Beau sleeps soundly close to my lap. It's been a few hours since I woke up. I went back to sleep after our conversation. Exhaustion from all the crying I had done and the injuries I had sustained took hold of me. I gently stroke Beau's hair while he sleeps. Lifting my hand away from his head for a second, I wipe away the teardrop falling from my eyes. I've been doing some thinking. And what I'm thinking about makes me tear up. I sniffle a little, and the sound causes Beau to wake up.
"You're crying," he says, seeing the tears in my eyes.
"No, I'm not," I lie, wiping the evidence from my face. "I need to talk to you."
"What is it, mon amour?"
A bullet tears through my heart hearing him call me that. His love. Placing a hand on his face, I try to memorize every detail. This is the last time I'll ever be close to him, so I take my time admiring his handsome face. He is about to place his hand over mine, but I draw away before he can. I adjust a little on the bed and clear my throat before speaking, praying to God I don't sound weak.
"While you were sleeping, I did some thinking."
Beau's brows pull together. "What did you think about?"
"I thought about the loss of our baby and why it happened."
"Oh." Beau's shoulders drop. He must be feeling guilty, but it's not his fault. If there's one thing we can't choose in this world, it's our family. It's not our choice who we are related to. We can create new families, but our blood relations will always be the people we didn't get to pick ourselves.
I prepare for what I have to say next. "I don't think it's a good idea to be together, Beau. It will only bring us harm." We didn't even have the chance to officially get back together, but it was inevitable. I had known that. I had just needed time to process through everything Beau had admitted to me that night in Nana's room. But now, it's doesn't even matter if I could have forgiven him. I can't be with him after everything that's happened.
"No, don't say that Delilah. We are meant to be together. Please don't let what happened make you think otherwise." Beau grabs my hand, squeezing it tightly. It's not a painful grip, but I can tell from how he clings to me that he doesn't want to let go.
"How can we be meant for each other, Beau? We lost our child, because your grandfather doesn't want us together." Tears begin to fill my eyes. I know I'm breaking Beau's heart, and my own is breaking in the process. This is the worst time to leave him. He also lost a child and will probably need me more than ever to help him through his grief, but what I am doing is for the best. For both of us.
"My grandfather did not plan to hurt our baby. Please don't leave me. I just got you back." Beau's voice cracks.
"How sure are you about that? I can't risk losing another child just because your family can't accept me. I'm sorry, Beau. But I can't be with a man whose family murdered my child. I'm sorry." Pulling my hand out of his, I turn on my side, away from him.
"Delilah, please don't do this; I need you now more than ever." Beau tries to make me turn around, but I don't budge.
"I know. But that's why I can't be with you now, because if we go through this time together, then we will be inseparable, and that wouldn't be good for either of us."
"It will, Delilah; please don't leave me. I need you." Beau gets into bed with me, his arms going around my waist. He presses his front into my back. My heart breaks as his scent reaches my nose. This is the last time I am ever going to smell him. The last time I'll ever have him wrapped around me.
"But I don't need you, Beau." The lie shatters my heart.
"I am sorry, please don't do this."
"It's not your fault; you have nothing to apologize for. But this is for the best. Please understand that."
"Delilah, please don't do this." His head drops onto my shoulder. I bite my lip, holding back my tears.
He needs to go. If I have to keep talking to him, smelling him, and feeling him around me, then I might change my mind. And I can't. "Can you leave? I want to be alone."
"I love you." Beau tightens his arms around my waist. "I love you; I love you more than you can imagine. Please don't leave me."
"I can't love you anymore, Beau; please leave." I bite my lip harder, holding back the wails threatening to come out of me. I can't break down while he's here. He will comfort me, and it will only make things harder. I need to be strong.
"Delil—"
"Leave Beau!" I shout, cutting him off. I wipe my eyes, turning around to face him and pointing towards the door.
Beau doesn't say another word and only stares at me for a minute before getting up and picking up his jacket. He walks back over to me and places a peck on my forehead. Closing my eyes, I savor the feeling of his lips on my skin. This is the last time I will experience that. The second he closes the door behind him, my tears unleash. I pull my knees to my stomach, curve into a ball on the bed, and cry my heart out. I tell myself this is for the best to make it stop, but it doesn't work. The reality that Beau and I will never be together again crashes into me, and my heart rips fully in two.
***
"Dad," I whine as he holds a spoonful of soup close to my mouth. He is determined to continue feeding me even though it's been a month since the kidnapping, and I am almost fully healed.
Dad had arrived the morning after I broke Beau's heart. It was a surprise since I hadn't had a chance to contact him yet, but I knew Beau must have. I saw my dad shed tears for the first time in my life that day. My injuries coupled with the news about the loss of his grandchild hit him hard. But he didn't try to speak to me about it when I avoided discussing the details. I'm grateful for that. I know I need to speak to someone about it. And once I'm ready, I will, but I'm not ready yet.
"I know you're doing better," Dad says. "But I still want to feed you. The doctor says you need rest, which means no straining yourself."
"How could I strain myself by eating? Please let me feed myself." I put my hand forward to collect the spoon, but he hits my hand away. I sigh. "You do know I am twenty-five years old, right?"
"Even if you were fifty years old, I would still feed you." He smiles while I roll my eyes. He's treating me like a child. "Now, open your mouth."
With a groan, I give up and open my mouth so he can give me the soup.
After I finish dinner, the girls come to see me. They arrived in town the same day Dad did and each cried a river once they saw me. I was scared Camila would pass out due to how many tears she shed. Axel came to check on me as well, but he had to fly back yesterday because of work.
I've been flipping through the channels on the TV for a while, but there isn't anything good on. I throw the remote on the blanket in frustration. Being in the hospital and laying around all day has quickly become tiresome. My release day can't come soon enough.
I turn towards Tamara to make conversation when I notice something. She's here physically, but her mind seems far away. She's staring at the TV even though I just switched it off.
I tap her shoulder. "Hey, what's on your mind?"
Tamara releases a deep sigh before speaking, "Nothing." She plasters a fake smile on her face and pats my hand gently.
"Tell me what's wrong."
"Nothing is wrong. Why would you think something is wrong?" She moves uncomfortably in her chair, avoiding eye contact with me. I turn to face Camila with a knowing look.
"Why don't you want to tell us what's wrong?" Camila asks, joining in.
Tamara looks like she's about to lie to Camila too, so I say something before she gets the chance. "Whatever is bothering you must be serious, so you need to tell us. And don't say you don't want to because of my condition. I'll be discharged from the hospital soon. I'm strong enough to hear whatever it is that's wrong."
"I wish your condition was why I didn't want to speak. It would make everything so much easier."
"I think that's even more of a reason why you should tell us."
Tamara momentarily closes her eyes and sighs. "I'm worried about what will happen to me if Edward hears that Harvey and I are thinking about being together. I'm just thinking about how much worse my situation would be since he could harm you this much even while you were pregnant."
Camila and I share another look. Tamara recently told us she'd been gaining feelings for Harvey. I can't say I'm shocked, considering everything that's happened to her. But I don't know how to respond to her fears. "Oh."
"I knew talking about it would only make you worry and remember how horrible what you went through was. And I didn't want to be the cause of that."
"Trust me, Tamara, you confiding in me won't cause anything. I'll remember the incident forever and telling me about your worries for you and Harvey won't make it any worse. So, talk about it. I'll offer you advice or just a listening ear. Whichever you need."
"Thank you." Tamara gives us each a smile of relief. "I really needed someone to talk to. I'm so confused right now. The reasons why Harvey and I shouldn't be together are numerous, and I don't know what to do. There's the fact that I shouldn't even have feelings for him, but I do, and then there's his grandfather. I'm losing my mind trying to figure out the best way to handle this situation."
I sigh. "I wish I could tell you your feelings for Harvey are worth the risk of being together, but unfortunately, I can't. The loss of my child is too much for me to bear, and I don't wish that for you. Here's my advice: lock up those feelings and try to forget about Harvey. Being with him will only bring you pain. I am living proof of that," I say, tears pooling in my eyes. I sniff and push back the tears. It still breaks my heart that Beau and I can't be together, but it's for the best.
"I agree with Delilah," Camila chimes in.
"I knew you were both going to say that," Tamara says.
"I'm sorry, but it's the truth," I say. "It would be worth it if their hate didn't make them do extreme things." The lengths that Edward and Jenny will go to are terrifying. "I've spent a month in this hospital because of that hate. I don't think a love that causes physical and mental pain is worth it."
"I understand." Tamara nods. "And I think that's why I can't bring myself to be with him yet. Harvey's hurt me himself in the past, and I don't know if he's worth forgiving."
"You should forgive him, because holding a grudge won't do you any good, but you shouldn't choose to be with him."
Camila leans forward and clasps Tamara's hand. "And just remember that no matter happens, you'll always have us."
"Thanks, you guys. I'll keep that in mind." She smiles softly at us both, and we return it.