There are barbarians that walk amongst us. Most of them are Men. I want to talk to the cis-normative males out there. Some of you can be real shits at times.
I think you know that flashing your penis in a text without consent is indecent. Dick Pic may sound cool but it never knocks it out of the park. It makes you seem only interested in that bedroom action for your own satisfaction.
Others of you think you have a trophy cock. That every woman should bow to your penis and worship. This is not dominance. This is narcissism. It is unhealthy levels that make you a highly toxic masculine guy.
The concept of toxic masculinity is used in many discussions of masculinity to refer to certain cultural norms that are associated with harm to society and men themselves.
Traditional stereotypes of men as socially dominant, along with related traits such as misogyny and homophobia,[1] can be considered "toxic" due in part to their promotion of violence, including sexual assault and domestic violence. The socialization of boys in patriarchal societies often normalizes violence, such as in the saying "boys will be boys" about bullying and aggression.
Masculine traits that are considered 'toxic' include:
•Using or threatening violence.
•Controlling others.
•Acting aggressively.
•Suppressing emotions.
•Trying to appear 'tough'
•Treating sex as a competition.
•Feeling entitled to sex from others.
•Using power over women, perceived 'weaker' men, and marginalised groups.
•Homophobia, Transphobia and Misogyny.
•Scoffing at vulnerability.
•making a place where women are expected to adapt to stereotypes.
•Male one-upmanship in competition
•Verbalizing sexual objectification of women
•Dick pics in unsolicited texts.
Violence is not preclusive to males only. Toxic masculinity comes in other forms. One of the most toxic group of ladies are known by acronym controversial (and often disparaging) term: TERFs.
'TERF' stands for 'trans-exclusionary radical feminism'. Terf ideology is a specific form
of transphobia, and more specifically transmisogyny, as terfs mostly target trans women
and transfeminine people.
According to terf ideology, trans women are excluded from womanhood and should accordingly be excluded from women-only spaces. Womanhood is supposedly defined exclusively by "sex-based" oppression, aka oppression as a result of being what terf ideology terms "biologically female".
This idea weaponizes a reductive understanding of "biology" to argue that 'women' - or those assigned female at birth - all experience gendered oppression in the same way, which erases our diverse experiences of gender as it intersects with race, class, sexuality, disability, and many other structural factors.
The problem with Terfs often dub themselves "gender critical", which on the surface of it seems very reasonable - however, the problem arises in the failure of terf ideology to be similarly "sex critical".
While the gender binary is obviously a societal construction that is important to criticise and denaturalize, the same is equally true of the sex binary (the assumption that everyone can be split into two discrete biological sexes, "male" and
"female")
As you have learned there are many more genders than male and female. Terf ideology fails to recognise that women are not homogeneous, and face many different kinds of intersecting oppressions;
As a straight 'womanhood' and queer 'womanhood' are not the same, just as trans 'womanhood' and cis 'womanhood' are not the same. Structural misogyny is complex, and women's oppression can't be reduced to *only* specific biological or anatomical elements, although oppression based on these things is still very much a feminist issue.
Because of the veiled nature of terf ideology, well-intentioned feminists can be tricked into buying into terf arguments. If you notice terf beliefs arising among people in your communities, try and help them understand the contradictions inherent in these beliefs and the harm that they do (and forward them our reading list!).
Terf ideology can be defeated in a fair debate - but committed terfs don't fight fair. Very often (especially online) the best thing to do is disengage. Explain to your aunt why trans women should
be allowed to use women's bathrooms, but don't debate SuperRadFemXX on Twitter about the colonial nature of the sex binary - save that energy and put it towards building stronger positive, trans-inclusive feminist and activist communities.
Let's talk about another little talked about online bullies that fall into extreme radical anti-feminist and anti-women.
"Incel" refers to online groups of men who feel that they can't enter into sexual relationships.
The attitudes of men who visit the boards vary widely, but online they frequently vent anger against sexually prolific men ("Chads") and women ("Stacys"). More generally, incel forums often include rants aimed at feminism and women.
Their slogan is something to the effect of "I don't hate women, just stuck-up bitches!"
The incel (a portmanteau of "involuntary celibate") phenomenon, at least in its present incarnation, has emerged in the last decade and a bit. It's come into the public eye through acts of violence committed by the likes of Elliot Rodger (in 2014 in Isla Vista, California) and Alek Minassian (in 2018 in Toronto, Ontario). Misogyny, including violent misogyny, is certainly nothing new, nor is the existence of people who want to be having sex but aren't; however, this particular subculture, with its extensive lingo, has arisen in the internet age.
One of the basic ideas is that influences like feminism and liberalism have led to cultural shifts that have undermined the traditional patriarchy, in which women are obedient and accessible for sex.
This has created a culture based on lookism, with physical appearances being the primary factor on which people are judged. Now, it's no secret that people get judged all the time based on looks, but incels seem to take this to extremes, to the exclusion of any other factors that might go into partner selection.
Hypergamy is identified as a consequence of lookism. They even have the Pareto Principle, a principle of factor sparcity, creating a nexus to gender arriving at the deranged conclusion that the 20% of men who are the most attractive monopolize 80% of women.
The combination of this cultural system and incels' own deficient genetics is thought to result in them being denied the sex to which they should be entitled. They feel emasculated by other males and angry at women for not hyper-focusing on them for sexual uses.
The entire notion to Incels is that they are far too inadequate for what ever reason. Take it further and their focus is the fixation of the fantasy to have sex or to be found attractive.
Instead of unpacking the harmful messages they have about themselves they use their anger as a justification to victimize women and sex positive people.
There is also an element of entitlement, like the lady will just somehow come and court him away and it will be happily ever after. There is no effort to self-examine.
There is no effort to learn healthy communication skills. There is no effort in learning boundaries. There is no investment in the desire to actually create the friendly, safe, Consentually environment. They are too insecure to ask and it is easier to lash out then to unpack your own shame, guilt and problematic thinking.
Women, often referred to as "femoids" or "foids", are at the very bottom of the social hierarchy. "Stacys" are the most attractive women, and "roasties" are women whose labia change to resemble roast beef from having too much sex (this is not an actual thing).
Incels seem to loathe but sexually desire Stacys, and loathe but want to be Chads. Some believe that strategies like "looksmaxxing" or "gymmaxxing" can allow them to "ascend" and access sex and relationships, while others believe this is impossible.
Some incels conceive of a past sort of golden age of the patriarchy, in which looks weren't important and women were always sexually available. That world never actually existed, but this view seems to be part of a mythical castle of meaning that they've built to explain why they experience the world the way they do.
Beyond just hatred towards women, incels seem to have some very skewed and overly simplistic perceptions of how women relate to the opposite sex.
As I previously mentioned, incel's beliefs about how relationships and sex actually work seem to be pretty detached from reality and fairly heavily reliant on stereotypes (as seen in the "roastie hierarchy of needs" on Incel Wiki's hypergamy page, for example). Again, it seems like it's part of the mythical castle of meaning.
In a peer-reviewed corpora of Incels the Speckhard study stands out. It indicates that 97% of respondents thought women, in general, could always get sex.
More than 70% agreed that women are self-centred. Incel participants state women are also manipulative, never satisfied, always looking for something better to come along, and only care about appearances in male partners.
One thing that I find interesting is that there seems to be a remarkable lack of insight that having these kinds of beliefs about women would likely to be a female deterrent.
In the Speckhard study, 87% of respondents reported experiencing bullying during middle or high school. Rejection by girls and social ostracism were also common (86% and 64%, respectively).
Incels have higher than average levels of neuroticism, which is the tendency to experience more negative emotions and be more emotionally reactive to stress. They also had lower than average levels of extraversion, agreeableness, and conscientiousness.
Incels tend to have an external locus of control, meaning they believe that primarily external factors control the outcomes that they experience. For example, they may believe that their ability to access sex or a relationship is predetermined by their own genetic deficits.
I want to pause and print that Incels are not trans-inclisive except to call the the feminists that are dudes in drag. They love trans erasure by using tropes of binary hate to denounce and strip an individual of respect to their identity.
On top of this erasure issue they like to claim deficiencies like autism or depression while making fun of people they also see as having with lesser genetic deficiencies. This genes idea also runs into racial matters that are just as important to address but are outside the parameters of this book at this time.
Some of the potential areas that have been identified to address in terms of prevention to Incel participation include digital media literacy, teaching about healthy sexuality and consent, training people who work with vulnerable groups in recognizing and addressing underlying issues, and creating a counter-narrative around masculinity.
You will find there are ways to be a trans- inclusive ally as well. Trans-inclusion is Non-binary inclusion. It is accepting to all shapes and forms of identity. To help silent the hate form the Toxic Men, TERFs and Incels we can be more inclusive of eacher with just a few basic adjustments.
- Centring the voices of trans women and transfeminine people.
- Not making assumptions re: gender and appearance.
- Taking on the labour on trans women's issues (e.g. admission to women's colleges).
- Knowing that not all women share any given biological/anatomical trait or experience
- Collectively/mutually educating one another, unlearning gendered expectations together.
- Recognising that the 'sex binary' is a colonial fiction created to oppress trans, queer, and gender-non-conforming people (esp. of indigenous genders), and people of colour as a whole, as well as women.
- Refusing to allow terf ideology any ground. Truly radical, materialist feminism based on intersectional class-based analysis is in *support* of transfeminism, not against it.
There are many groups of individuals who carry harmful misinformation and spreading it to defame trans identifying people. You do not have to be a bully, an extremist or even malicious to become a gatekeeper.
Gatekeeping is a self appointed position to become the authority on a subject. It is being the person outside a club or before a rollercoaster that decides who can gain entry and those who are barred from ever entering.
Gatekeeping is being a judge, jury and executioner. The gatekeeper often does not want to acknowledge their faulty thinking and tends to turn the interaction into a dramatic and aggressive exchange with the intent of maintaining control as well as humiliation of others.
Gate keeping is not allyship. It is a tactic of control. It is toxic. Like toxic masculinity.