Smashing my head through a wall would be the best decision at the moment. Unfortunately my head is still pounding from last night's adventure.
Today was supposed to be dinner at the Grey's home except I don't think Christian deserves to win this battle. I am still so mad at him for everything- his need for power over my own life and for nearly knocking Josh unconscious. The man deserves to sweat it out and think about his actions. He can come to me; I'm not coming to him.
There's a knock at the door and by all ironies, Christian is standing at my door mat with a single red rose. He smiles shyly at me when I open the door. And that's when I realize that I am standing in front of him without a bra on and a pair of old sleep pants. I wrap my arms around my chest, shielding his gaze from my unsupported chest. I was suspecting that it was my mom or Victoria at the door. She forgets her keys a lot in the morning. But no, the world hates me too much to be anyone but Christian. Stupid Christian and his brooding gaze and sexy, tousled hair....
Shake it off Ana! You are mad at him. No, you are past mad at him. You want to put his head through the wall, not yours.
"Listen Ana-"
I hold my hand up to him. "No you listen; I am not your puppet so you can't control me like a puppet master. So before you apologize for your actions last night, I would much rather like an apology for your words."
He runs a hand through his hair. "This is who I am. I have always-I've always been in control."
I stare back at him, my mouth dropping open at his sudden burst of sharing an intimate detail about himself. So he does talk, and it sounds like he has more to say than not. "Well, Mr. Grey, your control is dwindling when you're with me. Otherwise, we're wasting both our time."
He stares back at me, a hard stare. Then he lets out a big breath, "I can try, but it's a habit that's going to be hard to shake. It's who I am."
I shake my head, "no. It's who you think you are; who others think you should be." I tap his heart with my palm, "somewhere in here, you're not the control freak I have come to know."
"That was the most backwards compliment I have ever received." Christian places his hand over mine that is still settling on his heart.
His heart beat is steady and it's comforting against my palm. I look into his gray eyes, full of hunger. I remember that I am not wearing a bra and rush off to my bedroom. "Be right back!" I yell.
Changing into a sports bra, I reappear within seconds. My hair is in a total state of disarray, but hopefully Christian will dishevel it more when he takes me passionately in his arms and-
"Honey!" my mom enters the door.
Damn...I should have locked the door.
Christian and I whip our heads around at my mom's entrance. Her belly is huge, near ready to pop any day now. She's staying in Seattle until the baby is born then they're driving back to Georgia two weeks after the baby is born. My mom wants her new baby born in Seattle like I was. She's very particular about things like that. I internally groan and my inner goddess kicks the wall. I let my shoulders slump as my mom grabs me in a tight embrace. Christian leans against the wall, taking in my mom and I. I give him a sheepish smile over my mom's shoulder.
"Well," Christian coughs, "I better get going. I'll see you later tonight, Anastasia?"
I let go of my mom, "pick me up at six?"
"Laters, baby." He winks and is out of the door.
My mom turns to me. "I still can't believe you managed to get someone like Christian Grey. You really lucked out."
I scrunch my face at her comment. She's never been my biggest supporter, but even for her that comment is completely uncalled for and out of place. My disgust is probably etched across my face. No doubt she's kicking herself for making such an immature comment. Even in high school when I would turn down dates, she would tell me that there would never be a better man to come along. That I should take whoever I can get because I am too high maintenance and boys don't like that. Perhaps that's why I have such a hard time believing that Christian could have feelings for someone such as myself. Having a mom doubt you all the time isn't the best to build your confidence as a teenager.
"What do you mean?" I ask, stepping back.
My mom drops her hands to her sides. "Come on Anastasia, thee Christian Grey is seducing you. You're just an awkward college graduate. Don't get me wrong, you're beautiful, but he's the type of man who dates models and actresses."
"I'm going to stop you right now because you don't even know what you're talking about. Christian likes me for some reason neither me or you could ever understand. And I like him. Why can't you ever be happy for me?"
"Ana, stop whining. You sound like you're a recent grade school graduate, not a college graduate." She rests her hand on her protruding belly.
Rolling my eyes, I walk to the door to throw it open. "Sorry Mom, but consider yourself kicked out."
"You're kicking me out? Real mature Anastasia Rose Steele."
She's middle naming me. That's when you know that she won't be knocking on my door anytime soon. And do I care? Not at this point. After all, she'll have a new daughter to pester over dates and looks and grades. Maybe then she'll back off of my life and my decisions. Gosh, Christian and her practically twins switched at birth. That would be weird though...for all of us.
"Indeed I am. See you at the baby shower next week." With that, I close the door in my mom's face. I will be paying for that later I'm sure. No way will she ever forget about this. It'll probably come back to haunt me in the future when I am married with kids. With Christian's kids.
Woah...where did that come from?! I'm only twenty-one. I still have time to think about weddings and babies and Christian. Right now I need to focus on my career and earning enough money to buy decent food. It would also be nice to buy coffee without a tear falling down my face every time I pay the people behind the counter. Then again, maybe I should cut back on my coffee intake. Obviously the coffee is damaging my thoughts.
Leaning against the door, I am jolted by my loud ring tone. The melody for Red starts to play. I repeat the lines "loving him was dark grey all alone." The irony is almost too much to handle. Christian Grey is, in fact, a very grey man. He is fifty shades of grey.
I rush to answer the phone. "Ana."
"Josh?" I ask.
"Don't you look at your caller id? Anyway, I have an extra ticket to a piano concert tonight in Seattle. Wanna come with?"
I press my palm on my forehead. He just doesn't get that all I want is his friendship. Dating Josh would only complicate things. My life is complicated enough with Christian Grey popping in and out of my apartment with roses in his hands. I need to get my life together and that starts with telling Josh the truth about how I feel. Last night was a wake up call for me. It was weird, him trying to come onto me in the state we were in. The flashback makes me shudder with fear and disgust towards my good friend. He was drunk, yes, but he knows his limits more than I know mine.
I take a deep breath, "Josh, what I'm going to say next is hard for me to say. I want you to know that you're a great friend and I wish the best for you..."
Josh interrupts me, "Ana, you're scaring me."
I let the words tumble from my mouth. "We're just friends, Josh. That's all we'll ever be. I'm sorry if it hurts your feelings and I hope we can still be friends. But the truth is, Christian is a good guy under all that...that intimidation and street brawls. I like him, Josh. I think we could have a future together. But I do wish the best for you."
Much to my surprise, Josh starts to laugh into the phone. His laughter is so loud that I have to hold my phone from my ear. "Ana, you're a beautiful woman, but I don't exactly feel that way about you. And anyone can see that you're crazy about Christian and I think the same for him too."
"So, last night...?" I let my question dangle.
"Last night was a mistake. I was drunk. By the way, I really am sorry."
"Don't worry too much about it. I know who you can take to the concert though. Victoria isn't doing anything and she loves the piano." I think about Victoria who has had a major crush on Josh for the longest time. She would kill me if she knew that I was proposing this date night out for the two of them. I better stay clear of her when I come home from the Grey's dinner.
Josh sighs, "you think she would go?"
"I know she would. Text her; she's at work until four."
We exchange good byes and I return to finishing my morning routine of staring at the walls until inspiration hits me. I grab my notebook and pen and head out into the cool Seattle air to get some writing down by the small river on campus.
***
Christian waits for me in the living room. He's dressed in a pair of grey slacks and a dark blue shirt. He looks cool and composed. I stare back at my closet full of jeans and t shirts. The Grey's probably live in a mansion somewhere deep within the mountains near the Sound. They would tisk with disgust of they saw me in any of these clothes. Groaning, I pull out the plum flowing dress my mom dropped off for my graduation gift the other day. It's not really my style-too girly-but it will have to do for tonight. The plum disaster is the only option I have at this point. My other two dresses are more for girls night out or an awards banquet. I'm thinking this is not going to be either of those things. My hair is pulled back into a bun. The style looks sophisticated. I brush some blush, mascara, and lip stick on. Makeup has never been my favorite thing so I use light colors. My mom always told me I didn't need makeup because my green eyes are piercing enough. Now that I think of it, I'm not positive if that is an insult or a compliment. Coming from my mom, it has to be an insult.
"Ok, I'm ready to go." I grab my small purse and walk towards Christian. His eyes catch mine and he wears a smirk that makes me go weak in the knees. Not literally, but pretty darn close.
"Miss Steele, looking gorgeous as ever," Christian tells me while making his way closer to me. He smells heavenly, like expensive cologne. "Your hair."
"You don't like it?" my hands go to the nape of my neck where my bun rests.
"Where do you think we're going, Ana, a ballet or a simple fmaily dinner?"
"Is anything ever simple with you, Mr. Grey?" I whisper as his hands make their way to the back of my neck. His fingers press into my neck lightly. He takes the bobby pins from my hair and pulls my hair free from the pony tail holder. My hair tumbles down my shoulders in brown, mousy waves. Christian's eyes meet mine and he gives me a wicked smile. My heart stops and I lean into him, but he presses his finger against my lip. "Always so eager, Miss Steele."
My cheeks heat with embarrassment. "Please kiss me."
"Laters, baby. My mother is expecting us there in a half an hour."
"But Seattle is over an hour away...oh! We're going on the jet?" I do a jump up and down like a little girl. Then I realize what I am doing and stop just as quickly as I began.
Christian looks amuse, "yes, Charlie Tango is waiting for us."
"Charlie Tango?" I arch an eyebrow at the name.
"My jet."
"Boys and their toys. How cute." I nudge Christian's shoulder with my own.
"Miss Steele, do not call me cute."
Oh man, I totally just wounded Christian's pride. Obviosuly I am pushing his buttons. Maybe I should down play this. "So, are you going to introduce me as your fake girlfriend tonight?"
"I," he takes my head, leading me to the door, "am going to introduce you as my girlfriend, Anastasia. Please don't act foolish and blow this for me."
Right. This is all a ploy for Christian. Pretend to be the caring boyfriend in front of his family and then pretend like I don't exist. His needs before mine. Always. "I won't," I whisper.
"Good. Now let's go or we're going to be late."
We arrive at the Grey's house on the dot. Christian's mother throws open the door. She's a younger woman, no more than fifty years old. Her hair is pinned back in a black chignon. She looks nothing like her son. His dad comes into the foyer, which is as big as my apartment as a whole. He doesn't look like Christian either. Christian must have been the lone sheep of the family, not looking like either of his parents. Hmm. A girl with chin length, jet black hair plows into Christian. She squeezes him tight and her reciprocates.
"You," she pulls back, "must be Anastasia. Nobody was more surprised when Christian told my mom that he had a girlfriend. We all thought he was gay to be honest.
Christian's mother gives her daughter a disapproving look.
"I'm Mia by the way. The youngest and prettiest Grey."
"Mia's studying fashion in Paris until next summer," Christian puts his arm around me.
"It's nice to meet you all. Thanks for having me." I lean into Christian's side.
Mrs. Grey smiles warmly at me. "The pleasure is mine Anastasia. What a beautiful name that is."
I flush, "thank you."
"Grace, you better get the dinner out of the oven." Mr. Grey tells his wife.
She loos flustered as she rushes past us. "Our cook usually is here but he's out with the flu."
Of course they have a cook. These people come from a different world. They're money and I'm spare change. I look around the grand foyer and the black piano catches my eye. Christian sees where I'm looking and drags me into the opposite direction. We enter the dining room hand in hand. Elliot is sitting on his phone, nodding as Mia rants on and on about something. She looks up at us when we enter. Christian pulls a chair out for me. Mia watches us curiously like we're the most interesting show on Earth. Christian mustn't have been lying when he said he's never really had a girlfriend. It's hard to believe when he looks the way he does.
"Ana, where you really that desperate to agree to date my oldest brother?" Mia leans across the table.
I glance at Christian hesitantly. He brings his wine glass to his lips, eyes narrowed on his little sister. I laugh lightly, "actually, your brother was pretty charming."
Mia nearly falls out of her hair. Elliot spits out his water. Mr. Grey walks in at that moment, assessing the situation.
"Dad!" Mia lets out another laugh, "Ana said Christian is charming."
Mr. Grey joins in with the laughter, "well you have a lot to learn."
"That's enough." Christian gets up from the table. He leaves the room; the silence suffocating me.
"Excuse me," I push out of my chair to follow where Christian went. He's standing on the patio just past the large kitchen. His hands are stuffed in his pockets. I walk outside, wrapping my arms around myself.
"Sorry about them."
"No," I stand next to him, "don't be sorry. Christian what aren't you telling me?"
Christian runs a hand through his hair. "Carrick and Grace aren't my real parents. They adopted me when I was a young boy. I don't remember much, but I know my real mom wasn't a great mom."
"Christian," I place my hand on his bicep.
He shakes me off, "I don't need your pity Miss Steele."
I look at him, taken aback. "Seriously? Christian, let someone care for you. Let me in!"
He looks out into the distance, past the Sound. "Please drop it. There's nothing that concerns you anyway. We aren't together."
"I don't give a damn! Can't you see? I care about you Christian. I want to be in your life and not temporarily. I want to be in your life for longer than this banquet or fundraiser."
"You don't know what you're saying."
I pull at my hair, completely exasperated. "Right, I almost forgot that you are my brain now so you know what I really am thinking. My bad."
"Stop being so childish," he spits back.
"I-" Mrs. Grey pokes her head through the door.
"Christian, Anastasia, dinner is ready."
She stalks back in. Christian glances over at me. "Let's get this over with."
"Let's," I snake in front of him to join the rest of the Greys for dinner. If Christian is going to freeze me out, I might as well have some fun with his family. See what I can come up with about him.