Alberu was really just trying to buy a tiny bit of time to get his head on straight. To find an answer to this quagmire before he impulsively gave everything away.
He just wanted to get his head right.
He had every intention of sending word to Cale immediately and meeting him again at the soonest possible interval. He really did. He just needed a tiny bit of time.
He wasn't avoiding Cale, it was just a momentary tactical evasion. And it wasn't his fault that all the piled up work he'd neglected during his impromptu and unplanned vacation required his immediate and complete attention.
He really was not avoiding the issue. He was definitely not avoiding the issue. He was absolutely going to face Cale as soon as he figured out what the fuck he was going to say.
What Alberu in all his infinite wisdom had not grasped was that no amount of thinking was going to provide him with the perfect answer that he sought. There simply didn't exist the words that would perfectly solve the problem, preserve his secret, and treat Cale with the dignity and respect he deserved. He would have to give up one of these points and there wasn't any working around that.
But Alberu was a perfectionist in his heart of hearts and he really struggled to accept anything less. Also there might be the tiniest part of him that feared Cale's eventual wrath.
He doubted he could give a single answer that would spare him that.
Perhaps he'd let the days bleed into one another as he caught up on his work and perhaps he'd let the issue hang too long.
He suspected his aunt may have betrayed him as well but he as of yet had no evidence.
All he knew was once he'd returned to his office after a meeting with the nobility in the north regarding a rather tiresome trade agreement, he looked up from his paperwork to see no one other than Cale Henituse standing outside of his office.
Alberu didn't have the time to say a word before Cale closed the distance between them, dragged him down by the collar, and kissed him. Shamelessly mindless of the gasping attendant at his side.
He felt Cale smirk against his lips, his reddish brown eyes flashing victoriously and locked with Alberu's wide blue ones.
"Got you." He hissed, low and victorious.
Despite the panic running manic inside of Alberu, he couldn't help but find Cale unbearably attractive at that moment.
Before Alberu could gather his composure, Cale dragged him into the office and slammed the door on the gobsmacked attendants outside.
Cale very easily could have avoided such a public display but he'd chosen to create chaos in Alberu's life. Despite the annoyances that would surely be created by the display, Alberu really couldn't bring himself to be annoyed.
Cale pinned him to the door and it was the second time Cale had done such a thing. Alberu felt fear rightfully run down his spine.
"Have anything to tell me now, Bob?" Cale asked, his voice full of mocking spite.
Alberu really didn't.
What the hell could he say? Sorry? I can explain? I didn't mean it to go this far? I wanted to tell you but I couldn't find the words? See, me and Bob are actually cousins and so our lips are identical, also I totally know about you and Bob so can we go back to being strangers now?
Yeah. None of that really addressed Cale's reasonable rage appropriately. Especially that last one. That one might actually get him murdered. Just very murdered.
Alberu unconsciously brushed his hand against Cale's cheek and he was startled by the lack of contrast. He'd never touched Cale like this while looking like this.
Somehow that really hammered home how wrong it had been to lie to Cale.
Cale frowned at his touch but didn't pull away. His eyes were as clear and expressive as they'd always been.
He was so much more than Alberu deserved. Especially after everything.
"I shouldn't have left." Alberu said, voice weighed down with the guilt of his crime.
"Damn fucking right." Cale growled and how was he so irresistible even while teeming with rage?
Alberu knew that he probably shouldn't kiss Cale until they'd talked properly but the desire to do so was quite enticing. In a marvelous show of restraint, Alberu chose words instead. "I'm sorry."
"And?" Cale pressed his knee between Alberu's legs. A gesture that could be both very sexy and very threatening. Alberu took it both ways, swallowing thickly as he searched for what Cale wanted to hear.
No. That was wrong.
What he should say.
"I never should have lied to you." He said. "You deserved–you... I was wrong. You deserve the truth."
He did. How much had Cale exposed himself to Alberu? Trusted Alberu with the parts of himself that no one else was privy to?
Alberu knew it was wrong. Knew that it wasn't fair to accept all of Cale without ever exposing himself to the same risk. Knew he'd been selfish and cowardly. Looking at Cale now, knowing nearly everything and still glaring him directly at him with the same brash confidence that made it so impossible to look away.
Cale was striking. Gorgeous and amazing and so much braver than Alberu had ever been.
"...I'm sorry." He caressed Cale's cheek gently and relief flooded his heart when Cale leaned into his touch.
"You're a stupid bastard. You're the fucking worst–I shouldn't..." Cale pressed his body against Alberu's, vestiges of anger dwindling. Replaced by something far more concerning. "...why?"
In all of Alberu's ruminations on this conversation, he'd never once imagined Cale would look so raw and hurt.
He never realized how deeply his lies hurt him.
Cale placed a hand over his mouth before Alberu could answer, looking to the ground and breathing in shakily. "Give me a second."
As though he was preparing himself for the worst.
Alberu's heart ached terribly.
Cale finally looked back up at him, attempting to cover his broken expression with pure guts.
Alberu never wanted Cale to look at him like that.
"...was any of it real...?" Cale tried to sound angry. Tried to sound just as intimidating as he'd managed before. Tried to sound like he was unaffected by Alberu's actions.
He failed miserably.
Alberu never regretted his actions more than this moment. How could he let Cale think that it wasn't...?
But what else was he supposed to think?
'I'm an idiot.' Alberu wished he could turn back the clock. Change everything. Come clean to Cale that very first night.
What horrible thoughts had driven Cale all the way to Harris Village?
He reached out to touch Cale but he flinched away from Alberu's touch. Too raw. Too scared.
Words couldn't convey how real it was. How his feelings for Cale were probably the only thing that was truly real about him.
Alberu unclasped his necklace, revealing his true appearance and watched as Cale visibly relaxed at the sight.
A confirmation of what he already knew. Willingly exposed by Alberu.
It would take time to earn back Cale's trust.
"I never meant to... I wasn't intending for this..." Alberu said, knowing that all that was right was to offer Cale honesty. He still hated the way Cale stiffened though. "...but I couldn't stop coming back to you."
Cale frowned at him, making a sincere effort to hate him.
He sighed and rested his forehead on Alberu's shoulder, hiding his face and clinging to Alberu's shirt. Alberu wrapped his arms gently around Cale.
"...promise me. Promise me this is real or I swear to god, I'm tearing off your dick and feeding it to you."
Only Cale could be so crass and so vulnerable and Alberu was nuts but he loved even that. He held Cale close, burying his face in his hair. "I swear. All I lied about was my identity. Nothing else. I promise."
Maybe it was his imagination but he could swear that a tension lifted from Cale's shoulders. They still had a lot to discuss and he had a lot of apologies to make.
But for just a moment he was able to hold the man he loved and believe that just maybe they could make it work.