"Speak. I will listen." says the woman, watching the girl struggling how to start.
"Why do you speak like it was all my fault? I don't care about our past anymore," she felt pang in her chest as soon she uttered those words. She thought that her feelings for the woman betrayed how she stand for something that will value herself as a human.
All this time she realized how she fooled herself by telling that she was free from all the things that inflicted her, even the person who caused it.
But she was wrong.
"Then stop bringing them back," the woman calmly said.
"I don't," she paused, "mali bang gustuhin ko lang malaman mo kung gaano mo ako nasaktan noon?" her tears fell again. The woman swallowed lightly as she couldn't stand seeing the girl crying, but she thought that it wasn't like as before-- that she can freely pull the girl for a hug-- to comfort and assured her that everything will fall into places and she's going to be fine. She's grown up, not the ordinary girl she will involve herself into-- but a girl that her son will marry, a person that her son cherish the most.
Irene remain silent while looking at the dark area of the ocean, waiting for the girl to talk again.
"I sometimes think that maybe you didnt love me, that you just treated me as a joke--and you considered our relationship as platonic even though something happened between us before," she sniffled, causing the woman to look at her.
Irene took step forward and tell that the girl's thoughts were far from how she treasured their little love story eight years ago.
"I've never treated you that way," the woman delicately uttered.
"But you made me feel it," Ariella painfully said, staring back to the woman. Her eyes were already tender from crying, "ang tanga ko na umasa ako na babalik ka pa, kahit alam kong napakalabo na," she already let out a consecutive sobs as she couldn't take it anymore.
The woman step closer and was about to held the girl's hands but she abruptly step back.
"Do you have any idea how much you hurted me?!" resented the girl and rested her palms in her knees, feeling drained from how she resisted everything inside her.
Ariella
Year 2012...
I gasped, and I felt like I rose from temporary death. The blinding gleam of a light in the ceiling made me shut my eyes tightly, the sounds of a frantic, distinct voices from the room deafens me. All I know is..I'm alive.
Single drop of tears rolled down at the side of my face, feeling thankful that I still woke up in a torturing nightmare of my life.
Doctor and nurses rushed to my hospital room and monitored my condition, my heartbeat and the state of my whole body. I could even hear the low sobs of my mother.
"Your daughter successfully fought for her temporary coma, she's already stable and we're hoping that it'll continue until she can already get up and walk," the doctor says after some minutes of checking me.
"Thank you so much, Doc," my mother replied, holding the doctor's hand.
After that, my mother went to my bed and asked a lot of questions of what I feel and what something she could do but I just stare at her and turned my gaze to nowhere. My body felt very tired, making me not to speak.
It took me an hours before I finally went back to my full consciousness, "mom.." I weak uttered, she immediately went closer.
"What is it, anak? Are you okay? Do you feel hurt?" she consecutively asked.
"Where's professor Marcos?" the only thing that my lips uttered, my mother was quite astonished but composed herself after.
"Anak, bakit mo naman hahanapin ang teacher mo? Andito naman ako, do you need something?" she worriedly asked.
"She's the one I need, mom. Where is she?" I courageously asked, not thingking about what she'll think why I'm looking for my former teacher.
My mother swallowed, "she left," my hands tightly grip the sheet of my hospital bed.
"What do you mean she left?!" I accidentally hissed , my father stood up as I raised my voice toward my mother, "Ariella!" I bowed and cried.
The accident's still in my head, the reason why I am here. Even the last moment of her while we were arguing.
I could feel the arms snake around my body, it was my mom, "ano bang meron sa kanya, anak?" she gently asked, careful not to trigger me. I didn't answered as I know how complicated it was.
Time goes by but she haven't visited me, even my friends Margaret and Catherine until the day I discharged. The hope that I am holding slowly shattered into pieces. Are they really left? But why?
My father pushing my wheelchair while there's a bandage around my head as we exit the hospital. The disappointment and devastation seemed collide, my mind felt empty and my heart is full of painful thoughts of her.
Maybe she already left without telling me why, without giving me the peace of mind I wanted. My head couldn't reach the reason why she just dissapeared and left me hanging with the assumptions that is hurting me.
After a days since the day I discharged, I decided to sneak in the garage with my metal cane as I still can't walk properly.
"Manong Cesar," I called our driver, "ma'am, ano pong ginagawa niyo dito?" He politely asked.
"Puwede niyo po ba akong samahan?" I lower down my voice, avoiding my mom to hear it.
"Saan naman po? Alam po ba ni madame?" I bit my tongue thingking about lying or just tell him the truth.
"She doesn't know--"
"Naku, ma'am baka po magalit ang mama niyo, bilin niya po saakin na wag kayong palalabasin," he scratched his head, "--but dito lang naman tayo sa loob ng village e." I convinced him, "madali lang po tayo, magpapasama lang po ako saiyo. My mom is busy working inside, I'm sure she won't notice I'm not home," I smiled, he finally agreed, "sige po, ma'am. Pero madali lang po talaga ah," I nodded.
As we get closer to the fifth block, I told him to pull over.
"Ako nalang po ang bababa, dito lang po kayo," I said and carefully step down to the car.
I pressed the familiar bell and wait for someone to come out. After a seconds, someone finally open the tall gate and expecting it was her but in my disappoint she wasn't the one I'm looking for, "what can I do for you, young lady?" a middle-aged woman spoke.
"U-uh," I stuttered as I felt my knees weakened, "do you happen to know this person named Irene," I took a deep breath, "Irene Marcos," I continued, tears at the edge of my eyes.
"You mean the former owner of this house?" I nodded, "this house is mine, hija. She sold this to me already," the woman gently said.
I swallowed hard, standing in my ground firmly, "do you know where she is right now?" I asked in a full of hope.
"I'm sorry to disappoint, but no, hija. She didn't even tell me what was her reason kung bakit niya minadaling mabenta ang bahay," I immediately wiped the tears that fell from my eyes, "wanna come in?" she offered but I shook my head.
"Thank you, that's all I wanna ask." I turned around and walk a little fast even though my feet aren't still in a good condition.
The woman called me but I didn't turned around and ask manong Cesar to drive me at school. He was hesitant at first but agree anyway.
"Hi, Mrs. Eleazar," I greeted her while she was sitting in her information desk.
"Oh, Ariella!" she enthusiastically said and went closer to me, "how are you?" she asked and guide me to sit at the sofa inside her office.
"I'm good po. I just went here to ask you something," I smiled tightly.
"What is it?" she said as she wear her eye glasses.
"Is Ms. Marcos is still here?" I closed my fist, not wanting to hear the same thing what the woman said earlier.
"You mean the Board of Director of this school?" I nodded, "yes."
"Sorry to say, hija," I silently scoff as I know what she was going to say.
"...she left?" I said hopelessly.
"She quit already, but she didn't tell her reason. Alam mo naman kung gaano siya ka-pribado," the old woman smile sadly as she could sense how I feel.
"Thank you, Mrs. Eleazar. That's all I want to ask," I stood up and was about to leave but the woman spoke.
"I'll tell you if she come back here," I turned around and nodded before leaving her behind.
My tears couldn't stop falling when I entered the car. She really left me. With full of confusion and questions.
As soon as we reached our garage and step out the car, I harshly throw my cane out of frustration causing me to stumble on the ground. I physically hurt myself by hitting my head with my hand, telling how stupid I was and crying so painfully.
Third Person
"Trust me, I came back for you, but someone told me you are no longer in the country. I felt guilty for leaving you but I have no choice, " Irene were already crying as well, hearing the girl's past when she left.
"It doesn't make hurt less," she sniff, "you still left me with the state I couldn't bear alone. I needed you that time, but you were not in my side. I thought that it's better to die than to know you were no longer mine," Ariella sobs.
The woman couldn't take it anymore, she pulled the girl and finally embraced her. Ariella weakly rest her head in the woman's chest as she was already tired from crying, wrapping her arms around the woman.
"I look for you as soon as I regain consciousness, the nurses told me you were in Intensive Care Unit and was about to look for you there but the nurses told me your mother didn't allow anyone to visit you not unless it's your relatives. I have to lie and tell them I was your auntie," the girl lightly chuckled and sniffled.
"They allow me, but your mother was there. She was raging mad and confronted me about the incident and open up about what we had back then. I wonder who was the person that told her about us," the woman tightly embraced her as the waves were splashing the shore.
"It was Margaret, Catherine told me. Remember them?" she said in a husky voice, she nodded.
"Your mother threatened me that if I didn't leave you, she will destroy my reputation, " the girl look in her eyes, not expecting what the woman just said.
"I am not threatened about your mother's threat, I chose to left so there will be no issue that people will throw in your name and use it against you. It was one of my guilty decision to leave you behind, I thought that you will be better without me," her tears fell.
"I didn't feel better when you left," Ariella painfully uttered.
"Me too, Darling, me too," she whispered and kissed her head.
"I am sorry for everything that I've done, for causing you too much pain and putting you in the situation you can't bear. I am not expecting you to forgive me, I am telling you this so you will know how sorry I was, how much I regret for doing the things that against my will," Irene caressed her cheeks and pushed aside the strand of the girl's hair, their eyes were lock to each other's.
"I.." the girl uttered and paused, "I..still love you," she uttered the words she wanted to say for a long time, not thingking about what will happen next.
The middle-aged woman smiled.. for the first time, in a long time she finally claimed the girl's soft lips.
____
To be continued...