~*Kyojuro's POV*~
"-Please... I never wished to make you cry..." I didn't think my words would have the power to stop her shaking and sobs, just for a moment to look at me as my touch startled her. I can't get myself to say anything else when seeing her tear-stained face in my palms, the flow I fail to cease freezing longer the tears streak down her skin. I brushed them away before they could stick onto her skin, the frozen droplets winking onto the ice below us.
My legs hurt from the distance I had to travel.' Took me until nightfall to finally make it here in my injured state. Though, even if it was as far away as Himejima's estate is, I still would've gone the distance. Wouldn't you know it, it d seems it was just the right time to arrive.
The woman sniffled into her haori sleeve as she scooted back from me, my warmer touch dwindling away from her cold skin. I let her draw from my reach, not going any closer. "How... did you get onto my property?"She muttered weakly with a cautious glance.
I laughed to myself with an awkwardd expression, looking at where I'd come from. I felt shameful doing it. It was basically breaking in, and startling her isn't making this better. I'm shocked my company didn't noticex me , It was humiliating for a high-status slayer such as myself... I had to hit the splits just to break one of my falls. I cannot express how worried I was about my manhood, I was inches away from experiencing a pain arguably worse than my current wound.
"Y'know...The g-gate to your grounds is open. I was thinking of jumping the wall, but then I couldn't... and, uhm... I closed it after I got here!" Looking on the brighter side of things didn't spare me from the suspicion on the woman's face growing, my ramblings dooming me.
"I'll stop now while I still can? Yeah..." I shared a nod with her before I could string away from the reason I actually came here. Her silent response is all I need- I shouldn't keep explaining how I broke in to her garden, otherwise, I'm sure to be closing the door again on my way out.
I sat down on the ice easily with the blankets Shinobu provided and smirked at her after I fanned out one to sit on top of. I waited there for a moment, expecting the worst... but my comrade didn't turn away my presence, staying in her own spot. That was easy enough.
"You're getting your mobility back, you're doing better." The Ice Hashira commented after watching that action, drying her eyes on the end of her sleeves.
"If it makes you feel even better, I've been told I'll be back to slaying by about next week! My recovery's going smoothly~" I laughed with a set my arms up on my chest, pulling the other blanket with me onto my shoulder and back for warmth.
"And, you're doingggg-"
"Fine. I'm alright." What a lie, she acts like I didn't just walk in on her crying all by herself.
"You say that, and yet your status lately has got a lot of us Hashira concerned." I broke it to the slayer. That statement from me got her to put on a scowl across her flushed face, her eyes, dimming.
"Is that it then? They sent you here to check in on me with the idea that you're the only one who I won't turn down? I should've known. " She brought her knees up to her chest and buried her chin in between them. I didn't let the thought stick for long, playing it safe so that I don't get sent away too soon.
I returned my sights to my disheartened ally and dropped my smile- here comes the nit and grit of why I made this journey. "I came here on my own accord. Not just because I've been worried myself, but I think it's time we actually talk. A lot went down those days ago, and I couldn't sit and let the problem fester any longer. " I said.
"You came here to talk about what happened, as if there hasn't already been enough said?" She mumbled after I admitted that, eyebrows faintly raised. I thought about the statement, soon to shake my head with a smirk.
"I'm sorry to say, but there hasn't been enough said, because I haven't yet apologized for what I've done." I slumped in my position. I've been wanting to say something ever since I made her cry, and at least that thought can stop biting at me once and for all- as long as this goes well, albeit.
"I let my frustration blind me from the rationalities that should've been very, VERY clear. I pushed you past your limits when you'd already reached them during our mission and I hurt you. As I've already said, it was never my intention to make you cry." I sunk my hands into my hair as I let my heart take its lead, the words I've been holding up their rightful show, making (y,n) go softer in the face while I went ahead.
"I wanted to help, I was worried before all this between us even started."
"Why?"
"Because it only takes seeing you cry once to get my focus." I admitted. Even if it was in real time or not, those tear from her at the end of our journey have clung onto me relentlessly. Getting them out of my head has been impossible. Hearing her frantic cries and voice broke me apart when I couldn't promise to her that I'd be fine, it felt as if I was giving a thumbs up for the guilt to consume her. I felt regret of my own... I wanted to redeem myself.
"I thought I could make things better, and in doing so, I only worsened the problem. So, I'm sorry."
"You don't have to apologize for it, Kyojuro." (y,n) said in a whisper that left me confused. I think her of all people would want some type of sorry after what I did... but, she is a very complex character to crack, there's a lot of things I still don't understand about her.
"You did nothing wrong... it was my fault for letting my emotions take control." ... She thinks this is all her fault? Forget about being complex, it's hopeless to try understanding her. What more has to happen to realize I'm not in the right?
"That only happened because I didn't stop myself from going too far. You might've had a hand to play in all this, but that doesn't mean mine are any cleaner than yours. Point is, every apology I can give is necessary." I made my position clear to my comrade and put the full attention of my eyes onto her. Just now noticed it, she's shivering. (y,n), who sleeps in the numbing cold; shivering like me.
Things have gotten this bad, huh?
(y,n) retreated farther into her (f,c)-patterned haori and looked back at me, deep into my gaze. "What makes you think that? You could've given a quick apology and already gone home for the night." ... Here come the harder truths. I'm sure she already knows my thoughts, considering how often she pushes me away, but it takes me saying it to really be understood.
-Otherwise, I might not even come to terms with it.
"I could've..." I started, "But unless I clarify to you exactly why I'm saying sorry for every little thing, I'd surely lose what little trust I've gained from you. I've worked too hard to relinquish that progress." I seemed to get more of the woman's focus onto me after I gave into the truth, her interest peaked. I really do have to say sorry for even the most minor of inconveniences. I might not have much, or any of her trust, but being negligent with it isn't the way to go.
I bring up the topic of her trust knowing full well that I'll be leading the conversation into so many questions that I have yet to be asked, and I already guess that (y,n) has a lot of those on her mind. About me, about her, about us. An umbrella shadowing all of this talk is about our standing between each other, it could go as far back as when we first met over a year ago.
"...Why've you always tried so hard to get me to trust you, when I've told you to give up and go away?"
"I wanted to give you someone you could trust, a friend to turn to when in need. It bothered me- you've always looked so miserable. I didn't even know you don't confide in yourself either, I can't imagine what I would've done if I'd known that." I progressed whole-heartedly, massaging my shoulder through the pain as I shifted some of my weight onto my arm.
I know there are a lot of people who don't trust others, but to not trust yourself, what way is that to live? Decisions, credibility, confidence, so many things are tied just by having faith in your own character. I ponder on how the Ice Pillar has gotten so far without trusting herself, but that's not for me to question. It's a must that I gaze at the more important aspect from that take-away.
I need to look through her eyes this time, see that... all I've been doing is causing trouble for her in trying to become closer as allies. I climbed up the wrong tree? Or maybe I lost sight of what my goal really was...
"I should say sorry for that, too. I was selfish for not heeding your requests and warnings to be left alone..."
"Kyojuro..." I looked back at the (h,c)-haired slayer when she muttered my name, my face rosy this time when it came back up. 'Been in the cold for too long not for it to take effect on my skin.
"... It wasn't entirely selfish. All your intentions have been based on the better-good of me, not you." We both went silent as she changed up her position to face me, straightforward. She bit her partially shaking lip as if debating to speak again, or keep herself zipped up. I waited for her patiently, keeping our eyes together on each other.
"You... you aren't the first to try this... do you know that?" ... My eyes couldn't manage to widen in these cold temperatures with my shocked expression, a smile I've been wearing for most of this time fumbling away from my chilled lips.
M-more? There've actually been... more people than me? It never crossed my mind...
"I'm not the first?!" I ogled at the woman, surprised beyond reason. She means to tell me that this isn't something unique? She hasn't just lived through this once or twice, but possibly many times before- could've happened during the last year when I've been doing the same thing!
"It's been for much more self-centered reasons. My money, status of power. But... mainly for love." (y,n) counted off some of the things on her fingers after shuffling a hand out from her clothes, turning away from my cheeks before they could start to turn a little pinker than before.
"What can I say? There are a lot of people who want to take me as a wife, but most either don't know what they're doing, or are looking for several successors for the future. I pushed you away for your own safety, but that could've been done easily, without the malice. Why do you think I'm always so hard on you...?"
"Because you assumed I was looking for love, as well..." I finished off her question, my skin going to an even more red state as I gave a nod to myself. I didn't mind the blush this time- I'll lie, blame it on the cold if she asks. Being bashful is no laughing matter when it comes to me.
"I've never had much of the time to look for a romantic relationship with demon slaying, and all. I-I'm sure things wouldn't be so complicated between us compared to other couples, since we're both slayers... no, that was never my drive!" I stopped myself in the nick of time before it was too late to pull me back out from the long way into that topic, trying to clear up my increasing blush the farther I slid down. I can't make it seem like I'm lying by thinking about the subject too much. I'd rather not ruin this conversation, not after days of waiting to have it.
"I couldn't tell. I thought you were just horrible at flirting." She flicked her eyes up and down at me when admitting that. And, oh, the wet blanket that is on my pride... the frown I wear now, just as let-down.
"I was never taught how to flirt..."
"Well don't tell me that, you'd just be proving me right." The Ice Pillar rolled her eyes at me as I fiddled my fingers through my embarrassment. This isn't the first it's been brought up... Tengen and Iguro make fun of me for it every time the talk arises. I... do need to learn how to flirt, I'm a grown man who doesn't know what he's doing...
"You're right... My bad..." Clearing my throat with nothing else to say, I looked around at the frozen area through our silence, the mood heavy with the words we've already spoken. I tapped my fingers upon my thigh as I waited for my company to speak, my tongue tied.
"... What does this mean for us now?" I didn't think that (y,n) would go as far as to ask the next question, that question. Guess I wasn't worried about what actually comes next. We've talked, spilled our thoughts, but I haven't atoned for all of my sins. No, not all of them, now that she's brought that up to my attention.
I broke my line of sight from the Ice slayer and smiled to myself, keeping the blanket across my shoulders from falling down through the cool winds. "Well, I suppose I'll give you what you've been asking for." Answering with something that's hurt to say, but already accepted.
"I don't want to cause any more disarray than what I already have. You've asked me to leave you alone many times, and I haven't, permanently. Sticking around any longer and going against your wishes would only be proving that I have been selfish." I sighed when beginning to stand up from my seat. I shook out the sleepiness from my legs, a little difficult with how cold it is. I don't want to leave. A part of me urges that I should stay, try to compromise, but that would only be disrespecting her and her authority. I shouldn't have questioned her in the first place, and I won't now.
"I hope we can still associate while on the job. I'm... glad we could talk tonight." I chuckled with a shake of my head, my sights not on my comrade. Would a younger me from days ago, possibly even months be okay with doing what I've surrendered myself to? When I've put so much effort into this goal? I don't know if I would be... but I've matured, just enough to know that there are some things I can't accomplish...
"I'll be on my way."- I wasn't allowed to take even one step away from (Y,n), not whatsoever, as a hand grabbed onto the edge of the cover I'm using. I turned to her quickly and gazed back towards her, her hand still on the blanket in the face of my awe.
"Sit back down." And I sat, not a moment wasted after the order. I'd think that I'd be more stubborn if I intended to leave... but there's something about the way she said it that convinced both thoughts and body to comply.
I didn't think to do anything else while watching her finally let go of the cover and pursed her lips under my warm, watchful eyes. "Let's... make a promise... because I know you won't walk away that easily."
"You want to make a promise with me..." I chuckled, - "You want to make a PROMISE with me?!" That... should've taken me much quicker to process after hearing it. I wasn't anticipating much, but the ideas were far from this...
"You shouldn't force yourself to do that, (y,n)! I thought you wanted to be left alone!" I frantically moved my hands around in front of me, trying to wave away the prospect from her (It's... insane for me to think, she's asking to create a promise. Could she still be somewhat dazed from when she hit her head??). The woman shook her head at me, (e,c) orbs not managing to keep themselves on me.
"I'm not forcing myself, I would've kicked you out already if I was leading there." She stood me correct.
"I know I've never admitted this, but... I think you're a really good person, and it's annoying. Out of who you could've turned out to be, and you might be one of the least likely of individuals to bring harm onto me. I've tolerated you to the point where I've gotten used to you being around... and something tells me that I shouldn't turn my nose up to a person like you... not anymore." She gave a nod of her head to me with that comment. I keep my mouth shut for this one, confused on whether I should be thanking her or not. I'll just... take it as a compliment and live with that.
"It might be something inside of me searching for a change... can't exactly describe it." She wiped her hands over her face, giving her view of me a rest.
"It doesn't mean I trust you, I don't trust you much at all. Though, for our benefit... we can make an agreement."
"And what might that be?" I asked, almost impatient to hear her terms. I was going to go off on my way once I finished up with everything... but this has gotten my interest much more. After all, she was right about me not being able to leave this behind me so easily. I can walk away from it with all of my might, but my mind is stronger than anything physical.
"If you promise never to make a romantic move on me... for this interaction to never exceed anything platonic, then I'll let you keep trying to gain my trust." The Hashira set out the roles for me to examine, holding out her trembling hand from inside her haori.
"You really trust me enough to make a deal like that? Didn't you just say you don't trust me?" I joked as my eyes flicked between her hand and the owner.
"Do you want to gain my trust or not? You know I'm not very tolerant of you, Kyojuro." She glared at me for a second, the warning; all I needed to apologize to her quietly.
"Our little promise, huh?" I quietly afterward. It be any louder, and I don't know how I'd register it. I laughed at the offer, features, soft and happy. It was days ago when I'd thought (y,n) would never want to talk to me again after that scuffle between us, weeks ago, I used to doubt that I could get through to her at all. So much is given to me if I take her hand, the exception being something I've never really thought about. Will I regret this later, or give not even a second glance to it, as the time ahead of us wait for more experiences to be made?
To think about it so much...
I grasped the palm offered to me with the snowflakes in the air kissing on my slightly frostbitten skin and shook firmly, my hesitation to her offer only seconds to it.
This, it's all I could've asked from her, if I had the courage to. This couldn't be any easier! Getting her trust may be a doozy, but... now I actually have her say to keep going, as long as I don't cross any boundaries. I'm a Rengoku, I'm the eldest son of the great family us Rengokus get to be, going back on any word that we promise isn't in our blood.
- I said to myself once not to let (y,n) fall into a place of loneliness and solitude, open up her world to the flaming passion of mine. And here it is, the bandaging to that very deal of my own.
"You don't have to worry about a thing, I'll do whatever it takes to earn that faith from you!" I offered a squeeze to the warrior's hand to warm it up a bit, smiling at her fully and gaining a small fizzle of her expression.
"If you say so." She muttered to me and slipped away, back into her clothing, letting out a breath through the blizzard. I watched quietly as she shivered in her light summer clothes, eyebrows raised when having to see her pull her haori closer across her shoulders. No warmth to it, not enough for her to grasp onto...
"You... sure have been shivering."
"You noticed." (y,n) nodded in the gust of wind that passed my us, a jolt of her breaking off my smirk when having to see that.
"... Do you want a blanket?" I shrugged mine off from my shoulder and served it over to my ally. I can't take having to watch this anymore, it's killing me. I'll deal with being cold for now.
She stared at the gift, body shivering on her side of where we're placed. "Yes please."