't be smirking like that if you didn't think it was delicious!" she laughed. "Do you cook as well?"
"Obviously. How would I live alone otherwise?"
Katherine shrugged. "Most wizarding families have house elves. Or you could buy takeaway every day. Then again, you're a Potions Master."
A tiny, yellow dot of light circled around him. Severus turned his head from side to side, trying to catch what had produced the glow. His eyes widened when more flickers of light gradually emerged, bright scatters floating around in front of them. They were from the ends of fireflies, roaming freely around the bushes in the night time.
"See... aren't they beautiful?" she sighed, standing up to gaze at the ones flying in the air. Severus stood too, staring at the little creatures illuminating all the surroundings. He had never seen something so beautiful and alive, flitting around like freedom itself. Katherine watched one land on her finger, a wistful smile adorning her face. "They might seem lively and free, but..." She directed the firefly to the back of Severus' hand before continuing, "Look, they're so fragile. Holding onto dear life, they still try as hard as they can to shine through."
The insect's glow resembled a pulse, flaring on and off. It was trembling slightly as he moved it over to his palm. "So afraid," he muttered in a hushed voice.
"We all are," she said. "The reason people can overcome their fears and find happiness in everyday life... the answer's right here. We just want to shine so badly that we pretend we're bright, like stars. Most of us fake it, you know. But as long as we reach for it and believe that the happiness will become real someday, there's hope." She gazed into his dark eyes, where small sparkles danced around.
He stepped closer to her, catching another whiff of her flowery scent. "Hope... I've lost that a long time ago. Perhaps it's true for you, that you're able to shine by believing you'll reach happiness, but for me, it's impossible." Severus had figured out the reason he was so drawn to her, so compelled to figure out who she really was inside. To him, she radiated light as bright as the stars that illuminated the night sky because she was so hopeful. So hopeful, and full of love. After all, she was in love with the scenery, in love with sweets, in love with Lupin, and he assumed she was in love with music too. It only made her more beautiful to him. And when he was with her, he felt surges of warmth. The truth was, she gave him the thinnest sliver of hope. She didn't see him the way others did. She regarded him as a friend, someone to talk to and understand. Obviously, there was something different about him in her eyes — she saw hope in him too. He really wondered how she would ever see that in someone like him.
"Why is it impossible? As long as you're still living, you still have a chance to find that hope!" exclaimed Katherine. "Even if you've made mistakes, even if you absolutely hate who you are. It's never too late to change." Katherine waved her wand and put all the contents back in the picnic basket. She had a feeling she would need to come back for it.
"What do you see in me anyway?" he said sullenly, not looking her in the eyes. "You don't even know what I've done."
Trust me, I do, she thought. She took another step closer to him and she could hear his shallow breaths, imagining his chest rising and falling. He was only less than a head taller than her. "I see someone who's carried too much weight, who's endured too much hardship in his life. So much, that he won't let himself rest or experience happiness. Someone who doesn't remember the feeling of love and is afraid to experience it now. I just wish... I could help you realise it again."
His mind was stuck. He wanted to scream that she was wrong, that she was saying nonsense. But he knew he had used that excuse too many times and he could no longer run away... since it was really true. Abruptly, a glint of gold caught his eye. Severus noticed a thin, loose chain hanging from Katherine's neck. "What's that?"
"Are you looking at this?" she asked, drawing out the necklace. He stopped dead when he saw the single wing hanging from the chain.
"Where did you get that?" he hissed, narrowing his eyes.
Katherine frowned. "A friend gave it to me... why are you angry?"
"I'm not angry!" No, it had to be just a coincidence. She couldn't have the necklace he gifted to Lily... Lily. He had saved up a lot of money to get matching necklaces as a Christmas present one year, to honour their friendship. It was like one of those best friend necklaces where the two pendant pieces could fit together, and he chose the two wings: one silver for him, and gold for her. Surely...
"You know, I see it more than you think. Your emotions, I mean."
"You can't possibly know anything," he snapped, another familiar wave of fury taking over him. He couldn't have anyone finding out about him.
"I see the way you push down your feelings, hiding them from the world. I don't know what they are exactly, of course, but I suspect something like guilt, regret and... loneliness," she said softly. Severus' breath hitched, suddenly aware of her gentle touch again, brushing against his arm and then his shoulder. Yet again, her hazel eyes were so round and full of compassion for him.
"No," he growled, moving away from her, "I am not discussing this!"
"You have panic attacks, don't you? When you remember things from your past. It haunts you and when you try to control it, it only makes you angry. Anger... it's a form of sadness."
His eyes were wide and flashing dangerously, his body rigid. And then, he was running away again. He rushed through the trees, hoping she wouldn't follow. Why didn't she just give up? He couldn't do this, he couldn't open up or move on from the past. It had been a mistake to let her in even the slightest bit.
Katherine hurried after him and touched his arm but he flinched away. "I know you're hurt, but it doesn't have to be that way!"
"Get away from me!" he snarled, pushing her back.
Even though it wasn't a hard shove, she gasped and dropped onto her knees. But Severus kept on walking away. "Wait, I... I know about Lily!" she yelled, her voice echoing into the distance.
"What?" When she pushed herself back onto the ground, he stood in the same spot, staring at her. His eyes swarmed with fear and disbelief.
Katherine made her way towards him. "You feel remorse for her death. And you blame yourself for ruining your friendship with her."
"How would you know any of this?" he demanded, glaring at her.
"I was... friends with her. But you need to know that it's not your fault."
"What do you mean it's not my fault?" The anger burst out of him again and his fists were in tight, quivering balls. It was his fault, why would she say it wasn't? "If your thick skull hasn't realised, I called her a Mudblood, the worst word!"
"I know that," she said quietly, "I know that, but I also know you didn't mean it. That fact that you resent yourself so much for it, means you've realised that it's wrong. It's time to forgive yourself for mistakes that you know you won't make again, don't you think?"
"Nonsense! It's not for you to decide whether I should be forgiven, DELUSIONAL MORON!" bellowed Severus, his head feeling hot and muddled.
"Maybe not, but the first step to moving on from the past is accepting it for what it was, a mistake. A mistake that you can grow from. I may want to help you, but you have to want to help yourself first."
"Shut up, SHUT UP, I didn't ask for your opinion! I DON'T NEED YOUR STUPID HELP!" he roared, whipping out his wand. "Don't follow me again, worthless bloody dunderhead!" His heart dropped when he caught sight of tears glazing Katherine's eyes and her sucked-in lips. All of a sudden, she raced into the woods and didn't look back at him as she exited from his sight. Great job, driving another friend away from you, he thought.
The conflict in his heart weighed down on him more than ever, and he found himself wondering if what she said was really true — that it was possible to accept his past failures and move on. And he found himself wishing he'd told her the truth, that she had seen right through him. Perhaps then, he could've sorted out these raging feelings that boiled inside him.
But of course, he had ruined it. After too many insults and shoving her away — he'd even pointed his wand at her, what in Salazar's name was he thinking? — she wouldn't come back. Yet another friendship was destroyed by his own hands. I can never do anything right.
Step by step, Katherine trod back to the castle, grabbing onto nearby branches. Sweat beads dripped from her forehead as she tried to control her ragged breaths. Her knees were growing weaker each time she put her foot down, but she propelled herself forward, until she collapsed on the grass near the gates of Hogwarts. A single tear slipped down her cheek and she sniffed.
"Stupid Katherine," she huffed to herself, "What did you expect?" The brown-haired woman suspected that Severus believed she'd run from him, but in reality, she was reaching her limit and didn't want him to see her fall down. Yes, his words pierced her heart and brought tears to her eyes, but if it was up to her, she wouldn't have left it hanging. There was something about him that bewitched her, pulling her in so deep that she never wanted to leave things hanging with him. However, it simply wasn't possible. One way or another, they both pushed each other away somehow. She wondered if he felt the same way... or maybe he was repulsed by her now. After all, she really had reopened old wounds and felt terrible for it.
She patted down her pockets, then sighed to herself, realising she had finished all three vials of the Calming Draught. Mustering the last bit of energy she had left, Katherine closed her eyes and chanted, "Expecto Patronum!" She let the joyful emotions engulf her, remembering the fireflies filled with hope and the small memories that made her feel whole. A graceful nightingale emerged from the ebony wand, her wings fluttering and leaving trails of silver. "Albus, please come, I'm at the gates," she said. The small bird soared away and glided into a window of the castle.
Not long after, Albus Dumbledore was seen opening the gate. He helped her up and linked arms with her. "Are you alright, Katherine? What happened?" he asked, assisting her in walking to the castle.
"Sorry, I just pushed myself too hard," she replied. When we raced through the forest, I felt so free, like I could keep pushing forward. So foolish of me, thought Katherine.
"How was your day?" Albus smiled at her as they walked through the corridors.
"Really good! Just... had a picnic and saw the fireflies, I guess."
"By yourself?" he questioned, his grey eyebrows raised. She could see the familiar knowing expression on the man's face.
"Nope, I met up with a friend."
"And that friend wouldn't happen to be Severus, would it?"
"Maybe," she laughed.
"That's why you told me not to send the letter to him," he concluded.
Katherine scoffed. "Of course not! I told you, I just thought he was so uptight about work and everything, so I just wanted to tease him a little. I realised it was a stupid idea though, so I was going to just go. But he ended up coming earlier than expected. When he stood there, he looked kind of, you know, hopeless and lost. So I thought... why not invite him?" she said slowly.
The headmaster led her into her room behind the patched wall. "Ah. I see. I advise you to be careful around that man."
"Why?" she asked, tilting her head.
"He has had a dark past. You never know what might happen," said Albus. "Goodnight, Katherine."
"Goodnight, Albus."