I am waking up curled next to her.
Ji-pyeong did not need to open his eyes to confirm that his letter had become real.
Mi-rae was tucked against his chest; her back rising and falling against him. He nestled even closer to her. Ji-pyeong had never chased warmth in a bed other than that created by his own body. He lowered his head into her shoulder as a smile slowly curved up his lips.
She began to mumble something that he could not understand. Then Mi-rae started shifting her body. Ji-pyeong's eyes flew open.
She is still asleep.
His arm sprang open to release her immediately. He shifted away to create space as she rolled over towards him. Ji-pyeong watched, fascinated, as she turned her face into the pillow and then stilled. It was so wonderfully novel to see her like this. Then the blunt curve of Mi-rae's hair began to slide slowly over her face. His hand reached to smooth it away. But then Ji-pyeong froze. He bit his lip as his fingers hovered just above her head.
Should I?
He was loath to wake her. Ji-pyeong wanted her to rest as long as possible after the last month had driven her to exhaustion. He bit his lip as he weighed the choice. But he could not bear it.
Finally, his fingers tentatively climbed across the space between them. He felt like an explorer charting a new path across to her while she slept. Ji-pyeong took a deep breath and then his index finger bravely extended out. He carefully hooked under a swath of her dark hair and moved it back.
Ji-pyeong's shoulders shrugged up towards his ears nervously as he then slowly moved away. Mi-rae sighed in her sleep and burrowed deeper into the pillow. His hand fell back onto his chest in relief.
He slowly exhaled.
The dove gray light signaled that it was early morning. Time may be suspended in their cocoon tucked away from the world, but soon the city would come alive. Yet there could be no one in New York City feeling what he was. Because as Han Ji-pyeong looked at Mi-rae, a staggering yet obvious realization took hold: He had never begun a new day lying next to a woman.
His throat tightened as the loneliness of the past and the joy of now collided within his chest.
She is the first.
Ji-pyeong had never chosen to spend the night with those whom he had fleetingly passed the time. He thought it better not to pretend that those liaisons were more than they were. He was now grateful for his past reserve. The jealousy inherent in his nature now reared its head generously on Mi-rae's sleeping behalf. This was something that he would share only with her.
And she will be the last.
His eyes ticked over to the desk. The pink of sunrise lingered just beyond the green trees and jutting silver towers. Ji-pyeong had imagined this just two nights ago in black ink on white paper. He had written out of love and had it answered immediately in full measure. And now she was here. Ji-pyeong thought back to all the mornings of the past begun on the pins and needles of uncertainty or the dull soldiering through disappointment. This morning was different. And with it, a new feeling was unfurling in his chest.
Contentment.
It was a strange and beautiful feeling knowing how well that he was loved. One way or another in life, love always turned into a blunt ache of loss or the sharp sting of rejection. But now love was Mi-rae, warm and breathing steadily beside him. It was a warmth that radiated from his chest as well; constant and sure as the sound of her breath. His fingers curled into the pillow under his cheek as he indulged in studying her face adoringly.
The now beloved ebony crescent moon of her hair curled just under her ear. The careful lines of ever present red were long gone from her lips. Kim Mi-rae always faced the world armed in red. But he had kissed it away long ago when he made her his. Seeing her bare lips now made Ji-pyeong feel as if they existed in their natural state only for him. Ji-pyeong indulged in a thrill of possession as he remembered how much he had wanted to kiss that red away the first night that they had met.
Ji-pyeong licked his own lips as his eyes then followed along the sloping line of Mi-rae's shoulder. He traveled along the smooth curve until it disappeared under the plush white pulled around her. Ji-pyeong had spent more time than he would ever admit imagining what it would be like to be with her. Yesterday, Ji-pyeong learned just how limited his imagination was. Nothing could have prepared him. Ji-pyeong felt as if he had shattered in her arms only to be put back together a hundred times. To want and to love and have that given in return was a happiness Ji-pyeong had never known until her.
And she wants to marry me.
He would truly be someone's family. Ji-pyeong had planned to let that wish simply stay tucked away in his letter so that she would know that he was waiting if she was ever ready. Yet Mi-rae had answered him right away — with eyes full of love and a voice free of hesitation. Ji-pyeong could not begin to imagine what this leap meant for her. Marriage took only the shape of possibility for him; for her, it represented broken promises. The way Mi-rae had briefly frozen in his embrace yesterday gave him new heartbreaking insight into the scars that remained. Her trust was all the more precious because of it. It was staggering how she loved him. Ji-pyeong closed his eyes as he remembered how she had wiped his tears away because of it.
He could not help but inch back closer to her now. Mi-rae looked so very small wrapped in nothing but the duvet. She could regularly command a room and challenge him like no other. But here, with her eyes closed and bare shoulder kissed by the early morning light, Mi-rae seemed somehow delicate to his eyes. He felt a clamoring desire to protect her despite knowing full well that she had saved him. A worried crease temporarily appeared between the bold black of her eyebrows. Ji-pyeong wanted to smooth it away but did not dare. Once again he found himself wishing that he could read her mind.
What are your other new dreams Mi-rae?
Her face grew placid again. Ji-pyeong rolled onto his back and slipped his arms under his head. Last night he could have sworn that Mi-rae almost alluded to telling their story to their children. Ji-pyeong dared not push her despite his rush of excitement. Ever since looking at her face in the sunshine while Chris spoke of his daughter, the man without a family had begun to imagine one with her. That she possibly did too filled him with a joy that would have seemed impossible a month ago. Ji-pyeong's mind drifted for a moment imagining what their future could be like in a hazy series of images.
Then he felt a bittersweet pang in his heart. Someone was missing from these dreams.
I am doing so well. I wish that I could call Grandmother to tell her.
Ji-pyeong looked up at the ceiling and let out a deep breath. Long ago, Grandmother had worried that he was not married. How he would have teased her now that there was never any reason to worry. Ji-pyeong would have relished introducing her to the only other woman who talked back to him as fiercely as she always did.
They probably would have ended up ignoring me during a meal while debating the best way to eat something.
A small smile pulled at the corners of his mouth despite the ache of what could never be.
"Hi."
Ji-pyeong jerked his head to the left quickly in surprise.
Mi-rae was smiling at him. She had clearly been observing him.
"Hi."
He was absurdly happy that she was awake. Ji-pyeong did not know whether to hug her or pull her under him first. But then her hair once again began stubbornly sliding into her face. Ji-pyeong huffed in amusement as he reached over to tuck it back behind her ear again. Mi-rae bit her lip as her eyes crinkled at the corners.
"What were you just thinking about?"
He felt himself smiling back at her as he considered what to say. But, as always, the answer was simple.
"You."
Mi-rae's fingers brushed lightly across his chest. Ji-pyeong's mouth quirked at the way she was now smirking at him.
"Actually, my thoughts were quite pure."
Mi-rae raised an eyebrow at him in surprise.
"Oh really?"
She leaned forward and pressed a kiss to his chest.
"Mine are not."
Her words puffed in short warm bursts against his skin. Ji-pyeong was about to laugh but she kissed him again. And then her lips opened.
He would never get used to it — the way the warm, wet press of her mouth made everything stop. Ji-pyeong drew in a sharp breath. Her tongue caressed lightly in reply.
And then her lips moved on. A smile curved up Ji-pyeon's lips as he closed his eyes and sank deeper into the pillow. He was happy to let her have her way.
Mi-rae's fingertips traced slowly across his chest. Her lips followed, caressing him gently before teasing the promise of more. Ji-pyeong remained still other than sliding his fingers into her hair. He wanted her to know how good it felt to bask in her attention. Soon Mi-rae's touch lulled him into thinking about nothing else— her fingers moved back and forth, up and down, around and around in circles. There was no urgency; rather she signaled that they had all the time in the world. When he opened his eyes again, the gray early morning light in the wake of her feathering fingers made Ji-pyeong feel like they were in a dream together.
The sheet fell away as she slid on top of him. Ji-pyeong reveled in the momentary soft swell of her breasts against his stomach. He was about to ease her up for a kiss when her hair slipped through his fingers. Instead her mouth pressed to his stomach, lingering as he sighed. And then her hand danced down to touch him.
Ji-pyeong closed his eyes again as her fingers lightly stroked the length of him. Mi-rae slowly explored all that she had already wrought with her gentle attention. Her mouth was warm and loving on his belly as her hand then cupped just below — her thumb drawing circles as a small sound escaped his lips. She had never touched him there before. It sent a tingling feeling throughout his body. Mi-rae's fingers were careful on this most tender part of him. And then her mouth slid further down to press a long, wet kiss to his hip.
Is she ... oh my god.
He had so luxuriated in her touch that it had not occurred to him that there was a specific plan underlying her attentions. But Mi-rae's hand was now rubbing up and down the length of him; her mouth was pressing an increasingly urgent trail of kisses to meet it. Then her thumb swept over the tip of him and he nearly swore. His fingers dug into the mattress as he braced himself.
Ji-pyeong could not help but watch her. Her hands gently cradled him. Then Mi-rae closed her eyes and guided him to her lips — those lips that had mesmerized him from the moment he saw her. Those lips that made him feel dizzy with how they kissed him. Those lips that told him that she loved him as no ever had. Those lips that were now pressing to the length of him as she held his entire existence in her hands.
Mi-rae kissed him gently, as if to let him know that this was an act of love — the kind of love that he deserved. Then her eyes darted up to his. The air rushed from his lungs. Ji-pyeong felt a mad rush of needing her. Everything inside of him was crying out for her lips to make him hers.
But then she closed her eyes as her tongue slid very slowly up the length of him.
It was the gentlest of warnings. Mi-rae was going to take her time. Those lips now demanded surrender.
A small gasp escaped from him as his head fell back onto the pillow.
When she reached as far up as she could, Mi-rae caressed only the tip of him. And then she just stayed there. In and out, her lips lavished a sweet torture. Ji-pyeong's arms fell over his face as he groaned.
It was a soft wet tease. She only offered attention to the most sensitive part of him while the rest of him cried out for more. Ji-pyeong waited helplessly for the door to bliss to be opened. He wanted to push in — to plunge into the lush depths that he knew lay just beyond the wet pull of her lips.
And yet Ji-pyeong obeyed the soft command of Mi-rae's hands. They soothed him even as she made him wait — endlessly drawing circles on his abdomen. As instinct collided with restraint, Ji-pyeong could feel himself now almost shaking. His fingers curled into the duvet on either side of him, seeking a relief that could only come from her.
"Mi-rae..."
She paused. Then she released him and merely traced her lips with him in reply. It was a teasing reproach for his impatience. And it made Ji-pyeong feel like he was losing his mind.
"Mi-rae."
This time her name was a strangled plea. Her lips opened to grant him only the slightest reprieve. Mi-rae still would not yield.
Dammit.
His hands reached for her but she was beyond his grasp. Ji-pyeong heard himself keen softly into the silence as her tongue joined in her patient unraveling of his will.
And then it clicked — what she was waiting for.
Ji-pyeong could have smiled were he not so desperate. Mi-rae demanded only the same that he did. He drew a deep breath and tried to form the word with his lips. Ji-pyeong forced it out as her lips softly awaited his offering.
"Please."
It was a mere rasp. But it was enough.
She took him all at once.
Ji-pyeong gasped loudly as he suddenly found himself plunging into the wet velvet depth of her mouth. It was a merciful abyss. But then she dragged her lips back along the length of him and did it again. He moaned loudly into the silence.
"Fuck. Fuck."
His freefall only seemed to spur her on further. Her hands cupped the most fragile part of him as her thumbs slipped down to the space just below. They pressed gently, rubbing small seductive circles. It stirred such pleasure deep within him that Ji-pyeong squeezed his eyes shut as he clenched his teeth. Her mouth, her hands, the smooth press of her body against his legs — everything felt so good all at once. Ji-pyeong had never known what it was to be the only focal point of this wildness in her — the way Mi-rae unabashedly chased pleasure. Now she was single mindedly pursuing his end with abandon.
He wanted to be closer to her — so she would know how good she was making him feel. Just as Ji-pyeong tried to gather his wits to beg his way between her legs, her tongue flattened against him. Mi-rae dragged it along the length of him as she moved up and down.
"Oh my god."
The pleasure was so intense that it forced him to nearly sit up with a bolt. Ji-pyeong's hand reached up for something — anything — to hold onto as she drove him beyond reason. His hand gripped the head board as he unabashedly chased the depths of her mouth. Mi-rae's hands seized his hips and pulled him only deeper. Ji-pyeong could now feel her breasts sliding against his thighs. Her calf was moving rhythmically across his shin as her hips mimicked him. Her body tangled into his in every way as she took him endlessly between her lips. And all around the length of him her mouth was leading him down the path to rapture.
He could feel a wave fiercely building inside of his body. Ji-pyeong was desperate to connect with her before she pushed him over the edge.
"Mi-rae, I'm so close... please..."
His fingers slid helplessly into her hair to no avail. He swallowed hard and then begged.
"Please come here. "
But her mouth only became more insistent. Her fingers dug into his hips. Ji-pyeong lost his grip on the headboard and sank down into the bed, his hands thrusting into his hair as he tried not to lose himself in her mouth.
I have to hold back.
But Ji-pyeong's body would only obey Mi-rae. And she was ardently demanding that he give in. His stomach muscles tightened as he bucked shamelessly into the soft mercy of those lips. Ji-pyeong closed his eyes and clenched his jaw as he felt a surge threaten. Then with all of his will he seized her shoulders and pulled her up and against him.
Ji-pyeong gasped her name as he began to spill all that he was holding back against the soft flesh of her belly. She did not shy away from it. Rather her arms slid under him and pulled him closer. Mi-rae moved her body with him — the soft curves of her offering a haven for his release.
Ji-pyeong closed his eyes and allowed himself to arch into the warm, wet slide of her body. Pleasure pulsed through him in white hot flashes — over and over he felt like he was emptying all of himself while Mi-rae held him fast. She whispered that he deserved it; that she loved the feel of him as he slid hot and wet between her breasts and down her stomach. And she did not release him until he collapsed away, utterly spent.
Then Ji-pyeong lay there in shock.
His body was tingling down to his toes. He was breathing so loudly into the silence that he wished that he had the energy to care.
"Just...fuck."
Language was otherwise lost to him.
Mi-rae laughed ever so softly. He opened one eye and watched her push her hair back to press a kiss to his chest.
Ji-pyeong passed a hand over his face sheepishly.
"Oh god. I am so sorry — I made such a mess."
Mi-rae shook her head.
"Why on earth would you be sorry?"
She kissed his chest again and then pulled at the tissues on the nightstand to gently clean them both.
"You didn't have to —"
Mi-rae put her fingers over his lips.
"Stop. I wanted to."
Her head tilted as she reminded him that they were equal in every way. Then she slid her fingers slowly off of his mouth.
"You're not the only one who has thoughts."
Mi-rae's voice was quiet now as her eyes swept over him.
"You were beautiful. You are ... beautiful."
Ji-pyeong was stunned. It was not merely reciprocation. She thought of him as he did her. He pulled her into his arms and buried his face in her hair.
"Thank you."
"Thank you?" Mi-rae giggled against his chest. "My love, you have to be the politest man in the world."
He tightened his arms around her as he let out a huff.
"Yes, thank you."
Ji-pyeong splayed his hands across her back possessively.
"This is the best morning of my life."
She giggled even harder.
Ji-pyeong lowered his head to catch her eye.
"Not just because of that."
Mi-rae grinned at his admonishment. Then Ji-pyeong raised his eyebrow as he slid one arm behind his head.
"Although that is one hell of a way to wake up."
Mi-rae buried her face in his chest as he chuckled. Then she folded her arms across his chest and rested her chin on her forearms. Mi-rae smiled at him softly as her fingers pushed his hair off of his forehead.
"We are not going into work today."
That feeling washed over him again. Ji-pyeong was content.
"No."
Ji-pyeong shook his head, smiling.
"We definitely are not."
Mi-rae's fingers then resumed tracing circles on his chest.
"I was thinking..."
He raised a teasing eyebrow and closed his hand over hers.
"I'm going to need just a minute, Mi-rae."
Her mouth quirked as she narrowed her eyes.
"My thoughts actually are pure now."
The corners of Ji-pyeong's mouth turned down in quick contrition. Mi-rae smiled at his pout. Then her eyes ticked to the side and she tucked her face down for a moment before looking at him again.
"Do you want to check out of here today?"
His brow furrowed in confusion. Mi-rae inched up his chest.
"And come home with me?"
Home. With me.
Ji-pyeong was flooded with such happiness at the thought that he froze for a moment.
The worried crease returned to her brow. Mi-rae started to lift herself up before he could gather himself to answer.
"You don't have to. I just hate the idea of you being alone here and was thinking —"
Ji-pyeong clamored to correct her misunderstanding. He quickly flipped her over onto her back and pressed his lips to hers. Then he pulled back to look at her.
"Yes."
His hand smoothed her hair back as she looked up at him.
"I would love to."
The contentment in his chest pushed and pulled at the edges of his heart— as if it was changing shape because of her.
"Every time that I think that you can't possibly make me happier..."
Ji-pyeong ran out of words as Mi-rae looked at him almost wistfully.
"We waited long enough to be happy, don't you think?"
We did.
And Mi-rae was worth all of it. Ji-pyeong would do it all again just to find her now.
"You were worth the wait."
Mi-rae let out a breath.
There was something that flickered in her eyes quickly that reminded him of the beach just before the storm. And yesterday when he had pulled her hands from her face with his heart in his throat. And just now when she immediately assumed that his hesitation meant no. No matter how much Mi-rae loved him, her scars were different than his. And his scars had taught Ji-pyeong not to leave things unsaid.
"Mi-rae, you believe that right?"
Her eyes widened. Then Mi-rae nodded solemnly.
It was not enough for Ji-pyeong to let it go. He grabbed her hand.
"If there's ever anything that brings up something from before, please talk to me about it. I want you to always come to me."
Mi-rae looked at him for a moment. Then she inched closer to him.
"Is this about yesterday? When I freaked out?"
Everything inside of him rebelled.
" Please don't call it that."
Ji-pyeong tightened his hand around hers as she looked down. He gathered her hand to his chest and decided to let her see his scars first.
"I cried yesterday when you said that you wanted to marry me. For a lot of reasons. I have always been alone and never thought I would have any family."
He took a breath. That was oddly the easy part. But Ji-pyeong wanted her to know that speaking of the past could not threaten now. He would be blunt, as was his nature. Mi-rae was the only person who had ever loved him for it. Ji-pyeong lowered their hands to the space between them.
"And also because I can't believe you are actually choosing me. The first person that I fell in love with? I waited three years by her side hoping that she would feel the same way. That was after I confessed and she said nothing. And then she still chose someone who was in the US that whole time. He just showed back up and I was automatically invisible. Humiliating, right?"
Mi-rae blinked hard at his brutal honesty. But Ji-pyeong did not want the past to be shrouded. It was how he knew that what they had was so precious. Ji-pyeong wanted her to know it all.
"We love each other. And people who love each other should tell the truth."
Mi-rae's mouth dropped open as he turned her first challenge to him on its head. Then Ji-pyeong squared his shoulders and lowered his head.
"You have said "I love you" to me more than I've heard it in my entire life. And yet last night I still could not believe that you want to spend your life with me. So I cried. Then I almost did again when you said we would talk about our days at home . Because I've never had a home with anyone. And that's the only reason why I hesitated just now— because it's all beginning today. It's like a dream becoming real."
Ji-pyeong paused as his voice grew hoarse. Then he cleared his throat and met her gaze.
"Would you call all of that 'freaking out?'"
A firm shake of her head conceded his point instantly. Mi-rae squeezed his hand.
"Of course not."
Mi-rae pushed herself up and leaned against the headboard. She pulled the duvet tightly around herself. Then she took a deep breath.
"Last night when I asked you about your day, I was thinking about how my ex husband stopped asking me about mine way before everything that happened. He just talked a lot about himself and work. Looking back, everything ended up revolving around him. It made it even harder when he left because I realized how much of myself I gave up along the way without even realizing it."
Ji-pyeong remembered his first assessment of her ex-husband. Nothing he had heard since had altered it. He tried to keep his ire in check.
Mi-rae looked up at the ceiling for a moment. Her cheeks flushed. Ji-pyeong turned his focus to where their fingers were entwined, waiting for her to continue.
"Sex was like that too."
He looked back at her slowly.
"It revolved around him. The first time that I realized what it's supposed to actually feel like for me..."
Mi-rae's eyes darted down and her hand slipped away to rub her forehead.
"Was in the car with you."
Ji-pyeong tried to keep his face from reacting in surprise.
Mi-rae sucked in a sharp breath.
"God this is so embarrassing."
His jaw clenched.
"For him maybe. Not for you."
She stared at him.
Ji-pyeong knew that his tone was sharp. But the idea that Mi-rae could be embarrassed about her past partners' failures filled him with frustration. Being with her was beyond anything he had ever experienced in his life. Nothing even came close.
Mi-rae ran her hands through her hair. Then she looked at Ji-pyeong. There was more and it filled him with trepidation.
"On our honeymoon, he ..." She trailed off as her hand stabbed in the air trying to find the words. "He went down on me. He stopped right away. I will not repeat what he said. It was humiliating."
Her voice broke and she bit her lip. Ji-pyeong clenched his teeth as anger tore through him.
"I waited to cry until after he fell asleep. We never talked about it and he never did it again. Then when I walked in on him cheating ... I saw them. I couldn't even say anything at first. I just froze. I don't know how long I was standing there like an idiot. I'll never get it out of my head. It made me feel like there must be something wrong with me."
Ji-pyeong's hands flexed with anger.That someone made her feel like that made him want to scream. But he bit his tongue and waited for her to finish.
"I've never let anything get this far with anyone since."
She looked at him.
"Until you."
Oh Mi-rae.
Painful understanding unfurled within his chest. Mi-rae had trusted him in ways that he could not have possibly imagined all along the way. Ji-pyeong shifted so that he was sitting next to her and then reclaimed her hand.
"Thank you for telling me."
Mi-rae's head leaned towards him until it was resting on his shoulder.
"Talking about hard things has always been easier with you."
Her fingers laced between his.
"I hate that it came up yesterday like that. Because I know the difference. And I am sorry that I get insecure like I did just then. You have always shown me that I never have any reason to doubt. I guess it's just something I am still working on after my divorce."
Mi-rae pressed a kiss to his shoulder. And then she curled into his arm.
"But the way we are? It's how it's supposed to be, my love. What happened before is how I know how right this is."
Ji-pyeong let out a breath. That surge of wanting to protect her coursed through him again. He could not abide her ever questioning what she deserved. Ji-pyeong turned his whole body towards her.
"What I feel when we are together -- nothing in my life has even come close, Mi-rae. Ever."
Her eyes slowly met his. Ji-pyeong would not leave anything unsaid with her.
"I know that you don't need me to say this, but I'm going to anyway. Everything that happened before? All of the ways that he let you down? That was because of him. Not you."
Mi-rae's fingers folded over his hand. She sighed. He could hear the relief in it. The tension in his shoulders began to ease.
Mi-rae squinted past him for a moment. Then she smoothed her hair.
"This is going to sound selfish but ..."
Mi-rae leaned in closely to whisper as if she was about to confess a grave sin.
"May I admit that I am so glad that she couldn't see what was right in front of her? Imagine having a shot with you for that long and fucking it up."
Mi-rae shook her head in utter disbelief. Ji-pyeong burst out laughing. It felt good to be jealously cherished. Then he raised her hand to his lips and kissed it.
" Thank god that she did."
Ji-pyeong said it fiercely. Because he meant it more than she could probably ever know.
"I love you."
Mi-rae smiled at him in a way that made his contentment seep even more deeply into his chest.
"I love you too."
They could show these broken parts of themselves with nothing but a sheet between them. He felt all the closer to her because of it. But now he also craved to see her smile. A chaotic need to make her laugh after the heaviness of their conversation bubbled up within him. Ji-pyeong closed his other hand over hers and looked at her solemnly.
"And I am very excited to meet your cat."
A bubble of laughter was his immediate reply. Mi-rae leaned into his chest, giggling. So Ji-pyeong chased it further.
"No, that's how I know I've really made it with you. It's not that we are even getting married. It's that you're finally introducing me to Loki after a month ."
Her hand gripped his arm in protest.
"We were worried about the press! Cats don't go out on leashes like dogs!"
Ji-pyeong sniffed in mock indignation. Then he eyed her slyly.
"It's fitting that your cat is named after the god of mischief by the way."
Mi-rae gasped and swatted his shoulder.
"What's that supposed to mean!"
Ji-pyeong leaned closer to steal a kiss.
"I think you know."
Mi-rae's eyes followed his lips as he pulled away. Then she cocked her head flirtatiously as she seemed to consider something.
"I am going to take a shower."
Ji-pyeong squinted at her sudden swerve in conversation. Then her fingers traced up his arm.
"Do you want to come with me?
He swallowed at the sweetly suggestive look in her eye.
Dear god.
"Yes."
His lips answered before his brain could even process it. A smile curled up the corners of her mouth as her fingers trailed back down. Then Mi-rae let the sheet fall away like a willing accomplice. Ji-pyeong brazenly took in her body. His eyes trailed down the curves of her without remorse.
"See?"
He nodded at her.
"Mischief."
Mi-rae fought a smile. And then she turned away and walked to the bathroom with her hips swinging knowingly under his gaze.
Ji-pyeong sat up slowly as he watched her — she made his heart feel like it was going to shatter one moment and left him cursing the limitations of his stamina the next. He squared his shoulders despite his body being spent. Mi-rae had rendered him senseless this morning. He planned to do the same. Ji-pyeong was up in pursuit soon after he heard the sound of the water.
His feet flattened stoically against the cold marble, absorbing its cold indifference. Through the steam on the glass, he could just make out the shape of Mi-rae pushing her wet hair back as she rinsed it. Then her eyes met his through the blurred glass. She was inviting him to look once again. There was a growing boldness between them that excited him.
Ji-pyeong's eyes already knew the path of her body— the soft lines and angles that had offered him salvation again and again since they had come together yesterday. He came to her now like a disciple once again eager to worship at his temple.
Ji-pyeong opened the door and stepped into the warm stream of water. It burst against his chest just above her head.
Mi-rae blinked through the water droplets gathering on her dark eyelashes. She stepped to close all the space between them. Ji-pyeong's plans for seduction flew from his mind as soon as Mi-rae looked up at him.
It was quiet but for the staccato of the water falling all around them. Ji-pyeong thought of that night in the rain — the frantic way they had tried to hold on to one another. Now the water was falling down in a constant rhythm. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her to his chest.
Ji-pyeong lowered his forehead to hers.
Everything but the two of them was now washed away; the years of doubt, rejection, pain, and loneliness. They had laid themselves bare to one another. And now only the two of them and their love remained.
His eyes drank her in. Mi-rae's hair was swept away from her face; he lovingly traced its almond shape down to the point of her chin. Then his thumb passed over her precious bare lips. Ji-pyeong wondered as he looked at her if everyone who was in love knew this kind of joy; that sweet ache in his chest because he knew what a miracle it was to have her at all. Perhaps for those for whom love came early there was less of a space to fill in the first place. They wanted someone and it was simply granted. But Ji-pyeong had spent decades with loneliness gnawing at him. The grooves in his heart left by loss and rejection created all the more space for Kim Mi-rae to fill.
Life had rendered him a grateful man indeed. He leaned in and kissed Mi-rae in thanks. Ji-pyeong claimed the peaks of her lips first. Then came the soft welcome of her lower lip around him. And then he withdrew.
Mi-rae looked at him in surprise. But after everything that they had just discussed, Ji-pyeong realized that he wanted more than anything to take care of her first. He turned and picked up a washcloth. Mi-rae looked at it and then back at him questioningly.
"Turn around."
Mi-rae's face broke into a confused smile.
"What?"
He swallowed hard. All of a sudden this felt more intimate than anything else they had done together.
"Let me do this for you."
Mi-rae's eyes grew wide. She sucked in her lips as her shoulders shrugged up adorably. Then Mi-rae turned around in a series of very small steps. Ji-pyeong smiled to himself as he passed the soap across the washcloth over and over. Then he took a breath and began.
Her hair now lay in jagged charcoal peaks just above the smooth curve of her neck. She was like him in that way — so many sharp angles that hid an abiding softness just below. Ji-pyeong pressed a kiss to the softness as his fingers stroked her hair. And then he passed the cloth gently down the slope of her shoulder.
Mi-rae shifted back and forth on her feet. Ji-pyeong curled one hand over a shoulder to steady her. Then he focused on his task with reverence. Slow circles left a path of bubbles sliding down her back. Mi-rae's head dropped as her shoulders relaxed. Ji-pyeong moved up and down her back endlessly. The rhythm of the water and the ritual of the task lulled both of them for a time.
Finally, Ji-pyeong slipped down to the curve of her hip. He stepped closer to her as his hand moved across her stomach tenderly. Her head fell back. He could feel Mi-rae's steady breath against his chest. He dropped the cloth and moved his hands gently to her breasts. His fingers caressed her softly — offering rather than claiming. Ji-pyeong pressed a solemn kiss to her shoulder as she sighed. Then he folded his arms across her chest and held her against him.
Mi-rae soon turned around into his embrace. Her cheek found a resting place on his chest and then she exhaled. Ji-pyeong curved his hand around the back of her head. He had never been more acutely aware of having all that was precious to him in a single moment. Ji-pyeong lowered his face into the soft wetness of her hair as he tightened his arms around her. Her body fit into his in a way that made him feel whole and safe. He prayed that she felt that way too. Then Ji-pyeong closed his eyes and just let himself be with her. Contentment washed over him again like the water cascading above them.
By the time Mi-rae looked up at him, Ji-pyeong could not say how much time had passed.
"Can I take care of you too?"
Her voice was quiet. He nodded silently.
Mi-rae let her hand slide down to his hip as she reached for the shampoo. Then she reached up on her toes and tangled her fingers into his hair. The pads of her fingertips rubbing against his scalp felt calming and good.
But then a giggle escaped from her lips as she hesitated for a moment.
"What?"
He could feel his nose wrinkling up sheepishly.
"Do I look silly?"
Mi-rae bit her lip and shook her head.
"No, I just can't figure out which is my favorite."
She combed his hair down with her fingers.
"Down?"
Then she smoothed it back with a determined look on her face.
"Or like this?"
She studied his face with great concentration.
"I am rather fond of your forehead but you do look so adorable when it's down."
A puff of laughter escaped his lips as Mi-rae then continued to scrub her fingers against his scalp. He was delighted to be the subject of such careful consideration. It made him hungry for more. Ji-pyeong narrowed his eyes at her curiously as she lathered his hair.
"Is this something you've been thinking a lot about?"
Mi-rae shrugged nonchalantly as she fought a smile.
"You have no idea all the things that I have thought about."
A thrill coursed through him.
Can we talk like this now?
Ji-pyeong turned to duck under the water and quickly rinsed his hair.
"Hey! I wasn't done."
Ji-pyeong crowded Mi-rae against the marble wall.
"Yes you were."
He rested his hands on either side of her head. Her eyes betrayed her professed indignation.
She likes it.
Ji-pyeong lowered his head to hold her gaze.
"Tell me."
Mi-rae's eyes ticked down to his lips and back up to his eyes. Then she tilted her head coquettishly.
"Tell you what?"
He raised an eyebrow at her in warning.
"You're stalling."
Ji-pyeong slid one hand down the marble. It seized her hip.
"Tell me what you thought about."
His fingers flexed.
"Specifically."
Mi-rae drew in a sharp breath. Then she licked her lips.
"I thought about the way that you touched me that day."
His hand caressed her as he nodded slowly. Then Ji-pyeong slipped his hand around the curve of her hip. His fingers sank into her backside and pulled her closer. He watched her visibly swallow with triumph.
"What else?"
Mi-rae let out an incredulous breath. Even Ji-pyeong grinned at his own persistence.
Then her eyes narrowed.
"I thought about what I did to you this morning..."
She rolled her hips against him trying to break his concentration. He clenched his jaw. But Ji-pyeong would not be deterred. Instead, he tightened his grip on her.
"And?"
She closed her eyes for a moment before answering. Then Mi-rae touched his face.
"You really want to know my secrets?"
"Yes. Desperately."
Ji-pyeong pressed his chest against her. He delighted in how her teeth sank into her lower lip.
Mi-rae took another breath. Then she reached higher and touched his hair again. Her eyes searched his face.
"I thought about you with your hair wet that night. When you were inside of me."
Fuck.
Mi-rae noted his reaction. Her lips curved into a smile.
"And it made me think about having you like this. All the time."
Having me like this...
It was a challenge wrapped in a confession. That she fantasized about him filled him with a renewed determination to make her absolutely fall apart. Once again he cursed the limitations of his body.
But there are other ways.
Ji-pyeong sank his fingers deeper into the soft flesh of her backside. He reveled at how Mi-rae arched against his chest.
Then he slid his other hand down the wall and ran his fingers along her collar bone.
"I love this part of you."
He pressed a kiss to it as his fingers gently traced the delicate bone. This small marble and glass box filled with the rhythmic sound of water would be their confessional.
Then Ji-pyeong lifted his fingers to tip her chin. He wanted to make sure that she was paying attention.
"The day that you told me that we couldn't happen, I walked through the park for hours. And then I came in here."
Mi-rae was staring at him, her chest rising and falling against him rapidly.
"And I thought about you. And having you like this. And then I tried to force myself to stop thinking about you. But no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't."
Mi-rae's eyes moved back and forth rapidly, devouring every word. She curled her arms around his neck.
"Nothing is stopping you now."
Ji-pyeong luxuriated in the delicious tension as she waited for what he would do next. He let his fingers slide down to her breast as if they had a will of their own. And then he passed his thumb over her just how he had learned that she liked it. But when Mi-rae chased his lips, he pulled back. Instead, he slid his hand down her stomach and slipped it between her legs.
Mi-rae's eyes met his as she gasped. It made Ji-pyeong feel wild. He wanted to tell her everything.
"I think about that. That sound you make when I am here, constantly ."
Ji-pyeong slid just his middle finger between her and gently teased. Mi-rae swallowed as her hands fell helplessly to his shoulders. Then he leaned his forehead against the wall next to her so that he was just next to her ear.
"You see, I am obsessed with it."
Her fingers dug into his shoulders as another small sound fell from her lips. Ji-pyeong's teeth pressed down into his tongue as he began to move his finger back and forth. If he had not lost himself to her already, he may not have the will to see this to the end.
"It doesn't matter if we are like this..."
He allowed another finger to join in his seduction.
"Or your legs are around my head."
The heel of his hand joined so that he was now holding all of her in his hand.
"Or when I am inside of you..."
Ji-pyeong turned his head to watch how her lips parted.
"All I want is to hear that sound. And know that it's because of me."
Mi-rae gasped as she looked at him. And then she began to slide down like her legs were giving out. Ji-pyeong tightened his grip on her backside to stop her descent. And then he gently slipped inside just to make his point.
He got what he wanted. Mi-rae made a high pitched sound as her head fell back against the marble. There was an exhilarating satisfaction in the slick slide of his finger. She wanted this as much as he did.
And so he began to move his hand slowly. Ji-pyeong watched as her eyes closed. A water droplet slid down her neck, followed by another and another. Then her hips began their chase. Mi-rae was so beautiful — unabashedly seeking her pleasure. He could not get enough of how fierce she was in his arms; how she did not hide from what she wanted. Ji-pyeong felt his own body begin to stir again at the sight of her. But this was about her — so Mi-rae would know how much he loved to make her feel good. He again told her the truth.
"You are so beautiful like this."
Mi-rae's hands clutched at his shoulders as her eyes met his. Then Ji-pyeong offered her more as her hips quickened. Her eyes squeezed shut as he curled his fingers inside. Ji-pyeong closed his own in order to concentrate. He ignored his own need, now pressed against her thigh. Instead, he listened to the way her breath followed the pace of his fingers as the water fell on his back. His thumb began sweeping the circles he knew that she needed. Ji-pyeong discovered the right pace when her breath hitched in her throat. He studied her every reaction obsessively. He became entranced by how his hand could pull on the inextricable tether between them. Her hips, her breath — all of it was driven by his touch.
But then Mi-rae's fingers sank painfully into his shoulders.
"Ji-pyeong."
He jerked his head back at hearing his name like that.
It was a command.
Mi-rae's eyes were dark. He was breathless at how quickly Mi-rae could turn the tables. Ji-pyeong knew immediately what she wanted, but his mind raced with how to do it.
Ji-pyeong withdrew his hand. Then he clenched his jaw as he pulled her leg high around his hip. He shifted her up against the wall as she gasped. And then he braced his other hand against the wall to steady them both. Then Ji-pyeong waited until she met his eyes.
"Is this what you want?"
Mi-rae's lips parted as her hands flew to his face. She was looking at him like she could not believe this was real. He wanted nothing more than to make it so.
She nodded slowly.
Ji-pyeong steeled himself. And then he lowered the tone of his voice. For he too could give commands.
"Then take it."
Mi-rae's eyes widened. And then they flashed with determination. Her lips pressed together as her hand closed around him.
And then she took what she wanted.
Ji-pyeong pushed in only as far as their bodies would allow like this. It was a mercy; even feeling this much of her so soon after he had spent himself made Ji-pyeong curse under his breath. Her body offered a different welcome to him like this — the angle as he dragged against her made his legs feel like they were going to buckle. But Ji-pyeong forced himself to focus only on her. He was determined to make her fall apart just as she had imagined it. Mi-rae's head fell back as he thrusted within her.
"God like that..."
She already sounded undone. It made Ji-pyeong want to give her everything -- to show her all the ways that she deserved to be loved.
Over and over the sounds of her asking for more drove him even as his arm began to shake from holding her and his legs threatened to give out. The sound of the water grew far away — all he could hear was her.
Ji-pyeong watched jealously as her hand slid between her breasts and down her stomach. And then she began to touch herself. A thrill coursed through him at how uninhibited Mi-rae was now with him. It felt so freeing for them to chase her end together. She burned quickly and furiously— her cries echoing as her body clenched tightly around him. Ji-pyeong closed his eyes and listened gratefully as pleasured spilled from her lips.
And then it was over.
And he was easing her down and pulling her into his arms. Mi-rae let out a breath as she sank against his chest. He kissed the top of her head and held her.
When she finally looked up at Ji-pyeong, he smoothed her hair back.
"Um ..."
Ji-pyeong scrunched his nose apologetically.
"I learned today that sex in the shower can be harder than it seems to execute."
Mi-rae giggled and pressed a chaste kiss to his lips. She looked up at him adoringly.
"What are you talking about? I feel like jelly. You are something else, my love."
Ji-pyeong looked down at the marble and rubbed at his neck. Mi-rae ducked her head to catch his eye.
"Look at you! So shy now when you just talked to me like that ?"
Ji-pyeong could feel his cheeks now getting hot. Mi-rae gathered his hands into both of hers and kissed them, smiling. Her brow furrowed as she then studied them.
"Our fingers are getting wrinkled from the water. Here let me wash you, my love."
She did not wait for him to answer. Ji-pyeong bit his lip in delight as he watched Mi-rae retrieve the abandoned washcloth and doused it with soap. She skirted around him to lather his back first.
He closed his eyes as her small hands moved in circles across his shoulders. Ji-pyeong could not help but grin at the feeling of being taken care of like this. No one had ever done this for him before that he could remember. Every moment with her brought a new comfort that he had never realized he had gone without.
Mi-rae's hand curved around his waist and he opened his eyes to her.
"You make me so happy."
His words came out like a sigh.
Then Ji-pyeong surged down to kiss her. He could feel Mi-rae smiling against his lips as they fell back against the wall once again. Their hands slid into the soap and over each other's bodies as they kissed. She touched him playfully — trying to continue washing his chest as he did his best to distract her. Her breasts slipped in and out of his hands. He filled them mischievously over and over anyway trying to get her to give in. Finally, Ji-pyeong heard the washcloth fall to the marble with a wet thump. And her hand was around him again, sliding and teasing in the soap.
It was more than he could take.
Enough.
Ji-pyeong pulled Mi-rae by the waist under the water. He indulged in one last kiss and then turned it off.
Cold air rushed into their secret world as Ji-pyeong opened the door. He shivered as he retrieved two towels. Mi-rae smiled at him as he quickly put one around her shoulders. Then Ji-pyeong could feel her watching him as he wrapped another around his waist. As soon as he had finished, Mi-rae hooked her index finger under the towel.
"It's cute that you are going to that effort."
Ji-pyeong huffed a laugh as her finger pulled him towards her. He did not know that being with a woman could be like this — he was losing his mind one minute and they were joking the next. It struck him for the first time that wanting someone did not have to feel like a weight. Indeed, Ji-pyeong had never felt more free to be himself. And it seemed to only make her want him even more.
He caught the edges of her towel and pulled her towards him. Because they were far from finished.
And then Mi-rae was on her toes; her lips sweet and caressing. She slipped her way inside of his mouth as her hand rubbed just where he still ached for her. Ji-pyeong started moving her backwards out of the room. She impatiently pulled at his towel until it fell. And then her arms were around his neck; Mi-rae pulling him along as much as he was crowding her into the bedroom.
They fell together back into bed. Mi-rae clucked her tongue at them teasingly.
"We are going to get the bed soaking wet."
Ji-pyeong shrugged as he unwrapped one side of her towel and then the other.
"I don't care. I'm checking out of here today anyway."
He pressed a lazy kiss to her breast.
"You have a bed, right?"
Her laughter peeled into the now bright sunshine as he grinned. Then it buzzed under his lips as he properly claimed her. Her skin was soft with moisture and smelled like soap. Mi-rae's hands slid into his hair as he took his time kissing her slowly. Her legs opened and closed around his body as her fingers played with his wet hair. She was gentle when he was; but her nails carded against his scalp when he teased her. Ji-pyeong took his time; content to roll his hands into the softness that she offered as she sought out his mouth. He eagerly worshiped until Mi-rae sighed happily and her fingers gently urged his head down.
Ji-pyeong was so grateful. He closed his eyes and breathed in the sweet smell of her skin.
"Please know how much I love to."
Ji-pyeong whispered it against her stomach as her fingers curled into his hair in reply.
An overpowering wave of love coursed through him. Now he knew what it meant for her to share herself like this. It meant that Mi-rae trusted him to be different — to love her as she should be loved. Ji-pyeong kissed her stomach reverently and then found his sacred place between her legs.
He caught a flash of her breasts as they rose in the air; Mi-rae was arching her back to seek out his lips. It made him pulse with desire for her — to see her want what she deserved only made him need to give it to her more. Ji-pyeong wrapped her legs around his head and claimed her without ceremony.
There was that gasp.
Again and again.
That sirens call that made him surge with want as he pled for her to let go with his lips. She was so warm and lovely — the smooth skin of her thighs sliding along his jaw, the soft tender parts of her yielding to his tongue, her fingers absentmindedly losing their way in his hair. Ji-pyeong reveled in how her hips moved with him, how she sank into his mouth now unafraid to give herself to him. He felt so close to her this way as she enveloped him entirely. Ji-pyeong wanted to stay forever. But all around him a tremor began to move through her. He gripped her thighs as they began to shake.
It was long and shuddering as she came for him; Ji-pyeong once again was called her love as his mouth grew slick with them moving together. He closed his eyes and gave thanks for her over and over again.
And then Mi-rae was pulling him up. And kissing him with a longing that made him tremble. And wrapping her legs around his hips. And taking him inside of her like she needed him to be a part of her as much as she needed to breathe.
Mi-rae was right — about the wanting. There was no end to it.
Ji-pyeong sank into the depths of her with a shuddering sigh. All of the pleasure that he had wrought welcomed him home now. Her hands were on his face as her thighs closed tightly around him. Her heels dug into him as she clamored to pull him deeper. There was no need — Ji-pyeong wanted to drown himself in her.
Mi-rae pulled his face to hers. Her eyes searched his as her hips beckoned endlessly.
"Do you feel what you do to me?"
Her fingers caressed his face as she drew him even closer.
"My love, it's all because of you."
It was almost too much to bear — the way she was looking at him, how warm and endlessly wet she was all around him.
"Please don't ever stop."
Mi-rae was breathless as she whispered it. Ji-pyeong's head shook helplessly in reply as he sank into her lips, into her arms, into her.
He could never stop. He would never stop.
Ji-pyeong closed his eyes as his body made that promise.
*********