I don't know how long I sat there, just staring; my cheeks wet; blue eyes red and puffy. My throat raw from screaming and crying so violently. Maybe hours. The static from the radio begins to fill the air, bringing me out of the trance. I run a hand along my face, wiping the tears along my eyes. Without taking my gaze off of the paved road in front of me, I remove the walkie talkie from my side.
"Rick? Daryl? Anyone?" I solemnly speak when I bring it to my lips.
"I'm here!" Rick's concerned tone falls over the radio, "what's going on?"
"Uhm," I stutter, unsure how to speak the truth, "Kelly's gone. He- he, uh, didn't make it." I close my eyes as the words fly out of my mouth.
"Shit." I bring the walkie talkie to my forehead trying to understand why the universe is so cruel. "I'm sorry. Something came up, so Daryl's still with me, need me to send him?"
I hang my head, trying to swallow the sob that's building. I shake my head violently, forgetting they can't see me. A lump forms in my throat.
"Blue, I'm comin' to get ya. Where ya at?" Daryl's concern gruff dances into the air.
"No, stick to the plan." I offer weakly. " I - uhm - his body is still in the car. I'm going to get him back to Alex. I have to." Fuck, I need to bury him. How the hell am I going to tell Charlee? I let out breath between my lips, "I couldn't save him."
"Are ya okay?" Daryl quietly asks. I hear his bike to roar to life in the background.
"What do you think? It's fucking Kelly." I immediately regret my words. They came off a bit harsher than I realized or intended to. "Sorry," I mumble. "I just need some time before I head back. I got it. I'll see you back home. Come back to me in one piece, Dare. I can't lose you, too." I turn off the radio before they could say anything else.
Fuck, I run a hand through my tangled, greasy hair, feeling anger dance through my veins. I pull myself off my knees. Without looking back at passenger seat, I toss in the radio before I kick my door closed. I decide it's time to go on a walk before I get back into the car. I'm armed with just my knives, but I don't plan on running into trouble, or looking for trouble, rather.
But trouble likes to find me, my cynical side menacingly reminds me.
My boots make very little noise while I stalk off down the road with no destination in mind. I allow my anger and sadness guide my legs.
If anyone could survive this twisted new world, it's Kelly. He should've been the last man standing. I should've fallen before him. Maybe, I should've expired a long time ago. It's miracle I'm still drawing air. He was prepared for this bullshit. But fucking Negan and his asshole company took that from him. They took him from me.
I will get my revenge, I promise myself.
I've lost a lot of people that I had met after I had landed and got stranded in Atlanta, but none of them share a history Kelly and I did. With Jordan, I wasn't present to witness his death at Owen's hands. For that, I was thankful. How horrible is that? Though with the state of affairs, it was only a matter of time before I lost Charlee, Wren, or Kelly. A part of me didn't want to consider such a morbid possibility. But here we are.
Numbness begins to slither along my flesh.
I officially moved my stuff out of Wren's house and into mine. I toss and turn in my new bed. I give up, staring at the ceiling, recalling my last memory with Daryl. I rub my face, feeling wet tears. I never got to fucking tell him.
The bed shifts; I reach for my knife that's sitting on the table next to my bed. I shoot up, brandishing it at my unwelcome intruder. Kelly holds his hand up, dark eyes widen at my sudden movement, "hey tiger, it's just me." I shake my head, returning my knife to the table.
"What the fuck are you doing here?"
"You haven't been alone since that night. I'm worried about you." He wraps his arms around me, dragging me close. "What's on your mind, Ness?" I rest my head against his chest, feeling the tears return. I cover my face, feeling the choked-out sob fill my body and fall into the air.
"I miss them."
"I do, too." He grumbles, hand running through my hair. "Is it about them, or Daryl?"
"Both. You're fucking right... How do I live with this regret?"
"I don't know, honey." He coos. "But if he escaped, and he's out there, I know he's looking for you. You're too stubborn to see it, but he loves you. He's ripping the world apart just to be reunited with you. That I can promise." For a moment, we lay in silence before he continues, "why didn't you let him in?"
"I was scared." I breathe out. "I loved you, but something about him is different..."
He grunts, acknowledging my words. "He's good for you. Better than I ever could be. He adores you. If we ever find him, grab him, and don't let go."
I glance up to the sky, wondering where I'd be if I ended up with Kelly instead of Daryl. My hands find my stomach; I probably wouldn't have this bundle of joy growing inside of me. With Daryl, things are different. It's not the same love I once shared with Kelly. It's more intense, mature, all consuming. I wouldn't trade him for anything. Kelly knew that. We only shared a school yard love. We just weren't meant to be.
He never got to meet his happy ending. I wince, running a hand through my hair.
Kelly stalks into my cell, sitting on the bed next to me as I pull on my boots. I watch as his eyes find Daryl and Merle, sitting on the stairs leading up to the perch. His head falls into his hands. "I'm letting you go, Ness." I glare at the archer when he glances over to us. Anger unfurling in my stomach.
My neck snaps in Kelly's direction, "what do you mean?"
"I'm not the one you're supposed to be with." He whispers. I cock my head, crossing my arms. "He is."
"The fuck you mean, Kelly?" I snarl loud enough for just the two of us to hear. "What the fuck did he say to you?"
He stands, closing the door to the cell, dropping the blanket so Daryl and his brother can't look in on our private moment. He turns, facing me. "On our last run, we talked. He's upset. Just talk to him already." I shake my head, opening my mouth to argue. "Damn it! Just listen. He fucking adores you. Stop hitting and yelling at him."
"But he-"
"He left with his brother. I get it. We all fucking get it. He didn't want to leave you. But to him, family is family. He didn't know what to do. He confided in me 'cause he knows I'm the only one that get your head out of your ass." I narrow my eyes, feeling the rage running in my veins. His eyes travel my face as he shakes his head, "whatever." He drags the blanket down, opening the door. I watch as he stalks down the stairs. Not before stopping in front of Daryl, exchanging some words. Daryl's sad eyes zero in on me. I scoff, returning to getting ready to take over on lookout. Alone.
I wasn't ready to listen to his advice. I was still angry. When we reunited at the prison, he wasn't sure how to approach the woman I've become. I hold onto rage a little longer than I should. But Daryl had broken my heart and I wasn't ready to rationalize my own personal relationships. Sure, I could attack the whole Governor situation with a sound mind, but not in regard to Daryl.
Because my heart got involved too fucking fast.
I glance around, seeing that I'm a mile or two away from the car. I shake my head, it's time to head back to the car, and take my friend to final his resting place. I turn, taking the trek back to the car.
After a few quiet moments, I hear a voice laughing fill the air. I stop, smirking. Someone is about to fuck around and find out. "Hey Tom, you see what I see?" The first voice speaks as amusement dances into his tone.
"Yeah, The Reaper. All by herself." Tom chuckles.
I raise my arms, turning, "oh no. What ever should I do?" I feign fear. They grin seeing I'm mostly outnumbered and outgunned.
"We are gonna take you back to Negan, honey. He'll be happy that he can get at least one of his prizes." The first man lowers his gun. His first mistake. His second is underestimating me. He's darker of the two with black hair and green eyes.
"Zack, he never said she had to be unharmed, right?" Tom, a pale man with blonde hair and brown eyes, turns to his partner. I cock my head at the hidden threat under his statement.
I spread my arms, grinning. "Bring it, assholes." I stand there as Zack rushes at me. I step out of the way. I raise my fist, feeling it connect to the side of his face. He swears, clutching his cheek, eyes wide in surprise. "I just lost someone. I'm angry. You really want to try me?" His face scowls, dragging his gun out. "Alright." I bring my leg up, kicking the gun out of his grasp. In the corner of my eye, I watch Tom creeping up, trying to help his buddy. I turn my body enough, releasing one of my knives. I smirk, watching it lodge between his eyes. His body falls to the ground with a thud.
I spot four walkers stumbling out of the tree line. I jump back, picking up the gun off the ground. Spinning, I cock the gun, aiming, fire, effectively cutting off the moans that were coming from the corpses.
My eyes return to Zack watching me in amazement. I stalk over to him. I fire at his legs as he tries to run away. "Uh nah, you started this when I was minding my fucking business. I'm just ending this. I'm tired of you assholes."
"P-Please." He pleads as I wrap my hands around his neck, snapping the bones. He lays motionless in my arms. I let go, putting the gun the small of my back. When his body tumbles to the ground, I smash his face in with my boot. I don't flinch when my foot falls into his blood, bone and muscle.
I sneer, shaking as much as I can off of my boot.
"Thanks for the gun, prick." I spit on his body, strutting back to the car and my deceased friend.
I barely broke a sweat, I muse.
I groan, hearing another savior joining the massacre. I hang my head for a moment before I spin on my heels.
I spot a guy three times my size. Oh fuck me. "What the fuck? I didn't know The Undertaker worked for Negan's pussy ass."
He sneers under my attitude, eying the bodies of his fallen friends. "Fuck him. I'm going to kill you after I have a little fun with you... for Owen."
Of fucking course, Owen made giant friends. Why am I not surprised? Always hiding behind bigger, scarier men.
"Bring it." I crack my neck, getting into fighting position; wishing I never left my swords in the car. I watch as he rushes at me. Swearing, he's faster than he looks. Before I could react, he picks me up, tossing me on my back against the pavement. I groan, turning my head to spit out the blood that fills my mouth.
"Stop hesitating!" Images of my training sessions with Kelly begin to replay in my mind.
Sorry Kells, I have to run from this fight.
But this man is literally a fucking rock. Okay, Steroids McGee. My eyes find him, standing over me, bringing his fist down. I duck, rolling away. I hear him chuckling. "You ain't no reaper. I don't know why the boss is so scared of you."
I hurriedly get to my feet, breaking into a run, heading for the car. I'm begging the universe to let me get there in one fucking piece.
After a few moments, I spot the vehicle ahead of me. Just. A. Few. More. Seconds. I latch onto the hope and relief.
But it's quickly burnt out when I feel hand twisting itself into my hair, as I'm forced to the ground. "Fuck!" I shout, feeling anger burn through my veins. My head smacks the ground with a crack as he lets go. His hands find the hem of my shirt. Without thinking, I sit up as much as I can with his heavy body against mine, closing the gap between us. I grab his balls, twisting without mercy. I bring my knee up, making sure he can't get a hard on for the rest of the night. His bellows echo through the air. His hand comes down, smacking me across the face. I shake my head, seeing black spots dancing into my vision, as his hand wraps around my neck, bringing his face inches from mine.
"Stupid bitch." He seethes through clenched teeth.
I open my mouth, bringing my teeth down on his lips. I close my eyes as I tear the pink skin from his face. I yank my head back without hesitating. His body begins to flail under the pain. While he's distracted, I spit the blood in his face when he loosens the grip. I wrap my left arm around his neck, forcing him down as I take giant chunk of his skin in my mouth. My right hand is busy bending his fingers that are beginning to cut off my air supply. The bones begin to bow and break under the pressure. I pull my face away, dragging muscle and blood with me.
"I am the god damned Reaper, cunt." I feel the muscle fall from my mouth as I snarl at the asshole above me.
His hand flies to his neck, eyes wide in shock, still bent over me while I begin to pull apart his face with my hands. My fingers dig into his eyes, dragging out chunks out of his eye socket. His eye balls feel like goo dripping down my fist. At this point, I'm sure his boss can hear his screams from our location. With my free hand, I wrap my fingers around my throwing knife, forcing it into his mouth. I close his bloodied, lipless maw with my hand, making sure he can't breathe so he swallows the knife whole. I wrap my legs around his neck, shoving him off of me.
I let him suffer as I stumble over to the car. Sounds of moans and groans pulls my attention over my shoulder, spotting a few walkers deciding that it's dinner time. Good fucking riddance. Bon appétit, motherfuckers.
I collapse, forcing my back against the car, resting my head on the driver's side door, trying to find the courage to crawl into the vehicle. It's only a matter of time before Kelly starts to decay.
I stay quiet while the dead chow down only a few feet from me. I close my eyes, taking a moment of peace. My anger has been sucked out of my body. I really need to stop finding myself in these fucking situations.
I turn over my hands, examining the blood that's staining my fair skin. Fucking Owen, Negan, and the fucking prick brigade. I clench my fist, bringing it to my forehead.
I take an hour before I finally locate the strength to open the car door, heading off to my home in Alexandria. I keep my eyes trained on the road ahead of me; I can't bear to look at my friend lying next to me.