━━SCHOOL WAS LESS exciting without seyeon to keep the conversation going. while the three certainly tried, it didn't compare to his flowy transitions from topic to topic.
daiyu tried to feel as though he was still with her, but the rising wall of separation between them seemed to tell her otherwise.
all she could do was hope that this place would still be home to her.
that seyeon would still be home to her.
head down, eyes fluttered shut was how daiyu found seojun upon entering their science classroom a few weeks later. it was early—the majority of people were enjoying their short break before having to enter the class once more.
daiyu gently patted his head as she walked past him to get to her desk, eyes brimming with such gentleness her friends back home would've teased her relentlessly for it.
the light hit seojun so perfectly that his features glowed softly.
"i know i'm good-looking, but at least sit down before you decide to watch me sleep, weirdo."
daiyu rolled her eyes at him, ignoring the hotness of her ears.
"you're so full of yourself." she replied, sitting down beside him and laying her head to face his.
"you would be too, if you looked as good as me." he laughed, his face slowly inching closer.
"what an idiot." daiyu muttered under her breath, everting her gaze away from getting lost in seojun's eyes.
"what? did i lie?" she could hear the smirk in his voice, and while she would love to deflate his little ego, it was a fact not even she could deny.
with a bemused expression, daiyu rolled her eyes and gently brushed a strand of his hair out of his eyes.
"whatever helps you sleep at night," was her cheeky response.
"yah." seojun playfully flicked her forehead, making daiyu wince.
"asshole." she scowled, rubbing her forehead and sending a half-hearted kick to his leg.
playful banter had become something daiyu grew fond of from the tousled-haired boy, and something the girl could be most comfortable doing with seojun. in seyeon's distance, daiyu had found comfort in seojun neither could deny they enjoyed.
the prospect of waiting for her calls to her half-brother to go through became a daily occurrence. he hardly went to school due to the billboards around the city plastered with his face and the millions of mouths saying his name as if it were made of gold.
and daiyu... well, she just blended into the background of his life, another preoccupation seyeon had to deal with later. the boy did his best to be there for his family, but his absences left a growing abyss in daiyu that she couldn't explain.
the distance that was being driven between them seemed to grow with every passing moment. the words suho spoke on the day of seyeon's debut ran clear in daiyu's head, but no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't find it in herself to 'get used to it'.
that was where seojun came in. he understood daiyu's feelings as if they were his own, and he always found a way to keep them at the same level. he was never too ahead of daiyu's grasp, always at arm's reach for her convenience.
his name flowed naturally from her lips, like it was always engraved into her head since the moment her eyes first opened. daiyu called his name in many tones—mostly in a snarky, annoyed tone—but nonetheless, it was one of her most used words as of late.
the same was for han seojun. whether it was 'daiyu' in a falsely sweet voice, or occasionally in a groggy 'i-stayed-up-all-night-doing-homework' voice as he greeted her at her doorstep, or even the rare times where he smiled softly as he called after her.
all these small, meaningless actions only furthered daiyu's bond with seojun, and amplified the loud thumping of her heart against her ribcage. after consulting chu hua, who insisted it was a crush, daiyu still could not grasp what the feeling she was well, feeling, was.
"i'm hungry." daiyu piped up as the bell rang, having ignored the entire lesson in favor of watching seojun struggle with taking notes.
"you're always hungry," he replied with an eye roll, conveniently ignoring their touching shoulders.
"is pizza good?" another voice interrupted, and suho wrapped his arm around each of his friends' shoulders and got between them.
"you know me so well, suho." daiyu grinned and knocked him gently atop the head, making him smile at her.
with a halfhearted grumble about having just eaten earlier, seojun allowed himself to be dragged out of school by his two hungry friends, again paying no mind to how his hand found itself molded against daiyu's.
he didn't mind it, anyway.
━━ORDERING THREE LARGE pizzas may not have been the smartest decision the trio could've made.
of course, daiyu had little to complain about as she carried a to-go bag with her leftover pizza in one hand and her large drink in the other. on each side of her were suho and seojun, both looking like they might throw up from the number of pizzas they shoved in their mouths.
"i can't believe you ate your entire pizza and still took extra to eat at home." suho laughed as they walked down the semi-crowded street, ignoring the whispers and glances of awe in their direction.
"free food is the best food." daiyu smiled, gently swinging the bag in her grip before her smile faltered a little.
"plus, it isn't for me. seyeon's visiting today. i gotta make sure he's healthy, y'know?" with that proclamation, the smile was back on daiyu's face as she eagerly fastened her pace.
the sun was beginning to set, and the joy of being able to see seyeon after what seemed like painstaking months was not easily contained. as much as seojun and suho wanted to see their friend as well, they decided another time was for the best.
after all, it wasn't as though seyeon was completely unreachable.
the sun had become a sliver against the horizon when daiyu arrived home, accompanied by her two friends. after bidding her goodbyes and ensuring that they were out of her line of sight, daiyu hastily entered the house.
the first thing she noticed was the multitude of seyeon's favorite dishes on the dinner table and the happy voices of her grandparents.
"i'm home!" daiyu called as she took off her shoes and slipped onto her house slippers.
"you're back? seyeon was waiting for you!" her grandmother replied from the kitchen, her voice considerably lighter and happier than when she was worried sick over seyeon being away from home.
"daiyu?" seyeon said aloud, raising from his seat to greet her happily with a hug.
the taller of the two felt a pang of inexpressible sorrow as seyeon released his hold, sitting back down to eat his food happily.
with a smile that didn't feel right on her face, daiyu took a seat next to her grandmother. the bag she'd placed on the counter earlier felt like it was filled of nothing but rocks and dirt. she had no appetite.
daiyu was happy for seyeon. but truly, how far did that happiness go? would she be happy for him from the sidelines? everything felt so strangely melancholic to daiyu as she listened to the sound of idle chatter and saw her grandparents' smiles. seyeon too was laughing like he always did, soft and melodic. he looked happy.
so why was daiyu the only unhappy one?
was it selfish of her, to want a happy life for once with her newfound family?
maybe the answer to that question had always been no. maybe that's why as she left her couch bed to take the phonecall ringing in her phone in the middle of the night, she forgot all about the family she already had.
maybe everything had always been her fault.
━━THERE WAS ONLY static. for the first few seconds, daiyu contemplated whether or not to hang up. the number on her caller id was unknown.
"hello?" she voiced for the second time, and finally received a reply.
"daiyu," the staticky voice sounded so familiar, words uttered in her native tongue.
the chinese-korean girl could hardly find the strength in her to respond as a lump lodged itself in her throat.
since when had her father sounded so frail?
"dad?" was her quiet response, waiting for the heavy breathing on the other side to steady.
"daiyu." he croaked again. "it's time to come home. i want to see my precious daughter."
the words one last time seemed to ring unsaid as the static enveloped the call once more.
"ok." was the only thing daiyu could say as he hung up, her heart feeling heavy.
as fast and silently as she could, she collected all her clothes and packed her bags. only out of pure willpower did she resist the urge to burst into tears as she took one last glance at the sleeping boy beside her.
his words of needing to tell her something when they awoke weighed on her mind, and she felt guilt at what he might think when he awoke the next morning.
the fact of the matter was that the warm feeling of security she'd been feeling all this time was nothing but false deceit. seyeon wasn't her home. the doors to his heart had always been open for anyone and everyone. daiyu wasn't special. she was just deluded.
this life had been too complacent to daiyu that she had almost forgotten about the stark difference between her and those who inhabited this world. she didn't belong in this world. they didn't need her here. but her father did. daiyu's father and she were from the same world.
a cruel world, to be trying to take a father away from his hopeless daughter.
the words daiyu wanted to tell seyeon left like smoke, harshly disappearing with the breeze. all she could do was hope he didn't resent her for this in the morning.
without looking back in fear of her heart betraying her, daiyu walked out of the door and locked it, placing the key behind a planter. all she could do was mindlessly let her feet guide her to her destination, empty echoes of her wretched being slowly detaching itself from her hope.
not even as she boarded her flight, did her guilt subside. how could it, when she was drowning so deeply within it? she was leaving the only place that brought her any sort of freedom, yet she was losing herself to get away from it.
a tragedy, really. her worries never ceased.
it felt strange, the restlessness clinging to the thick air. whenever daiyu breathed, she felt her lungs close up in sharp stabs of pain. she was so lost.
she was so lonely.
only when her tired eyes caught sight of the silver encasing her wrists, a gentle reminder of that spark of joy she encountered out of fate, did her false strength falter.
daiyu hadn't cried in years. yet there she was, bawling her eyes out over a simple piece of jewelry. why couldn't she have just stayed home with her father while she had the chance instead of looking for someone she never truly wanted to find?
why did seyeon shine so bright that he made daiyu yearn for his warmth and comfort when it was her father who needed hers most?
why, even as the man who'd loved her all his life wished for her presence one last time, her heart tugged her back?
daiyu wished she could resent seyeon for his selflessness. she wished she held no compassion for him, instead given it all to her father. she wished they'd never met to begin with.
at that moment, as she tightly gripped her wrist with her eyes burning from the tears, daiyu told herself that she'd forget him.
daiyu would forget the boy named jeong seyeon.
she wouldn't think of him when her father was awaiting for their life to return to normal. she wouldn't cling to the image of his happiness, but try to find her own instead.
however, no matter how much she muttered this to herself, zhao daiyu knew there was no truly ever forgetting him. he, like seojun and suho, would always remain a part of her.
but it was with a heavy heart that she chose to turn away from them.
AUTHOR'S NOTE !
(04/06/23) rewritten
i hate this chapter so much it's so rushed but whatever
new years update!!
info from the old author's note:
like i can't lie i know this mixed shit up bc now the plot is everywhere but i couldn't find another way for her to not be there during the incident or being able to comfort seyeon since i feel like it wouldn't make sense
+ i also had to find away to keep things natural since she's been away from her home for months already so i had to bring her back (hopefully i'll be able to write some interactions between daiyu and her friends from home at least)
the 1st act is almost over i think like a few more chapters to let the angst marinate yk and then i might time skip a bit for the beginning of act 2
seojun and daiyu didn't get much actual couple/lovey scenes but i tried my best to write their relationship as one that's primarily playful with the occasion affection so i didn't want to rush it too much. i hope it's clear that both of them already have some feelings for the other, but hopefully i'll be able to highlight it more in the 2nd arc!!
as always enjoy and vote and comment if u can <33
pls lmk if there are any more grammar mistakes!!
LOVE, A !