[10.08.22]
You're watching me.
I didn't even notice at first, as I was looking into my notebook, explaining to you what I have to study for my upcoming exam
Then I looked back on my phone to notice you've been staring at me,
watching me carefully.
And you're smiling.
There is so much warmth in your gaze,
You radiate this innocent, soft energy
So I stare back at you
And my heart melts
Seconds of silence pass by
and I can't help myself, I notice the smile on my face getting bigger and brighter and I notice you doing the same
It's like our souls just hugged each other again after a long, long time of distance.
You tell me: "I wish I was around your city to come over right now"
And I don't reply, I stay silent,
as my heart fills with pure joy and this warm feeling in my heart,
with this stupid grin on my face resting.
"Okay, now you scare me!"
"I thought I wasn't intimidating to you."
"No, you're not intimidating, but you not replying scares me. What's going on?"
"No, it's just -"
I get shy, as I try to explain my feelings to you, but my emotions build this heavy knot in my throat and I become unable to speak and let it out.
I look away and cover my eyes and tell you:
"It's just -,
It feels like I'm falling in love with you again, for the first time."
You smile warmly at me,
and you reply: "same"
And we stare at each other again, smiling through our phones.
And my eyes fill up with tears
With this heavy, deeply warm feeling inside of my chest.
It's so overwhelming.
Because on the one hand I know I never stopped loving the person you were before you left,
But now I'm getting to know the new you and I'm falling for you, once again. I forgot what this feels like.
"You make me cry", I say, as I wipe away these little joyful bittersweet tears.
I forgot how scary it is to catch feelings, how falling in love is so terrifying but also so so beautiful and precious.
Maybe the most beautiful feeling in human existence.
My heart chooses you, all over again.
And your heart seems to do the same with me.
And now my thoughts return back to you, again and again, and I notice myself tearing up once more and I feel this love for you inside of my chest
And honestly I want nothing more than to hold you in my arms again and never let you go;
to provide you safety and stability and be there for you if you need me and help you and care for you and watch you grow and heal.
I'm excited where this journey is leading us this time, but I know for sure this is going to be so wonderfully beautiful.