entry #15
na jaemin had a rough and standard childhood. na jaemin lived as a spoiled kid with an empty playground to himself. i.e. his home, the na manor. with nannies and maids at his bidding every minute of the day, he grew up to be lonely. he rarely saw his own family members, nor did they even acknowledge his existence. whatever he did, he could get away with it.
because of this, he often left the manor and snuck out. in reality, the people who took care of him didn't even care. they were paid by the hour, not by the effort. this was around the time he had met lee jeno. a scrawny kid in his school and a little bit away from the manor. they hit it off immediately, like literally.
he accidentally hit jeno with a ball and apologized to young crying jeno profusely. it was a mess for both the teacher and the two of them. they became closer than anyone else in the class even with their differences. having a liking to the lee boy, he would often sneak out to the lee manor. the staff at the manor loving him immediately. something about being charming? whatever that meant to 6 year old na jaemin.
to be honest, you would think a 6 year old running around alone outside to a strangers house would be worrying. but rich people neighbourhoods were like sacred ground. it was weird. the lee boy's parents were more present in the boys life. it was weird. he never really experienced such a thing and that was what made it foreign and off putting to say the least.
he was treated as lee jeno's best friend and basically brother from how much he was with the boy. growing up together side by side essentially. until they were 10. his mother came into his life all of a sudden. and the controlling bitch she was. barely even knowing her own son, she decided to take it into her own hands to control what he could or couldn't do. to a poor 10 year old who was already scared enough.
he was left alone and isolated, bad behaviour and he'd be locked in his room for 5 days with only water accessibility. he would have frequent panic attacks and with no access to anyone or anything, it had ruined his mental. and ruined his image of adults. ultimately skipping days of school because of sudden panic attacks and depressed intrusive thoughts.
he hated his mother, he feared his mother. he was only so young. his father was no good when he came home. bringing in women by women into the home and doing things he wished he didn't know. at some point, he got curious and tired. discovering the alcohol hidden in the back of the fridge in a far part of the manor.
it couldn't kill a poor 13 year old right? he loved the feeling of it. he loved the numbness it gave him. he loved it, he loved the feeling of intoxication. he loved it so much. he loved it like it was the only thing that mattered in life.
he didn't know why he was so in love with it. the feeling was so addicting. the feeling made him obsessive and attached, it was something he couldn't control. whenever he could, he'd steal alcohol. knowing the maids would unconditionally restock with no questions in return.
it was all fun and games till he was found out by his mom. and his mom was beyond pissed. the verbal abuse he had to endure, the pain he felt. it was uncontrollable and it broke him. he was told to pack what he could and leave the damn house in winter during a storm. he was a mess and all he could do was pack his clothes and whatnot into his duffel bag, grab his school bag and materials. and run.
he ran all the way to the lee manor. it was around the time that the lee company was the most busy, so all that was there was jeno. opening the door to a jaemin on the ground crying and having a full blown panic attack.
"jaemin, what the fuck? are you okay. come inside idiot. up now. fuck it i'll just carry you, go ahead and cry and sob your eyes out until you feel better nana." picking up the fragile boy, he hauled him inside and dropped him on the nearest couch and hugged the kid.
while he struggled to breathe and get a grip on his own self, the lee boy stayed by his side the entire time. not asking a question and letting him cry his eyes out. he smelt of alcohol, but he wasn't questioned at all. it was the first time he discovered na jaemin's anxiety and depression. it all started to add up.
his disappearance, the times the boy would come back from sick leave and would eat food like it was his last meal. his anxiousness, his fear of doing something wrong. it all made sense. jaemin was stuck at the lee manor for a month. it was only until he was taken by force from class by his mom did he know he was allowed back in his own home.
the moment he was home, he was locked up again. it took 3 days till he could retrieve his things from the lee manor. all he could do was go back to his intoxication and his numbness. he had come accustomed to being locked in his room, his comfort spot was his closet. sitting in the corner of that damned place and covering his ears so he could hide from his mom.
the isolation was killing him, he worried about everything. what if he just died? would the pain stop? his bliss was his mother never being home. the more she wasn't home, the better. around 15 was when they began to see differences in life. he drank more and more frequently yet did good in school. and the lee manor was worse, the lee manor family was disheveled. jeno's parents fighting and fighting until they settled on completely sleeping in different rooms. effecting the lee boy immensely.
he wasn't used to this fighting, and neither was jaemin. he thought of the lee family as his own family. seeing them fight made him avoid the place for weeks in fear of thinking badly of the two lee parents. he was stuck in his own trap. and he was scared, and tired. the numbness getting to him to the point where he put on the facade of a scary and intimidating person.
hearing his phone ring, he quickly grabbed it and picked it up. holding it shakily in his hand. "hello?" he muttered, not exactly knowing who he even picked up the phone to. "jaemin, come out of your room stupid." hearing the lee boy's voice, he quickly got up. pulling on a hoodie and rushing out of his room. seeing the boy standing impatiently at the bottom of the stairs.
"come on idiot. lets go out." he waved, not even bothered by the fact that na boy had been avoiding him in school for days. he was more concerned that the idiot would be cooped up in his room with bottles of alcohol in places he didn't even know he drank at. maybe it was just hidden concern that the na boy couldn't recognize.
"ew you reek." as he came down the stairs, the boy patted him on the back. "lets go eat, i bet you've been drinking on an empty stomach." he called, resting his arm comfortably around the boys shoulder. maybe it was just how this friendship was suppose to function. whether or not either of them realized it was moving like that.
walking into the class, he could already tell the two were back on peaceful terms. given jaemin had placed the girl comfortably in his lap so he could sleep with his head on her shoulder. ew. couples make him wish he had no eyes. dropping his bag at his desk, he greeted his seat mate peacefully and went to the back of the room to sit in front of his least favourite duo.
"i see you two made up." he snorted, pulling out his phone to take a photo and taunt the na boy later on. "shut up, he's sleeping." she whispered yelled, making him smile and scoff lightly. rolling his eyes and mocking a sorry. he'd only assume the boy had a rough night from how he was sleeping. he'd probably end up asking the boy when the girl was gone.
no matter how many secrets the boy could hide, he could never hide his mental health. if it weren't for the fact that he was there, he'd bank on the fact that the boy could get pulled into a psych ward of some sort.
connections in the wrong places he'd say. it was nice seeing the boy so happy, whether or not their relationship started out as a fabrication that he had to convince himself into. it really does no good sometimes. it was nice having the boy blow up their directs about how much happier he felt being with the orange hair. who could've thought that this would be the outcome of all of this.
seeing his long time friend happy made him happy. even if he had to sneak into the fuckers house to prevent him from drinking too much whenever his mom was home. he was more surprised that neither the alcohol nor him had been caught when the lady was around. mostly the alcohol part. he'd been drinking since he was in junior high and he seriously wasn't found out since the kicked out part.
"jaemin using you as a headrest i see." he hummed, checking the time to see how much longer he had until their witch of a home room teacher would come in and curse his morning. "he's a sleepy kid. he called me up at 2 last night. i just hope he's okay." she muttered, concerned for the boy's health. ahh, so that was the story she was given.
"i'll leave first to my desk. lets go get something at the snack shop later." he nodded, standing up and making his way swiftly to his seat. checking his phone, he immediately went to check his emails. he didn't know whether or not he was being pulled from class for practice today or not. it was a real gamble depending on the schedule for the week from the coach. which was always sent on the monday of the week. who even does that?
a crazy man he'd tell you. his body was getting more and more tired as the school year went on. it was really bugging him. he skipped out on breakfast this morning because of screaming parents and was fucking starving. his own fault, god he really needed to tell one of his caretakers to make him breakfast to go before he leaves the house. breakfast at the manor wasn't nearly as good as it used to be. you can guess why it wouldn't be as good. i bet you know.
if you didn't already know, you're an oblivious fuck. seeing a text message from the night before that he hadn't seen. he opened it and saw several messages of just jaemin venting. not even venting. it just seemed like 3 sentences mixed up and repeating. he was more impressed at his ability to make up so many sentences with a limited amount of words than he was concerned for the male.
it was normal at this point. repetitive if anything from how much he had to deal with the guy having venting sessions by himself. essentially wanting a vent box for him to spew his misery without revealing it to someone who could betray him if they knew of a more vulnerable version of himself. the pains of this bullshit. he wished the male could be more expressive and relaxed at school but knew that he'd never let his guard down in fear of something bad happening.
it made him sad knowing the boy had to deal with this and act like a scary bastard to get through the day without breaking.
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entry #15 completed
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posted; 8/19/22