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*************
I was in a dark place.
Nothing could be seen from my sight.
'where am i?'
i keep thinking.
'just now i was in my room with Dila'
So why am I in the dark now?
'perhaps... just now... a flashback?'
you know like the flashback that someone usually has the moment they die, like in those books.
'did I have a moment like that before I die and now...here is the real place to go after death?'
then, did I go to hell?
'because it's dark...'
there's no way heaven is this dark right?
'so I'm probably dying and going to hell as I predict huh?'
If that's the truth then,
'it's kind of relief...'
huu*
Thought me as I take a breath in relief and a soft smile starts to carve on my face.
'it's kind of predictable so... I couldn't even feel shocked about this... hell really suit an evil bastard like me...'
Mock me towards myself.
I don't know why, but i didn't feel discomfort with any of this that happen to me and instead, the moment my thoughts reaches those points, all i could feel is a kind of relief.
I then take a look around me.
Although I couldn't see anything, my smile didn't fade from my face.
'i don't feel anyone's presence from here...'
it means I'm alone in hell.
'Did I'm the only bastard born in that world?'
That's kind of cool and awesome too.
"to think that I'm the only evil that was born there.."
or perhaps the other bastard just didn't die like me yet.
'that could be one of the reasons too.'
Nod me somehow agree with myself.
"....."
My action then pauses for a moment.
ppffttt*
A small laugh then comes out of my mouth before,
hahahaha*
a hysterical laugh comes out next.
I don't know why, but i think this situation is somehow funny.
'i ask myself and answer myself too. AHAHAHA'
it was really a funny moment for me, though, it didn't last long as I began to feel tired from laughing too much.
'i might go insane like this...but...'
perhaps, that's the purpose of hell?
'i don't know.'
shrug me as I drop myself on the floor and lay while spreading my arm widely.
'it's fine too if it's like that.'
thought me, resign in my fate.
'as long as they didn't fall here like me.'
the memories of the past then flash in my head.
I see Dila, Might, and my other maid and knight.
They were laughing and sometimes clumsy in that memories.
I love seeing it.
Although I am the only one who remembers that, it's still lovely to me.
'ah, and Yawar too...'
He's so funny and amazing in many ways. The only person with a 'genuine' smile all the time towards me.
'Come to think of it, I still don't understand a lot about him.'
because we didn't spend much time together, every meeting that we had was surprising beyond my mind.
'...and there's that question that he never answers me to... just what is it that he tries to hide?'
I always wonder, however, until i die, he never gives me the answer i seek.
'perhaps... it's something beyond his power to do.'
That might be too as the world was insane.
'well, it couldn't be helped, huh..'
my conflicted thoughts then stop there.
I lean to my left side with both my hand pillowing my head.
one memory suddenly comes to my head, drowning me with sadness.
it was about,
'....my...little brother...'
He was a child at that time.
I wasn't the one who'd take care of him but in some way, i did.
'i remember to ask my butler to take the kid.'
it was my puppet moment who told Might to take the kid.
Afterward, I didn't do anything to the kid and even didn't care about him.
Of course, that only happens during my puppet moment.
'but aside from that time, I did spend my time with him properly...'
Although it's quite hard to do so as we aren't close and the time we spend reset the moment the next day comes, I still come to find him, feed him, bought him a toy, play with him and teach him a lot.
'but in the end... nothing changes.'
when he grew up, although I try to be close to him all the time forgetting the puppet moment, we still drifted apart. Because the gap called memories are there, it stops us from being close.
He didn't remember me or any moment of us together, so there's no way I can lessen the gap between us.
Moreover, when he was still a kid, it was easy for him to accept my bonding with him because he was still innocent at the time.
However now that he has all grown up, his mind has long been poisoned with negative thoughts about me, so there is nothing I can do anymore.
in fact, the more I try to get close to him, the more hatred he builds toward me.
'and my death is the result of all that.'
what a futile effort i did, i guess...
'but... that too, is such a relief...'
At least he won't suffer and neither the others.
'because if they were just like me... wake up with their own mind...'
Just how much suffering they will need to endure? it's hard to even think about it.
However if I need to make an example,
'Just imagine that we are close in reality but an enemy in the puppet moment...'
and they need to watch me die with that memory intact.
'Isn't that... too cruel for them?'
ugghhh*
I groan as I felt a goosebump all over my body, imagining such a scene.
'it's really good that I'm the only one with memories...haa... thank you, god...'
I was truly grateful.
But,
'To think that a day will come when I was thankful to god for my shitty situation.'
Although i cursed it all the time before.
'life is truly unpredictable sometimes...pfft*'
chuckle me, ending my reveries.
only then did my ear suddenly pick up a strange sound.
blup*
'what is that?'
it's coming from my behind.
blup*
'that's quite creepy...'
was what my head thoughts as a frown carved on my face.
'haa... really... all sort of unpredictable event huh...'
i then get up from the lying position without looking back yet.
'i need to turn around right?'
but what if...
'what if it's something like a ghost?'
that will really be shit then.
haa*
I sighed as i feel awful all of sudden.
my mind then made up.
'let's just turn around.'
I thus look behind me reluctantly.
***************
To be continued.