get you - daniel caesar
spirit wished for a big elaborate wedding.
she wanted the most intimate intimacy that you can have.
white doves, white flowers, white decor, green vines.
she wanted to dance at the reception to want you around by snoh aalegra.
she wanted to walk to isle to hold me by janine.
she prayed for peaceful love, and she prayed for transperacy.
— she reserved herself for love like the undocumented.
sometimes she lost herself in lust, finding herself fantasizing over a man who she is not destined to be with.
she let desperation cloud her judgement.
she promised to never let it happen again.
spirit was the epitome of englightend, she did not want to settle. — she was ready for a new era.
she wanted to be introduce to raw intimacy without sex, and true love without judgement.
looking at judah, she found peace when with him, even through the women trying to approach her. — she knew her role, and her intuition did not fail her.
she didn't care what he had going on before, as long as he didn't let her down now.
spirit had waken up way before judah, now just watching him after she did her morning routines.
she scanned his face, she wondered if she was what he wanted as well.
spirit was a bad bitch, no doubt, but sometimes she doubted what she had going on.
although she never let a man alter the way she sees herself, that didn't mean she didn't question herself.
she looked at the 2 women trying to come to her as a woman, they had nothing in common.
"wake up." she spoke, now curious.
his deep voice made a rumble, before he turned to the other side, his arm moving from her side, to covering his eyes.
"judah." she said, poking his shoulder.
"mm."
"why you got me here?" she spoke, not caring if he was still half unconscious. gotta catch em at the right time, no time to think.
"huh?" he said, turning his body back towards her, squinting his eyes open.
"why you got me here right now." she said, looking at him with a straight faced.
"we chillin" he said, opening his eyes fully.
"no."
he sat up, looking at spirit before standing up and walking to the bathroom.
spirit sat, on the bed, she was gone ask questions this morning. — she didn't know where they stood. and she didn't like the middle ground.
he walked back out soon after, sitting against the headboard once more.
jhene aiko played lightly on the speakers, as spirit put her on when she woke up.
"talk to me." he said, looking at her, scanning her face.
"why you got me here right now judah?"
"extend the question, you bouncing around what you really wanna ask me." he instilled, keeping the eye contact with her.
"what you want with me?"
"i just want you."
"why"
"cause my body telling me. everytime i round you i be chilling. you bring me peace i'on know." he shrugged, turning on his phone.
"i don't do casual relationships, relationships period."
"me neither."
"so why"
"cause we gon' change. soon. and i'on want somebody else being in the picture when you feel that change coming." he looked up at her briefly.
"so you tryna hold me till you ready?" she raised her eyebrow.
"till' we ready."
"i care about you shawty, don't overthink anything bout what we got going on. i care about you bad, you be on my mind, when my phone ring i check it only to see if it's you. i diss these bitches bout you, even when you not mine yet." he started.
"and the crazy part, ion even care if you doin the same." he sighed lightly, before tsk'ing, reaching over to his nightstand to grab his tray.
"i am." spirit added calmly.
"i know you was. i told you i already know who you is to the bone." he shrugged, looking at her.
"you've only known me for like, 5 months."
"and been fucked up bout' you since the 1st."
spirit's stomach fluttered lightly. even when he spoke so deeply, his voice was still calm and nonchalant.
his words held almost no emotion but they felt like they had such heavy weight to it.
"don't waste my time judah. i've given you alot of it already."
"nothing wit' you is a waste." he spoke, before standing up, and walking out the room.
spirit smiled lightly before smiling, walking over to the kitchen.
she looked back, seeing esco now sitting on the chair on his balcony, smoking.
she nodded lightly. before hearing a ding on her phone.
—
a/n .
random rant.
i crave love sooo bad y'all.
i feel like people talk about the people that get dissed, cheated on, played, or loved all the time.
but they skip over the ones, that never make it out the talking stage.
the ones that don't even know what it's like to have a true attachment to someone, because they've never really had someone that's THEIRS.
they don't talk about it.
i don't even know what intimacy feels like anymore, i don't get butterflies anymore.
i lose interest in all the men i talk to, nothing good comes out of it.
i believe i'm better off by myself.
i cant even bring myself to just use sb for a get off then go abt my day.
because i crave love! intimacy!
i crave worrying about what he's doing, if he's safe!
but shit whateva chy.
#livinglife
#abadassbitty