Malamig na ang kape. Parami na ng parami ang mga taong sumasayaw at umiinom sa tabi ko. The volume of the music went up it can beat my ears and make it bleed. Nag sisimula nang umikot ang mata ko mula sa cheap na beer na binili ko pa sa nadaanan kong convenience store kahit pa dito lang rin naman ako papunta. The reason? It's expensive as gold.
Pero ba't nga ba ako nandito?
Napailing nalang ako at nilapag ng malakas ang bag ko na naglalaman ng copies ng resume ko. Walang trabahong matino kahit college graduate, naloko ng ex mga tatlong beses, at kasalukuyang wala ng pangkain sa mga susunod na buwan.
And I'm here to get laid. There's always solutions to any problem right? Right. And here's the solution. A baby. A financial assistance for single parent like me who literally have nothing is the solution. I'll have enough food for three months.
Nagliwaliw ang paningin ko until... Hindi maiwasang maningkit ang mata ko sa isang pigura sa gitna ng dagat dagat na mga tao. Lumalapat sakan'yang magandang muka ang iba't ibang kulay ng ilaw, pantay at maganda ang mga ngiti nito habang may binubulong sa kasamahan. I can see from afar how his hands looked so masculine with the way he hold his wine glass. Pwede ng mag pa-lahi.
Kahit naman mahirap ako, may taste ako no. Hook up nalang nga, dapat high quality na.
Sinubukan kong tumayo ngunit bahagyang natumba at napabalik sa upuan. Ano ba 'yan, lalandi nalang nga lampa pa!
Second try after shaking my head and composing myself, finally I succeeded!
Sa gitna ng paglalakad ko papunta sakan'ya ay napahinto ako ng lumingon ito sa direksyon ko. He stop from sipping his wine and slowly, a smile formed into his lips.
Nararamdaman ko na ang pamumungay ng mata ko, ang pag lapit ko, ang munting pag uusap, at ang nangungusap na mata saakin. Ang kaunting pag hapit sa bewang, at ang pag hila ko sa kanyang mga braso papunta sa destinasyon na gusto namin. A stereo playing, him singing along with the music and my laughter as I put my hands outside through the window of the car. Wow, ngayon nalang ata ako nakasakay sa ganitong kotse.
"You look good with happiness, dear." I heard him say. I didn't said anything, keep him close, and kissed him.
I saw a ceiling as I felt a shiver on my naked body. Napaungol at ako gumilid ng higa, masakit sa mata ang ilaw. My eyes just shut at the broad shoulders covering my sight. Bigla itong umiba ng pwesto at tumalikod paharap saakin, omg. That's the guy last night.
Omg. Omg. I did it.
PETE'S SAKE I DID IT.
Okay let me remember, no condom, I told him I'm not fertile. And I'm on my pills.
I'm screwed.
Pinlano ko ba talaga 'to?! No of course not! I was just drunk and anxious. Isang taon na akong walang trabaho at magugutom ang naghihikaos kong pamilya kung wala akong makukuhang mapagkukunan ng pera!
Wait... The money for the pregnant women association is a 30 thousand financial assistance... Pwede na pang laptop para may pag-asa na kong um-apply sa pagiging freelancer and the five thousand enough for a month, five thousand for my family.
Shit shit. I did it. I just have to get the fetus out of my womb after I received the money. Then, win win situation, the baby doesn't need to live in this hideous world, hindi n'ya maaabot pa ang puntong ito na kailangan n'ya pang manggamit ng iba para lang mabuhay. This earth is a living battlefield, be weak mentally or physically, you die. But it's not just that, cause draining financially can both suck the life out of your mental and physical life.
But then, I always think there's no hope. But there's a way, whether it's a failure or a success, who freaking cares?
With that thought, I smiled. Kissed the lips of the stranger beside me and leaving quietly.
Just the way my escape is going smoothly, I remembered I left my suitcase... and my resume.
Nasa loob na ako ng bus, sore from the night, my back still aches and down there still hurt like a first time. Tapos kumukulo pa ang t'yan ko. And I left my fricking resume. Hindi n'ya naman siguro ako hahanapin, right? I mean, ganun ba ako ka dyosa para hanap hanapin n'ya?
Still massaging my temple, tumunog ang phone ko na sinilip ko agad. Malay mo, natanggap na pala ako.
My eyes widened as I saw the text. It read:
Where are you going with my child on your belly?
- Your hottest sperm donor