Shouto kept his eyes open.
Kids were screaming and laughing at disastrous volumes, but he couldn't hear any of it. He was numb, both mentally and physically. It was as if a switch shut off in his brain, the one that controlled his ability to move. To think. To breathe.
There was no fighting it. Shouto succumbed to the catatonic state he sent himself in out of pure shock. The room spun at a tilt, the walls closing in on him. It was something out of an alternate reality. He tried to use his last bit of functioning brain activity to process the situation he was in, but he couldn't.
Katsuki was kissing him.
Shouto lost all sense of time. Katsuki could've been kissing him for two seconds or two hours and he wouldn't have known the difference. Prior to tonight, Shouto would've placed bets that he'd have a greater chance of kissing Jesus Christ himself than ever kissing Katsuki.
And yet, there they were in the middle of Momo Yaoyorozu's living room, Katsuki's grip on Shouto's sweater tightening as he kissed his friend for everyone to see. It caused Shouto to blink, sparking the first sign of movement he displayed since Katsuki first connected their lips together.
Shouto's head spiraled as he assessed what was happening. This was his first kiss. He only got one. Once it was gone, there was no taking it back. And now, his first kiss was forever Katsuki's to hold.
Just as Shouto's lungs were about to give out, Katsuki released him and pulled away. Shouto pressed his fingers to his lips, still in disbelief over what just occurred. They held eye contact for less than a second as Katsuki was distracted by their classmates celebrating like they were at the Olympics. Katsuki was particularly focused on Neito, whose phone was pointing at the two boys.
Neito needed a moment to regain his composure, but his laughter never diminished. "I'm posting this to my snap story."
Katsuki flared his nostrils as he lunged at Neito. "You better delete that, you little shit!"
The two boys wrestled on the floor, Neito laughing under Katsuki as Katsuki snatched Neito's cell phone. Even after the video was deleted, Katsuki flipped Neito onto his stomach and got him into a chokehold until Neito cried mercy.
The kids at Momo's party were even more entertained by this display. Well, except Shouto of course. The boy was still so confused as he forced himself to accept that he just kissed one of his oldest friends. In a daze, he cowered into himself as Katsuki scattered around the living room and hijacked everyone's phones, deleting any trace of evidence that a kiss with Shouto just took place.
Amidst the chaos, Shouto noticed that the atmosphere felt off. Pretty much everyone was either yelling or laughing apart from him, and yet there was something missing. A laugh. A very distinct laugh, one that would no doubt be partaking in this madness if its owner was present. Then Shouto remembered.
Denki.
Denki ran off earlier after his unlucky spin landed on Shouto, and he hadn't returned. Shouto wondered if the others noticed the fear in Denki's eyes before he made his escape. It was unusual, unsettling even. Denki was always the carefree one, the one with nonstop energy, the comedic relief. But the Denki that ran off before, the one whose complexion turned a ghastly white as his eyes bulged open, pupils dilated, Shouto didn't recognize that Denki at all.
Something was terribly, terribly wrong.
Shouto stood up, his legs wobbly from sitting still for so long. Everyone else was too busy either heckling Katsuki or being nosy bystanders to pay Shouto any mind, apart from Izuku. Shouto's friend glanced up at him, a perplexed expression forming on his freckled face.
"What's the matter?" he said.
Shouto looked away, eyeing both exits of Momo's living room, trying to remember which one Denki went through. There wasn't time to hesitate, so he led himself toward the one closest to the kitchen.
"I'll be right back," he muttered on his way out.
Once out of the living room, Shouto was lost as to where he should go next. Momo's house was massive and he had little knowledge of its layout. It didn't feel right to sneak around someone's house, especially one he'd hadn't been in since he was a child, but he'd feel even worse if he turned back around and left Denki to suffer alone wherever he was.
So, he searched every room on the main floor, all nine of them including the bathroom. Shouto grew irritated as there was no sign of Denki in the second living room, the game room, the theater, or the study. But finally, he found Denki curled into a ball in the back corner of the last room of Momo's house that Shouto guessed he'd find his friend: the library.
Shouto had an objective and he wouldn't lose sight of that, but he did stop to admire the antique furniture and fully stocked bookcases. If only Momo or her parents were into manga, then this room would be Shouto's personal paradise.
Denki wasn't crying when Shouto approached him, though when he looked up and their eyes met, it was evident that he must've been earlier. He didn't tell Shouto to go away, yet he didn't ask Shouto to sit with him either. The boy simply seemed lost, like he was searching for an answer but not knowing what the question was.
Shouto sat beside him anyway, pulling his knees to his chest to match Denki's body language. "Do you wanna talk?"
Denki pressed his lips together and shrugged. "I don't even know what to say."
"Try your best."
Denki opened his mouth just to shut it a second later. A tear fell from his eye before he could wipe it away, which resulted in several more trickling down his face. His teeth chattered as he tried to find the words. Shouto stayed patient, giving Denki all the time he needed.
"I'm just so..." he choked out, "confused."
Shouto locked his gaze on Denki's hand, the one closest to him. Denki's arms were crossed as he leaned forward, his fingers digging into his forearms with such intensity his knuckles turned white.
"Confused about what?"
Shaking where he sat, Denki took a deep breath. "Promise you won't tell anyone?"
"Of course," Shouto answered without hesitation.
Denki nodded, almost as if he was encouraging himself. "It's just...I like girls. I really, really like girls. You know that."
Shouto offered a nod of his own. It was no secret, Denki was the most girl obsessed person he knew. All he talked about was how badly he wanted a girlfriend. Although Shouto never shared that same level of enthusiasm, he didn't mind that his friend was. He found it entertaining even, as long as Denki's girl obsession never transcended into him developing feelings for Momo.
"But lately," Denki continued, "I don't know. I've been thinking about...boys too."
Shouto nearly dropped his jaw, but out of respect for his friend he forced himself to clamp it shut. He wasn't disgusted or anything, just surprised. The idea of Denki being interested in boys never once crossed Shouto's mind given how outspoken he was about his appreciation for the opposite sex. But then, he figured that perhaps that was why Denki struggled with this so much.
"So you're...bisexual?" Shouto asked.
"I don't know." Denki shrugged. "Maybe. I feel like I don't know anything anymore."
Shouto rubbed Denki's back to soothe him. The two sat in silence as Denki took a moment to steady his breathing. It took a lot of courage for Denki to confess what he'd been dealing with out loud, especially since Shouto was sure this was the first time Denki confided in anyone about this.
Denki looked at the ceiling before speaking again. "That's why when my spin landed on you, I panicked. I still don't know if the way I'm feeling is just me being curious or something more. And I didn't wanna risk figuring that out with a bunch of people watching."
Shouto smiled sadly. He knew something was troubling Denki by his earlier behavior, but he never imagined it being something as serious as this. He wondered how long Denki had bottled up these feelings, how long he'd been hurting while still presenting himself as the bright and cheerful Denki Shouto'd always known him to be.
"If I'm ever gonna kiss a boy," Denki said, "I want it to be on my terms. I want it to be because we both want to and not because we're forced to. You know what I mean?"
"Yeah," Shouto answered, because he did. Sure, Denki had the added layer of coming to terms with his sexuality that Shouto couldn't relate to, but Shouto knew the feeling of saving a kiss for someone special. It was a sentiment he shared throughout the entire game until fate had a change of plans and he ended up being kissed by Katsuki.
Denki hugged himself tighter. "Sorry if I worried you. I just needed to get out of there."
"Don't be sorry," Shouto said. "Do you feel better now that you told someone?"
"I do, actually," Denki said with a smile. He rested his cheek on his knees. "Guess everyone's probably laughing at me for running off scared, huh?"
"Uh, not exactly." Shouto grabbed the back of his neck. "They, uh, kinda moved on to Katsuki."
"Katsuki? Why?"
A lump formed in Shouto's throat as he relayed the story. "After you left, it was my turn to spin. So I did...and it, um, landed on Katsuki."
Denki's mouth hung open, his lips curling into a devious smile. "No way! You kissed Katsuki?"
"Sorta? I mean, he kissed me. I didn't really kiss back."
"Aw, man!" Denki slapped his thigh. "I can't believe I missed that!"
"Well," Shouto muttered, "if Katsuki hasn't destroyed the evidence on everyone's phones before we get back, you might be able to see it."
Denki jumped to his feet. "Let's go then! I need to see this!"
Shouto sighed as Denki helped him up. "Fine."
On their walk back, Denki wiggled an eyebrow at him. "So how was it?"
"How was what?"
"The kiss," he clarified.
"Oh." Shouto shifted his eyes to the ceiling as he pondered. He was too frazzled to assess Katsuki's kissing abilities as it happened, but he remembered one element that stood out to him. "He tasted like hot sauce and Mountain Dew."
"Ugh," Denki giggled. "Gross."
Shouto giggled too, mostly because he was glad Denki was smiling again. Confessing his secret couldn't have been easy, and Shouto felt honored that Denki trusted him enough to confide in him.
"I know this is probably obvious," Shouto said, "but this doesn't change anything. I'm still your friend, no matter who you like."
Denki flashed a sincere smile. "Thanks. That means a lot."
They wrapped their arms around each other as they returned to the party. Katsuki's antics from earlier seemed to have influenced the party as a whole because he now had Eijiro pinned to the carpet in what appeared to be an intense wrestling match. Denki broke away to get the gossip about the kiss between Katsuki and Shouto, leaving Shouto to smile from the background.
He meant what he said. No matter what, Denki would always have a friend in Shouto. Nothing could break that, especially not Denki revealing a side of himself to Shouto that he'd been conditioned into believing he needed to hide from the rest of the world.
No, if anything, it only made them closer.
*
"What's your problem?"
Katsuki kicked a large rock out of his path. The party ended a few minutes ago and now he and Shouto were walking home. Katsuki was back to his cool and confident self, but Shouto's mind was occupied elsewhere. Momo even gave Shouto a warm hug as he was leaving her house and the boy still couldn't bask in how awesome it was because he was distracted by what transpired earlier in the night.
Upon observing Shouto's expression, Katsuki halted his steps. He stuffed his hands into his jacket pockets and frowned. "Seriously, what's up with you? Why are you acting so weird?"
Shouto pressed his lips together and tilted his head toward the ground. The knots in his stomach tightened the longer he kept quiet. It was the worst type of torture, the kind that destroyed him yet left no marks on his body. If he held his silence any longer, there was a high possibility he'd throw up.
"Are we just not gonna talk about it?"
"Talk about what?"
Shouto tentatively studied Katsuki's face. Was he serious right now? How could Katsuki act like everything was casual between them when they did something the very opposite of casual?
"You know," Shouto said. "The spin the bottle thing."
Katsuki scoffed. "That's what you're freaking out about? It was just a game, Shouto. It didn't mean anything."
"I know that." Shouto's feelings betrayed him as his neutral expression shifted to an annoyed one. He didn't like that Katsuki just insinuated that Shouto interpreted their kiss as anything other than obligatory. Katsuki never backed down from anything, even if the situation was as uncomfortable as kissing one of his closest friends. But that didn't mean Shouto still couldn't feel conflicted about it.
"Then what's the problem?" Katsuki said.
Shouto bit the inside of his lip as he looked away. "I've never...done that before. With anybody."
"Wait..." Katsuki rested his hand on Shouto's shoulder. "That was your first kiss?"
Shouto nodded, not offering a verbal response.
Katsuki blinked a few times, his head panning in several directions as he processed the news. "But I thought you said that American girl kissed you at that nerd retreat you went to last year?"
Shouto looked at Katsuki once again, this time with confusion. "You mean Pony? She just kissed me on the cheek. And it wasn't a nerd retreat, it was Comic-Con. She only kissed me because she showed up as Sailor Moon and I was dressed as Tuxedo Mask."
"I didn't understand a single word of that," Katsuki said.
"Whatever. The point is no, I've never kissed anyone before. That was...you were...my first."
Katsuki's face softened. "Oh." He then sported a lopsided grin as he patted Shouto on the back. "Well, that explains why you were so bad at it."
"Excuse me?"
"Dude, it felt like I was kissing a corpse. You just sat there and made me do all the work."
Shouto scowled at him. "I was in shock, idiot. I didn't think you were actually going to do it." He then scanned Katsuki from head to toe with displeasure. "Plus, at least I can say it was because I was inexperienced. What's your excuse?"
He fought back a smile as he continued walking, leaving a confused Katsuki behind him. It didn't last long, as Katsuki sped after him, stomping along the cement.
"Hey! What the hell is that supposed to mean?"
Shouto suppressed his laugh. "All I'm saying is you weren't so great at it either. It felt like you were trying to punch me with your mouth."
"That's because you didn't kiss me back!"
"That's because you kissed me when I wasn't ready!"
"Fine," Katsuki said. He smoothed out his clothes and relaxed his angered face. "Let's have a do over then."
Shouto blinked twice. "A do over?"
"Yeah. Except this time you'll be ready for it. And you'll see that I'm still a better kisser than you."
"Are you sure that's a good idea?"
Shouto couldn't believe his ears. Was Katsuki actually proposing that they kiss again? It was already weird the first time, but at least they had the game to fall back on as the reason for doing so. But to kiss Katsuki a second time deliberately, that was much harder to make sense of.
Katsuki shrugged. "I don't see why not. It's not like it means anything. I just wanna prove a point."
Even with this autumn breeze, Shouto's body temperature skyrocketed. The idea was ridiculous, kissing Katsuki just because of his weird superiority complex. Did it really matter which one out of the two of them was the better kisser? It wasn't like they'd ever be competing for the same girl or something. If Katsuki paused to think it over for even a second, he'd probably come to that same conclusion. But Shouto knew that was never going to happen.
Reluctantly, he conceded. "You won't tell anyone, will you?"
Katsuki scrunched his face. "Of course not. Kissing you is embarrassing."
Shouto sighed. "Okay. Fine."
Katsuki nodded before looking both directions down the sidewalk, ensuring nobody was nearby. When he established that the coast was clear, he dragged Shouto behind a large tree, concealing them from street view. Shouto's back hit the bark as Katsuki kept a comfortable distance, for now at least.
Katsuki took a deep breath. "On three, okay?"
Shouto swallowed hard. "Okay."
"Right. One."
Shouto's lungs were collapsing, his heart pounding against his chest. This was really happening. He repeated what Katsuki told him in his head, that it wasn't a big deal. It didn't mean anything. And in less than a minute from now, it'd all be over and they'd never have to speak about it again.
"Two."
His eyes dropped to Katsuki's lips, the ones he was about to kiss. He took note of how calm Katsuki's voice was as he counted down. No hesitation, no dread, it was the same tone he used when he described his daily routine. Katsuki being so relaxed about this should've made Shouto feel better. Instead, it did the opposite.
"Three."
Like mirrored images they leaned in, then immediately pulled back. They tried again, same outcome. Just as their lips were about to touch, they both chickened out.
There was a trace of uncertainty in Katsuki's eyes, which rarely happened. At least Shouto wasn't the only one who was nervous. But if there was one feeling he disliked more than nervousness, it was despair. And the longer he and Katsuki dragged this out, the more agonizing it would be. He wanted this to be as quick and painless as possible.
So, Shouto held his breath, leaned forward, and kissed him.
Katsuki's lips felt lifeless against Shouto's at first, likely because he was surprised that Shouto was the one to initiate the kiss. When the shock wore off, Katsuki reciprocated, a lot less aggressively than when he kissed Shouto during spin the bottle.
Shouto thought he was going to pass out. Even though he agreed to it, the fact that he was now kissing Katsuki had sent his body into sheer panic. This wasn't something friends did, at least he didn't think so. He never thought to do this with Izuku or Tenya.
To prevent himself from fainting, he reached for the closest thing to him, which ended up being Katsuki's hand. He squeezed it, hard enough to hurt. Katsuki didn't squeeze back, but he didn't retract his hand either. It laid limply in Shouto's grasp as both boys had their lips softly pressed against one another's.
It was still awkward. There was no way for this to not be awkward. But in a strange way, Shouto also felt relieved. If he was destined to have his first kiss tonight, at least he got to learn the distinction between kissing and simply being kissed. As it turned out, the two were drastically different.
With this kiss, he and Katsuki fed off each other's energy. Sure, most of said energy involved both of their hestitations, but there was still silent communication between them. When Shouto tensed up, Katsuki's kissing became softer. When Katsuki tensed up, Shouto returned the favor.
With one final press to Shouto's lips, Katsuki pulled away. There was a tint of blush on his cheeks, the same shade that was bound to be on Shouto's face as well. They stood in silence, looking everywhere but the other's eyes.
Shouto didn't expect them to get carried away like that. That kiss lasted a lot longer than he intended it to. Judging from Katsuki's body language, he was probably thinking the same.
After it finally settled in what he had just done, Shouto realized this was only going to be as awkward as they allowed it. And Katsuki was far too important to him for Shouto to ever risk damaging their friendship. So if he had to be the one to take charge to mend things over, then he'd be glad to do it.
He gave a small chuckle. "See? I'm a way better kisser than you."
It worked like a charm, just as he knew it would. Once Shouto continued his walk back to their houses, Katsuki charged after him.
"What do you mean?" he asked. "I was way better than you!"
"Sorry, I have to disagree. Zero out of ten, would never do it again."
"YOU'RE SO FULL OF SHIT! I'M THE BETTER KISSER! ADMIT IT!"
"It's not polite to lie."
"IT'S NOT A LIE!"
Shouto's belly hurt from holding in his laughter. "It's fine that you're a bad kisser, Katsuki. I'm sure you'll get better one day."
"YOU'RE THE ONE WHO'S A BAD KISSER! I'D RATHER KISS MY GRANDMOTHER!"
"Wow, didn't know you were into incest, Katsuki."
"YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN YOU HALF AND HALF BASTARD!"
Their little dispute continued the entire walk home, Shouto continually adding fuel to the fire. Trolling Katsuki was one of his favorite activities because of how easy it was. Plus, he'd take Katsuki yelling at him for fifteen minutes straight over the two of them walking in silence because they were at a loss for words over what happened.
Shouto was positive now that things were going to be okay, and that was all that mattered.
When they made it back, Katsuki looked at his house before looking back at Shouto.
"Well," he said, "good night."
"Night."
Katsuki headed for his family's front door, but stopped before he reached the steps. He turned around and met Shouto's gaze again. "Hey, Shouto?"
Shouto, still standing in the driveway, took a step forward. "Yeah?"
Katsuki pressed his lips together as he bounced on his toes. He cleared his throat, took a moment to gather himself, then let the words spill out.
"That was my first kiss too."
Shouto's face softened. He knew Katsuki never had a girlfriend, but he assumed Katsuki at least had some experience prior to tonight. Katsuki was known for being the first to do anything. Surely kissing should've fallen into that equation.
Yet Katsuki kissed him with such confidence before. Shouto was jealous of him in a way. Even with all those people watching, even when the situation was less than ideal, Katsuki still rose to the challenge without a care in the world. Perhaps, unlike Shouto, Katsuki was relieved that Shouto's spin landed on him. That way, at the very least, he could share his first kiss with someone he trusted.
Shouto offered a small smile. "I won't tell anyone."
Katsuki nodded and returned a smile of his own. He then turned back around, walked up his front steps, and disappeared into his house, taking Shouto's first and second kisses with him.
And Shouto held onto Katsuki's.
When Shouto entered his own home, he was greeted by Kori, who nuzzled against his legs. Rei met him by the door as she heard him come in, an enthusiastic grin on her face.
"Hi, sweetheart," she said. "How was it?"
"Good."
"Did Momo like her gift?"
"She did," Shouto said, trying to hide his blush. "I'm a bit tired though, so I'm gonna get ready for bed."
Rei kissed her son's head before beaming at him. "Okay. I'm glad you had a good time."
Shouto showered, changed into his pajamas, brushed his teeth, and settled into bed in the span of thirty minutes. Kori jumped on top of his covers, positioning herself right at the edge of his mattress where she quickly fell asleep. As much as Shouto wanted to shut his eyes too, his thoughts kept him awake.
He really just had his first kiss. And his second. And they were both with Katsuki, someone who also had never kissed anyone before tonight. It was one of those situations that was almost too wild to be true, yet grounded just enough in reality for it to make sense. After everything they'd been through together, this was just one of many secrets they'd keep between themselves.
Shouto smiled into his pillow. This was one of those moments that one day he and Katsuki would look back on and laugh. It'd serve as a nice memory. Especially because the more he thought about it, the more Shouto decided that his second kiss with Katsuki wasn't so bad.
Katsuki's kissing technique was gentle yet purposeful, a combination that turned out to be quite enjoyable. It also perfectly represented who Katsuki was as a person, which was perhaps what Shouto liked about it. Katsuki had a big heart, evident to those lucky enough to be close with him. But he was also strong, determined, and supportive to those who relied on him.
Shouto felt all of those things when he kissed Katsuki. And truthfully, if he had to repeat the night over again, he wouldn't change any of it. His first kiss definitely didn't go the way he imagined it would, but he was happy he experienced it with one of his best friends.
Shouto went to sleep with a sweet smile on his face. If that kiss he shared with Katsuki on the sidewalk was a preview into what was awaiting him when he got into a relationship for real, then he couldn't wait to fall in love.