eddies brain could not stop his thoughts. no matter how hard he tried he could not push them down. he hated himself for it.
why oh why was he thinking of that night. why did steve have to bring all those feelings back up for him.
his mind was racing and his leg bouncing, his nails were probably shortened by half from all the bitting. and he tried to get his mind off it by smoking and even drinking but his brain just wouldn't stop.
he didn't like the fact that he was even thinking of steve. he wanted to forget all about it. but he couldn't, it was eating him alive from the inside.
deciding sitting on his bed is not going to help him calm down he took his bike and went to a place he knew he could take out his anger and frustration.
arriving at a near by car dump he checked if anyone was there. it seemed almost abandoned and eddie assumed it was, since he never saw anyone there.
resting his bike on a fence, he jumped over, landing gracefully on the ground. looking around he saw broken cars, scrap metal, tires, glass, trash... eyeing a metal rod he picked it up and spun it in his hand.
he walked up to a seemingly recently dumped car, took a deep breath, swung the rod back and smashed it into the car windows with all his strength. the glass broke falling into the car and on the floor.
letting out a gasp he looked at the window and laughed. he jumped on the hood of the car and as he was releasing the rod down on the windshield he yelled out.
the screen didn't break immediately, so he hit it again, screaming once more. he hit it a few more times until it broke. yes, he was out of breath but that.. was amazing.
he felt relief wash over him. maybe it was the adrenaline, the anger or just... eddie but he knew this was working. he was huffing, his chest moving up and down. he jumped on another car sparing no time for it to prepare for the impact. as eddie swung into the cars windshield he screamed "FUCK YOU!" the screen didn't break yet. he swung again "I HATE YOU!" it started cracking. "FUCK YOU STEVE!!" the glass broke.
eddie dropped the metal rod as he couldn't bare his feelings any longer. it felt as tho the emotional dam that he was building up all his life had suddenly just broke. this little pebble was thrown at it and the dam was destroyed, emotions spilling out.
he cried. at first they started as little sobs, his chest rising up and down in heaves but then he fully cried out. tears flowing down his face and his vision was getting blurry.
he slowly lowered his body on the hood he was still standing on, now on his knees and head in his hands. soon his fingers were drenched in tears but eddie just couldn't stop. he just kept crying, occasionally letting out a loud sob. he curled up on the car, not truly caring if he was laying on broken shards of glass. and he just cried.
he guessed it was mostly because of steve but other circumstances might've contributed to his feelings.
he wasn't sure when he stopped crying. he was suddenly just laying there on the car in total silence except the occasional hiccup he let out.
and almost like nothing happened, he got up off the car, carefully swiping off the glass shards that got stuck in his hair, jumped over the fence, got on his bike and left.
he didn't know what he was feeling at the moment but he knew he was exhausted and just wanted to go to sleep. he might've cared about his obviously puffy eyes, not wanting wayne to see him like this but he wasn't home anyways.
he got in, locking the door behind him and heading straight to his room. he didn't bother to shower, he didn't think he could stand for another minute. he just plopped on his bed, face first and almost as if hitting a cloud, eddie fell asleep in seconds.
and he wasn't sure if it was the exhaustion or if eddies brain just decided to shut off but that might've been the best sleep of his life.
...
through the weekend eddie went to the car dump two more times. he already let out his feelings of anger, sadness and everything that might've been bundled up in his dam of emotions but it just felt good smashing something. if he didn't, he thought he might've just went to steves house and beat the shit out of him. and as much as eddie would love that, he wasn't prepared to wind up like his dad.
but on a monday eddie wished he had a car and that metal rod in front of him at all times because he didn't think he could stand to look at steve. he knew he was gonna have multiple classes with him and that thought alone made him want to smash his head against the lockers.
and wouldn't you know it, the very first class that was geography, eddie had with steve. he swore up and down that man switched his schedule so he could annoy eddie as much as he could.
but eddie was at least thankful that steve sat on the opposite side of the room. at least that way he could restrain himself from lunging at the boy and ripping his head off.
eddie made sure there were people already in the class when he went in. he didn't want to have another alone conversation with harrington, especially one that would most likely end up in eddie being beat up.
yes yes, eddie did want to punch steve but he knew damn well that the latter was stronger than him and if he wanted to, would beat the shit out of him. but apparently steve didn't hate him that much yet.
...
eddie tried his best to focus on the lesson. and it might be true that eddie wasn't particularly good at geography but he could at least try since he knew he'd fail otherwise.
though, it was hard to focus on the teacher when a certain someone was burning holes into the side of his head. he obviously knew who it was so he spared no attention to the boy but with time it was getting increasingly difficult to not look at his direction. eddie almost felt a sting in his head, like steve was actually burning a laser at him.
so curiosity won. eddie turned his head, not to fast but apparently it wasn't slow enough for steve to not have enough time to look away. for a few seconds they just looked at each other and eddie thought that he sensed something similar to guilt in steves eyes.
but he might as well imagine it, steves eyes have always been a poker face to him. whenever he smiled his eyes remained the same as they always do. almost emotionless. the last time eddie saw steves 'real face' was most likely that night.
but he couldn't stare at him for long because steve looked away in embarrassment. eddie just rolled his eyes. if you wanna stare at me at least be unapologetic about it.
so eddie went on with the lesson, only occasionally noticing the other boy was looking at him for a second before he turned away. but the class was soon over so eddie didn't have to deal with steves burning look any longer.
as quick as he could, he packed up his stuff and hurried out of the classroom, going out of the school and to the smoking place. he couldn't bare to spend another second around steve. plus, he desperately needed a smoke to cool his mind.
his usual friends weren't there so he just smoked by himself and he wasn't really mad about it. some quiet time was good for him.
slowly putting out the cigarette he returned to the school and headed to his math class, a few people inside already but no steve. eddie was relieved, he hopped he wouldn't come at all.
when he sat at his desk he noticed some papers, a note and 30 bucks stuck to it. he picked the papers up and saw they were his math notes he lent to steve. picking up the note he read it:
thank you for the notes, they really helped! heres just a little compensation.. and as a sorry.. i guess :(
eddie rolled his eyes at the last part but pocketed the money and note. he won't say no to free cash. he wasn't really expecting steve to pay him but he is rich so it makes sense. eat the rich right?
slowly the class filled up and steve came in at the last second, as always. he sat next to eddie and the two locked eyes for a second. and eddie wasn't sure if he was seeing things again but steves poker face eyes seemed to really be gone today. they were glossy as tho tears would almost want to spill out but he was holding them in. he was quick with blinking them away and looking away from eddie.
eddie didn't know what happened just then and a part of him wanted to ask if steve was okay but the other part wanted nothing to do with the boy. so he minded his own business and focused on the lesson.
...
"hey eddie."
a hand had grabbed eddies forearm and lightly tugged him aside. much to eddies dismay it was steves hand. he immediately rolled his eyes but turned his attention on the boy infront of him.
"could we umm.. could we talk somewhere?" he had let go of eddies arm at this point and was scratching his own, looking between eddies eyes and the boys' rings that were decorating his hands.
to be honest, eddie was a little confused. he didn't know why steve wanted to talk all of a sudden. they have mostly ignored each other the past two years. maybe he wants to talk about the notes?
"why? why should i give you my time?" he wasn't just going to come crawling into steves arms like a little puppy at the first sign of his pretty eyes.
what?
"please eddie, just... just give me five minutes" steve pleaded. he was now fully looking at eddies eyes and if he was completely honest with himself he couldn't resist them any longer. "fine, five minutes, behind the school. this better be good harrington."
eddie stormed out the front door with steve following close behind him trying to keep up with the quick pace.
"okay, start" eddie gave steve no time to even catch a breath as he checked his watch as if he was a business man that had better things to do.
"i... i wanted to say sorry" steve lifted the gaze that was once more fixated on eddies rings, to look at his eyes.
no, don't feel bad, it's a trick. you know what he did.
"sorry for?" eddie pretended to be stupid.
"for everything i guess?" steve took a sharp inhale "i'm sorry for tommy, i'm sorry i've been such an ass, i'm sorry if i made you feel bad."
what?
"if you made me feel bad??" eddie let out a scoff. he couldn't believe him. "steve, you know what you did. you literally ruined my life."
steve looked lost, confused and sorry. his eyes were glossy again. "i- i don't though. you just.. you stoped hanging out with me and i have no idea why. but if i did something... i'm sorry."
eddie was in disbelief. he was looking at steve trying to find any hint of sarcasm or insincerity but steve seemed to be completely serious.
"i can't believe you right now" eddies hands flew to his hair as he ruffled them in stress. "you- you don't.. remember what you did? you don't remember!?"
steves mouth opened and closed as if he wanted to say something but couldn't find the right words. eddie wished he had that metal rod with him. he wanted to smack steves face with it.
"i don't- i don't know eddie, i really don't know what i did" eddie saw a single tear run down steves face and it made eddie want to cry out loud but he choked back his sobs, looked at steve and turned to walk away.
"wait! eddie, please!" steve grabbed his hand and pulled him to face around. eddie looked at their hands, steve still holding it, rubbing eddies with his thumb. the move made eddie calm down a bit but not nearly enough to stay around steve.
he snatched his hand away "fuck you steve." he gave the other boy one last look before he turned on his heel and speed walked back to the school, heading straight to the bathroom.
as soon as he made sure no one was in there he locked himself in a stall and cried out. tears spilled out into his hands which were supporting his head. his chocked sobs echoed in the big bathroom and eddie might've been concerned with someone hearing him but he was way to distressed to care.
steve didn't even realize what he did was wrong. he didn't know that he ruined eddies life. how can he be so stupid?? how does he care about me so little?
eddie didn't go to the rest of his classes after that. he headed straight home, his uncle still there. as eddie saw him and wayne saw his glossy red eyes he just stood up and hugged eddie.
and eddie didn't care of the situation, he just needed to cry to someone and wayne was the person he was closest too. he hugged him tightly and sobbed into his shoulder.
he told his uncle everything that night. everything that happened two years back, everything that has been bothering him was out on the table. he was finally letting himself being vulnerable with his uncle and it felt... freeing.
the two of them talked after wayne calmed eddie down and he was glad they did. it rested eddies mind and felt like it brought them a little closer. he knew he could truly trust his uncle.
that day he decided that he's not going to let steve infiltrate his mind any longer. he decided to forget all about it, to shut it out and just... head forward.
...
A/N: thank you for reading! my updates might be slow, i don't always have patience for writing and it gets extremely hard to do it when i'm not inspired. i'm not fully satisfied with the chapter but idk how else to build up their relationship so i come to the part i want.
yeah but anyways, thanks for reading and hope you stick around for future updates!