I sag against Theo. My hands are throbbing, the wound on my arm thumping in tune with my heartbeat. I know that if I look at my knuckles, they'll already be swollen and beginning to darken into a mottled shade.
"Are you okay?" Theo says, loosening his grip around me.
I pant, trying to suck in air and calm my shuttering heart. "You can let me go now if that's what you're asking." Delia is dead. Theo's touch has somehow broken me from the blood-thirsty state I didn't even know myself capable of.
"No," he says slowly, as if scared to startle me, "I mean, are you okay?"
I frown...and then my eyes fall upon the heap on the ground and my heart stalls in my chest as I remember everything I'd been distracted with before bloodying Delia's face.
A choked sound cuts through the tense silence. It takes me a moment to realize that the ugly noise has come from my throat. I untangle myself from Theo, hobbling to my unsteady feet and collapsing onto the ground beside Sin's broken body.
I don't know what I expect to see—I guess Sin scowling up at me, tugging me close and inspecting me for injuries despite his own.
But his face is too lax, his lips slightly parted as if he'd fought to keep the breaths drawing into to his lungs. Those pewter eyes stare in front of him unseeing, his strong limbs splayed helplessly against the floor.
I can't breathe. I can't think. I just keep staring at him with wide eyes, trying to convince my brain to come to terms with what lies in front of me. To convince myself that this isn't a nightmare I'm only mere moments from awakening.
I don't realize I'm crying until warm fingers brush away my tears. Past the buzzing in my ears, I recognize the loud, horrified sobs that viciously shake my body and echo through the warehouse.
"Easy, Calli-girl," Theo murmurs next to me. I'm not sure when he sat down beside me. "Sin had a plan. It wasn't exactly...this, but," he winces, "I guess it's close enough."
My eyes flicker to him. They're so tear-filled that I can only make out a bleary form of him, a bitter laugh bubbling past my throat. "Really," the words wobble in my throat, too devastated to bring forth their intended bite, "this wasn't the plan?"
I know that this is only a taste of my grief. I know that once I give it time to sink in, I'll feel the sadness seep all the way to my bones.
It's the quiet, gnawing type. The kind that eats you from the inside out, leaving you only a shell of what you used to be.
"Well," he says, and I startle when I realize he holds something in his other hand. Something big and red and fleshy. "This part? This was all Sinclair."
My lips pull into a taut line. I have a hard time wrapping my head around the fact that Theo can be so casual about the idea of Sin sacrificing himself for my safety.
"You weren't supposed to get involved. Sin wanted you away from it all, to ensure they couldn't harm you anymore or take you once he was, uh," he grimaces, "incapacitated."
I brush the hair from Sin's face, embedding the feeling of his still-warm skin against my fingertips into my brain so I can turn the shiny memory around in my head whenever I miss him most. "How could you let him do something so stupid?"
"Fun fact about incubi," Theo leans forward, reaching his organ-filled hand into the gaping hole in Sinclair's chest, "they're hard to kill. Sometimes the upper-level kind can heal themselves as long as their heart remains inside of their body."
I stare at him, unwilling to let hope swell in my chest. "What?"
He pulls his empty reddened fingers out of Sin's chest, wiping his hand against his pants. "Delia was supposed to burn the heart. Obviously, she didn't get that far," he eyes my bruised knuckles. "You took care of that job for me."
My lips part as I stare at Sinclair, the steady river of tears still flowing down my cheeks and dropping against the messy liquid painting his stomach. It's hard to imagine him healing past this state, but... "So, he's alive?"
"No," Theo says quickly. "Definitely not. But there's a possibility that he might be if we give it a little time."
I feel like I've been punched in the stomach all over again. "What do you mean there's a 'possibility?'"
He looks away from me, staring at the limp body beside us. "He's dead, Calli. It's hard to come back from that. Sometimes even the strongest demons never do." Theo runs a crimson-stained hand through his hair. "He wanted this. Your safety was worth the risk to him. We need to honor that, and for now, just let him...rest."
"I would never ask him to do this for me," I say. "Never." I'd rather stay with Delia for the rest of my life than watch him go through this again—than watch him risk his life.
"I know," Theo winces. "But it wasn't your decision or mine. All we can do now is wait."
I sigh, unable to will the tears away from my eyes as I scoot closer to him and gently raise his head in my hands and place it in my lap. My fingers twine through the dark strands, gently brushing them away from his face.
Theo makes a sound of protest. "I know you want to be here for him, but you need rest and get that arm looked at."
"No," I say quickly. "I'm not leaving him."
"Calli," he sighs, "sometimes when demons wake up, they're a little different. Not always safe to be around until they come to. Sinclair would have my neck if he knew I was risking you like this."
"I don't care." My rhythmic strokes across his soft strands never cease.
His lips pull into a displeased line as he regards me, but rises to his feet once he realizes that there's no chance that I'm going to budge. "Fine. We'll stay just for a bit, okay?"
I don't look up at him. Don't even acknowledge his begrudging words. I just keep stroking, as if the rhythmic motion of my hand will comfort Sin's soul enough to beckon him back to me.
The tear tracks tighten over the skin of my cheeks as they dry, something close to determination swelling in my chest. Sinclair is as stubborn as they come. If there's anyone willful enough to escape death, it's him.
So I will the sorrow to quiet in my chest as I patiently sit and wait.
...
"Calli," a hand tentatively tugs at my elbow. Theo. "It's time for us to go now. Come on."
I jerk my arm out of the loose grip and continue to stroke Sin's long strands between my fingers. I know it's been a long time. My leg muscles cramp painfully underneath me, the bottom of my legs numbing from the hard ground and lack of circulation. "I want to be here when he wakes up."
He crouches beside me, his warm hand covering my shoulder. I shiver. It's cold here but I haven't really noticed until now.
"I know you do," he murmurs softly, "but it's been hours now. We don't know if he'll...," He leaves the words unspoken, but then continues as if he knows the implication will break me. "You need rest. I've made some calls and Sin's brother is on his way. He'll take care of him."
"Samuel," I murmur. The one from Chicago. It'll take him far too long to get here. I won't leave Sin alone in the meantime. "Good. It'll make him feel better to see a familiar face."
"That's right," Theo says gently. "You need that arm to be looked at, Calli-girl."
It throbs with the reminder but I shake my head and brush my fingers through Sin's hair. "It's fine."
Theo is silent for a moment, rubbing my shoulder in what he probably thinks is a soothing motion. "Calli, I know this is hard for you. I cared for him—"
I stiffen, batting his hand away and turning my head so I can look into that familiar hazel gaze. He looks startled but mostly weary. Worried. He considers his hand as it flops back to his side as if thinking of putting it back on me but then seems to think better of it.
"I'm sorry," he says. "I didn't mean—" He stops again, wincing.
"You didn't mean to imply he's dead," I finish for him. I can't help the scorn that creeps into my voice. "It's fine." And it is. I know that he'll wake up. I know that he'll never leave me. He's the only good thing I've ever had; life wouldn't be as cruel to take him away from me too.
But then my gaze slides back to Sin again, where my fingers rest in his hair. My other hand rests against his cheek and it's cold and slightly waxy. A strange filminess has settled over his unnervingly still eyes. They're not the scornful grey that I'm used to—the ones that soften so delicately when he looks at me. These are the eyes of a stranger. Of a corpse.
A sob bubbles in the back of my throat but then Theo is reaching over and pushing Sinclair's eyelids down, covering his large hand in mine. I don't realize my fingers are trembling until he gives them a squeeze.
"Thank you," I say, shooting him a look that I hope appears grateful.
His phone chimes and he looks hesitant to grab it but I nod at him, resuming the steady strokes in Sinclair's hair as Theo stands and presses the phone to his ear.
It's just me and Sin again. With his eyes closed, I imagine him in a deep sleep.
My eyes are heavy, my body sagging with the weight of the night sitting heavily upon my shoulders. I gently pick Sin's head off my lap and lay it on the ground, spreading my body out next to his.
I fold his arm over his chest so I don't crush it and lay my head on his shoulder, ignoring how cold he is underneath me. My eyes flutter closed and I imagine us sprawled out across his oversized bed. Not the one in his studio apartment, but the one hidden away in Sin City. The bed we began in when I thought my biggest problem was the fact that I'd been stolen away by the most dangerous incubus the city's ever known.
I imagine both of us drifting off together. He'd wake me up when I snore a little too loud, then tug me back onto his chest when he notices I'd pulled away from his embrace.
I sigh, a smile curling my mouth at the thought as restful darkness takes me.
(a/n)
Oh boy. This chapter was a ride to write. I only cried a little.
On a lighter note, while I was writing this chapter I coincidentally stumbled upon the song J's Lullaby - Delaney Bailey. I've been searching for the right song for Sinclair and Calli since I started writing Angel Blood in September of 2021 and knew immediately when I heard it that it was perfect for them.
So if you feel like crying a little, give it a listen. Only took me a year to find something befitting of their relationship but I think the wait was worth it.