Chapter 3: Almost Doesn't Count
April
Gonna find me somebody not afraid to let go
Want a no doubt, be there kind of man - you came real close
But every time you built me up, you only let me down
But everybody knows (Everybody knows), almost doesn't count
[Almost Doesn't Count: By Brandy]
April rushed off with the quickness as her nose stung and tears flooded her eyes threatening to fall. She refused to cry in front of Dave again. He had seen way too many tears come from her and had been the cause of them. She had been a crying mess these past few weeks and with Dave being home it didn't make the situation any better. He had her all in her feelings. She felt like a teenager breaking up with her first love and this shit just hit ten times worse. She felt like her whole world was falling apart. She was hurt, beyond sad, pissed, angry, and disappointed. She felt betrayed and the fact that Dave wasn't willing to fight for her, what they had, and their family killed her on the inside especially when he made it seem like what they had was worth fighting for. When they had gotten back together he had told her that there was no way out of their relationship. It was always in and never out and now when it was time to fight he took the first chance he could and took flight. April felt like she had set herself up for failure just by getting back with Dave in the first place because she felt like all of this could've been easily avoided. Her heart could've been protected and she could've kept her feelings in check. She felt like she should've let him be the first time they broke up because deep down she knew Millie would never go anywhere but she had so much faith in Dave and thought that they could possibly be something and now they were nothing.
If she had left him alone then they wouldn't have gotten this far and she wouldn't have been so invested in him when he clearly wasn't invested in her. She felt like he had purposely strung her along knowing damn well he still had some unfinished business to handle with Millie. It felt like he had wrapped her around his finger and sucked her in just hoping she would do the same shit that she had done with Chris which was ignore shit, let shit slide, and stick by his side knowing damn well he wasn't shit. It was like being with Chris all over again well the build her up to break her all the way back down part anyway. With Dave it felt so much worse. It hit different. It hit hard, and it hit in a way that she never wanted to feel again. Dave had really fucked her up, fucked her over, and had her fucked up.
April was just glad that they hadn't actually made it down the aisle with all the extra bullshit going on. But still not walking down the aisle to meet her person hurt because here they were four and a half months away from their big day and they wouldn't be walking down the aisle period and at the moment she felt like they never would. She felt like she should've said no to both of his proposals. She wondered if everything happened way too fast. They were raising their kids together, moving in together, bought a mansion, and planning a wedding. It just all happened too fast. Maybe they should've taken their time learning more about each other. Yet April knew who and what she wanted and it was a future with Dave. Yet they couldn't be any more different because it seemed like Dave didn't really want any of that with her. He played a hell of a good game and in the end like usual the home team lost. April lost once again.
For the past two weeks April had been physically sick to her stomach, her heart ached, and she was just over it and Dave. Fuck Dave and the fuckin horse he road in on. She wanted to pull a Left Eye and torch his shit, take his shit and bleach it, and throw his shit outside on the front lawn. She wanted her father to whoop his ass for playing with her feelings and emotions. She wanted to take back everything that she had given him...herself and love included. Sure she knew Dave had his issues and she knew he needed to work on them but that didn't mean she couldn't feel the way she felt. She felt like he should've just kept it real with her. With the type of relationship they had he should've been comfortable enough to let her know what was going on with him instead of feeding her false promises and giving her hope that what they had was going to be different. He made it seem like the love they had was real. She felt stuck and almost as if he had trapped her. Shit he did trap her for his own selfish reasons. She was in a new house full of new memories with a nigga who wanted her but couldn't let go of his past to fully commit to her. Mind you they hadn't even been in their home for a full year and shit was already going downhill. They had only been there for what five months if that.
Sleeping alone at night killed her and no matter how bad she couldn't stand Dave at the moment she always ended up on his side of the bed. Waking up alone set her off and seeing Dave strolling around the house pissed her off because they couldn't escape each other. They were bound to each other now that there were children involved and sure they could both walk away from the children but April didn't want that for any of them. They were all attached to each other. She felt like she ran full steam ahead then out of nowhere she crashed and burned. She wanted to pick up and leave so bad yet she couldn't because she was no longer by herself. She had two well three kids and a puppy who needed her here. Her sisters had followed her here, work was now here, yet the love she came back to LA with was now tainted, toxic, and home life no longer felt comforting home didn't feel like home anymore. Home was Dave yet Dave's home was Millie. There was never really a spot for April. April sort of felt like Millie was right she was just a seat warmer and that shit hurt something terrible. Then again Millie would know since she and Dave had been playing this game for years now.
Home was everything but comforting and if she didn't have the girls it would be pure torture. April felt like shit having to walk around in her own damn home with a fake smile plastered on her face knowing damn well she had absolutely nothing to smile about. Granted she knew the kids especially Kairi knew something was wrong but she refused not to smile around her babies. She didn't want to mope and be a sad mess around them. They didn't need to see her in that light. Shit she hated seeing herself in that light again especially when she thought those days were over. But here it was Dave had sent her ass right back to the same place she dreaded. This was a place she hated but somehow it was survival for her. It was crazy how she felt like she was on top of the world and drifting on cloud nine just two weeks ago because of course they had their issues but still their relationship was good. She had a man who loved her, was in love with her, and wanted nothing more than to be the father of her child and her husband. But it was all a façade and not on her end but Dave's. She really wished he had just kept it real with her from the beginning. She would've understood him and she would've given him the space and time he needed.
Now she felt like she had hit rock bottom. She was drowning in a sea of emotions and the one who could save her was the one drowning her. He was the one holding her head under water and she couldn't get up to breathe. He just wouldn't let her up for air. The way she was feeling she was ready to say fuck everything and go smoke a fat ass blunt but she was trying her very best to hold off until Charlie turned one before jumping back into her extracurricular activities. She was damn sure in need of a blunt and strong ass drink. Most nights she spent crying herself to sleep. She hated sleeping alone. Waking up in the morning was no better. She hated that she was even in this predicament to begin with. She had everything she had ever wanted and just like always the shit slipped through her fingers like water because as always she could never just have everything. Life never worked that way. You could have some shit but having everything was impossible and for her she could never have a man that was solely for her and loved just her.
April didn't want to think it but she was questioning love yet again and wondering if it was really for her because every time a man loved her it always went sideways. It was always something. It was always a catch. It was always I love you but...For instance her first love Sabir loved her and they would probably still be together but he let her go because he didn't want her involved in his bullshit and fuck up what she had going on. Sure she was mad at it but they were babies and she respected it just like she respected his hustle. Then again what they had was puppy love. Then there was Chris of course and no one could tell her shit about Chris when things were good. Yet he fucked her over time and time again and only when she left he had finally realized all he had done and what she had truly meant to him. This time around he was a little too late and they were no longer in love with each other. Now there was Dave and he gave her all the life she never knew she needed and more and now they were over and done with just like that like he hadn't promised her the world.
He had let her go with ease as if she hadn't meant a damn thing to him. She couldn't understand why love couldn't be simple. It was always complicated and came with a hitch. She was tired of falling for niggas only to end up heart broken in the end. She was tired of niggas thinking love and dick was enough when it absolutely wasn't. She was tired of putting her all into someone only to end up hurt and alone time and time again. This wasn't the first time Dave had hurt her. This was his second time and for her it was his last time. She couldn't keep putting her heart on the line. She was done but now she was in too deep. Now she had three kids a damn fur baby and a whole ass ten bedroom eight and a half bathroom mansion so she couldn't just walk away no matter how bad she wanted to. She wanted to hop on her jet and run away to a place where no one knew her name or could find her. This shit felt so much different and hurt so damn bad compared to how she felt with Chris and everyone knew how bad he had fucked her over.
She felt like her king had let her down all the while wanting her to hold her head and crown up high until he got his shit together and normally she'd be here to hold his hand but he had some real shit to deal with. As much as she wanted to hold his hand through the process she couldn't and she refused to. She was tired of fighting for niggas love, affection, and attention. She wanted someone to fight for her because she was worth every bit of a fight. She was tired of jumping in the ring first with gloves on for niggas who wouldn't do the same for her.
April hadn't told anyone about her and Dave's breakup yet but she knew damn well they noticed her ring missing on her ring finger. Since Dave had proposed to her for the second time she hadn't dared to take it off unless she was going to shower and even then as soon as she was out she'd put it right back on. Even when she washed the dishes she wore gloves and never removed her ring. Now she felt as though she was missing something. Her hand felt naked. She honestly hadn't been around anyone since the trip besides the kids. Everybody was immersed into work and their own lives. She wished she was working herself because then she would have something else to occupy mind. But she couldn't hold it any longer. She had to tell someone and that someone would be her mother so she made her way down the long hall to her she cave and entered the room with the quickness making sure to lock the door behind her. She wasn't on momma duty right now and if the kids needed anything Dave was home. She plopped down on her quilted plush red love seat, got comfortable, clutched her knees to her chest, and facetimed her mother. She had hated that it had come to this but she really needed a listening ear, a shoulder to cry on, and she really wanted her parents by her side even though she wasn't ready to tell her father just yet. But she knew he would be right there beside her mother ear hustling.
Her mother answered on the first ring. It was almost as if she had been expecting and waiting on her call. Most likely she was because April already knew that both of her parents knew that something was wrong. They wouldn't be them if they didn't. As soon as their eyes connected April burst into tears.
"Peanut baby what's wrong" Ananda questioned way past concerned. She could already see the sadness and pain in her eyes. Honestly when April came over to their villa in Barbados with her belongings she knew then that something was terribly wrong. They were just waiting for her to speak up and let them in without them bombarding her with a million and one questions. Then seeing her without her ring they already knew that Dave was the reason for why she had been at their villa.
"Everything" she sobbed as her chest heaved in and out uncontrollably. She had been crying everyday but this right here was different. Everything was coming out. She couldn't hold it any longer. She had been so busy crying and abruptly stopping or feeling herself about to cry and was trying her best to avoid it but now the floodgates were open and baby it was pouring.
"April" Ananda teared up herself seeing her baby so damn distraught. She hadn't looked like this since the day she had come back home from getting closure with Chris and running away from Dave the day Millie had been at his home and welcomed her at the front door. This shit worried her.
"Mommy" she cried. "Everything is fucked up. He broke up with me in Barbados and I gave him back his ring" she finally confessed feeling a little weight release from her shoulders. She was tired of holding the shit in. "He won't let go of that bitch or admit that he has a problem with letting her go. He's in denial to the point he rather fuck up home instead of dealing with his issues and fight for us. He won't even fight for me. He isn't even willing to go to marriage counseling" she said as tears poured out of her eyes and down her cheeks. She knew she would pay tomorrow when she woke up with red swollen eyes and a migraine but she didn't care anymore. She was hurt. "They never fight for me but always want me on the front line. I'm so fuckin tired of giving my all to men and not getting the same in return" she broke down. April was crushed. She always gave 100% of herself and never got a full 100% from any man. The only men she could count on was her father and uncle. They were the only ones who loved her like no other man could.
"What's wrong with my child" Ian asked concerned like the protective father he was as he walked behind Ananda who still had tears in her eyes as she watched April unravel. She honestly couldn't believe what she was hearing. This shit had to be a joke but with the way tears were pouring out of her child's eyes it was far from a joke.
"Everything daddy" she said in between sniffling. "Everything" she repeated. It felt like her whole world had flipped upside down and she landed flat on her ass.
"Peanut dry ya eyes and take a deep breath for daddy" Ian said soothingly as he took a seat beside Ananda and pulled her into his arms as well. He was high key pissed off seeing April like this but it wasn't the right time to come off extra hard. He'd handle that later because somebody had to pay.
April wiped her eyes and even though it was useless because the tears weren't going to stop. She was broken to pieces and the only thing she could do was cry no matter how bad she wanted to go and whoop Dave's ass for playing with her heart. She wanted to beat his ass like he stole something. Then again he did steal something. He stole her heart.
"That's my Peanut" Ian cooed as he watched her try to steady her breathing. He didn't know what was going on but what he did know was that he wasn't feeling that shit. He didn't like seeing any of his girls like this and if they were calling home like this then it had to be something serious. Let alone he peeped that Dave wasn't even by her side while she was falling apart and that not only pissed him off even more so he knew that Dave was behind April's break down. She didn't have to tell it was Dave anyway he had seen how they were acting around each other in Barbados. Everything had been off with them. They were distant, only around each other when the kids were around, barely said anything to each other, and touchy feely is what they weren't when everyone was use to them putting hands on each other. It seemed like they always needed to be around or touching each other but none of that was going down.
"Daddy the wedding is off" she said between sniffling as a new set of tears started trickling down her cheeks. "He broke up with me" she said. She couldn't believe she was even saying these words right now. She never imagined she and Dave would be ending the way they did.
"Aight Peanut we'll be there tomorrow. We can't do this over the phone" he said as a matter of fact. He was fuming. Here it was yet another nigga doing the complete opposite of what he had promised he was going to do. He loved Dave like he was his own son but he wasn't feeling this shit at all. What was the point of asking for his blessing to marry his daughter if he was going to pull this bullshit?
"I'm so tired of dealing with the same shit over and over time and time again. I put out and give my all and in return I'm the one who ends up just like I am right now crying over another nigga. I'm tired" she stressed. "Sure I know he needs help and healing but why did he have to drag me along for a bullshit ride. Here it is four and a half months to what's supposed to be our big day and just like that it's all over. The only good thing is that he didn't pull out on the actual wedding day or we actually got married and now I'm stuck in a dead end marriage that was never going to go anywhere. Here's another wedding paid for, another wedding dress designed, paid for, and altered. More invitations sent out, dresses for the kids, plane tickets for family, rooms rented, chefs, a wedding planner, a videographer, and everything else paid for. Like why get this far and drag me along for a ride he's not really ready for. A year and four months of another nigga wasting my time" she stressed pissed off all over again. She couldn't believe this shit was happening again. Dave had fed her all these pipe dreams, she trusted her heart in his hands, they were building together, making promises, and for what. He was never ready for the type of love or commitment that April was giving him. Well maybe he was ready for it but not with her.
"Second time and it's a complete and utter failure. Maybe I'm just meant to be a baby mama because love and marriage isn't in my cards. Love and me just don't mix. It's the idea of me. I'm lust. I'm the forbidden fruit where niggas think they don't have a chance with me and when I give them a chance they squander it. They get what they can and then start acting up because they got what they wanted" she said and chuckled but really there wasn't anything funny about what she was going through. At this point men were simply using her. Shit she felt like used goods. All they did was take and never really gave her anything but false hopes, a broken heart, broken promises, trust issues, insecurities, and a bunch of other shit she didn't need to be dealing with.
"You're definitely meant to be more than a baby mama so don't even speak that or put that in the air at all. Any man would be blessed to have you by their side and marry you. Shit happens, Peanut and I don't know what is fully going on with y'all but this shit will pass. What I do know is that Dave loves you but he has his own demons to deal with. That's no excuse though. He knows ya story so he should've been real with you from jump instead of letting shit get this far. I told him it would be a few bumps in the road but if y'all are meant to be y'all will be. So feel how you want to feel because ya allowed to. Cry because you need to get it out" he said as he pretty much took over the call but no one cared because April needed to hear him. She needed him.
"What ya not bout to do though is drift back to who you were before him. I'm a let you talk and cry this one out but you know what's next and that's boss mode. It's time to be stingy and worry bout ya self. Fuck these niggas" There was no way in hell Ian was going to let her think that she wasn't worth more than being some niggas baby mama nor was he going to let her drift back to a shell of herself. She had way too much to offer and shit going on for her-self to even be dealing with the shit she was. If a nigga didn't realize that shit then that was their fault and not hers.
"I'm starting to feel like I should've just walked pass him and never given him my number or even a chance. I broke a promise to myself and ended up hurt in the end" April said and slumped back in her seat defeated. "The first nigga I finally opened my heart to after everything that I had gone through with Chris done fucked me over"
"He's ya person and y'all met for a reason. Whether y'all work out or not he's helped change you along the way. He gave us our daughter back and for that I'll forever be thankful. Just don't get stuck and stop living for ya self. Like daddy said it's time to be stingy and focus on ya self" Ananda said and wiped her eyes. "I know you feel like you lost out on ya happy ending but you didn't. If anything Dave has lost out on that and so much more"
Ian sighed and his jaw clenched. He was pissed off and rightfully so. All he could think about is how Dave had pulled him and Senior into a room to talk about his future with April and ask for his blessing to marry her. They even tagged along to pick up the damn ring. What was the fuckin point of it all? "I'm a let you talk to mommy. I'm a go and hit up the pilot so we can be there ASAP. I love you Peanut"
"I love you too daddy" she sniffled.
"Talk to me Peanut" Ananda said getting comfortable herself. She hated this for her daughter. She was tired of seeing her go through the same shit over and over again just like April was. She couldn't understand why these men who made her promises couldn't keep them and why did they continue to waste her time. She was happy that April had called home though this time around because when she was with Chris she kept everything to herself and that ended up causing more harm than good.
"I'm honestly tired mommy. I'm done and fed the fuck up. All I keep thinking bout is the fact that I have to cancel a wedding for the second time because the man I thought I'd be spending the rest of my life with can't get over the promises he made his ex. Not even just that but we have kids so what am I supposed to say to them. Every time I look at them I just want to break down and cry because this all could've been avoided. Things didn't have to go this far. What if he takes Kairi from me? He can leave Charlie because she's a baby so it won't hurt her as much but Kairi and I have been attached since day one. That's my fuckin baby" she cried. If Dave took Kairi away she didn't know how she would function. Since the day they met Kairi had been her baby. It was CMB Jr, then Royalty, then Kairi came along, and then Charlie. Sure Jr wasn't there anymore but she felt his presence. Once Royalty had gotten back into her life it felt like her baby had returned home and they picked up where they left off. Yes April had been pregnant with Charlie when Kairi had entered her life but for months on end it had been just the three of them Dave, April, and Kairi and when Dave had to work and was on the road touring it was just April and Kairi. She would be distraught if she was taken away.
She was use to waking her up in the morning, getting her ready for school, making her breakfast, packing her lunch, and spending time with her after school asking her about her day. She was use to doing her hair, having girl days, and showering her with love. When she cried she was there for her. When she fell she was there to pick her up. When she called out for her she came running. She poured all the love she could onto Kairi. Whatever void Millie left her she tried her best to fill. She wasn't here playing fake mommy or trying to win Dave over. She absolutely loved Kairi and that would never change. She would always be there for her just like she promised. That was one promise she had no intention on breaking. She didn't care what happened between her and Dave she would always be there for Kairi. She would always have a mother in April.
"I know ya tired Peanut. You gotta be but don't let this shit break you. You've come a long...long way so don't let what a nigga do bring you down. That's Dave's loss and he'll have to deal with that. You just keep on pushing on and being that woman that I raised you to be. These men ain't ready for what you bring to the table. As far as Kairi she isn't going anywhere. Dave might be stupid but he ain't that damn stupid" Ananda reassured her. She couldn't see Dave doing that at all but then again with how he was moving it was no telling what would happen at this point. But she still had some faith in him.
"Luckily he's leaving to film soon because I don't think we'll make it much longer staying in the same house. We have too many ties now. It's not like we can both walk away from each other. How am I supposed to be cordial and friends with the man I'm still in love with" she said and questioned as she wiped her eyes. She was still head over hills in love with Dave and didn't see that shit changing no time soon but she wasn't going to sit here and deal shit she didn't have to. She couldn't wait on him to figure it out this time around. "I'm so happy I didn't go through with my surprise" April confessed. She had a huge major surprise for Dave and now just like their relationship the surprise was ruined before it could even get started.
"Yea y'all definitely need some space from each other right now because as close as y'all are neither one of y'all have the time to really sit back and think bout what's really going on with y'all. Sometime apart will do y'all some good" Ananda expressed. She didn't know how they were even able to be around each other at all during this time. It had to have hurt to be so close to the one you love and the one you love is the one hurting you. "What was the surprise" Ananda asked her interest piqued on what other surprises she could possibly have for Dave.
April sighed and wiped her eyes again. "Me and the girls were secretly working on a surprise treasure hunt for Dave. You know in order to get married in another country they have certain stipulations like you have to be a resident in the country for a certain period in order to get married there" April said and asked. She had a whole ass plan for Dave and had been working hard on it to make it perfect for him.
"Yea" Ananda nodded. She had remembered from when April and Chris was supposed to get married. They had stayed in Jamaica for the length that would make them eligible to be married there.
"Well we were going to leave cute lil clues for him to follow that would take him down memory lane to some special spots and moments we had that would eventually lead him back home to the house in Jersey. At the house an outfit would be waiting for him along with a ride to the courthouse to get married. Of course the immediate family would be there too. He wants a baby and I didn't want to be just another baby mama so I wanted to get married beforehand just in case a baby popped up before the actual wedding. I knew how much he wanted a baby and to get married so I knew he'd love the idea" April said through tears. "I've been planning this shit for months on end. Mommy I even scheduled the date and all. The date for the wedding would coincide with him being in Jersey to film. So we would've been be getting married officially next month and having the wedding in November. Not only do I have the date but have his and kids outfits" she continued. April had everything planned out. She had the clues, the locations she wanted him to go to, and even the girls input on how to make it extra special. She even made them promise not to tell the boys or their parents so no one could let it slip. It was going to be held in Jersey where they met and now nothing was happening. She had to call and cancel that wedding as well.
At this point Ananda didn't even know what to say. She thought the idea was so damn cute and it would've been memorable. Ananda wiped her eyes looking at her broken hearted baby. She couldn't believe she was going through another heart break when things looked so promising with Dave. She wished she could take away her pain. She couldn't even imagine how she was actually feeling. She also wanted to know the whole story because shit just wasn't adding up for her because she saw the love in Dave's eyes every time he looked or even talked about April. She saw the excitement up close and personal when they were planning the wedding. The look in his eyes when they looked at the actual venue had been one to put a smile on her damn face.
Did she think this was the end of April and Dave? Absolutely not she knew that one day they would meet back up and when they did it would be a glorious sight to see and be a part of. But the only way they would have a happy ending is if Dave really let go of his baggage and fully accept his happy ending. Let alone hopefully by then April hadn't moved on. Ananda knew just how stubborn Dave was. He had been that way since he was a kid and sometimes he had an issue with if it wasn't his way then it was no way at all. He was also big on promises and still to this day he was still one and the same but this time around the promises he were keeping was fucking up his relationship. He was keeping promises to the wrong one and breaking the one he loved heart.
"Dave would've loved the hell out of that. You know he be acting all hard but that right there would've had him crumbling to his feet" Ananda said. She knew he would've loved it. "I'll say this...give him some time but don't stop living ya life either. You waited on him the first time even if you tell me you didn't we all know you did. I get it though, because you found ya person but this right here isn't ya fight. Gloves off this round this is on him to fix and fight for. If he wants you and he wants this marriage he'll do whatever he needs to do to make it happen. Until then cry all you want, find peace, and do you. I'm not telling you to get under anybody. I'm just telling you to keep living and don't let him dictate ya moves. Continue to live, love, laugh, and enjoy life, ya kids, and ya family. Sure you'll have to see and talk to him because of my grandbabies but keep it cordial and simply co-parent" Ananda said sharing a few words of wisdom.
"It's gonna be hard but ya my baby and we both know how strong you are and when you don't feel like being strong you know you have me, daddy, ya sisters, and ya unkie. We'll be strong for you. We'll hold ya hand and make sure that beautiful golden crown on yours doesn't fall and if it tips to the side ya daddy will be right there by ya side to fix it up right for you" Ananda continued.
April smiled. She couldn't help but to. This is why she fucked with her parents so heavy. They held her down when others didn't. They never faltered and were always loyal. "Thank you mommy" she said then sighed. "Mommy I just don't know where I went wrong. Like what did I do that was so damn bad that I can't get a happy ending? Y'all know me I'm not out here breaking up happy homes or homes period. I've never been a home wrecker. I'm so damn understanding that I left Dave alone the first time so he could go see what his home life would be with the family he already created since Millie so called was finally ready. Sure I was pissed the fuck off but I knew he had to go back just so he knew that he had given it his all before realizing it wasn't worth it. When I needed him most I let him go soaring. I don't fuck with nobody. I'm never out in the streets causing scenes or being reckless. I mind my damn business and yes it's true I do plot on people and I do have a serious petty problem but we all know that I only strike back when I'm provoked and even then I let people dig their own graves before I strike back. Stuck up is one thing I'm not. I've never thought I was better than anybody and I never gloat. I literally stay in my own bubble and every time I let someone in the shit always pops. I'm tired of letting people in and I've had enough. I should've known this shit wasn't over. I saw the damn signs and still trusted his ass to have my heart" she said and closed her eyes tight as her nose stung while she tried to stop her tears from falling.
"Two fuckin weddings and I don't even know how many times I've been heartbroken" she continued. By now everything she said and was going through was repetitive. She had said that shit one too many times. "Mommy I feel like a damn fool...like a fuckin clown. Like go ahead and throw a damn pie in my face. All that shit Agnes was saying online was true and here I am thinking I was different and that he had changed for me. I had failed to realize that people don't change unless they want to and if it's for them. I'm all out here looking stupid yelling and screaming Team Dave while going back and forth with Agnes and in the end Agnes wins again. She fucks up on the regular and is never held accountable for her actions. She pays someone to kill me and I still have to protect her. Dave never goes this hard for me. Sure I don't want to be the one who kills Kairi's mother because honestly I think it would fuck up me and Kairi's relationship but me and Dave's as well. But she could at least be serving time for what she and her sad ass crew did. They all need to be put on blast so everybody can see the fuck shit that they did. Mind you I'm not the only person she has wronged. She's hurt Dave and Kairi time and time again but he keeps saving her ass" April said and huffed in annoyance. Still Ananda didn't say a word. She let her vent. She was still pissed off about that whole hit situation as well. Honestly the whole family was still pissed about it especially when no one held accountable was serving real time.
"Dave gives her a slap on the wrist and excuses her fuckery because she gave birth to Kairi. But if I did any of that shit he'd be down my fuckin throat with the quickness. It's crazy to me how he'll come for me but won't even bat his eyes at her. I'm just supposed to roll with the punches, put everyone before me, and get fucked over and over each and every time. He can yell its bout Kairi all he wants but its more so bout him than anything. He's so worried bout breaking promises to Agnes that he's broken plenty of the one's he promised me. So damn worried bout his family being together but I bet the thought never crossed his mind that I could do the same shit to him. He'd be sick to his stomach and ready to start a fuckin war if I treated him the same. He can do as he pleases but nope not me" she ranted fed the fuck up.
"I get it Peanut I do. You shouldn't have to be dealing with any of the shit that you are. The way Dave feels bout Agnes and the shit that he has been constantly putting you through shouldn't even be happening in the first place. He should've handled all of that shit before he jumped back into a relationship with you or anybody else for that matter. You deserve what you put out and what Dave is giving you isn't acceptable. You deserve a happy ending and you will get one. Who's to say that it will even be with Dave? Someone else might pop up and surprise you. You never know what God has planned for you. I do agree with you though. He won't let shit happen to that bitch but you have to sit there and hold ya head up high every time she throws a stone at you and that right there isn't right. Daddy and I stay out of ya relationship but that shit right there bothers the fuck out of us. You're his woman but you have to take the most slack and it shouldn't be that way at all" Ananda expressed. She wasn't going to go into full detail about everything but she damn sure wanted her baby to know that some things just wasn't sitting right with her and her father. "But what do you mean when you said that you could do the same" she asked. Sure Dave was April's person but that didn't always mean that they would have a happy ending together. Sometimes things happened and you had to just let your person go. But what she certainly wanted to know is what April had meant by she could do the same shit.
"At this point I'm not even gonna worry bout a happy ending. The shit is bullshit and clearly isn't for me. But I meant that Dave's so worried bout what their family could have possibly been even when he knows it won't work or how they both made promises to each other. But I bet it's never crossed his mind that I have a damn baby with Chris and we've both made promises to each other too. So what if we wanted the same thing for Charlie? Chris ass is a wonderful father and he's changed a lot. The person that he is now is a totally different person than the one I've known. What's to say that we couldn't make it work? I swear Dave as is lucky I'm not stuck on stupid and not checking for Chris in the least. Chris ass doesn't even look at me the same anymore anyway. I am just a friend and the mother of his children when it comes to us. He doesn't want my ass either" April explained then laughed some. Dave was so busy thinking about shit he didn't need to so what if April was thinking the same. He wouldn't like that shit at all or even know how to deal with it. His world would be crushed if April did the same shit to him that he was doing to her. He could dish the bullshit but he couldn't take it.
"You know before you even got back with Dave I thought bout that when you had gotten pregnant with my grandbaby" Ananda admitted. She had worried if April having Chris's baby would she run back to him after everything they had been through. "Y'all are better friends than anything. Y'all have tried and tried and it didn't work. A baby will never change that. You see Dave's dealing with the same shit now"
"Trust I don't want Chris I'm just saying that Dave's so busy on his bullshit but what if I wanted the same. He be on that double standards shit. I can't believe I just did all this shit to end up alone again. I just don't understand why go through all this shit with me when he knew he wasn't ready. I put all my cards on the table the very first time we chilled. I told him bout how I wasn't ready for a relationship because I needed to get closure with Chris. He was the one who wanted more. I also put my cards on the table when we linked back up the second time. I let him decide what he wanted to do. I didn't ask or beg him to stay. I'm the only one keeping promises. I fucked up once again for treating a boyfriend like a husband. Giving my all and throwing all my eggs in one basket and for what" April said more pissed off at herself than anything. She saw some of the signs and ignored them thinking Dave would come to his senses. He was supposed to be better than what she had before him but in reality he wasn't. He had his bullshit too. Sure he wasn't cheating on her but he mind as well been. When any other person outside of your relationship has your mind and emotions that's close to the cheating line because no one is supposed to have that part of you but your spouse. Low and behold April had been sharing the very same space with Millie since the day she met Dave.
"I know ya mad and you have every right to be. Do I think Dave will get his shit together? I do but for his sake I hope when he does that it's not too late by then. No one wants to wait around or deserves to wait around for something like that and they shouldn't be asked to. Think of it as the right man but the wrong time. He's not ready for that type of commitment yet no matter how much he says it or fiends it. Like ya father said shit happens and it just wasn't the time for y'all to share that moment" Ananda said.
"Yea I just wished he'd a said something from jump. He was quick to ask me if he should be worried bout Chris but look at him. I should've asked him the same shit bout Agnes. Then again I asked his ass more than once and he always told me she wasn't shit to be worried bout. They were done...so he said. He could've been real with me and we could've kept everything simple and never added titles. It could've been a simple fling and nothing serious. It's crazy because if anyone can understand how he feels it would be me but he fucked me over instead of keeping it real with me"
"Mommy, tell Peanut we'll be there tomorrow afternoon" Ian said in the background talking to Ananda.
"I heard him mommy" April said smiling a little. She couldn't wait to see her parents. They weren't with the fucks. They always made shit shake for her and her sisters.
"Do ya sisters know" Ananda asked.
April chuckled. "Hell no if they did you'd a definitely known" she said knowing damn well if her sisters knew what was up they'd be on Dave's heels chewing his ass up and spitting him right the fuck on out. "This shit is bout to be awkward as fuck for everybody. I know one thing for sure I'm not bout to waste my days crying over him. I'm giving myself a good month and after that I'm gonna live my life how I see fit and fuck how people feel. I'll be back to work soon anyway and I'll have a reason to get dressed and be on my shit. I refuse to be the April I once was. I came way too far to revert back. I'm gonna enjoy my life and do me" she said full of conviction. She promised herself. She was not about to be who she once was over another nigga again. She refused to be stuck on stupid for a nigga again...Dave included.
"Yesssssss Peanut that's what I like to hear. You've been through this shit too many times and like I said you've come a long ass way so we not bout to let another nigga keep you down in a funk" Ananda said happy at what she was hearing. She was glad that she wasn't going to be walking around like her world was crashing down over a man again. She had done way too much to get back to herself. From going back to therapy, even coming to her and her father to talk, and just being vocal about things she wasn't feeling it just felt good to hear her say she was not about to drown in her sorrows and yet another failed relationship.
April and Ananda stayed on the phone for the remainder of the night not caring about the time difference until April ended up falling asleep on the phone. They couldn't wait to see each other the next day. All April wanted to do was cuddle under her parents, get this breakup situation out of her system, and go about her life as she saw fit. She was just hurt that Dave had let things get this far just to knock her back down. She thought that they had an understanding where when things like what he did were involved that they could come to some type of resolve but this issue was way too big to be resolved. The issue they had was more so on Dave's end to begin with. She just hoped that things would work out even if she didn't end up with Dave.
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-Hey boos happy reading I hope y'all enjoyed 😊
-My baby is going through the motions. I feel so bad for both her and Dave. She gave her all to him and ended up the same way she had been before him. Now she has to nurse another heart break. I got done plans for her though 😈. Dave's ass would be fuckin hurt if April and Chris tried to work on their family. But just in case y'all are wondering that shit ain't happening 😂😂. I like the relationship April and Chris have as just friends.
-How are you guys feeling the book so far 🤔
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