No Loops?
We're sitting in my assigned row. I'm in the aisle in 17C, with Rion beside me, and Margaret's against the window. Rion has won Mags over, no doubt with the help of those hypnotizing eyes of his, and he's now snacking on her bag of saltwater taffy.
Meanwhile, I reach for his Toblerone. "I'm going to miss this not reappearing every 28 minutes."
He smiles and then grimaces after trying a piece of the banana taffy. "Well, you definitely need a big emergency stash of them."
There's a long silence. It stretches between us, engulfed in the white noise of the engines. I glance out the window at the dark night sky. I can't see anything except the blinking lights from the end of the wing.
Then I remember Sisyphus, from Greek mythology, who cheated death. This loop has given us the opportunity to cheat death, too.
"You know I'm going to miss these people. Not all of them, but a lot of them," I then say.
Rion watches me, his blue eyes able to make the darkest nights seem like daytime again. "Even Edward Pickens III?"
"You know, he'd probably be a lot of fun to square dance with as long as he kept his sweaty feet covered."
Rion laughs but as I glance around the plane, my stomach twists. "It's weird..." I take a deep breath. "That they won't remember me. They won't miss me, even a little."
His hand circles around mine. "That's only because they don't know you. If they knew you, they'd miss you terribly. To know you, Evelyn, is to love you." He pauses, as my head tilts in surprise. "The two go hand in hand. Trust me."
My heart skips a beat, and a warmth spreads over me.
"You know," I then say, "with all the shit I've pulled on this flight, it's nothing short of amazing that I'll be able to walk off this plane without being handcuffed. In fact, my next loop – to the best of my knowledge – would've been 400. Four hundred loops. I feel like I should win something. I don't know what... maybe a set of steak knives?"
Rion nods, thoughtfully. "Aloha Airlines should give you free miles, for sure.
"At least. I definitely need to be upgraded to a permanent priority check-in."
"And get free pillows and blankets for life," he adds.
"And the extra baggage fee permanently waived."
I watch as Margaret pulls a Sudoku puzzle out of her purse. I did it a dozen times in the two-hundred point when I was bored. I know I shouldn't, but I can't resist the impulse, knowing it'll be my last time. I lean over Rion and tell Mags, "The top row is 6, 7, 9, 2, and 5," and then I slump back before she has a chance to respond.
"I'm going to miss that too," I tell Rion.
He side-eyes me. "Ruining other people's fun?"
"Well yes," I joke. But then I inch closer to him, and rest my cheek against his shoulder. "But I guess what I mean is that I'm going to miss... knowing what's going to happen. Sometimes not knowing is... scary."
Rion's quiet. Then he finally says, "I know. Trust me, I know."
My voice is quiet. Nearly a whisper. "Can the doctors in LA help you?"
Rion is still, like he's frozen. I think he's not going to respond, but then I hear him say, "I don't know. The future isn't written. But I'm hopeful."
"I'm hopeful too," I say as I nuzzle closer to him, my heart skipping a beat as my fingers snake between his. A tingling spreads through my hand, as a nervous fluttering fills my chest.
"I'm really going to have to get used to the concept of consequences again, aren't I?" I then say.
Rion leans back and stretches his long legs out in front of him. "So what you're saying is that you've got some serious baggage?"
A grin cracks on my face. "You're packing in the baggage puns. See what I did there?"
He's laughing, and his face transforms with the smile. It's beautiful. His features brighten and he's glowing, his smile perfectly arcing across his face like the most beautiful crescent moon.
I know I'm staring but I can't look away. In all the four hundred plus loops I've been in, and the 17 years of my life before that, it's singlehandedly the most breathtaking thing I've ever seen.
Rion steals a glance at his watch and then holds his fist under his mouth, like it's an intercom. In his best pilot voice, he says, "Good news, folks, the Internet is back up. We're about 100 miles away from Los Angeles and we're about to start our descent into the City of Angels. The storms have passed and it's a beautiful night. Cloudless skies, temperature is 70 degrees. Thank you for flying with us tonight on Aloha Air."
Aloha, the word rings in my ears. Hello and goodbye.
And is that what it will be for Rion and me? Just one wild hello and goodbye?
"Maybe we're here for no other reason than for a chance to meet each other," he then says. "I can't imagine not knowing you."
"Well, you don't have to worry about that anymore," I respond.
"And tomorrow?"
I crane my neck up, looking into his eyes, realizing he's as uncertain about our future as I am. The word hangs as a question mark on his lips. And there, in the sea of swirling white noise, there are so many unspoken questions floating between us. Is there a future for us beyond this airplane? Beyond this strange life-or-death anomaly with time?
I blink, in surprise. The concept of tomorrow is something I haven't fully considered for a long, long time.
"Tomorrow, we're going to Cedars Sinai Hospital and we're going to kick cancer's ass."
"We're?" he asks.
I nod. "We're."
His grin is so wide, it might just sprain his cheeks. A matching smile rests on my face.
I'll never know why the loop started. Was it some atmospheric anomaly that caused it to happen? Was it spiritual, so we could end up saving the lives of everyone onboard this flight? Or was it somehow about us – about battling our internal demons, or learning to appreciate every moment no matter what form it comes in?
Rion's hand tightens around mine.
Or was it love? Did everything in the world always come back to love? Love for each other, love for ourselves, love for this crazy thing called life?
I'll never know. But that's okay, too.
Rion leans closer, and he peers out the window as the distant city lights appear on the horizon.
Tears well in my eyes, and I'm overwhelmed with so many emotions, overlapping one on top of the other and blending together.
"We now have no more resets," I tell him.
Rion shakes his head. "No, we don't."
"Everything matters now."
He brushes a strand of hair out of my eyes. "Everything always mattered."
"Yeah," I say softly. Everything always mattered. I look down at the red bag at my feet and feel that same sense of calm come over me. "When I'm back home, I think I will call a therapist – maybe even Dr. Sheryl's office – and make an appointment. A real appointment. I think some therapy, where the other person actually remembers who I am, will be beneficial."
Rion nods in agreement. "And I think I'll have a real conversation with my mom. Tell her how I'm feeling and what I need from her right now."
"And we're going to go to a ton of new places," I add, suddenly so excited about all the possibilities. "See new sights. Eat new food."
"And watch Star Wars?" Rion's head tilts as an eyebrow creeps up his forehead.
My eyes narrow, but then I'm smiling. "Sure, I'm up for anything, as long as it's something I haven't done before."
"Only things you haven't done before?" His voice is low and a heat spreads over my face. Then he's leaning forward until his lips press against mine and the heat takes over my entire body.
He pulls back, and I grab his face and bring his lips to mine again. In between kisses, I mumble, "I'd like to revise my previous statement. There are some things that I don't mind doing many, many more times. Like this." And then I kiss him again.
When we finally break apart, Rion says, "Once again, Evelyn Werth, we are in complete agreement."
The plane dips, and I hear the mechanical grind of the wheels lowering, for landing. In matter of minutes, the plane will hit the tarmac in Los Angeles. Likely to what I imagine will be a lot of flashing police lights, and a ton of questions about what exactly happened on this flight.
But other than that, it will be a normal night.
Except nothing is normal anymore.
I tighten my grip around Rion's hand and he pulls me in for another kiss.
But now it's not normal in the best way possible.