"We were all lost somehow, but we didn't care, we had in the chaos, found each other"
- Atticus
✥ ✥ ✥
IT'S BEEN THREE YEARS.
And I haven't missed a single day. I visit Damien solemnly, like a ritual, and if I just close my eyes, I can feel exactly how his touch was, the way his skin brushed against mine.
Some days are harder than others. I lose tiny fragments of my heart every time I wake up and he isn't next to me when I move on with life and the call from the hospital never comes.
But I have hope, I need to or I will go insane.
"C'mon, Lina! We are late for school," Sammy's voice is the one to take me back from my thoughts and I can only nod, taking my attention back to the scrambled eggs on the pan. They have almost burned and if it weren't for his warning, I would have realized it too late.
I turn off the stove and serve them on the plate, a smile already on my lips when I turn around to place breakfast in front of my brother. He doesn't need to be worried about me.
"Here, gummy bear, while you eat I will finish getting ready, alright?" He has his mouth already stuffed with the eggs and I roll my eyes before muffling his hair and heading straight to my bedroom.
It's incredible how fast time passes by. Sammy is ten years old and I'm living with him as I've always hoped to. I just didn't want it to have cost this much.
After what happened with Damien, I didn't want to be a burden to his family and live under the same roof without him there, so I moved out. I used my savings to rent a place for me for some days, to calm down and think about what I would do next, but the Stones didn't let me go through any difficulties.
Despite Kayla's anger towards me, one of the reasons we hardly ever speak to each other again, she and her family rented a place big enough for my brother and me to live. Despite my refusal, they were categoric in telling me this is what Damien would have wanted for us.
I live for him every single day, hoping that one day he will be able to do it for himself. I lost him and a friendship of a lifetime but I'm getting through with it, it's been 1095 days like this and I'm getting by each one.
I take a deep breath while looking in the mirror and I can only apply a light pink blush on my cheeks, I don't know why today started like this. My usual brightness, that little by little I've grown back, has faded and an agony takes place in my heart.
"Fuck." A mumble leaves my lips when I look at the time on my nightstand, knowing Sammy is late and I'm even more.
I grab my bag, the car's keys and a black sweater to wear if it gets colder and luckily my brother is already ready in front of the door when I arrive.
The maturity he has gained over these years makes me so proud and even though he's still a child, he helps me more than I can ask.
"Ready?" He nods, his curls falling into his eyes and I open a smile before opening the door and taking his hand.
I drop Sammy off at school with the same car I used to, having to refuse the Stones money to buy a new one. They have been incredibly supportive but I can't depend on them, especially when I still feel guilty about how I took Damien from them.
Fuck. I clean a few tears when the car's door closes, my brother walking so independent to the gates and like the big sister I am,
"Love you, gummy bear!" I scream at the top of my lungs from the window and differently to when he was little, he opens up a big smile and mouths 'love you too' before running to his friends inside.
The time we spent separated while he lived with our aunt really made our connection more special. It's been incredible to raise him.
I drive at full speed to the university, knowing I'm already late to the first class but I don't have the option of not going.
I chose Medical school for a reason, to be the doctor my dad never was and help people. What happened to Damien was the push I needed, I could have helped him somehow.
Now more tears fall and I don't even know why, it's been three years like this but I can't get over it.
It's like Eric's death. It's a piece of my heart that I will never get back, despite the flowers I leave on his grave weekly.
It's like the friendship I had with Kayla. She will always have a part of me with her and after she moved away to god knows where, it's a memory that I can't erase.
It just shouldn't have to be this hard.
Before I can park at the campus parking lot, my phone rings and the name that appears on the screen is enough to make me anxious.
"Goddamn it."
He never calls me, I'm the one to do it because I want to know how Kayla is despite her anger, what happened?
Wait-
"Chad, don't tell me that-" I don't even let him say hi, my words already leaving my lips when I press answer but he interrupts me on the spot, my hopes dying with me.
"No, Lina. He hasn't woken up." I can only nod, resting my head against the seat to avoid crying in call with him.
It's like this, hope fills my heart only for it to end up shattered when reality hits me.
"Are you there?" I clean the single tear that marks my cheek and take a deep breath.
"Yeah, sorry. Hi, Chad." He breathes throughout the phone. We all wait for the day we will finally get to live again.
"Hey Lina, can you talk?"
I look the building in front of me and the clock, cursing in my mind for waking up late but I can't say no to him. Never again.
"Sure, how's Kayla?" Her name leaving my lips always makes my insides twist.
I really hope she can forgives me one day.
"She's doing well I guess, you know how everyone is when this time of the year arrives," I nod again, biting my lip not to cry when it's really the first day of the month of when it all went down hill, "She's actually the one who told me to call you,"
It can't be good.
"Now that we've finally managed to integrate what used to be Cobra's territories, we have so much work to do and our schedule has changed a lot."
I have no idea where he's heading with all of this but just knowing that Jace's crew has ended is a slight victory.
I never wished for the death of anyone but when I received that night the news he had died, I couldn't help but feel relieved.
"That being said, Kayla is changing the hours of the visits at the hospital and from now on, the Stones will be the one going after lunch," My heart skips a beat, that means, "You can only visit him in the mornings now, Lina."
We've had this schedule for months now, I understand her side of not wanting to see me but she knows I can't, she knows.
Take a deep breath, Adelina.
I can't breath.
"Gosh, you know I can't in the mornings, Chad. I study, I have to drop Sammy at school, I have to cook lunch, please don't do this to me."
He sighs through the phone and I feel a tear run down my cheek. My voice breaks.
"I'm sorry, Lina but there's nothing I can do. You know Kayla could prohibit you of visiting him if she really wanted to. You aren't related to him in any way, you aren't his fami-"
"I know, it's just-" My voice fails, it hurts so much.
To me, to us, we were already a family.
"Hey, I understand, I really do but you will find a way alright? Kayla already wants to start today, why don't you visit him now?"
I curse underneath my breath, cleaning the tears with my hands.
"I have class, I can't miss it any longer." I look between the building in front of me and the phone, my heart thundering against my chest and I despite what I said, something inside me burns for me to go.
"Well, it's up to you, Lina. Take care, alright?"
"Thank you, Chad. You too, look after her for me." I smile weakly.
"On it, bye Adelina." With that, he hangs up, leaving me with the silence, and I can only whisper 'Bye Chad' to myself.
Nobody tells you how lonely it gets when everyone turns their back at you.
"Fuck it." I put my hair up in a ponytail and turn the engine on, deciding to follow my heart for once.
All the mistakes I've made so far happened when I stopped listening what my heart was screaming at me. I will do what he says and see where it takes me.
Damien deserves this, I deserve this.
I have memorized the way to the hospital so deeply in my mind that I could come here blindfolded. Luckily the streets are empty this time and I'm in front of it in minutes.
I don't lose time, and as I enter the cold building I can't help but remember what I felt entering it that night.
The fear I had stopped and somehow turned into a need to help people, to work in a place where heals instead of hurts.
I greet the staff with a warm smile despite my feelings and I know they pity me for the three years that have passed with no sign of him progressing. Some probably think I'm a fool but I won't ever give up on him.
Faithfully, I knock at the door before opening it, respecting the privacy that Damien even like this is entitled to have. I just wish he would respond telling me to come in.
"Hey, bad boy." My voice breaks at the end as I take the sight of him like this.
Damien is sleeping peacefully like always, his hair has grown a bit but the Stones keep people regularly to take good care of him, like cutting his hair and changing his clothes.
A single tear runs down my cheek, another threat but I gulp down to not the others fall.
I sit next to him on the bed, looking at his features I've memorized, engraved in my mind and despite having lost some weight, he's still the same boy. The one I've loved through all this time.
Life isn't fair.
While looking at him I can't help but curse the universe for doing this to him, it shouldn't have been like this.
He had so many plans, people who love him that now need to move on with their lives somehow.
"Why?" A whisper, a plead to anyone, anything who could make me understand but I know it's just the way life is, still it doesn't help to ease the guilt off my heart.
I take his hand, brushing my fingers through his skin and I feel the drops in our hands before I even realize I'm crying.
I don't want to talk about trivialities today, I don't want to talk about how my day went without Damien in it.
All I want is to hold on to his presence, to feeling the love of my life with me. I don't know when I will get to come here again.
"I miss you." I murmur while leaning on his side, interlocking our hands and now letting the tears fall freely. It soaks the hem of my high neck sweater, part of his pillow where I'm resting and I have to bite my lip not to sob, to not make a sound.
I always try to have a positive energy, bring only peace to his room but today is unbearable. I feel like I'm losing him all over again.
I rest my head on the crook of his neck and let my feelings go.
"I don't think I can hold on much longer, bad boy." It hurts, only pronouncing the words out loud is enough to my tears continue, "l need you to come back to me," I can't breath, "I need you to see how big Sammy is with your own eyes, I need you to be by my side. We were supposed to do this together. We went through so much to get here and now-" My sobs are uncontrollable now, "I don't want to get through life without you. Not when I felt what it's like to love and be loved."
My voice breaks completely, I run my fingers through his hand and I feel a slight movement that makes my heart stop.
I look at Damien through the tears, a knot growing on my throat but his face is peaceful, like usual and I have to a deep breath.
Everyone was warned this could happen, it's normal of the human body. Reflexes and spasms aren't necessarily a sign of recovery, we had to have that in mind.
It's still hurts.
I rest my forehead against his.
It feels like a goodbye and a welcome at the same time.
"I love you so much it hurts, please come back to me, bad boy," It's a plead, a demand, an order that leaves strangled from my lips, "I will always be yours, Damien."
I let out a last sob, closing my eyes.
"And I'm yours, Adelina." My heart stops. My breathing unsteady and I freeze in place when I hear his voice.
It can't be. No, please don't be something in my mind.
It can't.
I don't open my eyes. Too scared, too afraid, too paralyzed to do anything.
It isn't real, Adelina.
I gasp when his hand squeezes mine. I can't breath.
I feel like I'm collapsing,
"No, no, no-" My voice breaks, I shake my head, not wanting to believe it, to see for myself and only feel my heart shattering again with the false hope.
"I'm here now," I cry again, hearing Damien's voice so close, low on my ear, so soft caressing my skin. I don't deserve this. It can't be this easy, "Look at me, gorgeous."
I take a deep breath before opening my eyes, ready to realize I have lost my mind totally now but what I see makes me blink away the tears.
Damien has a smile on lips, his hazel eyes that no camera could capture the color perfectly are roaming through my face, tears on the corners of them and I bite my lip to not cry again.
"You came back to me." It's too much, I kiss his lips, his face, his cheek, holding on to never let go and he chuckles, the laugh I missed every single day, before running his hand through my back, my shorter hair, my neck.
"I told you, I'll always come back. Through everything, we'll always find our way back to each other." I nod while now happy tears stream both of our faces.
"I'm yours, completely. Always and forever, gorgeous." His voice tone is faith, weak after all this time but it vibrates through my entire body, I can't contain the smile that spreads on my lips.
I feel my heart exploding in my chest with happiness, relief, ease and most of all, love.
"And I'm yours. Always and forever, bad boy." My words die on his lips when he touches mine and it's a promise that can't be broken.
To a forever together, for once and for all.
Our last deal.
✥ ✥ ✥
{A/N: On the next chapter <3}