She finished the dusting with one final swipe and smoothed down her sweater. She walked from the living room to the kitchen, surveying her handiwork. The carpet was vacuumed, the first floor was dusted, and the dishes were done. The house smelled like vanilla and laundry detergent.
Lucy jumped on the counter and sat beside her busy hands, tail swaying as she cut a watermelon. The long silver knife glided through the grainy meat of the melon and slid out with a squelching sound as she went to the next section. She sliced the red body, producing a long and thin strip. She worked until the chunk was free to slide into a plastic bowl. Pink sticky juices pooled under and around the ridges of the bowl, creating a mess Lucy was impatiently waiting to slurp up.
The sun was brighter this day than it had been all month. Streams of white light trickled in through the sliding glass door that was positioned between the living room and kitchen. Sallow shapes sat on the counter, created by the curtains that framed the kitchen window.
She looked out the window as time slipped by. She couldn't tell if two minutes or hours had passed. The days all seemed to melt together, molded only by the monotony of waking and falling unconscious. Even work was stilling into a boring chore.
The only chip in her tedious tasks was Lucy, who was brushing against her legs. The familiar tickle broke her from the staring spell. She looked down at the pile of partially cut fruit and sighed. She'd made a mess.
It wasn't long before a car pulled into the driveway. Gwen hadn't finished dicing the pears before the front door opened with a creaking welcome whistle. She made her way to the hall to see Jimmy.
There he was, standing before her, and now he had a beard. A beard! She couldn't believe it. His face was soft and round as always, now complete with a thick tangle of facial hair. His eyes were clear and tired, a dichotomy that created an innocent look. He looked so dapper.
He stripped the scarf from his neck and hung his coat up. Then he was left in his sweater. Before she could say anything more Robert was trailing in behind him.
"Gwen, hi," his voice was soft and round and filled the hall. He too had a patch of facial hair growing in, but his was blonde and short, much shorter than Jimmy's, "you look ravishing. Love that sweater on you, dear. Do you have any tea? And the bathroom, I need it."
"Hi," She smiled and stepped closer to hug him, "yes, we have tea. I'm finishing it right now. I can't believe you guys are back. It feels like it's been an eternity." Her hands brushed against the smooth material of his coat. It was soft and pleasant as his presence.
His hands were on her arms. He hadn't taken his coat off yet. It was puffy and made of patterned fur. It looked a bit ridiculous but she thought he made it work. "It does seem that way, doesn't it? Especially since we've seen each other."
"Yes, exactly."
He flashed his leatherette smile, thin and cheesy, but stunning nonetheless. "But the bathroom, love, where is it?"
She laughed. "The one on this floor isn't working right now. You can use the one upstairs between our bedroom and the spare room." Her words sent him up the wooden stairs, each one creaking under the weight of his bounding step.
"Is that my sweater?" Jimmy asked, his eyes fixated on her with a sweet glaze.
She smiled, her lips pressed together and drawn into a plump line. Her cheeks were tinted pink. "Yeah. I missed you and it smelled like you."
He grabbed her hands and held them, looking at her eyes. Her pupils were wide, the black circles drawn to the edges of her irises like curtains framing windows of golden light. Her cheeks were pink like roses, her lips were Christmas poinsettias he waited all year to press his hands into.
They hid away in the hall, the only light came from the window on the front door and a candle on the table beside them. Wax dripped from the mouth of the white glim, collecting in a puddle around the bottom. The droplets hardened before more could fall.
The warmth from her hands and smile were melting him too, and now he flowed from her soft frame like wax. He was gathered in a pool at her feet, staring up at her shining face.
"I missed your scent too. Your hair smells so good. And your skin... I don't know what lotion you use, but it smells so good. Like home."
She giggled. "We should get back before they start to wonder where we are."
"Or," he took his hands from hers and rested them on either side of her face, "I could do this for the time in weeks." He kissed her, gently and sweetly.
She swooned. Oh, how she had missed the feeling of his lips. He was such a good kisser. Now she was a waxy puddle on his patent leather loafers.
When he was finished, pulling away only to breathe once more, she wrapped her arms around his torso. She lay her head on his chest and breathed him in. Not just his scent, but his esse. He had such a pervasive quality about him. It was tangible, she could consume it.
He turned to walk away but she held on, stopping his movement. "Shall we get back?"
"I just want to stay like this for a little bit longer. I've missed my Jimmy."
"I can't say no to that."
He embraced her, clasping his hands on her back, and rested his head on hers. They stood in the hall for what seemed like an eternity. They had returned to the place where only they existed. God shook the contents of the Earth from the grassy bulb and left the lovers to lie in their regard.
They apparently had been hiding away for too long. Their guests had begun to look for them. Robert asked the girls where they could be and Carmen took it upon herself to lead her parents to the two.
"There you are. We were wondering where you'd gone off to." Robert smirked in the pallid light.
Jimmy and Gwen separated, feeling caught. Like two teenagers, they stood away from each other and looked sheepishly at their friends.
"It's a good thing Carmen is such a good detective. Who knows if we'd ever find you two if she hadn't been here."
The baby smiled at everyone, content with her father's praise. She had inherited his love of the spotlight. Just as he, she never tired of hearing a stream of good words about herself.
She went to the kitchen to start the tea. She rifled through the cabinets to find the box of Yorkshire Gold, the tea that Jimmy always served. She remembered seeing the box on the counter the day his mother stopped by. The visit wasn't very long but Gwen stayed upstairs all the while. Jimmy never told his mom she was there.
He'd told her about Gwen, how deeply he felt about her, and shoving her away upstairs made him feel awkward. He felt like she was a secret. He didn't want to share the love he'd found, he was afraid of it being tarnished. His mother could tell something was off but she didn't comment on it. Patricia was a deep and intuitive woman, two qualities she passed on to her only child.
Gwen found the box as the kettle began to squeal. She put it on the counter and swiveled around to move the metal pitcher off the hot burner. She'd never used a kettle before she met him, he turned her onto the ways of British tea and the tradition of preparing a tray for guests. It was fun, it was something that she felt was always missing. She liked to take care of people and this was a suitable way to do so.
She couldn't find the sugar bowl. She remembered washing it last week when she did the dishes, but it was nowhere to be found. Her hands searched around the countertops and cabinets to no avail.
She reached into the cabinet next to the fridge and felt around on the second shelf, teetering on her tip-toes and slapping her hand against the wood. Then she ducked down to the compartment next to the stove and looked into the dark expanse. What she was looking for wasn't there either.
Before she could pull her hair out he appeared. He watched her mind work for a moment as he leered in the doorway.
"What are you looking for?"
"Oh fuck!" She turned to look at him, hands grabbing at her chest. "You scared me." She was smiling now as he strode to her. She stood to meet his height.
He put his hands on either side of her face and kissed her, deeply and fully. He hadn't felt her lips on his in two weeks and it was far too long. He missed the way she smiled against him. He missed her hands reaching under his shirt to scratch at his skin as their connection lingered. He missed the smell of her on him.
"I missed you," She said.
She was looking at his eyes, feeling their intensity once more. Today they were full of admiration, hope. They were round and shining like freshly polished store-front windows. The green was light, almost mossy, an effect brought on by the sun filtering in through the windows.
"I missed you too."
She fell from his spell when she saw his eyes shift to the counter. He saw the kettle, box of tea, and cups. The tray lie on the table, where it stayed for a week collecting dust, and the cream was in the fridge. He smiled.
"You're preparing tea."
His accent was smooth like butterscotch, soft like fresh linen. He was breezy and gleeful. The sunlight agreed with him. The vacation had soothed him.
"Yeah, and I can't find that fuckin' sugar bowl. We'll just have to put honey in it or something. Maybe I'll just pour loose sugar into everyone's hands and they can lick it with every drink."
He shook his head with a chortle. He beelined for the pantry. He remembered that she put the sugar bowl with the corning ware last time he was home. Lo and behold, there it was. The round, white dish was adorned with red roses and a heavy lid of the same design.
"Treasure at last!" He cried, swinging his arm forward to reveal the sugar bowl. He pulled the diadem from the cavernous depths of the slender pantry and lay it out bare before her eyes.
"You're a lifesaver! Now help me make the tray."
They stood together and loaded the tray with everything they needed, right down to the matching china set. He was very precarious about little tchotchkes and trinkets. He liked anything porcelain and old, everything charming and matching. This particular set was from the mid-1800s. He bought the set at a thrift store with Miss P. in San Fransisco, back sometime early last year. It had four cups, two plates, eight saucers, a teapot, a sugar bowl, and a cream pitcher.
He sounded like the kettle when he found the set. It was a dream and for a great price. Even Pamela was surprised to find such a steal. She had a good eye for second-hand items, she found a plethora of dresses, hats, and shoes in thrift stores. She even bought a few scarves for Pagey that he still held on to. He was a sentimental man and cherished a nice gift. He never told Gwen the scarf she wore to the train station was a present from another woman.
He was careful with the set on the plane ride home. He wrapped each piece neatly in his clothes and placed them in his carry-on. When he brought them home he washed them carefully. He set them out on the counter to admire for the two weeks he was home. He thought about them often when he was away, imagining the set sitting in the pantry, waiting for him when he returned.
They made their way to the living room. He carried the tea tray, partly for the chivalrous nature he possessed, and partly for the guilt he felt over the train station scarf.
"There's 'ole Pagey, always the gentleman." Said Robert.
"More like a housewife," Gwen commented.
Everyone laughed and he set the tray on the coffee table with a grumble. The cups and plates rattled as the silver tray settled against the tabletop. Then Gwen spotted the toddler.
"Oh my God, that is the cutest baby I've ever seen!"
She ran to Carmen, surrounded by toys. She slapped two blocks together, seemingly unbothered by Gwen's presence. Her hair was tousled and wild from the nap she'd just woken from.
"Hi there, I'm Gwen. Can I play with you? I love blocks!"
The small child looked at her with bemusement. She nodded and put a purple block in Gwen's hand.
"What are you building? Can I help?" She looked at the child with the softest expression she could conjure. Her voice was pitched up and slow.
Carmen nodded again and put another block in her hand, this one blue. She pointed to the small tower she had built, rather it was three blocks stacked on top of each other.
Gwen thought it must be wonderful to be so small, to have the world at your feet and no responsibilities or troubles. Just blocks and nap time. What a life...
"How many can you stack?" She asked.
"Four."
"That is four, good job! You know your numbers. Much better than me. I can only count to five," she grimaced.
"That's good," Carmen murmured, a smile on her face. "Five is good."
Gwen laughed, her heart lurching with happiness. Carmen's blonde hair and sweet nature reminded Gwen of her little siblings. It had been far too long since she'd seen them and she felt happy to be around a baby again.
"Do you want the red?" She asked, moving a pile of red blocks toward Gwen.
"Yeah, I like the red. Do you?"
"No."
"Why not? I think red is a fine color. Do you like purple better?"
"I like blue."
"Yeah, blue is a nice color too. Do you think it looks better if we put three of the reds and then two purples on the tower?"
"Blue."
"Okay," Gwen said, putting another block on the tower. It was getting tall now and began to sway.
Jimmy looked at his girlfriend, who was sitting criss-cross on the rug. It warmed his heart to see her and Carmen. He thought about what she would be like as a mother, an idea that passed briefly and without his permission. He shoved it away as quickly as it came.
He turned to Robert and went back to talking about the album. His voice faded into Jimmy's ears, a steady drum that was interrupted and caused a staggering beat.
"-not really true though, I think your playing on That's The Way was fine. Do you think-"
"That's what you might think, but it could be better. I don't expect you to have a good ear for that sort of thing." Jimmy steamrolled Robert's point.
"You always tell me when you think I can do better," he grimaced.
"That's because you're a singer. Everyone can sing."
"What's that supposed to mean?" His tone turned sharp at Jimmy's words.
"Nothing, I just meant-"
The tower had fallen. It landed with a clinking sound as the wooden blocks fell on top of each other. It was a mess of colors and shapes.
"Oh no!"
"No, the tower!" Gwen said, picking up the pieces with haste. "Do you want to rebuild it?" She petitioned.
Carmen tossed aside a handful of blocks. Her sights were set on something better. "No. I want to play with Peaches."
"Peaches?" She asked, looking at Maureen and Robert.
"Oh, that's her doll. Hold on, I'll get Peaches for you, baby." Maureen dug around in the diaper bag for a moment, cursing as her hands searched blindly. She produced a cloth doll wearing a pink dress and matching bucket hat. Red shoes and yellow yarn hair accented the doll's plain face.
"Peaches!" Carmen was up from her spot on the carpet and ran to Maureen. When she reached the edge of the couch next to her mother's feet she latched onto the toy. She wrapped her arms around it, nestling her face into the soft body of Peaches the doll.
The four watched as Carmen found her spot on the rug and began cooing to Peaches. She ran her hands through the doll's sparse hair and rocked it in her arms. Gwen once again swooned over the cuteness of the child.
"So, we got some good stuff recorded," Robert spoke up, pulling the attention from his daughter.
"Oh yeah?" She asked haphazardly. Her attention was on Carmen and helping her put Peaches to bed. She was the laziest bag of stuffing Gwen had ever met.
"Mmm, absolutely. I think these are our best songs." Jimmy nodded.
"I agree. I felt so inspired there. It was so easy to write. I felt like the sunlight cracked my soul open like a hammer to a geode, and a sacred water could flow so easily. I feel... eased." Robert spoke slowly and fluidly, charismatic and whimsical as always.
"Wow, it sounds like you guys had a good time," she said. She looked at the two of them, their crossed legs pointed in the direction of each other. They were smiling, smitten at their achievements. She thought they looked like an old married couple.
"Oh, it was wonderful! I only wish you had come, darling." Robert sighed, theatrical as always.
She smiled. "Yes, yes, it's such a travesty that you got to make and record your wonderful music unimpeded by lil ole me."
"What about you, Maureen, did you have a good time?" She asked.
She was surprised Gwen had asked. "Oh, yeah, it was great. Except the outdoor toilet!" She glared at Robert, still pissed that he hadn't told her about it before she agreed to go.
He pursed his lips to hide his smirk. "I'm sorry, love, but it was for the greater good."
"Outdoor toilet? Wow, you guys were really roughing it."
"Yeah, there wasn't a shower or any hot water either," Jimmy commented.
"I know! You told me about it in your letter. That sounds awful, I would've hated it."
"Yeah... that's why we have these lovely beards," Robert paused to stroke his patch of blond hair, "I guess we're just... wilderness men..."
Maureen furrowed her brow and grimaced at her husband's dramatization. "Oh, shut up, you complained about it the whole time. You were afraid to go out and use the toilet the first night. He made me go out with him and hold the flashlight!" She laughed with a snort, slapping the arm of the chair she sat in.
Robert frowned. "Okay, okay, no need to share such a thing!"
-
The conversation has stopped flowing. Gwen turned her attention back to Carmen and their game of house, and Robert was angry with Jimmy. He had dismissed his work on That's The Way and it left him feeling sour. Maureen wanted to go home and shower and was decidedly quiet.
The day was dragging on into the early hours of the evening. Gwen wondered if they would stay for dinner and hoped they would. She missed having the company. She missed entertaining.
She'd spent too much time on her own. She felt like she was going crazy, possibly turning into a madwoman. It was only a matter of time before she started talking to the wallpaper and seeing figures in the molded ceilings!
Robert sat up from the couch with a loud yawn, too loud, Jimmy had decided, and smacked his lips at the end of his inhale. His arms were outstretched but quickly fell back to his sides and he rested once more before speaking, "I'm starving! Do we have any nibbles?"
"Nibbles?" Gwen snickered.
"A snack? A starter? Elevenses? I just want something to eat."
Gwen stood and started to make her way to the kitchen with a nod.
"I'll come with you, c'mon," Maureen stood from the couch and followed the redhead to the kitchen.
The two women scavenged the fridge and pantry to create a suitable spread. Gwen pulled the chopped pears from the crisper drawer and Maureen found crackers in the pantry.
"You know he's thinking about you as a mum, right?" Her voice startled Gwen, who was still hiding away in the fridge.
She scoffed. "What?" She turned to look at the dark-haired woman, confusion, and shock on her features.
"Yeah, he totally is. You might not think so and he might not even realize he is, but he is."
"No, Jimmy's not like that. I'm not like that."
"You can think that all you want but he is. He sees you with Carmen and his mind fills in the blanks. Magically, her hair is red and her eyes are green. The idea of baby names and toys strewn about the house has crossed his mind in the last half hour."
"You might think you know him but you clearly don't," she continued to package the fruit away and put the stack of dishes in the sink, "Jimmy and I don't want kids and we've never talked about anything like that. We haven't even been dating that long and it's not going to be that long-lasting, I can guarantee that."
This woman doesn't even know me! Does she even know Jimmy? She just thinks she does because they spent the last two weeks together. Maybe he said something to her to make her think he feels this way.
Gwen turned to inquire about the more lurid details of the trip but Maureen was already carrying the tea tray away. She was left with the terrible thought that Maureen had put into her mind. He was thinking of the future.
-
They left an hour after Maureen's comment. Robert shook her shoulder, causing her to wake with a bewildered look. He scooped Carmen up with a smile and they were on their way.
Maureen's assertion shook Gwen. The serious Scorpio caused a stir within her. She tried her best to push the thought away but it rattled her still. She was troubled as she cleaned the dishes, a habit she was trying to implement after dinner.
"Hey, love," He said, standing behind her in the kitchen. He admired the way the overhead light bounced off her hair.
She turned to face him with a smile. She was still getting used to the beard.
He walked over to her and pushed her against the counter, pressing his hips into her. The jagged pressure from his hip bones caused a sound to erupt from her lips.
"Awe, you missed me, huh?" He asked, his breath in her ear.
"Obviously," she said.
He pulled away from her, freeing her from his grasp, "Well, I missed you," he pushed a clump of her hair over her shoulder, "a lot. So much, in fact, I wrote you a song."
Her lips broke into a smirk. "A song? Oh, c'mon, can you get any more romantic?"
"No, I really can't." He shrugged.
"Well, let me hear it."
So he did. They sat in the living room on the couch. The room was lighted only by the fireplace. He sat with his feet propped on the edge of the coffee table with his guitar. The hollow instrument hugged his lap and began to sing as he started strumming.
It was a light and slow song, a melodic crooning that caused emotion to swell within her. Like a cork working its way from the neck of a wine bottle, the last two weeks of emotions that were stored away erupted. She was welling with tears.
He was much better at conveying his feelings through music. His fingertips were speaking for him as they caressed the cool metal of the strings.
When he stopped playing his lids opened with a feather flutter to see her. Her mossy eyes were sparkling, wet with tears. She sat with hands covering her mouth. He smiled, cocking his head to silently ask what she thought.
"I loved it, Jimmy," she said, her hands moving to his. He put his guitar aside to meet her halfway.
"I'm glad you like it. I wrote it after you called me last week. I was just filled with such...strong emotion. I missed you so much and hearing your voice just inspired me so much. You opened something up, touched something inside me."
They waded into the small pub, finding their way to the counter in a single file line. Robert held Carmen on his hip and Maureen hovered beside him. Jimmy leaned awkwardly on the counter as Robert asked for the owner.
"Hey, Rob!" The red-faced man cheered as he appeared behind the bar.
"Mich, how are ya?" He asked, equally as excited but quieter.
"Not too bad, not too bad. The wife here needs a rinse and Jim needs to call his lady."
"No issue! You can head back to the showers upstairs through that staircase over there," Mich pointed to a narrow cubby that heralded stairs. Maureen looked unsure. "Awe, c'mon, lassie, you can do it! I promise the showers are clean. The missus' scrubbed the tiles just yesterday. Scouts honor." His voice was thick, his words coated in mucus and Welsh.
"Phone is over there, help ya-self, mate." He looked to Jimmy for only a moment, off-put by his shlocky demeanor. His eyes were dark and his facial hair was grown out oddly, by all accounts he was a wilderness man.
Jimmy paced over to the rotary phone and stuck his index finger into the 0 hole. Then, 2, onto the 0 once more. It felt strange to dial his own number, no matter how many times he'd done it to reach her. He waited for a moment or two, listening to the dial tone, and finally caught her voice.
"Hello?"
"How's the cottage been treatin' yuhs? I hope it's not too cold in there," Mich spoke through a mouthful of chicken. He picked at the roast potatoes on his white porcelain plate as Robert sat Carmen on the bench.
"Wonderful, actually. Not too cold, luckily. We're finding it... quite illuminating. So much inspiration there." Robert eyed his plate, feeling the burning hole in his stomach. The drive to the pub was longer than he'd imagined, he skipped lunch to record with Jimmy. His guitar-gifted friend was a frequent fan of fighting off his famished state to work and he had to follow suit.
"You want something? Sam has just made some roast, it's excellent." He ignored Robert's words to swim in the expanse of his eyes, noting their ethereal azure quality.
"That would be great." He put his attention on Carmen, who began to babble and spit. "Use your words, love!" He patted her back until she turned a smile.
"What about you, huh? Are you hungreh, little lass?" Mich asked, looking down at the grinning girl.
"Yes!" She slammed her open palms on the bar with a wet smile.
The two men laughed.
"You've got toad in a hole?" Robert asked, his hand still on Carmen's back to ensure her balance.
Mich scoffed. "Do we have toad in a hole? How long have you known meh?" He left his words there and went into the kitchen, coming back with two plates of breaded sausages. He sat them on the bar, two forks joining soon after. "Didn't know if any of your guests wanted any. We have plenty if they'd like to join you."
"I don't know about Mo, but he won't partake," Mich's eyes followed Robert's fork as he used it as a compass to alert the group to Jimmy. He was leaning against the wall, his hip and shoulder taking the brunt, and grinning ear-to-ear as he spoke into the receiver, "he's trying to watch his girlish figure."
Mich bubbled with laughter.
"Well, I'm just glad she hasn't spared my feelings! I mean, she's been on a rampage the last two days. She whined for thirty-eight minutes yesterday because she didn't want to wear her jumper. I was about ready to scream!" Jimmy sighed into the receiver.
"Oh, c'mon, she's two." Gwen rolled her eyes on the other end of the line.
"Darling, you don't understand, she's been a pain in my arse for the last week. I can't stand it any longer, I swear. I know I'm never having children because this is awful. Anytime Robert tries to calm her down she throws an even bigger tantrum."
Gwen sighed. "She is two. She doesn't know how to regulate her emotions so she can't detail why she's so upset. You just have to be patient."
"I just wish they wouldn't have brought her." He grumbled.
"Okay, now you're just being bitter! She's cute, isn't she?"
"Oh, yeah, if you like annoying little monsters."
Gwen chortled. "You're the worst, you know that?"
"Feel refreshed?" Robert asked as Maureen sat next to Carmen at the bar.
"Totally. Finally got to shower and get off all this nasty dirt. Carmen wanted to play in the mud yesterday and I had to tell her no. Of course, she threw a fit and ended up getting all dirty anyway. Sometimes I just want to ring her n-"
"Phone is open to anyone who needs it. I'm hitting the shower next." Jimmy was standing between the family, looking over Mich's shoulder. He was surveying their alcohol stock. No Jack.
"I suppose I should go then, huh? Bangers and mash for lunch, Jim, you should eat." Robert patted his back and made for the staircase.
They returned to the cottage with fresh eyes. The space felt cleaner now, with the dirt from under their fingernails wiped. Maureen was happy to have her hair washed, although it was still wet and cold.
"I'm going for a nap. When I wake, you and me are hitting a recording session," Robert said.
"Right," Jimmy replied.
Robert kissed Maureen before going into their room to sleep. His steps were cumbersome from his tired feet. It didn't take long for him to fall into the bed and drift off. His limbs became light and his features melted into a relaxed state.
Maureen took a bundled Carmen out back to play with her wooden blocks and cloth-bodied doll. She had begged and pleaded all day to play and was finally receiving her wish. In the warmth of the mid-afternoon, Maureen felt it was safe to go out and lie in the grass. After laying a blanket down, of course.
Now in the solitary confines of the silent living room, Jimmy sat in his chair by the freshly lit fire. Sparks of heat flashed off the wood of his guitar and created a balmy canvas for his hands to paint by.
His deft fingers twirled around the strings and tried to configure a sound, but all that was heard in his mind was the echoing of silence.
He thought for a moment, then two, of what to play. G-minor, MAJ-7, F, C6, Db. No... those wouldn't work for the alternative tuning he had created. He sighed and sat the instrument down.
With nothing left to occupy his hands, his thoughts wandered back to a familiar home. A mecca, his mind made a pilgrimage to the altar of his love. He thought of her.
Her lips grew into a smile, splayed open to reveal her rows of straight, white teeth. He wanted to kiss every wrinkle and touch each line. He wished to be the reason for her smiling, wanted to be at the receiving end of the glorious sound that emitted from her happiness.
Her shoulders bounced, dancing in a cordial display of how smitten she was.
-
My Dearest Gwen,
It is lovely here. The trees, the flowers, the grass... it's all wonderful. I feel at peace. I feel like I can breathe again. You have no idea how great I feel! I didn't realize how much tour was taking out of me until the second day of our trip.
Robert and Maureen are interesting, to say the least. I can tell that they really love each other. It's beautiful to see but it makes me miss you so much more. Sometimes I can still feel your hair between my fingertips, your skin on my lips. This morning I could've sworn my pillows smelled like you. I must be getting lovesick.
While I am happy to be here, I can't say I am not frustrated. I miss you and I miss our little home. The last day I was home was the best day I've had in months. I wish to spend all my time curled up in bed with you and Lucy, reading, making love, (of course that wouldn't entail Lucy), and playing music. I suppose I could have my cake and eat it too if you were just with me.
Strider and Carmen are two specimens. The former is a wild spirit with a fondness for drooling on meI almost had a freakout last week because I had no clean trousers! But he's a good boy. He is very obedient when Robert is giving the commands. He can sit, lie down, roll over, and even shake hands. It's very cute, but I must say that I like cats more. Especially Lucy. Carmen is adorable, but dear god is she a screamer! I was awoken yesterday from a nap by one of her tantrums.
They left me with her today and I felt terrible. I didn't know what to do with her. I asked if she wanted to play and when I said yes she covered my head in a blanket and ran around me in a circle. I was perplexed. But hearing her little giggles was enough. I can understand why people have children. Watching the three of them play house is tooth-rotting sweet. Robert has so much love and care for the girls, it's a side of him I haven't seen so intimately.
Our relationship is starting to shift. We're growing closer. I could consider him a real friend after this trip, I believe. I used to be closer with Jonesy, but now I feel Robert is taking that role. He's incredibly insightful and witty, very musically knowledgeable, of course. He cares so much and knows what his limits are.
We got into a bit of a spat when we first arrived but things are okay now. We discussed it, surprisingly. He caught me when I was a bit drunk if you could believe it! We spent that night, the three of us, drinking and sharing embarrassing stories. It was a wild night but one that ended sweetly. I was happy to reconcile with him. I realize now that I reach too quickly into anger and isolation. There isn't a reason to be so cold.
I hope you are having a good time at home, keeping Lucy entertained. I miss you both, as I have said. I don't want my whole letter to be about how much I want to see you, but I can't help it. I long to feel you once more, to have another night like our last.
Anyway, I must end this now before I run out of things to tell you about. It really is quite boring here. No electricity. I had to do my business outside! I believe you would love it here, with all your impish hippie ways.
Your man,
Jimmy.