Chapter Eighteen - Where He Lets Her In
Julian's Pov
Bailey and I have been here five days now and I keep talking her into coming to set with me and the director loves her, she calms me down and Kimberly's always all over me on scenes to annoy her, but Bailey's been awesome about it and I don't truly think it's bothering her too much. She knows I belong to her and she doesn't need to question that.
I was relieved that she didn't fight me as much about that card, I didn't want her parents expecting something from her for spending theirs and I know she was annoyed but I wanted her to be able to have anything she wanted and people probably would think I was stupid but I trusted her.
I know I need to open up to her more but I just can't, I don't want her to see me weak, I like being strong for her and taking care of her and I don't want her to have to take care of me. I want to let her in but I'm afraid of what she'll think if I do.
Girls aren't the only ones who are insecure about that shit and I could barely admit it to myself let alone to her, I would rather her think I was closed off then weak.
I would be up late at night trying to play something or write something but I just couldn't make progress on this damn song, I knew I was already in massive trouble for this but it didn't make it any easier to finish it, it actually made it more difficult.
I paced around and decided to take a shower and when I got out and wiped the mirror with a towel I just stared at my reflection and I just wanted to line up cocaine on a mirror and snort it and I felt angry. I wanted the urges to go the fuck away but all I saw when I looked in a mirror was cocaine and I wanted it so damn bad.
I threw on shorts and a t-shirt and headed to her room and I sat on the edge of the bed and watched her sleep.
She was sprawled out across the bed half way on her stomach with her knee underneath her and her right arm tucked under her head in a way that looked uncomfortable and her other one was out to the side, she was laying sideways across the bed and I just smiled looking at her.
She looked so peaceful and healthy. I ran my fingers through her hair and was amazed at how soft it's gotten since I met her, how healthy and soft her skin was, how clear and beautiful her eyes would be if she were to look at me now.
The blankets were falling away from her and I ran my hand up the back of her shirt and rubbed her back, she groaned and shifted a little but didn't wake up. I just needed to be able to feel her here. I spent a lot of nights in here watching her sleep, it was creepy I admit but it was the only thing that kept me from calling a dealer.
If I looked at her I could do it, I know I'll have to be my own reason but I think that can wait, I don't think it's a bad thing to rely on someone, this is fucking hard and you need people to help you be strong until you're strong enough to do it alone.
"Just stop staring and curl up with me." she mumbled and I slid into bed behind her and fell right asleep, she was better than any drug.
In the morning I left to head to set and didn't want to wake her today so I left her a note and kissed her forehead before I left for set, I wished that she was here though because everyone missed her, she was this happy presence for everyone.
It's amazing to see how much she changes when she feels comfortable around someone. Her and Lucca were like best friends and I think Nia wished she played for her team, they were in love with her and it also amazed me that she didn't see that.
She couldn't understand what I saw in her, why I loved her or why I felt incredibly lucky to be with her, if she just opened up even a little bit and didn't feel threatened; people just fell in love with her. She was kind and giving and I wished she could see this.
She thinks she's some horrible burden and this bad person and I don't understand why she sees herself so lowly. I don't care if she's famous and she's focusing on material things, not what's underneath and when she does she sees scars and ugliness.
"Hey where's Bailey?" Lucca asked
"She's sleeping; I didn't have the heart to wake her." Lucca and I didn't have the easy going relationship he seemed to have with Bailey, we were friends kind of but with Bailey, she wasn't afraid to hug him or mess with him, they were easy going, I would see him wrap an arm around her casually or pick her up to annoy her like they had been friends for years, not just have met a few weeks ago.
"I'm going to miss her today."
"Got a thing for my girl?" I asked him joking
"If she wasn't yours I would try to snatch her up in a heartbeat man, no use lying about that." I frowned at him and he shrugged, he did have a thing for her.
"If you touch, I will break your fucking arm." She was mine and I admit I am possessive.
"I don't go after relationships, that's her game." He gestured to Kimberly, this was a very good point, Lucca was twenty-seven and always said he was too old to play those games, that he wanted a real relationship not lies and sneaking around.
Personally I didn't see the appeal in it, I never had a relationship because until now there wasn't anyone I wanted to stay faithful to but now that there is, I wouldn't hurt her.
And if you're the other man or woman, what does that say about you; that you enjoy breaking up relationships? How to do you justify it; by saying well he would have cheated anyway? So what, then tell the person their significant other is an asshole.
If he or she cheated with you, chances are they're not going to feel bad about cheating on you and trading you for someone else, I just think it's a pointless game and I'm glad that I know I have nothing to worry about with Bailey.
Kimberly drove everyone nuts today, like usual but the scenes went smoothly and I declined the offer of coffee with Nia and Lucca and told them we could possibly go out to dinner tomorrow. I had made sure she would have breakfast and lunch but I had the car and she was stuck there and I couldn't go out after a long day of filming and leave her alone all day without dinner.
That would be messed up. I did stop and get her coffee on the way home though and when I got there she was curled up in my bed watching movies on my laptop.
"Hey pretty girl, I brought you coffee." She jumped and then she was suddenly in front of me and then had her coffee, I'm not sure if her coffee addiction was healthy; I got her decaf this time.
"You take the fun out of coffee." She took another drink anyway, I think she more likes the taste of it and she's probably had enough coffee today, I didn't need to wire her up for the rest of the night.
"Yeah well you drink too much of it."
"Probably but I have started drinking less, it's a bad habit I picked up in rehab. Better then heroin though." This was true, I'd rather her be a coffee addict then be hooked on drugs still.
"Hungry?" I asked and she nodded
"Yeah, what's for dinner?" she asked as she curled back up in my bed.
"Anything you want."
"Pizza." I loved pizza; I used to love drinking it with beer. I became an alcoholic too young and now it's ruined it for me for the rest of my life, it fucking sucked. Bailey knew too, she couldn't even drink legally and she's already a recovering alcoholic.
"Order whatever." She already had the sight pulled up on the laptop and was making her pizza on there. I went to take a shower because I could still smell her nauseating perfume on my clothes.
When I came back out her coffee was gone and I got her water before taking the other cup away from her which she protested but I curled up in bed with her and she dropped it.
"Someone should tell Kimberly that her scent is disgusting."
"You could smell it too?" I asked her and she nodded
"Yeah, she should learn that there is an appropriate amount to put on stick to it."
"It bothers you, doesn't?" I asked her and she sighed
"I know it shouldn't but it does a little bit. I know that It's a job and that it's not real but sometimes it's hard to see you two together and it sucks that you always smell like her."
"I'm sorry baby. You don't have to come with me if it makes you uncomfortable." She shook her head and turned towards me
"I like being there, I know I don't actually get to spend much time with you but I like watching, I like almost everyone there, I love spending time with Nia and Lucca and Charles is awesome." Charles was the main producer and he loved Bailey.
"You have them all enchanted by you pretty girl." I pushed the hair from her face and she leaned forward and kissed me and she was the one to deepen the kiss and I groaned as she ended up on top of me.
I remembered how hesitant she used to be, how when I kissed her she didn't know what to do, how surprised she had been when I slipped my tongue between her lips, how shy she was. This wasn't she same girl right now. She was confident and bold and I held onto her hips.
And then the doorbell rang, damn it.
"Pizza!" she ran to the door and came back with like six boxes.
"Who the hell did you order pizza for, the whole hotel?" I asked her
"No but we did crash the party; but she made us get out own pizza." Nia came in with Lucca and he had another two.
"What did you get?" I asked
"I got the boneless chicken stuff and dessert and four pizzas and pasta." She set them all down on the bed, well fuck she liked pizza. "I got you one." She handed me a box and kept the other five.
"Really Bailey?" I asked and she sighed
"Fine." There were boxes everywhere as we all tried to find somewhere to sit and Lucca brought a cord to hook my laptop up to the TV so we could watch some movies and we went with a fast and furious marathon since we had tomorrow off from shooting.
We were going to be up all night and probably into the morning.
I admit it was nice to let people in and to have some fun with friends, Nia and Lucca were great and I could see them getting alone well with Kylie and Caleb, the six of us doing stuff like this.
Maybe it wouldn't be such a bad thing to make more friends, I know I felt a lot less alone because I was and it wasn't as hard as I thought it would be to hang out with people, granted I hadn't exactly opened up to them, fuck I hadn't exactly opened up to Bailey but with time I could.
We were up until six that next morning and then everyone crashed and we woke up to Bailey bringing coffee and breakfast up for everyone and they went home after that while Bailey went to shower and get a little more sleep.
I decided maybe it was time to start working on this song, it was a good day yesterday and today and I didn't feel angry, I was in a good place to work on it.
I started playing some chords on the guitar and singing a few lines but I only had about half a verse written and I was getting angry with myself and with this stupid project and it was making me regret ever taking this job.
It's been nothing but problems with Satan and this stupid music bullshit.
"Well I know there's a reason, and I know there's a rhyme. We were meant to be together, and that's why." That's all I could get. Nothing else would come to me.
I jumped when I heard another sound and turned so see Bailey playing the piano
"We can roll with the punches, we can stroll hand in hand and when I say it's forever you understand." My first thought was I didn't know she could sing she gestured to me to keep going and I don't know how she knew what parts of this song I had figured out.
"That you're always in my heart, you're always on my mind, when it all becomes too much, you're never far behind" I didn't have anything after that but she kept going and I just watched her play, she looked beautiful and her movements were effortless on the keys, a sign she's been playing a long time.
"And there's no one that comes close to you, could ever take your place, 'cause only you can love me this way," There was a pause where we played before she started again I couldn't take my eyes off her because the words she wrote were really good and her voice, it was pretty. "I could have turned a different corner, I could have gone another place, then I would never have this feeling that I feel today."
"And you're always in my heart, you're always on my mind when it all becomes too much you're never far behind and there's no one that comes close to you, could ever take your place, 'cause only you can love me this way." I sang with her this time and I didn't take my eyes off her and she didn't look away from my either, I know I messed up a couple of the words she added but it didn't matter right now. I played with her and she let me sing the chorus that was established by myself and then she stopped as did I.
"Bailey." I went to talk to her and she bolted from the room, I've never seen her move that quick and I grabbed her arm right before she could leave
"Don't be mad at me." she closed her eyes and I know she couldn't see me but I looked at her confused
"Why would I be mad?" I asked her softly because she was kind of freaking out right now.
"I know I shouldn't have looked at it but I wanted to see how far you've gotten and I know you were struggling and I just wanted you to open up to me and I wanted to hear you sing and I wanted to help and I get that it was an invasion of privacy and I'm sorry. I wasn't even sure if I was going to do it but I came back to see if you wanted to curl up with me and you were playing and I watched and I'm sorry I know you don't like it and" and I kissed her because I didn't see any other way to get her to shut up and stop rambling.
"Why didn't you tell me you could sing?" I asked her
"Oh god, I can't and I get that I sounded like a dying cat or something because hearing you sing here is better than any recorded song, I know that it sucks but I figured if I put myself out there maybe you would too." She looked down at the ground.
"I think you have a beautiful voice pretty girl and I mean that. I didn't know you could play the piano either." I felt like after that I knew nothing about her.
"I play violin too, my parents wanted me to play civilized instruments according to their standards. Drew plays the piano as well" Made sense, her parents wanted children who would show well.
"Why didn't you tell me?" I wondered why she didn't tell me she was working on it.
"Because it makes you mad and I just wanted you to be happy and I wanted to hear you."
"I sing to you sometimes after you've gone to bed, you know. You mean the world to me and I'm sorry I'm shutting you out, I'm not meaning to."
"You're not mad at me?" she asked carefully
"No, sing It again." I said and she shook her head but handed the words over to me.
"I'll play the piano." She sat down and I sat beside her and I played as she did and I sang the words for her, it occurred to me that this was the first time I was singing in front of her willingly and that I was okay with it, it was a little unnerving having her staring at me but I was used to people staring.
After I finished it again I stared at the words trying to think if there was anything I would change but there was nothing, I really liked it all together.
"You know what this means?" I asked her and she shook her head "That tomorrow they'll look it over and approve it and I don't see any reason they wouldn't, but if they say yes you're names going down next to mine on who wrote this." she went a little pale
"No, I just wanted to help you Julian, that's not necessary." She wasn't thrilled with it.
"Nope, you did a great job and without you this thing never would have gotten done. Thank you." I pulled her closer to me and her breath caught as I slowly leaned closer to her and placed my lips on hers, they were shy this time and sweet, but she was always sweet.
"You don't have to do that though." Her eyes got me again as I stared at them not able to look away.
"I won't take the credit for it." our voices suddenly got lower and she leaned forward again and kissed me this time, I love when she was the one to initiate things. I put my guitar down and pulled her closer to me and she bit my bottom lip as I brought her to my lap again.
We really found ourselves in this position daily at the least, you would think it would get boring but it never did. Her phone rang and I reluctantly let her pull away. It was the song Star Wars used for Darth Vader so I knew Kylie was calling.
"Calm down, I can't understand what you're saying." Was the first thing I heard and that wasn't a good sign so I went into the room
"Caleb what's wrong?" she asked him and then ran her hand down her face and she looked something, it wasn't worried, scared, stressed or pissed, it was a mix of them all I think.
"I can handle it, let me call you back." she hung up and I looked at her
"What happened?" I asked her
"The wedding favors are all kinds of screwed up and since I'm the maid-of-honor and she ordered them from a company over here I get to go into the city and fix it." she grabbed my computer and within an hour she had a flight and bag packed to leave in the morning.
She sat there all day and made a huge scene for Kylie and it was promised to her that everything would be there in ten day and it would be correct and while she was gone I got the approval on the song.
She didn't even say anything when she got back home at nearly mid-night; she came in, changed and fell asleep in my bed with me and I wasn't going to complain.
This had been a very eventful last few days to say the least.
So the song they write together for the book is
Only You Can Love Me This Way by Keith Urban