𖡼𖤣𖥧𖡼𓋼𖤣𖥧𓋼𓍊
every birthday i've ever had has been here, in this house.
"cha, cha, cha, happy birthday..." everyone sings.
mom walks over with belly and i's mickey mouse pancakes.
it's always the same. mom makes us mickey mouse pancakes. everyone gives us presents.
"dear belly and lilah..." over the loud singing of everyone else i hear conrad's 'and dels.'
it's the one day the boys have to include us in everything. it's my favorite day of the year.
as the song comes to an end, everyone cheers.
i look over at belly, like i always do, before blowing out my candles.
conrad grabs the syrup and opens it, pouring it carefully, making an infinity symbol on both belly and i's pancakes.
"what is that?" belly asks.
"infinity." con and i say. i look over at him, his eyes already focused on me. he smiles and turns his attention back to belly.
"do you know what that means?" she shakes her head, "it's really cool. i learned it in math class. so, you know how numbers keep getting bigger and bigger? a hundred, a thousand, a million. to get to the biggest number in the world, you'd have to keep counting, because there's always a bigger number. it's boundless."
hearing conrad ramble on about things wasn't anything new to me, he'd do it all the time. whether i was trying to read or go on a night swim after belly had already gone to bed, he'd always find his way to me.
"i don't get it." belly says.
"imagine it's a racetrack." he says, pointing at my pancakes since i was seated closer to him, "you see how there's no starting or ending point? you could travel endlessly around those curves. goes on forever. that's infinity."
𓆉
belly knocks on my already open door, slowly walking in.
"you ready?" she asks.
i put on my last ring and turned to her, seeing we were wearing similar outfits, "ready."
as we enter the kitchen, belly and i stop in the doorway, "morning, everyone."
"happy birthday!" everyone says.
belly and i look at each other, laughing.
"there's the birthday girls, looking like visions in floral. happy birthday." susannah says, hugging the both of us.
jere walks towards us, smiling, "happy sweet 16, els." he hugs us both tight.
"now belly button and deli meat are getting old finally. happy birthday." steven says, eating a piece of bacon.
"thanks, everyone." belly and i say.
"happy birthday, sweetheart." mom says, hugging belly.
"thanks, mom."
she lets go of belly and hugs me, "you too, honey. your mickey mouse pancakes are ready."
"actually, i'm not really, uh, hungry." belly says.
even though i deep down wasn't really hungry this morning, i would've eaten them, for mom.
"oh." mom says. i can tell she's disappointed.
"shall we open gifts?" susannah asks.
"oh, you're gonna love mine." jere says, holding up two small boxes.
i smile at him, looking down to conrad. he's just sitting there, eating his cereal, practically lifeless.
he had been so different last night, so comforting. like he actually cared. when i told him what happened i was hoping that he wouldn't treat me any different. i took a leap of faith and there he is, acting as if i didn't even exist.
𓆉
belly and i unwrap our gifts from mom, being met with matching books.
collected poems the front read.
books like these have always been something i enjoy reading, and someone gifting me one brought a smile to my face.
i look up at mom, gleaming, "they're first editions," she says, "i got them from a rare book dealer."
"thanks, mom." belly says, sounding uninterested.
"yeah, thank you, this is awesome." i tell her, the smile never leaving my face.
"turn to the bookmarked page." she tells us, turning towards susannah, "it's your favorite poem."
"oh yeah." belly laughs, "i remember susannah teaching us to recite this."
"for whatever we lose...
like a you or a me
it's always ourselves we find in the sea."
"thank you. i love it." i tell mom.
"yeah, thank you." belly says.
"you're welcome."
"okay, open mine now, belly." susannah says, handing belly a small box shaped present.
belly unwraps it, finding a small black velvet box. she opens it, a pearl necklace sitting inside.
"oh, wow. they're gorgeous. thank you, susannah." belly says.
susannah walks over to her as i see conrad sit up, trying to see what it is. he looks at me for a split second, looking away like he was thinking.
"my mom gave me these pearls for my sweet 16," she tells belly, putting the necklace on her, "radiant, isn't she?" she says, going back to sit next to mom.
"they look great on you, sweetheart."
"and here's yours, lilah." susannah says, handing me a small wrapped box.
i take the box and unwrap it, being met with a small white jewelry box. i open it, a small sun shaped ring laying inside. i take it out, trying it on, noticing how the sun reflects off of it.
"i know you're not a fancy jewelry type of girl, but i always see you with rings on so i thought it would be perfect." she tells me.
"it is. it's beautiful, thank you." i tell her, not being able to take my eyes off the ring.
"it's iridescent, like you." she says, smiling.
i look up at her, my cheeks hurting from how much i was smiling, completely oblivious of the look conrad was giving her.
"oh, i'm next." jere says, handing each of us a box.
we each open them, seeing matching key charms.
"they're good-luck charms to help you pass your driving tests."
belly and i put the charms onto our bracelets, admiring how well it looked.
"perfect. thank you." we both say.
"think fast." steven says, throwing a present at each of us.
"what?" belly says, looking at him annoyed.
"steven." mom groans.
i look over at conrad, a slight smile on his face.
i unwrap the present, seeing a princeton crewneck.
"wow, steven, i cant believe you actually spent money on us." belly says.
"relax. i just didn't want you both stealing mine next year when i get in."
"i didn't know you were still considering princeton." mom says.
"you know, i-i think i'm gonna apply for some scholarships, and dad thinks i can get some financial aid. i-i don't know. i'll see if i get in."
"okay. um..." mom says.
"conrad, uh, do you want to give them your presents?" susannah says, drawing the attention away from mom and steven.
everyone looks over to him, he stands up with a small, black, velvet bag and hands it to belly. he doesn't look at me or even in my direction, he only keeps his eyes on belly, even once he sat back down.
she opens the bag and inside is a silver infinity necklace. she looks at it for a moment before handing it to me, silently asking me to put it on her.
after it's on she looks up to con, "thank you, it's beautiful."
i knew immediately that it was their thing. ever since he explained infinity to her that one birthday, everyone knew it was their thing.
"you wanna give lilah hers?" susannah says, sounding confused.
"sorry, i forgot."
i've never heard silence quite this loud.
he still wouldn't even look my way.
"oh, that's alright, i wasn't really expecting anything, anyways." i say, trying my best not to sound upset.
"oh, so i got to go. um, i promised cleveland that id show him some knots today, so..." he said, getting up and leaving, "happy birthday belly, you too, lilah."
i could've sworn, right there, in the middle of the beach house living room, my heart broke.
i couldnt even remember that last time conrad called me lilah, no one could. i think that hurt even worse than the fact that he remembered to get belly a present, and not me.
"hey. why don't we take my car and practice driving before we have to pick up taylor from the bus station?" jere asks us.
"sure." belly says.
they both look at me, sympathy practically flooding out of their eyes, "i'm good, i'm probably gonna head down to the beach."
"you sure?" belly asks.
"yeah."
𖡼𖤣𖥧𖡼𓋼𖤣𖥧𓋼𓍊
authors note!
conrad we're gonna fight fr.