my mom is there when we get back.
"there you are" she say with releaf. "rick's at the hospital stil. theres dinner" then she gives me a look "and no gramarly yo cant eat it in youre room"
sighing i follow her and Brok to the kitchen. Theres a a lot of food for three people. we sit down, me next to brok.
"Its from our neighbors " explain my mom. "they herd bout waht happen to berk and give us lots of food. a bit too much
We eat in silence for a few minits, until my mom sets her fork down a bit too loud. "That's enough," she says. "i cant stand this silence. if you have something to say-" she gives a mom look "just spit it out"
Brok looks at me from the corner of his eye and i turn pink like coton candy "i dont have anythin to say"
"funny," says my mom with a fake laugh "i dont remeber yo being this way last time we spoke"
"Mom" i hiss like snake "i am not doing this in front of Brok"
She shrugs and help herselfto some caserole. i give brok an apologeti smile.
"So, Alice," say Brok as he tucks into meal "how are you enjoying life here ?"
She blinks "oh, it's been great. much beter than new york"
he nods "your geting along well with my dad"
My mom smiles "yes, Brok"
They setle into a conversation about Rick and how much he love cars or whatever. its been while since i saw my mom like this. before she was always quiet and sad and didnt talk much. i gues i never thoug about how hard it mus have been to to be marry to my complicated dad. with each smile from her, i start to get les mad. she has made many mistakes, but i gues i stil love her.
"Mom?"
my mom gives me astartled look. "Yes gramamrly?
i take a deep breth "would you want to go see a movie or something? we could go get lunch or somthing this weekend. its been a while since we..." i trail off my sentence feeling akward and duck my head down. "or not" i muter "its fine if you busy so ye
"Grammartly" i look up to se my mom look at me with significant amont of mother emotion "i would lvoe to"
"relly?"
"really" she smile "i know i have made mistake with you. but i hate fifhting with you . you are my daughter and i love you"
i smile back like im on crak"ok mom"
**********
after dinner brok comes up to my room. im about to sit on my bed but then i rememver how last time we were wrestling on my bed and how we ended up on the floor and berk thought we were-
my cheeks burn like big bonfire and i quickly sit down on my chair instead. brok leans against the wall
"it was nie to see you and youre mom happy" Brok says. then wistfull he say "i wish i could be like that with my mom"
oh poor brok "does she contact you ever"
BRok shrugs "not often"
a thought hits me "does she know about berk geting shot?"
he shakes hishead "i left a voicemail. no reply" he shrugs again but i can tell hes feeling down
i get up, and take step towarss him "im sorry brok" i say, quiet like librarian. then i ask shyly "can i give you hug"
he stiffens slightl "oh i im not much of a hugger"
i shrug "me neither but i think if anyone neds a hug today its you"
He gives me a smile "oka go on then"
I step forward and wrap my arms around him. his chest is firm like butter fron the fridge makin me blush slightly. i have never been this close to him and i feel like im hugging him wrong. after a moment he puts his arms around me too. we are smushes together like strawberies in a blender
"this is akward " i mumble into his firmchest
"it is" he agrees "but dont let go grammarly"
I squeeze harder like im geting juice out a lemon. holding brok like this does feel nice, and after the craxy day we have had it is nice to feel calm. he like my calm after the storm.
once again, he is my big brok of hope.
After a few minutswe detach. sudenly shy, i scratch my arm 'movie?" I ask
he gives me lopsided grin "last time we watch a movie i fell aslepp"
I shrug "so what not a big deal"
he considers me for a moment then nods "yo know what a movie sound good"
We sit on my bed and i get under tje covers. Brol sitd down carfully and doesn't get under the covers even though i can see the goosey bumps on his arms
i roll my eyes on him "you are not going to die if you get under my covers Brok"
relucutantly he gets under the blanket. our feet acidentaly touch and i blush. awkwardly he puts his arm behind me.
brok laughs to himself a little
i look at him "what?
"i was just wondering what berk would think if he had walked on us lke this"
i laugh too, but nervosly. "ye so akward"
he turns to look at me and our feaces are very close. he swallows i wathc the appel in his throat bob like apple
"brok" ibreathe then i close my eyes for a moment "brok i need to say somthing"
"ok?
i take a dep breth. 'this morning, when i got the call about berk," ii start "wel i was in horors of course. i thought to myself, my brother has been shot. because even thou i have not known him long, berk feels like my brother"
Brok looks at me with strange expresion and i contuine, heart beeting fast like a whisk "and the thing is, even tho you are my stepbrother" the word feels wrong to say "i just cant see you that way ye"
"then how do you see me?"
i have to look away, his chocolate b rown orbs too intense for me!! "i dont know brok. i cant telyou how i feel. you see i like satan. but sometimes...
"yes?"
i look at him from corner of my eyes "sometimes around you i feel sopemthing."
he is silent for a moment. i start to panic - what hav e i done . will he think im weird. will he hate me???? i start to slide away "sorry " i mumbke "that was weird"
he grabs my arm "gramarly, look at me"
i freeze and slowly look at brok. i blink at his face. he is staring at me with something in his eyes. wild and unrestraned like hes not weraing a seetbelt and is in a car in space. "gramamrly" he repeats, this time slower and deeper
"yes?" i whisper my eyes dip to his lips oh WahATs wwrong WITH meE?
"grammarly" he says one more time.
against all beter judgement i lean and kiss him. for a moment he seems suprised, then he kises back.
what am i doing what am i doing what am i doing what am i doing
but i keep kissing him and he keeps kissing me and it feels liked i cant seem to get enough breth. when i kised satan we kised like we were on fire, desperate and like we were going toburn out, like two matches entwined.but with Brok it is slower and fuller, like im underwater. i feel like im experiencin life in slow motion. i am slow to proces, slow to move. it feels like im in a daydream
after what feels like forever, he pulls away
"i'msorry" he tells me "i shouldnt have-"
"I kiseed you" i whisper, lookin at him from beneath my lashes "so i should be the one thats sorry"
he lets out a long breth from his mouth. the moth i was just atached to Oh HelPP !!! in a low voice he say "i should say that it can never hapen again. that it was a mistake"
i look into his dark eyes "say it then"
he shakes his head alightly like theres a bee in it "i cant gramarly"
"Why not?"
"because evry time i see you.." he pauses "i cant look away from you. you're like a venus fly trap, and i am the fly. you may not know it grammarly, but you have myheart, and youve had it for a long time. i cant think of anyone else"
I stare at him what
"everytime i see you with him " he spits the word out like a fingernail in his food "it makes my blood boil like im in a hot saucpan. because i would treat you so much better gramarly"
i am silent, unsure how to proces all this stuf i am procesng like a old computr haha!
HE sighs "but i know he is the one you want. even though you just kissed me"
i sigh too "i dont know brok. i am just confused"
he looks at me sadlt "i understand"
i bite my lip and i notice brok look at it "but you see brok, satan wont be with me. so i-"
"i dont want to be youre rebound gramarly" he says, moving away from me
"stop" i tell him grabing his arms like im a claw machine "what i mean is that i canot be with satan. and yes i stil have feelings for him right now. but i also feel somthung for you, brok. and with time" i hesitate "with time i think that i could-"
coulwhat?"
I swallow "i think i could love you"
he looks as shocked as if i just told him i was the president of the moon and also italy andmoroco "come again?"
"shut up" i say hiding my face, which is red as a red aple
He smiles and leans in "you're beautiful, grammarly harbidge. dont hide from me"
i peek out between my fingers "can you stay tonight?"
He blinks at me, and his smile fades like a tatoo over time "i dont know f thats a good idea gramamrly"
"just tonight" i whisper "fal aslep next to me"
"this cant end well gramarly" he tells me. but he doesnt move.
"cant we pretend for now?" i ask him desperate.
after a moment, he nods. "ok for now
i snugle into his arms. thats how we fall asleep, our arms entwined, knotted together like dough into a pretzel. he's warm, like he just came fresh out the oven. i want to bit his lip like itsa bagel and make out even more!!! but instead i just hug him and close my eyes i am tired and so is he
often i sleep bad with nightmares of my past.
But that night I sleep soundly, like a great big log, moreso than ever before.
********
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